So I have a love relationship with food. I enjoy food, I love trying new things, I love my little visits to restaurants... particularly with my friends...so its all a part of my lifestyle now...
the side effect of that is that I am now a whopping 81 kgs! Now the dream that I had that I would be a sexy 40 year old slowly vanished away into thin air... till the inevitable happened one day... I was embarrassed to get out of my house looking the way I did...... my skirt would not hold up and constantly I was afraid that I was looking like an ogre... and that tipped the scales for me...something snapped inside me... I immediately got onto a diet programme, paid money, invested in exercise clothes etc... the whole works.... lets call it the WAH TAJ moment!
now I have experience going on a diet like this... about 8-9 years back I went on a very strict diet... and a very healthy one at that ... and lost 17 kgs in a year...can you imagine!!! all I would do was to go to office, eat my diet food (which was a lot btw but the right kind of lot) and then exercise... somedays I would exercise morn and evening... and I loved it!! I was fitter, more confident and more importantly I saw myself differently.. finally I had become the size that I always dreamt of in life... and I could wear what I wanted.. I could tuck in my shirts, wear lovely sarees, wear dresses etc... and nobody would have a wrong word to say... I was complimented by everyone I met... and those who didn't I knew were complimenting me inside their heads.. .in short I felt I had arrived in the being the best that you can be...
then over a period of time I lost the time.. I went away for 6 months... I made new friends.. had to eat out a lot.. while travelling I could not exercise at all.... and then I started seeing how friends started behaving with me... everywhere I went they would peer into my plate to see what I was eating... and commenting on the same...oh you eat only so much? and then they would stuff oily food and sweet things on my face and say "eat!"...as if they are putin and I am one of the Russian prisoners... and if I refuse they would make an unpleasant eye roll or worse, ask me to justify it... this used to happen more frequently my old buddies... who have seen me in my eating full days... they probably could not fathom how I have become this control monster.....not controlling them but controlling myself.... and then they would all comment about how I have become a joke cos of my dieting... and that I am no fun to be with now since I don't eat... and when I ask so "am I all about eating"..they would be like no, but eating was a large part of it"....while you might say that I could have just ignored all of this.. at some level you feel compelled to loosen up... these are your friends.. and their ffeedback to you really matters... and if they say that you want to make sure that you don't appear too stiffy... so next time you indulge them and have a cup cake along with them... and you remember the good times you had... I remember at one point, I had ice cream after 3 years! and I could not even recognize what it was cos I had not had that for such a long time... and over a period of the next8 years I put on the 17 kgs I lost...
that is until the Wah Taj moment..... now I am back on a very strict and regimented diet..... and I do have a lot more social engagements than before... one is, I honestly love going out.. and I also invest more time in socializing now... and I love it... but what I discovered was that dieting and socializing is a potent mix... you cant mix both.... so last night I had a small altercation where a friend ordered prawns, pork etc.. and was surprised when I didn't eat it...and commented "now all this will go waste!"... and I blew up... I was like I am not a trash can that you stuff food into.. you order if you want to but dont expect me to finish off the plate for you... and then we finally agreed not to order like before...
but that brought to the fore how uncooperative society is... its almost like everybody wants you to fail.... they derive some pleasure in making sure you fail for that one second when you take that bite out of ice cream or out of the pastry.... and then they go back to their lives knowing nobody has done better than them.... mind you these are the people who will immediately point out the tyres in your stomach when you are fat.. and also gleefully admit... ah there is someone who is worse than me..
so this is me giving notice to all in my life... I need to get on with the programme of losing weight... 15 kgs in total..a little support will go a long way... I want you in my life... but not with food accompanying you all the time... so please desist from making our relationship about food.... if it is then you need a new friend....I need to take care of myself and feel good about myself.. and you need to know how important it is for me to do this... so please be considerate ...
the side effect of that is that I am now a whopping 81 kgs! Now the dream that I had that I would be a sexy 40 year old slowly vanished away into thin air... till the inevitable happened one day... I was embarrassed to get out of my house looking the way I did...... my skirt would not hold up and constantly I was afraid that I was looking like an ogre... and that tipped the scales for me...something snapped inside me... I immediately got onto a diet programme, paid money, invested in exercise clothes etc... the whole works.... lets call it the WAH TAJ moment!
now I have experience going on a diet like this... about 8-9 years back I went on a very strict diet... and a very healthy one at that ... and lost 17 kgs in a year...can you imagine!!! all I would do was to go to office, eat my diet food (which was a lot btw but the right kind of lot) and then exercise... somedays I would exercise morn and evening... and I loved it!! I was fitter, more confident and more importantly I saw myself differently.. finally I had become the size that I always dreamt of in life... and I could wear what I wanted.. I could tuck in my shirts, wear lovely sarees, wear dresses etc... and nobody would have a wrong word to say... I was complimented by everyone I met... and those who didn't I knew were complimenting me inside their heads.. .in short I felt I had arrived in the being the best that you can be...
then over a period of time I lost the time.. I went away for 6 months... I made new friends.. had to eat out a lot.. while travelling I could not exercise at all.... and then I started seeing how friends started behaving with me... everywhere I went they would peer into my plate to see what I was eating... and commenting on the same...oh you eat only so much? and then they would stuff oily food and sweet things on my face and say "eat!"...as if they are putin and I am one of the Russian prisoners... and if I refuse they would make an unpleasant eye roll or worse, ask me to justify it... this used to happen more frequently my old buddies... who have seen me in my eating full days... they probably could not fathom how I have become this control monster.....not controlling them but controlling myself.... and then they would all comment about how I have become a joke cos of my dieting... and that I am no fun to be with now since I don't eat... and when I ask so "am I all about eating"..they would be like no, but eating was a large part of it"....while you might say that I could have just ignored all of this.. at some level you feel compelled to loosen up... these are your friends.. and their ffeedback to you really matters... and if they say that you want to make sure that you don't appear too stiffy... so next time you indulge them and have a cup cake along with them... and you remember the good times you had... I remember at one point, I had ice cream after 3 years! and I could not even recognize what it was cos I had not had that for such a long time... and over a period of the next8 years I put on the 17 kgs I lost...
that is until the Wah Taj moment..... now I am back on a very strict and regimented diet..... and I do have a lot more social engagements than before... one is, I honestly love going out.. and I also invest more time in socializing now... and I love it... but what I discovered was that dieting and socializing is a potent mix... you cant mix both.... so last night I had a small altercation where a friend ordered prawns, pork etc.. and was surprised when I didn't eat it...and commented "now all this will go waste!"... and I blew up... I was like I am not a trash can that you stuff food into.. you order if you want to but dont expect me to finish off the plate for you... and then we finally agreed not to order like before...
but that brought to the fore how uncooperative society is... its almost like everybody wants you to fail.... they derive some pleasure in making sure you fail for that one second when you take that bite out of ice cream or out of the pastry.... and then they go back to their lives knowing nobody has done better than them.... mind you these are the people who will immediately point out the tyres in your stomach when you are fat.. and also gleefully admit... ah there is someone who is worse than me..
so this is me giving notice to all in my life... I need to get on with the programme of losing weight... 15 kgs in total..a little support will go a long way... I want you in my life... but not with food accompanying you all the time... so please desist from making our relationship about food.... if it is then you need a new friend....I need to take care of myself and feel good about myself.. and you need to know how important it is for me to do this... so please be considerate ...
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