I saw the movie Ashiqui 2 over the weekend...and I have to say that the movie was nothing to write home about.... amateur acting and really tried and tested story.... what was however amazing was that this story was about romance.... and in my view there was nothing but torture in the movie...

the story is very simple... a successful alcholic singer discovers poor, cant feed her parents, girls and gives her the opportunity that you dream of... the girl becomes successful and the boy and girl fall in love... and then the boy develops a complex (not sure what it is about) and starts drinking uncontrollably ... and the girl is left feeling completely lost as to what she did wrong... even on the awards night, he drives past her and doesnot wish her at all... and she runs after him like a puppy dog to see what she can do to help him!!! and he then reforms himself for a while and supports the girl... only to spiral out of control when someone tempts him with a bottle and accuses him of having sexual relations with the girl!!! Seriously???? This is modern India and having sex is not taboo anymore people!!!

The girl goes into a tizzy trying to control his drinking... and even endures him throwing her out of his house... and she sits outside his door and says "I love you!"... yeah, thats one thumps up for womens right.. get beaten and say that to your boyfriend immediately.... she cries, she loses sleeps etc trying to get him to be better... and at one point sacrifices her career for him... she reneges on all contracts just to be with her man ... and even tells her agent that for her "love is more important than career"... I half had the heart to ask her "will you eat love when you are hungry?? Woman, dont you remember you could not even afford to buy rice before your career started".... the agent also tries telling her that she should not waste her life with a drunkard and she shoudl take care of her career... and she refuses to leave his side...

the only redeeming part of the story is that the man realises that he is actually an impediment on her and her success....and commits suicide!!! At which point I felt like screaming out "dude, you did all this drama only to commit suicide???"...... but the important thing is that she was set free by his suicide....

This story is the story of innumerable women in the world... who are with incompetent men and who feel guilty about being so ... and show men that they will adjust and be inferior to them... and take all the stress of being with him in the hope of getting him to be happy... Women are the caregivers... and they care enough to support the man and see him through the worst.... all for what??? to be with the morose, incompetent, insecure, spineless man ? in the process losing all the definition of self that the woman held till she married this man...

Sometimes it is difficult to see the beauty of Mumbai.... actually it is not that difficult to see Mumbai as being only dirty... I have to confess however that ever since I came back from my secondment, my view, attitude and feelings towards Mumbai drastically changed... I had suddenly become critical... almost like the relationship was turning sour... I could find no beauty in anything in Mumbai... A city which not so long back meant the world to me and which made me feel secure was suddenly irritating me... I hated the noise, the pollution, dirty roads and even the people!

Mumbai had suddenly become tooo small for me... there was nothing exciting about mumbai... even the beach began to irritate me cos of its dirt and people's liberal access to it... the systems which seemed to punish people for their simple basic needs... I was fed up...

not that life in mumbai is any better.. but there is some merit in accepting something with all their flaws.... same case for Mumbai.... 

Women took a giant leap, crossed the hurdle and... somehow landed in a puddle...

It is indeed tough being a woman.... I cant emphasise that enough... its a harassment on a daily basis... and constant pressure to be of service to society.... like we have nothing better to do ...

which is why when I hear about commitment phobic men, I wonder - dude? what is wrong with you? we are the ones who should be avoiding any commitment...given that it comes with such unforgiving responsibility, possible loneliness (if the hubby is an ass which is very likely), tension on an every day basis, responsibility for bringing up the new generation and lets face it, at the end of the day, no thank yous...

and women crave for this?? to take on all this added responsibility?? for what???

Margaret Thatcher dies... what a woman... my icon...

best relationship advice?

Dont expect anything....

yday I believe Cherie Blair was in the office premises... she apparently strutted in a red autorickshaw... I saw the dance and song going on but did not really figure out who was the celebrity... I would have loved to see her... she is admirable in many ways... a lawyer in her own right, a scholar on her own merit and able to balance both the worlds beautifully...

 

On the occassion of International Women's Day it is only apt to reflect on what it means to be a woman...

Personally speaking, I find that being a woman in India is one of the most difficult state to be in... challenges, personal and professional are mounted on any woman... and to navigate this maze of challenges always takes a toll on women that they always give up... and never reach their potential... women leave jobs, and make the man the centre of her life.... and that gives her happiness.... if she does not she is slotted as an ambitious bitch who is a ball buster ... implying thereby that she is not to be touched or spoken to cos she has no soul... her soul comes only when she is taking care of her man and her family... such nicely constructed social setting we have ....

I do however see a shift in women power... seeing so many women in the high ecleons of the corporate world has brought about a definite shift in the perception of women... there is a definitely a general acceptance of women being as capable as men... and not being the weaker sex actually... more acceptability to women pursuing a career... young women are graduating and looking for a job before looking for a husband... and women who are not educated are no longer the premium product in the marriage market... as someone said with your education, I think the dowry expectation can be brought down considerably...

slowly women are also finding their power in society... as much society tries to deny it, a woman can actually control the family effectively... no decision can be taken without her consent... some women do not realise this power and hence are treated badly... the influence she has on her children is her ultimate control... and society bends when it comes to that influence and power....

have you ever wondered why the Queen is the most powerful person in the game of chess.... in a game which is all about the army and military positions, its really curious that the Queen has all the powers that everyone else on the chess board has .... The Queen protects the King (who has no power actually) and you have to cut the Queen to get to the king... now I wonder why in ancient India a game with a powerful female was invented.... its not like women rulers were that prevalent....or that women were the actual power behind the throne (well in some cases probably).... so how did we in India invent a game like this??

Does this actual show the actual role of a woman in society... that she has all the powers but she is using the power only for the benefit of her king...and that is where women fail... they lose perspective of what they need to do for themselves... and hence she is treated badly... cos she makes it all about others....

will that ever change?? I hope so ... I hope women fight back against being sidelined... against being slotted as a slut just cos she decided to be bold about her sexuality... against being physically violated cos she decided to take a chance....

and there is a shift in the perception of men as well... men are no longer considered this holy grail of all virtue... as much as there are sluts, there are man - whores as well... the kind who sleeps with anything that moves... not the most stellar of characters in society I would think... and akin to a Bimbo, we have the Man- Bimbo.. the kind whose only aim in life is to bed women... and whose every minute is spent trying to impress the pretty girls... and who would be paying through their nose just to get into bed with someone... and talks openly about his exploits as if he has passed some entrance exam.... classic Man - Bimbo... or Mimbo...

Heres to wishing for a better future for all women out there... may we survive, thrive and grow...

so why is Modi so vitriolic??? Doesnt he have any kind words to say about anyone ???? why did he start his election speech on such an anti-gandhi family and Manmohan Singh... I think these underhand comments are really bad in taste..

am I being biased?? Perhaps...

the question to ask yourself... are you inspired everyday?

OMG!! can you spot the celebrity?

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/slideshows/people/why-india-incs-on-the-dance-floor/vijay-mallya-attends-the-wedding/slideshow/18498204.cms

From a wedding I went to recently...

when people ask me what my greatest regret is my biggest regrest is being born a woman!!

now that might be a bit dramatic... but i genuinely feel being born a woman is the biggest drawback God can give anyone... so I completely appreciate it when a woman makes it on her own in life... even the women who have had the support of the husband or father, they would also face a lot of issues in life...

first off is the expectation that kills a woman... you are expected to fit a certain mould... you are supposed to be soft, humane, caring, a good cook, do the household maths efficiently, know how to make a child stop crying, be feminine, be coy, be in the background and be supportive of her man... and if god forbid you have deviated from these, you are ofcourse branded as a deviant ... and then ofcourse there is the eternal pressure to fit into the roles of a "good wife" and a "good mother"... for woman, this more than anything else drags her down.. in an effort to conform, she gives up her job and plunges herself into her new role.... all the time carrying the heavy load on her head of having become completely defunct in the real world... and seeing her peers (men and women) race ahead of her in fame and money... and then ofcourse there is the imminent threat of violence in her life ... be it rape, being molested, being beaten, being locked up....

now with all that, is it any surprise that women choose to remain in the background???

Frankly Manu was right.... the biggest curse in life is to be borne a woman... you were really bad in your previous life to deserve this existence as a woman...
 

be prepared to turn your back on something that just gives you negativity...

Just saw the shocking news about the summary execution of the son of LTTE supremo's son Prabhakaran.... a 12 year old boy... same age as Christy... in the picture he sits like any other 12 year old waiting for something or someone.... and in the next picture he is lying dead...

its inhuman to say the least...a small boy killed only cos he is the son of someone... is that justifiable in any case?? was it not possible to show compassion???

Finally, what was Prabhakaran doing including his son in the war zone.. shame on him...

OMGGG... I see the VHP, BJP and RSS going the hinduvata way... a really retro step to get the votes back in...

I was hoping for a mature BJP to come and fight it out... why do they just not see this as being detrimental to India? focusing on religion to get the attention....

on the other hand I am hoping that this will alienate the entire country and they will not get to power... I am also scared that it may not that way and the BJP and its allies will come to power with a thumping majority...

why is politics so complicated???

I confuse myself sometimes......

Failure is the most underrated experience in the world!!

What failure does for you no one or thing can do for you... it is the most essential part of development and success.... yet we fear failure the most... why? cos we are not sure whether this failure means the end of our efforts....

you know what... it means the end only if you decide it is the end....

A friend who was going through a bitter break up told me that after having a cloud hanging over for the last 2 years, finally saw beauty all around one fine day.... and the world just appeared more beautiful and peaceful....

its a breakthrough that everyone one of us has gone through at least once in their lives... and in my view its a milestone in ones life... when you put the pieces of your life back together and rise up again....

when was the last time you did not feel any fear?

To Love, is it to love with the understanding that you are prepared to lose what you love? can you love knowing that this is not permanent? or can you love only if you know for sure that this is worth investing in?

that is the thing about life - the changes that it brings about.... and you never know the turn it is going to take.... in the process you loose a lot of things that you held dear in your life.... and sometimes even wonder why it came into your life only to go away...
 

My visit to the Dhobhi Ghat

advice from a father to a daughter on the anvil of her marriage....

whilst family is important, always remain a true professional - both are consistent...

now why dont I hear this more often??? especially to a generation of women professionals like me??? why do I constantly have to figure out which gang I belong to? the modern woman (implying career oriented women who are independent) or the traditional kinds (who would presumably give up career after husband and kid)... why cant I just be me... whether it is as a career oriented woman or a traditional woman or both sometimes???

Please can the world give me back my choice??? and can my father just tell me the above as well... that as a man he does not feel the need to choose either one ....and that he sees me as a completely perfect woman no matter what I choose....

I have just been approached to be a mentor to a young professional... she is all of 22... and bursting with enthusiasm I am sure at having joined one of the prestigious firms.... in short, as a mentor, I am supposed to help her navigate her career... and hopefully help her achieve heights of success..

If I were to look at my career progress and think about the advice I wished I had received, here is a list:

a. dont be afraid of enquiry... it might not amount to much but you have to keep an inquisitive mind
b. dont be afraid of getting it wrong first time..... just make your best effort no matter
c. be open to feedback
d. WORK comes first for the first 3 years of your life... then other things can come up...
e. Always keep your boss informed..
f. Be proactive...
g. dont hestitate to ask for work
h. Never tell the Boss you need downtime...

I am sure there are more.... for now I am hoping that I will get it right with this young associate...

ok change in gears.... reversal is in order.... hmmm... Alice, get a grip and decide...

would you ever walk away entirely from a person with whom you have had a mental connection with?

BJP.... why are you so in disarray.... how can you bring back Rajnath Singh... do you have no one more credible?? why do you waste an opportunity to be a party with a difference....

all this is going to benefit the congress.... which is happy situation for congress but not for the country.... one needs a viable alternative to make democracy work...

on another note, how touching was Rahul Gandhi's speech at Jaipur..... obviously playing to the gallery.... but seriously, it was very touching.... and a reminder of the sacrifices that these kids have seen in their lives.... I always tell people... they were just born into the family... and they have seen two violent deaths and myriad attacks on their character.... is it possible to live sanely in such situations?? i doubt it ....

have I really stumbled on it??? will I go through with it??  is the universe prodding me to???

Lincoln, Gandhi....

Both superb failures in their careers as lawyers... and yet the greatest leaders...

there is a sudden spurt in the number of people viewing this blog.... I am confused.... am I suddenly a celebrity blogger? and I dont even know about it?? well all I can say is... how about leaving some comments on my blog if you are actually reading it?

No country for women

It appears India is no country for women... the gang rape has brought about the worst and best in India.... on one hand is the spontaneous outburst of reaction from the common man.... the scores of men and women who came out on the streets of India to protest this declining safety record for women... and then there are the politicians who came out and the most ghastly things about women....

RSS chief says rapes happen only in India and not in Bharat, despite evidence to the contrary.... and then he says that women are meant to do the household chores... and that if they dont look after the husband then the husband is entitled to leave them and go..... and then ofcourse the shocker from Asaram who thinks a rapist would stop raping if the woman begs him and calls him brother....

Now that the skeletons are out, perhaps its time to acknowledge that there is no country for women....

The Delhi Gang Rape has caught India by storm... and for the first time I feel such agitation is needed to draw attention to this problem.... rape is always such a sensitive topic... prevention rather than cure is always the norm...

Growing up the only thing i used to fear in my life was rape.... to me that represented the ultimate humiliation of a girl... the subjugation, the sexual abuse and the exercise of power over a woman was to me the greatest fear I had... added to that was the societal acceptance that yes, you could get raped... something in the attitude also spoke about how as a woman you should prevent it from happening... and if it did happen then you need to figure out why.... it seemed, at that point in time, to be the worst possible thing that could happen to a woman...

that fear never left me... I went to law school and the one thing that happened was the fact that I dont need to feel helpless in the face of sexual assault... and that if you are raped that does not mean that it is your fault... that the man can be challenged....that there is life after rape... I felt calmer and stopped including this in my list of things to be afraid of... but the fear never left entirely.... Benazir Bhutto in her autobiography specifies that she herself was so scared of rape that many times she would not step out of her room at Harvard if there was man in the hallway .... so it was not just me... every woman feared this.....

most recently, when the robbery happened the first thing that crossed my mind was what if the robber had decided to attack me... and till today I do not know how I would have reacted if I was attacked....and thank God everyday for sparing me....

I have always felt strongly about rape and rape victims... many times helpless in the wake of what I consider is a societal attitude... movies depict rape as an "easy option".... an easy weapon to use against woman and her family.. its almost like she doesnt matter in the game of life.... and she can be swept aside by any man for any reason....

When will start viewing women as human beings????

New Year

2013 is finally here...now back in my youth I would have imagined 2013 to be so far ahead in the future that the images of the future as shown in the movie "Back to the Future" with flying cars and sky signal stops etc... well no country in the world is close to that kind of a lifestyle... India is far far behind ....

how was 2012?

well year end introspection is always good .... 2012 was very frankly a mixed bag.... a lot of ups and downs... and at the end of it, all incidents seemed to have shaped me in some way or the other... I was as always my over imaginative self... imagining the worst even in cases where there was really no need... with all my friends lamenting that I am an otherwise normal person.... except for my over imagination.... well that being said, 2012 was challenging in its own way.... and nice and pleasant in other ways... 2012 surprised me ... I was mature when I least expected me to be... I realised how far I had come as a person when I put my head down and realised that i had moved on in many ways...

2013.... how would I like it to be? my simple answer.... just surprise me...

so finally I am off for my annual vacation.... so looking forward to it.....where??? well you can see from the pics when I come back.....

Happy New Year people.... Mayans said that the world will end... I say the world as we know it will end today... and a new world is going to start....

Modi wins in Gujarat - so he can now become PM of India now? So since when did Gujarat decide who MY PM should be???? crazy world... I hope to God that Modi does not become the PM of this country....its simply because, despite his capabilities etc, I still see him as the man who decided to let evil take control.... and that is just unacceptable to me.... does he show remorse?? nope, which makes it worse...

In other news, life has been hectic lately for me... it has been mainly a lot of social functions and catching up.... all  good... and throughly enjoying myself with my new found social butterfly status... truth be told I am actually a very private person... I keep to myself many days and dont want to mingle... my idea of a perfect evening is to have friends over and watch some movie or the other.... and just chat... I am not too much of a clubbing person so I cringe everytime someone asks me to come to a club... but now I have overcome that as well... I now go once in a while... and realised that with friends even a club can be fun....

I recently met one of old classmates... now meeting old classmates is always a tricky business.... now most remember you from law school... with all your problems and crazy phase... and not many are willing to see a new you... and try to pull you back into the old mould .... and that is exactly what happened with this classmate..... it was in short very unpleasant... I felt like i was sitting through an inquisition.... justifying my life and choices.... net net I didnt see much value in keeping in touch....

does that happen with everybody??? your past remains in the past?

Crutch

There is something nice about being a crutch to someone in your life... I have been a crutch to many people in my life... helping them through their life challenges, be it a relationship breakup, family disputes, general disputes...  In my books, if these people were going through a tough time it was upto me to see them through that crisis... and I think I did.... I saw it as my responsibility to help them... and I felt nice about helping them as well... there have been many people in my life for whom I have been the crutch....

however I have noticed one trend.... the people I have been there the most as a crutch have invariably let me down... let me down terribly in fact... while I would not call it keeping a count, these are the people I expected a lot from .... simply cos I was there for them... and as weak as I am I expected them to stick by me when I needed them... be it taking a stand on an issue, giving me respect or even standing up for me in front of others.... almost without fail, these same people have let me down without any qualms.... it is almost like, they know they cant get me to be a bad person and hence they can be selfish (and probably declare it so) and declare it openly to me... "yes, I was selfish.. I am sorry for that"... as if it is somehow supposed to make me feel better that they are being honest with me... or simply to state that I like you a lot but I cannot go the distance with you as far this issue is concerned... you are on your own and I am on your own.. btw thanks for all the support you gave me when I was down and out... but sorry I cannot do the same for you.. you got yourself in this situation and you should know how to handle it...

everytime it has happened I have looked at myself as a failure.... for having trusted these people to stand up for me... for once, think about me and take a stand (even if inconvenient)... for once, show me that they can go the distance for me....

Contrast this with other people.... for whom I have never been  there as much I have been for these people... and they have taken care of me as if I belong to them.... selflessly.....

so is it me or just these people? should I just stop caring about people? or doing things for people? and especially should I just be selfish?

I wonder whether these people how I did turn my life around to help them and be with them...

 

So the Govt wins the vote in the Rajya Sabha as well....  I am hearing the BJP crying foul over this vote ... .they say that the Congress manipulated the entire voting process....

now tell me... what is the govt to do? if being in the Govt they cant take important decisions, then how will the country ever progress... so my question is, if to get some good, the government indulges in some horse trading - is that bad?

kudos to the floor managers of Congress... they pulled it off..

Ahh... so many things happening... so many things to do.... and I cant seem to stop myself from taking on everything as it comes along...

this morning my personal trainer paid me the best compliment that I could have ever asked for.... he asked me whether I ran in the marathon.... and this as i was lying down on the ground gasping for breath after he had made me do a mini running session... I raised my weak head to ask him "no, why?"... my trainer replied "you should run the marathon. You have very good style of running"... wwoowwwww... coming from a trainer that is a sure compliment... and if I may say so at this age... .I was elated and ecstatic.... I was back in the game people... after piling on the pounds over the last one year I have now reached a stage where the trainer thinks I can indeed run the marathon... well done Alice....

so in my new found enthusiasm I decided to reconnect with all the activities I had stopped.... and decided to give my shooting one more chance.... for the ignorant, I had completed a course on rifle shooting in the year 2010... and really enjoyed it ... I do believe if I concentrate I can actually be a good shooter... the problem is that I dont concentrate.... I start thinking about many things and get distracted...

so 2013, you have a lot of exciting things to look forward to from me....

So Sri Ravi Shankar makes a statement today that India has become land of scams and slums....

Seriously??? now when did he think India was better off in the past??? does he really think we have more slums and scams now??? and what does he request we do ? stop everything this country is doing? so that we can get back to his concept of what India is like...

People who are not in charge of changing India should not give opinions without the necessary research..... its so easy to be an armchair politician... you have no liability and no accountability....

Do you remember your first date?

I never thought of this question until very recently when I was asked about my first date ever.... clearly I did not consider it to be a milestone in my life otherwise I would have remembered it.... but since I was asked this question ....

now let me think back... my first ever date would have to be in the first month of law school... with a senior of mine... he was one of the few people who ragged me... and then finally we ended up going out for some movie and dinner date... although if I recollect it was never styled or positioned as a date... we were just going out..... I do remember having a good time at the date..... while the date didnt go anywhere and the senior and me did not end up anywhere meaningful, i remember feeling like it was the beginning of a new life for me... I was all of 17/18 and for me to break the code of not mixing with the boys was a great high...

and my new life did infact begin....

The world is going through such a change that sometimes I feel this generation (i.e. mine) is the transition team... the team that oversees the entire process of change... and who hand holds the entire young and old generation through this transition process... I see so many new challenges and hurdles in the path of my generation... some of these challenges that our forefathers did not have to face.... there are so many questions...so many options... so many decisions to make...

Being in the transition team is slightly daunting... so what are you supposed to do after the transition is done? and you wonder who will benefit from the transition? the new generation? What is in it for you? will you enjoy the benefits of your efforts? Or will it be like our freedom fighters who died and gave us our freedom to enjoy? will people hold placards in our memory cos of the sterling role that we played in getting our country where it is....

Somehow I doubt it...

Voohoooo! 700th post!! I will open champagne when I reach 1000....

why do I write this blog? Mainly cos I think so much and I need to vent out somewhere... also I really really like to write... its sometimes therapeutic....

there are so many things I like to write about but dont... somewhere the invasion of privacy becomes an issue....

I am amazed at how much I am learning about myself.... and not all good.... recently one more incident could have snow balled into a standoff/cutting off if I had not stopped, analysed and taken the calmer approach.... I halted my thot process, took time to talk to my friend and realised that there was nothing much to the issue....

The earlier me would have jumped and cut the person off... not the new me... as much as people didnt cut me off when I behaved badly I should not either...

And the old adage "never say never" truly applies in life.... one has to be open to all kinds of possibilities to live life....

 

Finally Kasab dead!! its almost like a Osama bin laden moment for us Indians! I think the government did good in finishing off this business... kudos to the government for taking such a bold step...

Killing Kasab off was in some ways an end to all the years of feeling under attack... now we have shown the world that we take bold decisions as well... and that in our country even a terrorist gets a fair trial... to think, we actually had a lawyer create a story for Kasab saying he was mistaken for someone else and he had come to India only to become an actor! nobody can claim that we did not follow the due process of law.... I am so proud to be an Indian....

On the other hand, I do feel that we caught the small fish... he was probably a misguided youth from Pakistan... who must have been promised virgins and didnt actually understand what he was doing....I feel sorry for such youth... who get caught in this international conspiracy....

Anyways, all I can say is that I am feeling good today about this... feels like my day started off good...

This Diwali has been in more than one way been life altering... it was absolutely fantastic to relax and enjoy the festival... i was able to devote a lot of time to buy things for the house... lights, rugs etc.... I liked seeing my list being ticked off....

the death of Bal over this weekend was a dampner...not that I was much of a follower... it was depressing to not have any autos, shops open over the weekend... I made good of whatever came however... so I cycled everywhere... played badminton over the weekend.....and generally had a great time...

this was also a period of realisation .... I have this bad tendency to always judge in black and white... if you did this then this is what you mean and hence I will not have you in life... I cut off people quite regularly and dont even give them a chance.....now I didnt realise that this was infact hurting me more.... not keeping these people in my life was actually hurting me more than keeping them in my life.... ostensibly the reason I didnt want them in my life was to prevent them from hurting me again.... but what I realised is that life is never about black and white.... there are shades of grey.... and people dont necessarily mean to hurt you... they end up hurting you.... they probably never intended it... and even if they intended it for that time, if they come and apologise then that is also fine... its very difficult for me to understand this concept..... I never give second chances... and I dont necessarily wish to also... but in the process I have remained the hurt one..... I recently discussed with a friend on how much I missed that friend since we were not talking for more than a year... and the friend retorted saying "i tried to reach out to you in so many ways... you just shut the door on me"... and I was shocked to hear someone say that about me.... to think I was rejecting conciliatory overtures from a dear one was an eye opener for me... how dare I think I deserve their efforts? and how dare I not respect their efforts... they have afterall spent so many hours holding my hand and giving me support.... and if they made a mistake with me should I not hear them out at least.... and what if they genuinely screwed up...

there is a saying... just because someone does not love you the way you want them to does not mean that they dont love you with all they have... I never understood this.. now I do... each person comes with limitations...

new year, new beginning... new me.... letting go....

So some messages actually dont get delivered??? I never believed people when they said they did not receive the messages... till a friend pointed out that I had not responded to two messages sent at two different times!!!

so since i have been at the receiving end of the non-receipt of messages and people actually thinkin of it as a snub from me, I would like to apologise to all the people I have cut out from my life on account of such technology induced misunderstanding.... really really sorry...and I wish I had been more patient and understanding and given our relationship a chance....

so whats the lesson for me here? never assume.... always check... and ofcourse sometimes it is possibel that the person really wanted to snub you but at least you will know for sure that that is what is really going on....

I am surprised at how many young people are getting more and more concious of political situation in India... a few years back any discussion on politics would be dismissed as being boring.... and soon the talk would gravitate towards drinking, relationships, money etc... all very light topics ... and finally everybody would go to sleep completely drunk .....

Nowadays I am finding a new lot of people who are really interested in politics and things that are happening around them.... many people have views on the political parties and who they will vote for ... and they all have opinions... and I seem to have a lot of different views from the general view... I am a die hard congress supporter and I defend Manmohan Singh like no other..... I would rather go with a known devil rather than a known devil.... I hate BJP from the core of my heart... and anybody who supports them gets a blasting from me....

I see a lot changing in India.... people are becoming aware... and on account of Anna people are becoming less afraid of protesting... is this going to make India a better place?  in my view this is the turning point of Indian politics... now is the time change is slowly seeping in... politicians are realising that it is not easy to go through life as "business as usual" attitude... the powerful politicians cannot loot indefinitely now...

or perhaps Mulayam has the last word on it - "take but work hard also".... nice middle path in a country  that is the birth place of the "middle path" philosphy of Budhha.... 

so whats with people not responding to messages nowadays??

... it started with a girl friend of  mine a while back where all my messages would go unanswered... and on enquiry i was told "i never got any"... somehow I just dont believe that ..... and came away feeling that I had in some way intruded on her privacy or that I was just trying to keep in touch with someone who really didnt have a place in life for me.... Gradually I dropped all attempts to keep in touch.... needless to say the relationship has suffered on account of this and probably my friend and me are wiser for it .... 

Call it anything you want, in my book, an unresponded message is a definite snub... and one that I will take very seriously and not bother about that person later on... now I know sometimes it could be a myriad reasons why the person didnt respond (including not getting it)... but I go with what "my gut" tells me... is the person not responding because they genuinely dont want to or because they have not got the opportunity to... and in this analysis I go by past experience.......

Having said that I am myself guilty of such behaviour... sometimes in a busy day you really dont respond to all the messages you get... and you ignore the less important ones.... hmm... less important ones..... thats it...

Obama... now why do i feel elated.... perhaps it is because I see a good honest man triumph and I feel good... or the fact that he is a self made man that gives him the leverage in my eyes.....or the fact that he cries .... or that he loves his family...

i have always found Obama to be inspiring... in his story, his presence, his speeches, his conduct...

some of the recent news events have convinced me that there is indeed a God... thank you for that Sir....even though I may crib now and then....

is it that difficult? does it have to be that monumental? is challenge common in all tasks?

A trip to the Chor Bazaar

So many things to write about... Life has been crazily busy for me.... so much so that I have been sleeping everyday at 4 in the morning... sometimes even dozing off without knowing ..... and then waking up with a start at 6:30 a.m.... and there was no time or place for gymn or any yoga... I was down and out...

so when people asked me how my new house is my prompt reply is "I am sure the rat that sneaks in my house is really enjoying it"... you see a rat has found its way on the 10th floor and merrily searches for food... it must be wondering what kind of people actually stay here since there is absolutely nothing in the rooms... maybe I should start naming the rat.... after all it has established rights of adverse ownership in rat years at least....

It was also a weekend of mixing around... I had to be the hostess to a group of lawyers from Asia... from explaining Indian food to showing them places around Mumbai I was caught up... after two days of replying to questions I think both parties were fed up of each others accents...

I am waiting for Diwali holidays now...

Life is really not fair sometimes.... or is the unfairness all leading to fairness???

Sometimes in this crazy world its so important to remind yourself of what you are really... in this dog eat dog world you loose perspective of what you are and where you have reached.... so there would be tons of people who are already ready to pounce on you for every little thing... and for a while you may take it... and be polite... till such time that you draw the line and ask people not to cross the line...

And it is so important to let people know your position... otherwise it is always presumed for you ... which is unfortunate......

All that jazz

I watched English Vinglish yesterday... and I have to say that the movie absolutely worth the 350 bucks I paid... what a fantastically simple concept yet so touching... as some of you snooty people may not know its about a woman who does not know how to speak English...

Growing up I had similar experiences with my mom... my mom was brought up in a traditional way by doctor parents who felt the best thing they could do for their daughter was to get her married off.... My mom thus never got the opportunity to study to her hearts content and her life long grouse has been the denied opportunity to study... I was the inadvertent beneficiary of this - I was allowed to study as much as I wanted and what I wanted.... much to the dismay of relatives who dont hestitate to point out their folly in having educated me so much.....

Seeing the movie brought back many instances of embarassment that my mother would have faced in her life on account of her education.... there were other doctor wives who were far more educated than her.. and I can just imagine what it would have been like for her to attend parties with people from various places in India and interact with the guests.... ofcourse the fact that we grew up in the Gulf was helpful since not many people there knew English....the problem would have been only with Indians... who sometimes pride themselves in knowing in English and not knowing their mother tongue.... I do remember my mother's attempts to match steps with other wives in English speaking and having embarassing moments.... I also recollect her abject insecurity if her kids mentioned anything about her not knowing English.... her insecurity was so acute that I remember volunteering to teach her English ..... how presumptuos of me!

Inspite of that I dont ever remember feeling my mother is less educated ... or that my mom is not as cool as other moms.... I just felt she was what she was to me... my mom... craziness and all that included....

Sometimes I think my mother feels vindicated cos of her children having been educated.... and secretly admires us... as if to tell the world - see my children, if I produced them, I cant be that bad.... the pain of having no education and being thrust into the modern world is a pain that one can never fathom unless one has walked that extra mile in that persons shoes...

I sure hope I have made my mom proud....

I am convinced that in my next birth I will come back as an Ant... I simply knock them off or throw water on them whenever I see them...

I am slowly settling into my new house... already neighbours are rearing their silly heads ... irritating... I am not much of a peoples person when it comes to this.... I am slowly building up my furniture ..... I got a new chest of drawers which I have always lusted after.... and a centre table which looks antiquy enough for me to feel nice.... I am sure it was made in the backlanes of Ghatkopar and sold in chor bazaar... but what I dont know cannot kill me....

 

I see the Amercian election process and I am amazed at how professional it seems..... I mean the whole thing does not reek of any sleaze or grime... everybody is well dressed including the participants who are just listening... the candidates all speak perfect english (the yardstick for sophistication I suppose), their wives speak even better than them, the children are well dressed and appear by the side of the candidate... and whether photoshopped or not the entire family looks good.... and the speeches are rabble rousing.... bright words, stinging lines and catch phrases, and all about loving one's country.....

Now move to the Indian scene.... while the top leaders are all well dressed there is a sense of chaos.... frankly I cannot relate to the Indian political campaigns.... for one there seems to be no structure... they are too many people areound.... and all of them somehow look like thugs... there is no inspiring speech given by any leader of repute.... people are just left wondering what happened in each election campaign...... and who to vote for... there is no insprising speech or any inspiring leadership.... I am left fumbling about what each candidate stands for....

 

ok... am I really way off mark or just missing the point.... but it has become an election issue that Obama signed the equal pay for equal work in the year 2011?? I mean this is a law that assures women are paid the same for the same work.... and now that is touted as an achievement of the Obama government (and it should be)....

My first reaction is... I mean this is United States of America... supposed to be the leader in terms of freedom and liberty... and they are signing the equal pay for equal work only now?????? I mean India has had that law for more than 30 years... ofcourse implementation might be really bad in India... but at least on paper we have had that law... if a woman were to seek a remedy she would have statute to back her up....

In many ways when I was living in America, i saw many things which are backward.... for instance the bible belt is not as open as we would be made to believe... they are opposed to gay rights, womens reproductive rights, women's rights perse and ofcourse racism....

I got perplexed by this dichotomy....

finally I have my own landline!!! whew... an MTNL line.... for long I have desired to have my own landline number... but with my constant moving around from houses to houses and from cities to cities i never managed to get a landline in my name.... and I am super excited about it..... so excited that someone commented that I am behaving as if I am in the 80s when getting a phone connection was a rare occurence..... welll for me it is a rare occurence... getting a phone line signifies that now I have a bill which is in my name... not in the name of the landlord....

I really feel bad for the BJP.... they have seriously dented whatever hope one had to an alternative to the Congres.... which I think is necessary in a democracy... from a party that was 1998 "shining" bright in 1990s to a party that is fighting the twilight decending on it, BJP cuts a sorry figure...

the latest exercise of stalling Parliament is the latest in their shenanigans to get attention.... I find it really sad that with such bright people in their midst, they have chosen such a destructive stand.... what is the purpose of asking for resignation of the PM and then allowing a debate? It seems like they have asked for something stupid and now cant back off....its very very telling..... of their lack of strategy....

In all this I really have some sympathy for Manmohan Singh.. say what you will, I believe in the guy... and believe that he is one person who has transformed India for you and me....  to say that we could have done without manmohan Singh is like saying that we could have done teh freedom struggle without Gandhi....

The simple fact is that I have moved into my house with nothing more than the bare essentials... by that I mean bed, cupboard, kitchen stuff... I didnt have the mind space to design and set up my house even though I always dreamt of doing that all my life.... now I am confused.... everywhere I see the modern version of houses... you know with the chic sofas, machine cut shelves, beds that are "ohh so hotel" like... and I honestly get a bit turned off by that ... I mean it would be wonderful to stay in such a home for about 3 days... and after that you probably will get confused over when to check out.... in my mind a home is meant to be with flaws... yes the furniture will all not match,, the curtains will not be spectacular... and most importantly it will have all the scars from a well lived house..... I have no idea why I feel that way.... but my home back in Kerala is exactly that way... it is very flawed.. and I like perhaps feeling that everything in life is not washed with dettol.... I dont know whether I am making myself clear....

so when I see people converting their homes into some sort of assembly line production I find it unappealing... I want to have a home... where mistakes are bound to happen... and life will revolve around it ...

ok with all this rambling one would think that there is some prospect of me getting down to decorating my house... the fact is I am not even close to doing anything....

The next frontier in technology development is not Iphone 5 or 6... it is a cupboard that can clean itself, fold the clothes and also hangs up the relevant clothes on the hangers.....

We need a new Steve Jobs...

Ahh... finally I have moved bag and baggage into my new home.... not really a home as yet but slowly building it up my way... as of now it has the basic necessitities... for now I am stretched out .... juggling work and shifting is just not easy...

Having your own home perhaps make it more special than any other move i have made... its finally your own place... your own creation... and nobody has the right to evict you from teh house (barring the bank) and you dont have to worry too much about shifting from this place after another 2 years.... its permanent... and this is where you would be building your home from now on....

do I feel relaxed? NOT at all... I still have so many things to do ... so many things to buy... so many things to get started.... and no time to do it... my mom tells me I need to take a few days off from work to do all this... and I keep telling her - i just dont have that luxury at all at the moment... if it was a different time and different circumstance I would have been able to take off... but not now ... not right now....

I am exhausted and tired... I desperately need R&R... and yet I dont get the time or space to do it...... Running from one place to another, from one engagement to another, one challenge to another..... I sure hope I can rest peacefully at the end of all this......

What a shameful end to a movement that held a lot of promise... the world watched as a Gandhian straddled the nation cutting across religion, caste and politics on one common yet simple platform of anti-corruption drive.... if there was any lingering doubt of a united India it ended with the show of support that came in for this self sacrificing obviously patriotic man from across India... Kashmir to Kanykumari everybody supported him... everybody went crazy about "Anna" and proudly sported "I am Anna" caps... not a mean feet... just when we thought there was no end to the scams that this country could produce we got a hero in the nick of time....

I myself supported the old man... and thanked God that I was an Indian... that we had consistently challenged authority in a peaceful manner... I was also an ardent supporter of the Government... I didnt believe that politicians were all bad... I trusted democracy... and to the extent the Government relented in having a 10 member panel to discuss the lokpal bill I was satisfied... the Government had been brought down to its knees and that was enough for me... I didnt want anything else... not to topple it not to bring another party in power... just getting the government to respond...

then I saw the movement trip over its own importance... they overstayed their welcome.. .people were happy to achieve a compromise... and then go back home to their lives... nobody wanted a displacement of Government... Team Anna forgot their own humble origins.. and presumed knowledge for you and me... and declared famously on TV that Anna is above Parliament... Oh come on... and combined with the constant "we are just friends" dialogue when it came to BJP when it was obvious that they were sleeping with each other (at least the parent RSS was)... Neutrality was thrown out of the window.... and you had a movement that was slowly inching towards "annhilate COngress" mode... I stepped back... I didnt want a BJP Government... I wanted this Government -only better ..... and then the final nail on the coffin was the campaign against the Congress in the various states.... shamelessly BJP tried to gain mileage out of it and gave away the elections to the smaller parties...

and now the announcement that they would join politics and form a party ..... With Kejriwal demanding that we should topple the Government.... If there was any doubt about how immature this movment was this was it... no sagacity... no compromise... no understanding... far from the mentor Gandhi they used to keep invoking before every fast.....

I am happy for the circus to end..... happy also that they have a political outlet... I fear people like Kejriwal who believe they know best.... it will be a case of Mamta Didi in Bengal - where any opposition to her is branded as communist agenda... Kejriwal will be like one of those people who will shout "you Congress" everytime anybody questions him.....

Ramadan

Ramadan was always a significant festival growing up - in Oman we had the whole society become different when the ramadan descended on us... we could not eat outside, my father had no water to drink in the hospital, we were always careful not to appear to enjoy lives.... and our schools also closed before time....in India I did not have any such exposure to this festival - not to a significant extent at least...

so it was after a long time that I ventured out to discover this muslim festival (not sure whther it is infact a festival).... and came away delighted... Mohammed Ali Road was always a far away destination which I had always heard of as bustling with activity during ramadan... I always wanted to go but didnt have the guts to... or the company.. nobody wanted to venture out to that part of the world... would it be safe? will there be women? will I be molested? I went with all these apprehensions ... and came away feeling gleeful at having discovered a little more about my city... that it is one of the most vibrant cities in the world... I mean this is the city where a christian woman could walk down the street at 12 in the night taking photos!!! and people were only too happy to oblige... with many of them asking me why I was not eating properly!!

my walk down Moh Ali Road can be summed up in 4 words - food, food, food, food.... it was all about eating ... ... the colourful jalebis, kababs, bread, soup, briyani.... I walked down feeling odd that I was not munching something... and women were combing the area like no other .... they were shopping for sandals whils straddling their 2 years old on their hips... and walking merrily around with no apparent fear.... I also got a glimse of bollywood when Imran Khan came to break his fast... there was a small chaos... and i managed to capture his face...

This is what I love about Mumbai.. even in the muck and dirt there is some magic....

Ban Ganga

A big milestone in my life is approaching next month.... and after years and years of dreaming what it would be like to finally complete the milestone, finally when it is at my doorstep I am most ill prepared... and i really wish I could do all the things I had planned to do for that milestone... share it with so many people...

alas... not to be .... as my life has been the past few months - everything will be in a rush and I will not even get the time to breathe and take it all in....

Have you ever seen a wall of your house collapse? What do you go through when you see that wall which was till now a major part of your house is no longer standing?

Immediately you feel a sense of fear, you dream of the various unwanted elements that can come into your house since there is no wall anymore... and wonder whether you will ever be safe again... and then you weep for having taken that wall for granted... and you attempt to immediately reconstruct the wall... but it will take time... and it is not easy....

and you learn to live with the fear till such time that the wall in built....

So Yahoo is set to have a woman CEO after many trials and errors over the last 2 years... now the obvious fact that it is a woman heading a global organisation is itself startling.... and to boot the fact that she is a mother of 5 already with a 6th on the way is a huge thumps up everywhere for women all around the world.... constantly women I know have had to choose either one of the options- career or children... and most often (and very rightly in their view) so the option is to have children and forgo on their career... most women are happy to do it but somewhere I am sure there is a feeling of having missed the boat.. or a sinking feeling of whether you will ever be relevant to anyone outside of your family.... while on balance many women are content, given the off beat chance that all women are not made same there may be instances when a woman must be looking longingly at her degree.... close on the heels of this annoucement was a study which proved that women are actually becoming than men

so can a woman have it all? in my view she can... if her husband is supportive... and the family helps out as much as they would help out a man...then a woman can have it all...  and I dont think this should by any chance be considered as a beacon call for all women to have a career and children... its ultimately her decision to make...

everytime i feel a dip, a click gets me back.... yes, I take photos to uplift my moods... it must be something to do with creativity.... mumbai in the rains is very tough to capture with a camera... I tried anyways...

It was like any other day.... I woke up in the morning to go for my morning walk, carrying with me the windcheater to protect me against sudden burst of rain.... in the monsoon that is essential you see.... as is my practice I walked through St. Andrews church... to quickly talk to God and ask him how is doing before walking on towards Bandstand.... did a quick prayer after carefully removing my headphones (you dont want to be disrespectful to God) and quickly put it back on after I had done my short and sweet conversation with God (mostly onesided).... I take a turn and lo and behold the most unexpected thing happens to me.... I see 2 women crouching on the floor... I go closer to see what happened and see a most unexpected sight.... a little baby wrapped up head to toe with a milk bottle right next to her lying on the floor in the drizzle.... an abandoned baby ... and instinctively I know that it is a girl... a beautiful, sweet, small baby... not more than 15 days old I would think... at first I thot the women had dropped the baby down.... but the baby was not crying....the frantic search for something by the women made me think that this is an unusual situation..... Last thing I saw the women had bundled up the baby and taken it inside to the church... and feeding her with the milk bottle that was left beside her by the unidentified person who abandoned her.... Sometimes God gives to those who dont want it .... and doesnt give to those who want it badly.... in my next conversation with God I will discuss the importance of system correction with him... to give the have nots before the haves... overhaul is highly recommended in the distribution of blessings.....

Today somebody remarked that they need some softness in their life... .and I immediately thought of Baby George ......

What are the essential ingredients that you should have in life? I dont know the answer and I doubt there is an answer that is right.... but here is my list... a. A good hobby: this is your alternate profession if the main profession really gets to you b. A friend in need: You are lucky if you have this one so please grab it and hold on to it... a friend you can call and scream, cry, shout with ... and next day behave as if life is just normal... you are even luckier if that person is your spouse c. a mentor: a person you look up to... and feel great when you get that pat on the back... and one you are afraid to let down in any situation.... that mentor keeps you in check... d. children: I think they are a critical ingredient - I was never one to crave for kids but I think my nephews made me see the fun side of life.... my sister thinks I have only seen the fun things and hence I love children now... probably true... but you dont necessarily have to have your own kids... you can love kids anyways.. e. a plan for your 60s: whether you will be learning karate, yoga, scuba diving is your choice... mine is to fine an isolated villa and lock myself in. f. a dream that is an aspiration: a dream that is so difficult to achieve that you constantly strive to achieve that... a dream that will make you stronger because it doesnt kill you...

I see it going away.. and I am scared to let it go... but I know it is in my best interest.... so why am I scared to let it go ? and if my mind knows that it is in my best interest, why is my heart not listening.... damn this complicated life....

Home.... finally..... so much to do still.... God, I know you will send help..... actually if you send some cash my way also i will be happy :)

The job of the Prime Minister of India is extremely hard... given that I wonder why anyone goes through the trouble of being one... and risk being assasinated at that .... I know it is too simplistic an analysis

So many thots that occupy my mind in the course of the week and I never get down to penning it... so what have I been thinking about? the monsoons for one thing... there is something so gorgeous about Mumbai during the rains... ofcourse I understand that it is easy for me to say that it is the beautiful season in Mumbai when I dont take the trains... but i have some experience in that department but nevertheless I think monsoons are the best part of Mumbai..... after the heat the whole city gets enveloped in a blanket of cold rain... it calms me down immediately... I feel peaceful... as if the rains are cleaning all the ikky things of mumbai.... ofcourse that is far from the truth... yday in my enthusiasm to enjoy the rains I started walking in bandra.... only to immediately jump into the refuge of an auto when I realised that every car passing by was splashing mud on me... note to the world: Mumbai is not europe where walking is a pleasure...here people actually are a hindrance to the roads....... My friends and I were having a debate.. .about why is it that India is so different.. there is a pall of negativity that surrounds you as soon as you get off that international airport in Bandra... not to mention the stench of dettol swept floors.... I have had a few unpleasant incidents greet me at airports - mostly to do with taxi drivers.... all of them are foul mouthed and create a fuss everytime there is a slight change in plans...you get abused and threatended... and you end up feeling intimidated in your city/home... you hate that feeling.... we all concluded that one of the reasons why Mumbai/India is like this is that there are limited resources... everyone is fighting for the same pie...everyone is trying to outdo the other... and everyone things that life is about that coveted position (I am not denying that it is a very lofty ambition)... but to have your life entirely designed around that ambition is what is so screwed up about India... we forget that life is also more meaningful when you have other things in life .... I also thot about my generation of professionals... somehow this generation really lost the plot... we stopped being simple and started becoming very much a clone of the other... so everytime I go into meetings I see women dressed in crisp neat suits resembling a female lawyer from law and order (ofcourse even the sales woman at Shoppers Stop looks like that but that is another matter)... and there are some cliches which just bug me... everybody will have a ferrogamo tie, a mont blanc pen or accessory, a black berry, an Ipad now and ofcourse the fancy accent... we are all such suckers for such accented english.... we forget that we are in parel India and think we are in manhattan ... when did it become more about the show than about the profession... that is why I respect some of my seniors in the profession who are so brilliant but do not have the need for any paraphernalia to add to their resume.... am i that simple? heck no... but who says I cant complain?

I am not really great at forgiving... it is a flaw... I take a lot of time to realise that I dont want to put up with a situation and then when least expected I snap and move on.... but I never forget... or forgive... I just cut them off... and while I have always felt that cutting off is much better than pretending to be nice to each other I also realise that better than cutting off someone it is best to forgive that someone.... otherwise you end up holding grudges for years (without realising it) and stewing in your soup... Ahh I feel so lighter ......