Friday, February 23, 2018

Crazyyyyyyyyyyy

Thats how I can describe this feeling...crazzzzyyyyy... this is the time when everything becomes tainted for me... I am angry even if something small is out of place... I feel the world and its grandmother is laughing at me and that makes me want to lash out at them... Its just unfair is what I keep saying.... why cant I get my dues! a long slippery slope to self pity with no party at the end....

this lasts for about 4 days... where everyone in your path is blown up...am not sure whether this was always the case... when I was younger I don't remember noticing all these persecution complex thoughts...I do recollect feeling a little angrier...a little fatter... but I somehow in my cloud existence didn't relate these feelings to the underlying reason....

the brunt of the anger is felt by the people working with me... its my maids or my juniors... sometimes it gets so bad that many just burst into tears... the near and dear ones get caught in this crosswire... and the people special to you cower down wondering where they went wrong... pain, grouchiness, touchiness, depressed... its like a cloud hangs over you those few days... nothing seems right.. .you even wonder what happened to the people who did you wrong and how to now decimate them... this is the most unfortunate part of the experience.. the memories come flooding back of the times that people hurt you and most often the times that you could not stand up to those people... ex-friends, teachers, boyfriends...and you just want to go back in time to do that ...

and then like sunshine after rain, the cloud lifts after the period starts and you are back to normal again...world is so amazing.. you are at your productive best and creatively you just kill it.. you are full of energy and raring to go... I love myself during that period... and wish that would continue...

but the 28 day cycle starts again... and you are back to doom and gloom for those 7 days.... I am amazed that the extent of the problem has not been debated till now... women go through mental imbalance during this period...its akin to depression... albeit limited...but it is still as sad and lonely for the women... and then there is the men folk who probably don't understand the abyss women are staring into.. and are even more determined to make their day worse....why is there no study on this issue more... PMS should be a medical condition and treated as such.. why cant there be a tablet that makes women feel upbeat when they are down and out during these 4 days...

 

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