This Diwali has been in more than one way been life altering... it was absolutely fantastic to relax and enjoy the festival... i was able to devote a lot of time to buy things for the house... lights, rugs etc.... I liked seeing my list being ticked off....
the death of Bal over this weekend was a dampner...not that I was much of a follower... it was depressing to not have any autos, shops open over the weekend... I made good of whatever came however... so I cycled everywhere... played badminton over the weekend.....and generally had a great time...
this was also a period of realisation .... I have this bad tendency to always judge in black and white... if you did this then this is what you mean and hence I will not have you in life... I cut off people quite regularly and dont even give them a chance.....now I didnt realise that this was infact hurting me more.... not keeping these people in my life was actually hurting me more than keeping them in my life.... ostensibly the reason I didnt want them in my life was to prevent them from hurting me again.... but what I realised is that life is never about black and white.... there are shades of grey.... and people dont necessarily mean to hurt you... they end up hurting you.... they probably never intended it... and even if they intended it for that time, if they come and apologise then that is also fine... its very difficult for me to understand this concept..... I never give second chances... and I dont necessarily wish to also... but in the process I have remained the hurt one..... I recently discussed with a friend on how much I missed that friend since we were not talking for more than a year... and the friend retorted saying "i tried to reach out to you in so many ways... you just shut the door on me"... and I was shocked to hear someone say that about me.... to think I was rejecting conciliatory overtures from a dear one was an eye opener for me... how dare I think I deserve their efforts? and how dare I not respect their efforts... they have afterall spent so many hours holding my hand and giving me support.... and if they made a mistake with me should I not hear them out at least.... and what if they genuinely screwed up...
there is a saying... just because someone does not love you the way you want them to does not mean that they dont love you with all they have... I never understood this.. now I do... each person comes with limitations...
new year, new beginning... new me.... letting go....
the death of Bal over this weekend was a dampner...not that I was much of a follower... it was depressing to not have any autos, shops open over the weekend... I made good of whatever came however... so I cycled everywhere... played badminton over the weekend.....and generally had a great time...
this was also a period of realisation .... I have this bad tendency to always judge in black and white... if you did this then this is what you mean and hence I will not have you in life... I cut off people quite regularly and dont even give them a chance.....now I didnt realise that this was infact hurting me more.... not keeping these people in my life was actually hurting me more than keeping them in my life.... ostensibly the reason I didnt want them in my life was to prevent them from hurting me again.... but what I realised is that life is never about black and white.... there are shades of grey.... and people dont necessarily mean to hurt you... they end up hurting you.... they probably never intended it... and even if they intended it for that time, if they come and apologise then that is also fine... its very difficult for me to understand this concept..... I never give second chances... and I dont necessarily wish to also... but in the process I have remained the hurt one..... I recently discussed with a friend on how much I missed that friend since we were not talking for more than a year... and the friend retorted saying "i tried to reach out to you in so many ways... you just shut the door on me"... and I was shocked to hear someone say that about me.... to think I was rejecting conciliatory overtures from a dear one was an eye opener for me... how dare I think I deserve their efforts? and how dare I not respect their efforts... they have afterall spent so many hours holding my hand and giving me support.... and if they made a mistake with me should I not hear them out at least.... and what if they genuinely screwed up...
there is a saying... just because someone does not love you the way you want them to does not mean that they dont love you with all they have... I never understood this.. now I do... each person comes with limitations...
new year, new beginning... new me.... letting go....
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