Falling for Niagara

When I was visiting Canada, my cousin's son when seeing the Blackberry in my hand asked incredously "You have Blackberry in India?" My first reaction was ofcourse to teach the little one the strides made by India... and before I could even open my mouth my counsin sister had already launched into a spiel of how India makes 35 dollar computers so India has everything...



After that I wondered why is it that we have to always compare things like success, progress, advance to what the West has ... so it is something like West has blackberry and hence I should too to show advancement... and many Indian wrongly tout these external gadgets as their ticket to "uber coolness"... including the author at times....

I guess West has been the leader in many things for the past 3 centuries... and until some country in the East shows the way it is always bound to be a West driven parameter of success.... do I like it?

I guess I dont mind it.... that is until Indian Americans start deriding India..... my simple point is... do you meet someone for the first time and tell them "oh you must have such a miserable existence given your financial situation?" or do you enter a house and start criticising the house for its lack of luxury? No you dont. You just be civil and be polite.

So my weekend was busy.... first it was the art class .... so to prepare for that I had to get up early, cook lunch and pack snacks (since the class was about 5.5 hours long) and run off to the Smithsonian centre wondering why in the world I am taking a class knowing fully well that I am no good at it?....

Once I reached the class however, I had lots of fun.... it was exactly what I wanted to know about watercolour painting... and there were some cool people too.... I made friends with another girl who also joined up the class to de-stress from her high stress job at the IFC.... all in all there were a lot of jokes and lots of painting... ofcourse I did notice that the instructor would comment about everybody's painting but not mine... he would look at mine and just make a silent getaway... It was as if he was saying to himself "Gosh - there is no point in giving any comments - there is no hope for her".... well hope or no hope I got what I wanted - which was an introduction to painting... I was so enthused that I came back and made a few more painting at home while watching TV....

Then there was the photography class on Sunday.... this time our location was the Smithsonian Natural History Museum... now my camera is not cool enough to capture any of the indoor stuff so I effectively scanned all the exhibits at the museum... so I saw the Hope Diamond - not really sure what is so great about it... saw variety of gems and stones - all were so pretty.....

next stop was the Smithsonian Air and Space museum...now I am not such a fan but I believe Christy has become very interested in Space... so it was in his honour that I went to the museum so that I could pick up some cool stuff for him... and pick up I did.... I picked up a NASA pen that writes on any surface, packed icecream that is taken to outerspace for astronauts to eat, a build it yourself globe, and night illuminator which shows the stars.... after buying all this I realised that now I have to buy everything in twos... cos the younger Baby George will not brook any variation to his gifts.... damnn.. I must make another visit there....

after that it was back to my house and preparing my meals for the coming week..... and also some more reading about Lincoln... my respect for him has gone up leaps and bounds... he was such a humble man... in one of the stories apparently the Army Commander (during the civil war) didnt respect Lincoln and hence would keep the President waiting... and Lincoln would wait patiently for the general... now any man or woman would have brought his ego in and thundered an adequate response... not Lincoln.. he just waited...and when the time was right, cos of non performance by the same General, Lincoln showed him the way out... and while showing him the way out he was most respectful as well... another thing is that Lincoln lost his son in the middle of the Civil War... and in the midst of following up on the news of the war front Lincoln was devasted with the death of his son... I admire the courage of the man... to continue to do your duty when your life is falling apart- that is admirable in any person.....

Some interesting questions that I would like to answer:

1) when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Hmmm...I wanted to be a scientist... I was very inspired by Madame Curie (the first femal nobel price winner) that I kept telling my dad that I want to be her when I grow up... do I regret not being a scientist? Does anyone regret leaving something they are not good at ? And I recollect that during my time in India one of my relatives asked me the same question - and for some strange reason I said a lawyer...

2) Define Freedom

To me freedom is the ability to be yourself.... and pursue your dreams without unnecessary constraints.... to do whatever you want to do .... the freedom to be someone you always wanted to be

3) What is the first thing that pops in your head when you think of your mother?

Vulnerable.

4) Do I owe an apology to anyone? Why?

To many people... for my bad heartless behaviour... for not being the bigger person in a conflict....for even putting down people when clearly they are better off than me... I am sorry

5) If you met yourself as a 16 year old, what would you tell yourself?

a. Stop worrying about the acne marks.
b. You are better than you think you are
c. Dont wonder why you dont have a boyfriend like the other girls - none of the boys around you measure up anyways.
d. Life is too large for you to concentrate on the small people who are bothering you now.
e. I love your determination
f. Dont lose sight of your goals in life cos of a man
g. Take care of yourself - eat well, control your weight and be happy
h. Forgive others
i. be generous to others and be kind. Someday somebody's kindness will help you.
j.Believe in destinty and God - everything turns out best

6) What is your greatest fear?

That I wont have anyone to have a good laugh and good conversation with

7) If you could take a train journey and go to any part of the world where would you go?

To Russia.

8) What is the one food you cannot live without

Curd.

9) Tell us everything you know about the day you were born

Well I have been told that my mom ate lunch and was sleeping when I kicked myself out into the world at 3:30 p.m. It was on October 2 and hence I presume there would have been a lot of celebrations and talks about Gandhi. It was also during the emergency so I presume life would have been a little more controlled. Either ways my parents tell me that I was a beautiful baby (yes people) and every relative who came to see me complimented my mother.

10) What is the first thing you notice about a person?

His/her confidence. I notice the way the person stands (sometimes a person tries to stand really talll to show that he is important and ends up being the smallest person), the way the person smiles (a smile is like a window - I always catch a glimse of the persons personality when I see a person smile - he is a good person, he is a crook, still waters run deep), the way the person looks at you. Close second, I notice the way the person dresses up. Even though I am guilty of this a well dressed person always means that the person takes care of himself or herself... and hence values oneself a lot more..

11) Do you still have dreams?

Hell yeah!

A friend and I discussed recently about what one wants to do in life....my friend entreated that she wants to do something "big"... something that would take my friend away from the "small" in life... and I listened curiously...

I was caught by this bug early on in life... that somehow I wanted to be more useful in society.. that the purpose of ones life is to be able to do something spectacular... and after a process of trying to figure out what i wanted to be in life I came to the sad conclusion that I am probably never going to do anything spectacular for the world, that very few people actually end up changing the world and that the world has enough people competing for what you are aiming for... so rather than focussing on what I could do for the world I decided to focus on what I could do for myself.... at least one of us(me and the world) is happy with that...

and while today I consider myself to be a lawyer and focus my energy on doing a good job, sometimes I do feel the need to explore and break out of the conventional mode of living ... something that would make me sparkle inside... something that convinces me that my life is not only about the mundane....

and then I also wonder is this an eternal quest that everybody is engaged in? or is it just me?

The murky world of our politics

Now I love following political news... how parties garner votes and how some squandered away the opportunity to make this country better....I am not sure why I like politics but it might have something to do with my father who was a staunch follower of such news... I like the combinations, like the compromises that are drawn up, like the ability of politicians to connect with the people and also the ability to improve the lot of the people....

However I have been following the murky dealings of the Sohrabuddin murder case... where the home minister of Gujarat gave direct orders to kill the man... and they did! how? Cos they could! I cant believe in this day and age politicians have such a say in a person's life...the audcaity of a Government to actually sponsor a death... not to mention the carnage that they inflicted on muslims after Godhra... and the most amazing part, Indians always voted the same Government back.... to think the Chief Minister Modi actually thinks this is a war between national and anti-national forces...

Mr. Modi. Please do not speak for the rest of India. We really hope you didnt authorise such behaviour (cos that would shake my belief that only good governments get back to power) but please do not position yourself as a nationlist on our behalf. I am a Christian and I am also a patriotic Indian.

And to think BJP actually proposed his name as the PM for the country!! I am so glad the BJP is not in power and the mess they are in doesnot seem to indicate that they will be in power anytime soon.

I hope Manmohan Singh stays in good health.

So I have joined for watercolour painting classes starting this weekend... and I am yet to buy all the art supplies... now when I signed up for the classes I thot I would just have to land up in class and a few strokes of my brush I would have a masterpiece in my hands... no... I have to still buy the supplies... and today I thot I would brave the Washington heat and go and buy.... but lo and behold when I went out, what greets me? the Rain!!!! so I have come back to my desk and waiting for the rain to go so that little alice can go and buy...

why painting? Cos I read somewhere that the best way to relax for a lawyer is to paint.... something about how colours make you happy.... I know I am terrible at painting but somewhere I feel I have a creative side to me... and I want to find out what that is.... there is something so magical about the brush strokes bringing a place or an event to life... and I love that process of transformation...

This is in addition to the photography classes that I have taken and where I have got the unexpected learning that everybody in the world wants to be a photographer... and I am not really good at it... but I still love it... and one of my most cherished memories is the time I spent with my camera taking pictures early morning.... ahhh bliss... some like reading.. I like taking photos...

now to go back to mumbai, develop them and frame them up.... and put them up in my house... out with the old and in with the new...

Tamil Songs in Washington

Ok... so that is what I am doing... I have downloaded Tamil songs from the internet and have been listening to it on and off.... somewhere it gives me a sense of grounding... a feeling of this is where I am from... now I understand the mentality of an immigrant... and why Indians who live abroad are even more conservative than their counterparts in India... cos you want to hold on to everything that defines you.. and your culture (which includes songs) defines you the most ...

I have also realised why I felt so lonely coming back to Washington... cos there are no people around me... now in Washington, my house is lovely and I like it (except I have no cleaned it for days - dont judge people, I am not used to cleaning everyday by myself) but it is in an apartment complex where I dont know my neighbours... infact I hope to run into my neighbours while throwing the garbage out but no such luck yet and even contemplated creating a ruckus so that the neighbours would come out... and then I get out of the house, the streets are all almost empty... and then there is the tube ride where I dont see many people talking to each other... all of them are grim and reading something or the other - now contrast this to the Mumbai train rides where from the beginning of the ride till your destination, you are adopted into a community of rail commuters who let you in on their lives (slowly)... back to Washington- I reach office and I have a cabin to myself (everybody does - so no great shakes) and for days I can go without seeing a living being near my office... and then I come back home....

so in all this my contact (actualy people to people contact) is limited to official matters in the office... and on a very need based basis... so there is no leisurly stroll to Cafe Coffee Day with friends at 5 p.m.. or even to eat peanuts at 6 pm... and then the travel back home where your driver will vent out his grievances in life (and you ARE the root cause of all his probs) and so on and so forth...

I almost feel like Amrish Puri in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge where he is feeding the pigeons at Trafalgar Square and he imagines he is in the mustard fields of Punjab....

Only the gyrating dancers and the song are missing from my imagination....

After my trip to Canada I am suddenly struck by a sense of loneliness... maybe it was the effect of spending time with my cousins or just the excitement of seeing a new place... but now that I have come back to my routine life in DC I am suddenly feeling sad...

i am so pissed with this loneliness that I am not speaking to anyone.... maybe a nice hindi movie will cheer me up..... in all this I wonder how I would have felt if I had been in Mumbai... firstly I would have had no time to think about all these things.. secondy I would have been back in familiar territory feeling pampered by my maid, cook and driver and eating cooked food made by someone else other than me.... I would have watched the news (which I do here as well) and felt bad that India is not prepared for the CWG games (and also made mental notes about what I would have done differently) .... and then it would have been a crazy day at work since everybody in India works like crazy... I would have spoken to my friends and my sister about my trip... perhaps visited Baby George and felt cheerful and come back...and after a long day at work I would retire for the night feeling exhauted and wondering when my next holiday will be...

In Washington things are a bit different.... my apartment needs serious cleaning... my cooking still sucks... I have no ironed clothes which means I have to iron them....

Am I homesick?

What gave it away?

Family, Niagara, superawed daughter etc...

So this weekend I was in Canada... my cousins stay in Toronto and my desire to see Niagara falls from the Canadian side made my decision to take a trip to Canada very easy...

Apart from seeing Niagara falls and Toronto the trip was a much needed bonding time with family... my cousin and I have not seen each other in 17 years... and it was really nice to meet them..... and more specifically to hear about my family from her... she is older so she obviously knows more about the family... so I heard about the real hardships that my dad and his 3 brothers went through to get educated.... it appears that my dad was so brilliant that when it looked like he had to drop out of school due to money problems, his teacher used to come home and teach him.... and that each of the brothers supported the others education (one even married wrong to get the dowry to support the family) and how my father being the youngest felt most indebted to all his brothers for their hardship.... I was just amazed at how difficult it was for my father to come up in life.... and my admiration for him has now become an awe.... sometimes I take my education, my position in life, my ability for granted... and wonder why people choose not to do things in their life... in short I am a snob... and then I hear this about my dad and think, if anyone can be a snob then it is my dad... to the contrary my dad is the first one to change the topic, to think that he did nothing extraordinary.... I wonder whether he is disappointed in his children.... that no one could achieve his level of success....

I also learned a bit more about my own family .... living in Kerala you are often made aware of your family ... old ladies will ask "so what is your family name?"... and when I would say Kallingal, they would promptly ask which part of Kerala I was from... now in Kottayam this is even more pronounced as some of the wealthiest and well known families live there... so studying in Corpus Christie I was forced to confront them and their so called "family status"... so it was interesting to know that my family is apparently one of the oldest families in Kerala tracing their origin to the time St. Thomas came... my family members apparently worked with the Kings of Cochin... one of them was a famous clock maker it appears (I cant spot even one family member who has that talent) and my grandfather was the first graduate of the district of Kollenchery.... in all this ofcourse I never heard that they had stupendous wealth or that they had an industrious mind.... all of them seemed to have been rich with education and service and nothing else... .am I happy? Hell ya!

I will put up my pics of Niagara soon....

I dislike small towns... no matter where in the world they are... whether it is India, US or UK.... there is something so depressing about been in a small town.... first of all access to many of the essential things in life are not there, you have lesser amenities, you have lesser opportunities, you have lesser dreams.... all in all you feel - isolated.... a deepening sense of isolation is what I dislike about small towns...

Somebody commented that living in Canada was permeated by a sense of isolation from the world.... and I thought that is exactly what I feel when I visit some of the small towns in the world....

Random musings

So as you can see I have decided to write everyday about my experiences... cos somewhere I believe if I ever read this 20 years down the line I will have some memories to reflect on and maybe even some good reading at that age...



Just yday I was using a new gadget I found in the store and I thought to myself "Wow that just made my life a bit simpler".... It is very rare that I have such thoughts in India... .. hmm... why is that? Are we Indians not innovative?



I also started thinking about the ingredients of a "good life".... and here is my list of ingredients of a good life...



a. Love: I feel very stupid saying this but I feel the most alive when I love, am in love and is loved. Give me love anyday I think I will consider half of life's battles to be won....



b. Family - closely related to the above, I would consider a good family life to be an ingredient of a good life.... ofcourse it is another matter that I will tear my hair apart if my folks stayed with me but still they are there and I am grateful for that... ofcourse Baby George is also a necessary ingredient in my life... hahaha... he is growing up now... I wish my sister or brother would have one more kid - only to keep me entertained like Nishant, Baby George and Christy do/did....



c. Success: Now this is a tricky one... I have realised (much to my own surprise) that I am actually a very ambitious person... and I also realised that my ambition is very different from the rest... so it is not about the money but about my own sense of accomplishment... so for instance if I wanted to prove myself in a certain field...I would not rest till I got that ... even if it is not a desirable ambition as per society's standards.... I believe one should be extremely happy in one's job, look forward to going to office everyday, have a vision for oneself for the future and make sure you are always bettering yourself...in a way this secondment is a way of bettering myself...



d. Activities... One must always have a hobby that one does outside of work... which he or she is really passionate about.... this would help hone a skill that the person would otherwise not get in the job...

e. Friends: This is a critical one... and in a Mumbaikar's life the lifeline... You need to have a set of trusted friends who will be with you through thick and thin... and friends who you can have fun with.... and just hang around when your spouse or parents irritate you...

f. Good help.... Yes, people... its absolutely critical to have good domestic help... in my mind it is actually number one... like they said in a movie... "I can always get a new husband but it is so difficult to get a good maid"....

g. Good House- now in Mumbai it is very relative what is a good house... what I have in mind is a house where when you enter the first thing that greets is a clean lobby rather than paan stained staircases..... just a nice cute place which gives out warm vibes... and helps you relax...

h. Loyalty. I think one should have a sense of loyalty to something... to your family, country, principles, job... whatever it is.... that gives you a higher purpose in life I think...

i. Public transport - now this is a quirk of mine - I like public transport more than private cars (although I do miss my car back in mumbai).... but I think my quality of life is tremendously improved if I can travel anywhere anytime without having to think about the time it takes or even the safety aspect...

j. Good television and movies... I dont need to explain.... Everyday when I get back from work I love to relax in front of the TV... now in DC I watch reruns of friends and sometimes Law&Order... but in India I used to watch all the telesoaps as well... and ofcourse movies ! Ahh nothing better than a day out at the movies with friends...

In general I think you will be content if you have an open mind.... I dont yet have it.... maybe this stint will help me do that....

I just had a discussion with a woman whose parents ran away from communism in Russia.... and I asked her whether she still had relatives back in Russia and she said yes... at first instinct my reaction was that - you left your country behind.... you didnt stay back to fight it.... and then I thought to myself... staying back what would they have done anyways? most people are ordinary looking to lead ordinary lives... most often they would have just been deported or killed.. .and then what good would have come of it if they actually stayed behind? Just by staying behind are you able to prove your loyalty to your country?

I dont think so.... staying back and doing nothing about yourself or even about improving society is probably a worst case scenario than flying out of the country to make a better life for yourself...

Staying in America has made me question a lot of my prejudices....

Strange things are reminding me of Mumbai... I saw a picture of a person eating some peanuts from the roadside... it looked like nice hot peanuts .... immediately it took me back to the streets of Mumbai where I would run off and get some peanuts...

I did the next best thing here... I went to the vending machine and bought a bag of mixed nuts for one dollar.... nice...

but it just didnt have the taste of the Mumbai roadside peanuts....

I have realised that there is alot I need to learn about photography... to start with my camera needs an upgrade... and then I need to learn the techniques more...

I saw some of the pictures taken by others... they are soooo stunning that I hid my pictures....

A friend recently spoke about insecurity.... and that got me thinking...

when is a person insecure? Mostly because they fear loss... when do they fear loss? when they have no control over the thing they are hoping they wont lose? and what does the realisation that they dont have control leave to? insecurity.... Voila!

So is that why people are insecure about their money? their fame? their husbands?

Today there was an earthquake in DC.... i did wake up at around 5 in the morning but I doubt it was bcos of the earthquake....

This is a new thing for me...

Another conversation I had with mom when mom asked me about my work... I said that compared to what I used to do in Mumbai I am getting a lot more time.... my mom said "that is good. Take this time and relax a bit."

So mom, what do I need to do to relax?

Yday I was speaking to my mom and she asked me whether I was happy... and I told here "Yes I am. But I miss Mumbai a lot and I cant wait to come back to Mumbai."

To which my mom responded "Oh please, its not like there is anything special waiting for you at Mumbai"...

But mom, the something special waiting for me is the city of Mumbai.....

So yday I had the chance to talk to two Indian Americans... one was a stranger I had met while applying for visa and the other is a friend of a friend... both of them were goodlooking, young, ambitious women who had started their life in India... one had married the other had not... and both had shifted to the US about 7 - 10 years back.... to both I asked the question - "do you miss india?"..... and both gave the same answer "why would we?".... one went on to elaborate... "I find life in India so stressful. I wonder how people back in India live the way they do with so much of stress. Here my life is all set - I have a work life balance, I have a career that is going places and which wont be dictated by personalities, the infrastructure in my current city is good.. unlike in Mumbai where the infrastructure is soooo bad. I still remember the horrific traffic jams in Mumbai and used to get frustrated....". The other Indian American went on to elaborate "when I am in India I am amazed at how much help there is.. my brother has 3 drivers 2 maid and one nanny... and I keep feeling bad that these people are doing so much for me... and once when I was in India, i decided to do the dishes myself but then the kitchens in India are so dirty that I decided that it is better that a maid does it."...

Now I dont judge these women... they are all right in their own way... and I agree with most of their comments about Indian life... however I dont remember my life being bad cos I had help.. yes the infrastructure in Mumbai is really bad.. it is bad compared to many cities in India itself... and it is frustrating to drive in Mumbai (at least before the sea link started).... I wonder whether I will start talking like them if I were to stay here for good....

One of the things I try and do while here is to perceive how India and Indians are perceived.... it is difficult to completely ascertain that... a section of the people are very excited about India with its yoga, rivers, culture, curry etc... the other section of the people (of whom I have not met many) tend to be still of the view that India is somewhere in the middle ages and that emulating the US would have benefits for India... Most of the news items percolating over here about India is about the bandh called recently, the price rise, the naxal movement, the unveiling of the new terminal etc... nothing serious or even interesting about India is said here... we are not in the ranks of China which is touted as being the next big thing.. or even discussed in the context of financial regulation... we are still somewhere getting a bit of light but not yet...

most recently this article

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1999416,00.html
caused a lot of consternation.. it made me laugh and also feel angry a bit... but then I also realised that the man speaks the truth.. Indians did migrate... there are lots of gujjus who dont really show our country in the birghtest light....

yet I am confused about the psychology of US... in a country which is largely composed of migrants what in the world is the author thinking singling out one single community.. in that case are you not going to single out the Italians, the vietnamese, the canadians... it seems that every person who comes to America has had an identity before... so where does it stop... or are you concentrating on one community cos of the color of the skin... something like "if you are white, you are American, if not then you are Indian, mexican, latin living off our wealth"....

I am not sure I have elucidated well... but truly I am very confused about this whole issue... on one hand US is all about migrants... but then not all migrants.....

So I have started attending my first weekend classes.... and when asked by my teacher where I am from I unhesitatingly replied "Mumbai!"... the MNS would be so proud of me...

But when my teacher got excited by Mumbai saying "that is a place I have always wanted to visit".. I immediately responded "Oh, there is nothing to do in Mumbai"... and that is when the teacher very gently told me of a book he read... the story was of a boy who was so bored of the street he lived in that he kept sitting out on the street saying "nothing ever happens on my street. This is the most boring street in the world"... and the book shows how while the boy is waiting for excitement to reach him, behind him the street was abuzz with activity... fire down the road, policement catching a thief, kids dancing on the street... and the boy was oblivious to that... and my teacher gently pointed out..... you are like the boy in the book... you think nothing ever happens in Mumbai but the prob is most likely that you dont see it...

How true.... I like the teacher....

so off I went shooting photos on a lovely sunday morning in Washington... and this is the outcome....

So I have been reading a lot of American History since I came here.... I am basically trying to figure out its people, its life, its culture....

and one of the people i have been focusing on is Abe Lincoln.... the 16th President of the United States... who fought the Civil War and effectively abolished slavery... he is a fascinating figure... and ever since my Dad told me about him there has been some amount of latent curiosity about him for me... and now that I am in Washington what better place to learn about him!

While I am still learning about him one of the most fascinating aspects of Lincoln is his belief that in life you have make yourself worthy of the world's esteem... he always wanted the world to acknowledge him and to that end he wanted to be better than he was.... he was said to be melancholic, had a crazy wife, 4 children, and a very very honest reputation.. he was brought up in poverty, didnt have education, saw his sister pass away in childhood, had no parental support.... in short he was meant to be ordinary ..... and a "failure".... and fail he did.....many times.... his stint in the Senate was a disaster, he failed to get elected many times... he was not selected by the republican party twice... and the one time he got elected was cos he was the candidate least expected to be controversial from all sections... when he got the republican party nomination, newspapers screamed that Republican party has gone bankrupct that they had to choose a man who has no education, who speak incoherent words and has bad grammer... he was even criticised for his looks... it was said that he was like somebody had pulled together the unwanted parts and put on a straw ....

I am curious to know how Lincoln went through his life knowing that the whole world was against him.... that he was all he had... that all he had to become could only be through his and his own hard work.... his wife was supposed to have supported him but apparently she lost it when one of their children died..... what must have kept his going? Was it a belief in a higher purpose? Lincoln himself was self deprecating... he wrote to the voters once asking for a chance to prove himself and said "if you dont, well I dont have much expectations about myself anyways"....

How could a person like this be the greatest President the United States has ever had? And become one of the greatest orators of his times? whose speeches are read and recited again and again around the world by children and who is referred to by parents when children ask for a role model.... how could this person who had nothing going for him in the end have the whole world bowing to him....

in some ways I am reminded of Gandhi... both were lawyers... and both of them faced failure in some form or the other in their early lives... their marriages were far from good.... and ofcourse none of them were goodlooking.....and these two figures actually changed the histories of their countries....in a time when there is no media except for the newspapers, word of mouth and their charisma which apparently travelled the most... including crossing borders...

I sit here and read about these inspiring men.... and in some ways I lament that i am nowhere close to following what these individuals had done in their lives... I compare myself to them unashamedly... and come away feeling that I am not living up to my own expectations......

Can I be any better?

Okk... so I am not a great cook... and I dont like cooking unless it is for people who enjoy my cooking....
so in the US I went around asking for a cook... and all I got were incredulous looks! like what are you saying? why dont you cook yourself?? apparently people here dont believe in taking help with cooking....

In the US everything is a do it yourself... you do everything yourself... and the system is completely suited to that.. you have the dishwasher, you have the washing machine, you have the vaccum cleaner etc.... and some of the ads on TV are all about how you can change your sink, tiles etc - all by yourself if you buy the easy to follow manual from a particular shop... and I am thinking - when do people actually find the time todo all this? in between working 14 hours, they also have to be good at carpentry? No wonder carpentry is one of the courses in school here...

I am getting more and more respect for my country....

Here is my question... why is everyone happy about Obama being the first black president of the United States?

Cos in my view he is only black in colour... he was raised by a white mom, white grandparents and lived the classic white man's life... not a black person's life... you see what I associate with a black person and how he comes up in life is that he and his family have overcome years of discrimination and then got to a point where a hardworking father/mother puts their son/daugter through college... I am not sure whether Obama has these issues to live with ... he was ofcourse half black and that might have subjected him to some form of discrimination... but was he living the life of a black person? I think not....

Its the 4th of July here... my first ever in the United States..... so it seems appropriate that I pen down some of my thoughts about this country that is going tobe my home for the next 3 months....

Firstly, unlike what the world believes Americans are really really nice people... they are very curious about India and have a lot of respect for other countries... nowhere have I heard an American say (yet at least) that India is so backward or you must be so better off coming here... and for that I am really glad... I am slowly becoming friends with Americans and I hope to have this friendship for a long time....

I love American pride in themselves... the July 4th weekend was all about being proud of being an American... there are news programmes that talk about all the good things America has done... and how as a nation they have helped millions.... and most of it is true.... there is so much that this country has given the world.... and is still giving... and that cannot be taken away from them... or the Americans... this is a country that built itself up from nothing and hence they deserve to be credited with that....

I am a bit confused about American system though... it is confusing cos this systems seems to be as close to a corrupt system as can be... and I am not talking about Government alone... even the private sector... everywhere I saw, people were getting jobs cos they knew someone who knew someone..... and if you want to be in the government (which ordinary people can be without passing a test like our IAS) then you have to have good connections... so a Chelsea Clinton will always be ahead of the pack...or you have to always be ready to lend a hand... or just reach out to someone and prove to that someone how recommending you would be the best thing to do.... I am not sure whether I will be happy with that .... I want the freedom to be able to get the job I want cos I have merit.... not becos someone recommended me... or that someone didnt recommend me..... I would feel lost......

The judicial system also seems right for corruption.... right now the hearing for a supreme court judge is going on... and she is appointed by the Obama administration... but what I didnt comprehend was that she was going to be appointed as a judge in the highest court in the country when she had hardly had any experience in courts, she had hardly had any experience as a judge in any of the lower courts and her only reason for being there was that the President thought her to be a suitable candidate... and the reason for that is that she is as close to Democractic party principles..... so she will get appointed and she will remain in office as long as she wants and that is how the Government influences the judiciary.... wow... in India that would be a sure shot for disaster... and the most corrupt Supreme Court ever.... I really dont know how this system has worked well over here...

what stunned me even more is that - America discriminates between Men and Women in the work place! Yes, women and men get paid differently for the same work.... no need to say women always loose out... I am shocked... how can that be in this country??? How and why are women tolerating it?

What is even more educative is that lawyers actually ruined a part of the society here... the entire society is so litigous that people are actually scared of doing many things... in a way it is good... on the other hand, doctors are scared of malpractice... so they want insurance coverage which drives up the costs..... I am not sure whether this is advantageous to anyone to have so many lawyers fight for more money....in some ways the highly clogged legal system in India is a deterrent to may non serious litigants... not really sure...


Someone asked me "your life in India seems like a lunxurious life - the driver, cook, maids etc".... and they were contemplating coming to India... and my response was ... Yes my life is luxurious in many ways... but in many many ways it is also insecure.... I am scared for my liberty, I am scared for my freedoms as a woman, I am scared cos of my religious identity, I am scared cos of my ability to be me...there is no protection in my old age... the Government does not look after us..... social norms dictate evry move in India..... and God Forbid the religious bigots get hold of the Government again then I am going to be scared every night of my life..... I am not protected in my own country..... Everyday we trust God and move around..... so to that extent India has a lot to offer but has not yet offered its citizens feeling of being protected and certain about their rights... something to take back from my time in the United States... give citizens the certainity of their rights...

I also realised that the notion that we have in India that US is a ticket to good life is so based on the stories carried back by the Desi Americans.... and I used to always challenge it, in many fight such notions saying how dare you make it look like we are all trying to escape our country?... now I realise that the generation of Desi Americans who did make it to the US were genuinely not given any opportunity in our country to prosper... no jobs, no money, no hope... they just left... and when they entered a country that offered them all this and more it was but natural that they would come back and potray stories of a better life..... cos it was a better life - FOR THEM! So it is no wonder that even today it is the Desi Americans who are the first ones to criticise India and say that India is a backward country.... or say that Americans have sorted it all out.... I used to get offended by these statments - not just from DEsi American - any Indian who went abroad and tried to make it look like they have escaped hell.... now I understand the psyche a bit better... they left a very different India.... they didnt leave todays India... and it is upto me to be a more understanding Indian... and perhaps show my Desi American friends that India as they knew it or their parents is different.... we are changing and that change is a wonderful opportunity for every Indian to be a better person... to build a better India.... and Desi Americans can provide the much valuable insight into that process of transformation.....

cos, India is very tolerant.... we are ready to be flagged down sometimes.... sometimes it is a sign of compassion for another person.....

My friend and I were recently discussing about where we are and where we actually thought we would land up while growing up....

To be honest, growing up I had a sense of urgency to get out and go places..... to break away from the shackles of society and do something on your own... to build a life for your self... to earn for yourself.... stand on your own feet... be a participant in the world.... I have no idea where or how I got these ideas but I suspect my father had something to do with it... with that in mind I tailored my life... and I loved every minute of that process... ofcourse when failures came along I didnt particularly like it but I still had the sense to move on...

which brings me to the question - what if I was born with everything? as in i had the nice house, the nice car, nice holidays, active social life with my parents... and I didnt really need to work towards anything... would I be this driven? Would I aim to improve myself?? I am not sure....

Which is why I think the best gift you can give your children is the gift of vision... vision into the future for themselves.... something they have to strive for in their life.... something they cant take for granted....

I am sure glad my parents gave me nothing more than education... I dont know whether the next generation will view it similarly...

So I decided to take off to NY to be with friends for the weekend... my uncles passing away stressed me out a lot sitting in DC and I decided to destress myself... and boy am I glad I took the decision....

so off I went to take my first ever train ride to NYC on Amtrack... early in the morning at 5:30.....at first when I reached Washington Union Station I was confused since I didnt find any people at the station... Is this the right Station? Where are the people... turned out it was the right station and I reminded myself that I should not expect to see milling crowd in all railway stations the way I see in Churchgate, Mumbai.

So I landed up at my friends place - to find her son and her sons friend taking a bath .... memories of me scaring baby george during his bath time came flooding back to me... and I immediately jumped from behind the shower curtain on two unsuspecting 4 year olds... luckily for me the 4 year old didnt start crying with terror but laughed along... otherwise I would have soon been declared unsafe around children and that would have been an ignomious end to my weekend plans.... followed it up with a good lunch of dal and chapati... only to follow that with a disappointing exit by US (Yes, I support USA) in the football world cup..... in the evening we strolled to the park where my friend made a failedattempt to fly the kite and made claims about the kite flying that were taller than the actual length that the kite flew to....

next day after a leisurly brunch (yummy Cobb salad) and an unexpected shopping bonanza, I was picked up by my friend and taken to the suburbs of NY ..... and for the first time in my life I got to see actual suburban life in the US... with the white picket fences, large gardens, surrounding forest, the mail boxes which are actual out in the front loan and is actually shaped like a house (yes the one that is there in the Tom and Jerry cartoons) !!! My friend and her three kids were a delight..... especially the little one who was the same age as Baby George... and he spoke so much! I am generally not good with kids ( I only scare them)....so I was really surprised to see that they all kept asking me questions and were curious about me... hahah....

and now I am finally in DC... and will be here for the July 4th weekend... which promises to be a fun event... keeping my fingers crossed....

my uncle passed away...my maternal uncle in South Africa...

I had casually called my mom up to chat with her this morning on the way to work ... and then she told me the news.... I just stopped in my tracks....

It is so difficult to deal with death when you are not near your family... for the moment I hate being so far away.... I hate it....

Ofcourse you cant avoid NY when you are in the States.... I was invited to attend an event in NY by the firm and I was more than happy to oblige... what a city... it just sweeps me with its buzz... in someways like Mumbai... everybody is on the go and keen to get somewhere... I love that about cities....

I was lucky to be put up a hotel in downtown... I grabbed lunch from one of the cafes there and went to Trinity Church and had a peaceful lunch... Trinity Chruch is more than 200 years old and that is where Columbia Univ started... I was quite happy to learn that.... and then trying to find my way to the office I lost my way in Wall Street - and I am so glad I did!! I saw the raging bull, the stock exchanges, the "turnstiles", the bankers and lawyers walking down in their professional finery... amazing sense of being....

The event itself was a women's oriented event - suprised to find the same issues dogging American law firms with respect to women lawyers - where do they go after a family? what about the loss of talent? What can be do to retain them? What do we do to get them back on the highway? Nobody had any answers... we all drank champagne to that!

And then went out for a night out with my friend - which was even more fabulous... got to try some mexican food which was yummy.... and then for a drink at the Ritz Carlton....

Total bliss... and then back to Washington ..... and back to dreaming of going to NY again...

7th day in the United States and what have I done so far?

Well I managed to trigger my fire alarm twice the past two days - once cos I slept off after putting something on the stove and second cos the fire alarm is crazy (it just went off by itself)...

I managed to visit the gym and swimming pool in my building.... very nice... I am yet to use the swimming pool but I am sure I will find an opportunity....

watched USA draw with Slovakia with a bunch of frenzied Americans... actually even I was frenzied cos I was supporting the USA.... felt totally sad about the bad call made by the referee... a mistake and what a loss to the United States...

Seen the whole country debate about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.... damnnn I wonder what India would have done had this happened - actually I dont need to wonder, I saw what they did for Bhopal... but I saw half the country gunning for Obama and half the country defending him.... As some Americans told me - whatever Obama does now will be criticised... and I watched a TV debate where an obvious republican supporter asked sarcastically "but isnt Obama a messiah?" Cant believe this is so personal... and also saw the entire country go up in arms over the republican congressman saying that it is a "tragedy" that BP has been asked to pay 20 billion dollars.... some Amercians pointed out that he is probably funded by BP and was paid to speak that way... so turns out corruption is not limited to my country... it just appears more clean and legal here.... hmmm....

I am yet to see Obama, White House, Hillary or anything to do with the Government... I really hope to do that this weekend or the weekend after that..... all in all my conclusion is that Washington is a peaceful city - somewhat like Delhi (albeit without the dirt and grime)....

Are all footballers goodlooking or is Washinton air making me deluded????

George in Georgetown

So this is week one (Day 2) of my stay in Washington... it all started off chaotic with me missing my car pick up, with no phone connection and just taking a cab to Washington... i managed to reach safely thanks to the nice taxi driver who gave me his phone to use.... and all was well when I reached my apartment which was super cool..... it had a nice feel to it and was fully furnished with internt and tv etc...

and then I did some exploring around the city and realised that I am actually living next to the best part of Washington DC - Georgetown! Georgetown is so quaint looking with so many cafes and small places to shop that it almost feels like I am in Europe.... and today I topped it with a jog in Georgetown along the Potomac river (which sounds very native American to me)....

I have so far not met people in my building - I believe there are people from all nationalities here.... I do hope to make friends in the building....

The biggest challenge is food... I tried cooking today with no sucess ... so I am still eating cornflakes and oats... with some cut fruits thrown in..... and ofcourse there was the dishwasher disaster where it got flooded cos I used the wrong deterrgent.... right now I have called a truce with the dishwater asking it not to spew more foam.... please pleasee.....

Tomorrow I start work.... I am getting butterflies... why is it that after so many years in the profession I still fell like a nervous wreck while taking up a new assignment.... whats the matter with me??

So there is a game I play with Baby George... I catch him, ask him to open his mouth and then ask him "what happened to your teeth?" And Baby George used to get flummexed and start searching for his teeth and totally get confused.....

Now the kid has grown up - so when i recently played the same game with him this is how it went:

Me: Arre where is your teeth?

BG: Looks confused, searches for his teeth and points it out to me

Me: Arre, nahi hai. Kahan gaya?

BG: Theekh Hai, Nahi Hai.

What????? Game over?

So I was in Kerala this weekend to garner some sympathy for my impending trip to the US. So I spoke to my parents (who were obviously weepy), my sister, my sister in law and my brother (who seemed quite nonchalant to the whole trip) and ofcourse to the "brats".... the initial reaction of Christy was "please could you get me a pen back from the US? and not one made in China like tha last one you got me"... ok sir... and then there was Baby George who didnt quite understand the nuances of what I was saying... so I tried to impress upon him that I will be away from him for 6 months (no reaction), I will not meet him for 6 months (still no reaction) and I will not be able to take him out for 6 months (still noooo reaction)... ok change in strategy.... I might as well get him on board with the US trip ... so I tried teaching him the name of the place I was going to visit.... so I taught Baby George "Vava aunty is going to Washing - ton, Washing - ton".... and Baby George after few fumbles got it right and would promplty say "Washington!...

that was until some relatives came over .... and as any self respecting grandparent would do my parents asked him to "perform" for the relatives by asking Baby George "So where is Vavaaunty going?"...... and prompt came the reply "Washing Machine!"...... I ducked under the nearest desk to avoid the gleeful glances of my relatives who apparently did believe that I was going to the Washing Machine.....

I am going to take this out on Baby George when he grows up!

Sometimes I wonder why people behave in a certain way or manner.... I really cant figure out... and I have learned by now no to figure out why people behave a certain way.... people have their own reasons for behaving in a certain way ....

The most important part is how you deal with it..... I mostly react by withdrawing and storing up pent up anger.... only to have it all come out at one go...

I am not sure that is the right way... but that is the only way I function right now....

This is an ode to my co-desk mate - lets call him "Mostly Harmless"...

So Mostly Harmless and me have been co-desk mates for the past 2 years.... we have one long stretch of white table between us... and when we commenced our desk partnership we carefully divided the space into equal halves and did a fair assessment of what kind of items can be put on my side of the desk and his side of the desk....

So off it started off to a very happy co-existence... with pleasantries and smiles exchanged everyday..... until ofcourse Mostly Harmless decided to become a little more relaxed about our carefully devised division of the desk......well the honey moon had to end like any good marriage..... Soon enough I would find papers of Mostly Harmless on my desk.... and even sometimes on my chair.... and if that was not bad enough Mostly Harmless would spread his papers and other paraphernalia under my desk - "technically that was not divided"... so I would suddenly be sitting on top of the "Transfer of Property Act"... or my legs would be resting against Mulla, Contract Act ..... and my protests would be greeted with "Alice, chill..... loosen up"... and my mind would be screaming "yes I will loosen up your neck soon"....

All to no avail... now I sit next to Mostly Harmless having reconciled myself to my fate.... divided as we are by a tall wall of Income Tax bare Act, mixed with some old newspapers, draft documents, old ties and perhaps even some worms.... and when I queried Mostly Harmless about the possibility of vermin growing in the heap Mostly Harmless confidently responded " we have good pest control systems"...

gee thanks..... guess what I am not going to be missing when I am away.....

So I am finally leaving India on June 11 - I thought I had more time in India but it is finally decided that I will be flying out on June 11 and joining work on June 14th... At first my mind immediately started spinning thinking about all the things i had to get done before I left... and then i became numb about it ....

And I thought I would find some people to share my concerns with... so I started calling up people and telling them that I am leaving by june 11.... some ofcourse did as I expected and reacted saying "that is so little time - we need to meet before that".... while others didnt react at all... "oh good" is all they said.... and to them I screamed "hello, how about some emotions here! I am going to be away for 6/9 months and all you can tell me "oh good".. I mean where is your heart??"... and then look at me bewildered and startled.... "you want us to be sad that you are going to be in Washington, New York and London in the next 6 months????" all I manage is a feeble and unconvincing "yes"..

Okkk, so I want a little fuss over me... so sue me.... but after I come back from Washington, NY and London please.... cos I really hope to have fun in these cities.... God help me!

Love and its deconstruction

Growing up I was fed on fairy tales - the hapless princess who is rescued by a prince and they live happily ever after with their "going to grow up to be calvin klein model" babies... Ahh.... the world was such a perfect illusion growing up....

Now nearly having reach the mid 30s my concept of love is being forced to undergo a major deconstruction... so instead of just the hapless princess, we have two hapless overworked professionals who probably deep within want to feel like a prince and princess but end up feeling like the proverbial toad who is waiting to be kissed !! So off they go on their hunt for the perfect mate only to encounter myriad specimens, some of them so bewildering that the wannabe prince and princess recoil back into the safety of their professional life......at least in your professional life the worst that can happen is that your boss turns out to be a phycho but you dont have to take him back home with you..... infact the game of love is so rife with the prospect of failure that many would rather invest in a stable career....

What is happening to my generation? Are we over analyzing? Are we over sensitive? What happened to the simple formula of falling in love?

Is it time to start a new fairy tale series???

So I am sitting at BOB to do some work and the tag line of BOB screams - "Technology by your side"...

Just below that tag line is a handwritten sign which reads "No Paking" (assume it meant to say No Parking)... and as soon as I enter I see people screaming across in chaste hindi saying "printers are not working"... and then I made a simple request which was to give me a xerox of my cheque and the response was "Madam, it will take 10 mins - we have to go to another building to get a xerox"... I will wait I said.... when a reluctant old man came and took the cheque and as if in slow motion went to get my xerox (which I did get finally in 10 mins)... and while waiting I saw a fat little rat running around the wires as if trying to choose the best wire to chew on ..... lucky rat!....

and I thought to myself - there should be some regulation on advertising - they really can mislead people.....

okk my date for departure from Mumbai looms perilously close ...... and soon I will have to fuss over what goes where... not that I have too many possessions... I have all the basic electronics.... fridge, tv, ac etc... which I will hopefully be able to sell off... then there are the other not so material household stuff which I will keep with a friend.... then there is my car which I am tempted to sell.... I mean who will look after the car for 9 months???? Though all my friends are telling me to keep it....

I guess the only thing that I will carry with me are the memories of Mumbai.... and this time there are a lot of special and not so special ones.... but predominately special ones....

But as always life moves on to give you new memories....

I dont need to see any movies... the IPL saga is giving me all the twists and turns needed....

My 300th post!! Pat on the back to me....

This month is all about connecting with people - friends from the past, long lost friends, friends you wanted to be in touch with but could not etc.... when I slowly touch base with these friends I wonder whether I lost out on so many happy memories cos I was too proud to admit my shortcomings or mistakes....

I was having a discussion with some of my friends about women and their position in society.... ofcourse a favourite topic with me.... talk generally veered to motherhood and career after that...

while I said every woman wants the world to see her as an independent woman, every woman also wants to have a home of her own with children etc... well maybe not every woman but lets just say majority.... and that most women dont want to compromise on either but most often women do... either it is societal pressure or just a compromise that a woman makes so that she does not disrupt her family life....

and I said in my experience almost all the women who had got married and were with children had put their career on a back seat.... to ensure that their children get the attention... and they hope that someday they will get back into the saddle ... if there is place then for them at that time in the job world ..... and most of these women are smart go getters and it is tough decision for them to give up a career and watch their peers preen on ahead....

the consensus was that women can kiss their careers good bye after mrriage and children.... but I ask why??????????????????????

So I refused to give Christy any of the chocolates I had got from New York since he had put on weight.... he has become obsessed with chocolates and apparently he ate 20 toffees at one go!! but when I refused Christy cried and I really felt bad....

so to make up I decided to part with something I had bought for myself - a pink shiny pen - which shines even brighter if you hit it... I got it from Natural History Museum and was really proud of my possession....

So I gave it away to Christy who at first didnt want to talk to me and then saw the pen and warmed up to me.... haha... by the end of it he was so excited!! and all bitterness at being denied chocolates was forgotten....

the only variable we didnt factor in was a belligerent Baby George.... he took one look at the pen and decided that he should have it... and wailed and cried till we gave it to him out of pity for our ears.... and promptly Baby George pretended the shiny pen was a sword and started hitting the pen everywhere.... Poor Christy was just left looking at his pen shining brightly in his brother's hands....

All was worth it - cos Later in the day Christy called me to ask me whether I had got it from America - I said Yes and then he asked me how much I paid for it ...

My reply to him - it was Priceless for it got him to talk to me!

I sometimes wonder why people sometimes choose to talk about something or someone in front of you just to make you feel uncomfortable or to guage your reaction.

What do I do? Should I react or just leave it? And assume they meant only well? Or just pity them for being so jobless?

I was just thinking that I had some of the best times in my short visit to New York.... had such a blast... some of the memories I carry back with me:

a. Eatin Magnolia chocolate cup cake while walking down Wall Street.... delicious and wall street appeared as sweet as the delicious cup cake
b. Falling asleep on the table while watching the shooting of "Last Comic Standing" - only to be woken up by the organisers who were aghast that I could fall asleep at their show!! even my endearing pleas of jet lag didnt cut much humour with them...
c. Taking the "horsy" ride through Central Park... it was a beautiful carriage actually.... and while the horsy rider jibbed us it was nevertheless one of the most exhilirating things I have done
d. eating vietnamese food...
e. Jamba juice - particularly the meals
f. meeting up with old friends
g. going to the village and realising that it is akin my carter road... so much of energy....
h. made new friends
i. walking along the hudson.... what a gorgeous walk...

Some of the memories I will relate to people....

What did I get for the brats?

Well I went to the natural history museum in New York and they had a section on the dinosaurs... so I thought what fun thing to get for my naughty nephews.... small dinos which they can paint and which above all are glow in the dark!!! Shucks I wish my uncles had got me these....

so off I troted to my sisters place... on seeing me coming laden with gifts my sister promptly asked "is it going to be more work for me?" Huh? I asked incredously.... what in the world could she mean....

only to realise the meaning of that question.... Baby George refused to paint the dino....instead he chose to pain the sofa and his aunt's nose... so there I was in all my office finery running away from an extremely naughty Baby George...

after sometime I snatched the brush from his hands and started painting the dinos myself...... much to the amusement of my sister.... the only good thing - Baby George learnt the words "dinosaurs" and "T-Rex"....

New York Minute

Wellllllll.... I was in NY last week.... and had the most amazing 5 days there.... New York is a bigger version of Mumbai.... it has the same energy, same hustle bustle and if you know the places it has the best that the world can offer.... I loved the city.... almost as much as I love Mumbai... now I can see the similarity....

But NY is disappointing in terms of pictures.... I didnt find anything that was spectacular to take - presumably because cities dont always throw up pretty pictures....

I was watching a TV advertisement where two women are waiting for the school bus to arrive.... and one woman pips the other one about the washing powder that she uses... boasts that her soap powder gives fragrance and also "safedi".... what more can you ask for?

And all along my brain was screaming "YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU CAN ASK FOR??" A LIFE!!! I mean how petty do you have to be to fight about washing powder!!! You have no sense of what is important in life when you start fighting over a soap powder..... and I thanked my lucky stars that I dont have people like that in my life....

But then I thought to myself... wait a minute ... I am surrounded by overgrown kids.... who boast about the cars, houses, holidays, husbands/wives, family connections all the time.... oneupmanship is the name of the game... so what essentially is the difference between the women in the advertisement and the people surrounding me??? nothing except that ...the latter dont have an excuse.... They should be knowing better....

Baby George got his first report card... a larg blue book... which had the picture of his entire class.... at first I could not spot him... and then noticed that the boy with the serious face is Baby George... the report card also had an imprint of his palm (and a tiny photo of him inside)....

So Baby George came out with flying colours.... he got 4 stars for singing, obeying elders (except his mom and aunt when he goes out), drawing, mixing with others etc..... he lagged behind in expressing emotions....

Well Maam, all I can say is that you should just see Baby George on his trips with his aunt - he is always screaming, jumping and generally playing havoc around everywhere... and we all definitely get so Emotional.....:(

I finally read "Open" Andre Agassi's biography... while it is not sparkling literature it was nice to read the story of a man who was normal and prone to failings like any of us. He hated tennis (!!!), did drugs, fell in love and had his heartbroken, found love again with the most sucessful woman tennis player of all time and then retired at the right time....

Although I tend to stand in judgment over people who do drugs and exhibit no principles, this time I gave him credit (partly because he is married to Steffi Graf who is so dignified - something of a reflected glory) credit for having survived many turmoils, for having been loyal to his parents, for having loved with abandon......

2010 - not bad....

I finally joined an organisation that I have always wanted to join since my teenage days.... after much trepdiation and soul searching... finally I asked myself "what am I afraid of?" Is it fear of failure? fear of not knowing the unknown? fear of not having control over the future.... and then I though to myself - sometimes the best things in life happen ONLY because you dont have control....

In some ways I am proud of myself cos I overcame my fear and did what my heart desired always...

Now I will wait for the mysteries to unravel.....

2010 - Rock On!

Theek-Thak-Thackeray

Balasaheb has once again taken up a cause that is dear and important to all of us Indians.... The issue of whether Mumbai as a city should be the playground of all Indians..... I mean it is the city that pays the maximum taxes so shouldnt the Marathis actually get a pie of that... I mean the land that was made available to all Indians came from the hardworking Marathis..... afterall what could they do to counter this colonialism - they were just unwilling participants in the economic development of this city... the stupid Parsis, Gujjus and south Indians dont even give them credit for not having interfered in their ambitions... its time for the locals to reclaim their birth right..... damn the call for nationalism....

And yes Rahul Gandhi is frustrated since he is not married at the "old age" of 40... Balasaheb... you identify issues so well.....

So this Sat was near perfect.... I got to spend time with my nephews.... as soon as I entered the house, I saw Baby George was sitting pretty on the sofa with his mother feeding him lunch.... the king (kong) that he was... and he appeared to be nonchalant to my entry..... until I charged at him that is pretending to want to pick him up and throw him off.... that was enough to make Baby George fly off from him seat of power into the hands of his mother with his mouth full of rice and chicken.... ofcourse later realising that his fear was misplaced he let out a raucous laugh.... Then there was Christy also...immediately upon seeing me he was like"lets go out".... for which there was no plan.... so Christy went back to his computer...

Baby George was ofcourse not computer savvy.... he promplty brought his story book..... with pictures of all the animals and birds.... and asked me to read out to him.... so I started pointing out to him... Lion, Tiger, crow etc.... till I reached hippopotamus.... to which Baby George pondered for a while and gave it a mild varied name ...."potatoes...".... hahahahahahah.....

Just thot - are you successful only if others acknowledge you as being successful or is it enough if you have pushed the envelope and done the best you could.....

I think it is a mixture of both...

This is SRK himself- whom I managed to catch while waiting at one of the domestic airports... He was so charming and kept apologising to people about the disturbance he was causing...." I am so sorry, I apologise"...... its another matter that his security guards threw me off when I was in the way.... but totally worth it!!! I love you SRK.

So Sunday was one of the best days of my life... it was the annual Mumbai Marathon and as is custom my sister and I went to "participate" in it from the side lines.... and ofcourse we had the 3 year old Baby George in tow for whom it was the first time he heard the word "Marathon".... so throughout in the car, Baby George kept muttering "Marathon""Marathon""Marathon"... infact when asked his name, he replied .......... "Marathon" ! His elder brother was ofcourse now too old to be taken in by the festivities and kept asking me when I would take him to see Avatar....

And as soon as we hit the road, it was as if Baby George was possessed... he started running towards the finish line (not that he knew where it was)... but he kept following the crowd and kept screaming at his mother and his aunt for slowing him down... he ran all of 0.2 meters and then stopped and asked to be picked up by him mom.... I did see the spark of a budding marathonite in him...... maybe next year I will do the half marathon with Baby George as my running buddy.... hopefully we will cover more than 0.2 metrs.... he he..

Conversation between Christy and his classmate, Niladri:
Christy to me: You know, at the tennis court they call Niladri, "Lilavati"... hahahah

Niladri: My name is Niladri, NOT Lilavati!!

Christy: Lilavati, Lilavati, Lilavati!!

Niladri: If you call me that, I will call you "Chemistry" instead of Chrity.

Christy: Arre, at least I am calling you the name of a BIG hospital in Mumbai. You cant call me something silly like Chemistry.

Every year I make a list of things I want to accomplish.... ofcourse most often the list remains a mental list and I never bother to revisit it ever again...

Except for 2009 when I achieved more than half of what I had intended for 2009... not bad for a person who has very low commitment levels....

2010 - list cometh....

It was a 10 day wait before I met Baby George after the new year started.... so when I finally saw him ( I was walking down from my office steps towards the car where he was waiting with his mom and brother), Baby George immediately clasped his mouth in excitement !!! ofcourse when I went to pick him up he promptly acted really busy and ran away.....

Ahhh... 2010 is not starting out too bad ....

2009 was a year I wished would never end.....

Anyways 2010 - better behave yourself.

Okk so another post on Baby George.....

The other day I was fighting with my sister on something.... and I was screaming at her asking her to behave herself..... all this time Baby George was hovering around us trying to make sense of the two important women in his life..... so I dint particularly pay attention to him.... till I suddendly saw a 3 ft tall Baby George climb us the sofa and with authority screaming at me to stop shouting at him mom!!! and if that was not enough he brandished the ruler that he had carried with him on his climb to the sofa and in a really threatening manner pointed the ruler at me and said "Samjhe? (in English - Understood?)"...... it was such a cute sight that my sister and me burst out laughing...

and then I picked up the 3 ft tall Chengiz Khan, put him down on the ground, towered over him and asked him "So what do you want me to understand?" hahahah...

So Baby George loves going out....no great surprise there... he was always a vagabond like his aunt... as is his mother and bigger brother....

So everytime we plan to go out, Baby George runs to the drawer, gets his favourite shorts and t-shirt and brings it to me to dress him up... most often the shorts and t-shirt are badly mismatched... but Baby George will have none of the advice on colour co-ordination and will insist on wearing what he picked out.... so there is Baby George in his badly colour - coordinated clothes and standing 3 feet tall ready to go out with his family....

and nowdays I have started playing tricks with him.... so once Baby George is all dressed and ready to go I tell him that his "nanny " needs help around the house and that he should help out... so I ask him to go back into the house and help out didi.... Baby George gets all crumpled up and starts saying 'nahi,mujhe jana hai' and starts walking towards the lift... again i stop him and tell him "who will do all the work in the house then?'... and in a last ditch effort he looks pleadingly at his mom who also decides to look away from him... and finally he just bolts towards the lift when it opens so that he is not forced into working at home....

hahaha... I just love troubling Baby George....

A witchy tale

I have a thing for dancing toys... long back on my first work related trip to London, I went and bought a dancing cactus... Carlos (my nickname for the cactus) was my prized possession till 2003.... in 2003, Christy was introduced to Carlos... and then the memory is all too painful...

so on my recent trip to Eastern Europe, while roaming around the markets of Prague I chanced upon something that would replace my Carlos - a dancing witch!!! The witch was seated on a broom and when you clap, the witch would shake her legs, let out a raucous laugh and shine her red eyes... ofcourse I had to buy it....

so I came back to India with my new prized possession and hung it delicately on my lamp..... and soon at parties people would marvel at the witch ( I stil dont have a nick name)... and one of my friends even attempted to steal it away quietly from me..... all in all the witch was a big hit!!!

Except with Baby George.... Everytime Baby George comes to my house he is fascinated by the witch.... so slowly he inches closer towards the witch to explore the new addition in my house..... and then as soon as he is close, I clap my hands (the mean aunt that I am) and when the witch starts her raucouse laugh, Baby George flees to the other end of the room!!!!! hahahaha... what a cute sight.... he holds his mothers leg and watches from far..... sometimes ofcourse Christy picks him up and brings him close to the witch only to have a yelping Baby George escape from his clutches and bolt to the other end of the room.....

all in all amusing for me....... the witch just lost a leg due to Christy.... so I am thinking of naming her "Grondola - witch without a leg"

Happiness is a choice.....

Good to know....

Ok.... I am excited about what lies ahead.....

In other news, Baby George is a grown up boy now ... he is all of 3 feet talll and comes up to my knees.... sometimes when he is scared that I will walk away or just simply scared he grabs my legs..... and I feel most special that time..... he is so tiny also.... he is I think the thinnest person in the family .......

I think my sister eats his food....

Is age catching up with me? There was a time when I would thrive on deadlines and having conference calls at 2 in the morning..

No more... in fact I get irritated whenever work extends beyond 9 ..... or even when I have to work on Sat and Sunda.... even worse when I have to do a call at 12 in the night!

What is happening to me?? Am I slowing down? Why do I find it strenous now?

Hopefully the changes over the next few months will help me realise what I want....

Ok... everyday is a day of evaluation .... or thats what you are supposed to do ....

I think I might have overreacted and judged a situation completely wrongly... and when I get pissed, I stay pissed....... I was ofcourse not disrespectful or anything... as always I smiled and said " No problems".... but I guess my facial expressions would have given away my anger and absolute frustration...

Should I change?? or will the world accept me as I am? if I dont change, then am I the one who is losing out?

A valuable lesson I have learned is- always behave properly with people.... you never know when and where you are going to meet them again..... and how the equations would have changed....

Sometimes your reputation precedes you.... and it is always best if you start with a good reputation than a bad one....

Note to myself: dont fight with taxi drivers or my own driver.

Whew!!

What can I say about life.... its bewildering at times and tests your patience... you really have no control over some of the events that occur which leave you reeling under shock.... and leaves you wondering whether you will ever emerge out of this whirlwind that has just come your way...

In other news Baby George luckily didnt figure out that his aunt had forgotten his b'day... so he was still kind to me when I went to visit... and I took him to see Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani... and he was laughing out loud at the jokes in the movie... made me wonder whether I was sitting with a baby genius who doesnot have enough sense to make sure his finger does not get caught in between the door but understands complicated hindi jokes??? hmmm......anyways Baby George also started walking around the theatre in the middle and disturbing other movie watchers... adding much to the distress of his aunt who apologised to innocent movie goers for the invasion of privacy by a nosey Baby George...

Bday

It was Baby George's bday yesterday... and I forgot to wish him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am wrecked by guilt... shall i fill up his room with balloons?

Some more pics of my trip to Delhi. A new friend who has become a follower of this blog was very appreciative of my ability to take pictures. Hmmm...

I am seriously considering doing a photography course in New York in the coming year. I think I will.

My visit to Delhi

I love Delhi and its architecture.... so on my bday I decided to go off and do some sightseeing of Delhi..... Delhi is a photographers paradise..... it has ancient monuments, gardens, lovely parks... the works!! and if you are lucky you also get to see a politican or two.... so these are some of the pics I took - though I have to say that I was disappointed with my camera this time..... anyways more later...