Awesome!!.... the word is spreading...

The latest entrants to join the bandwagon of "I am awesome" gang (comprising of me and Christy and a few people on the fence at the moment) are my parents ....at first my dad was sceptical about the meaning of the word....and since he is such an english enthusiast he actually checked up 2 dictionaries to understand the actual meaning of the word...it apparently means "frightening" and also "excellent"....well no need to clarify which meaning I intended to use....it would be a rather funny sight if I go around (and also make Christy go around) proclaiming that I am frightening....well after all the investigation my parents have finally decided to join the awesome gang....so now in between all her exercise my mom keeps saying " I am awesome"... our gang is slowly swelling up.....Christy and me are going to celebrate ...all are invited....

the other awesome thing today was that I actually got to go to the river side...ofcourse under the responsible chaperone of my aunt.....and the scenery was made for a postcard...the setting sun was in its full glory ...its orange hues reflecting on the river....surrounded by green paddy fields with white birds pecking at the grazing cows....my aunt and I sat down quietly appreciating the view to undertake what I called the "yoga of the mind"....ofcourse our reverie was shortlived as someone promptly came and asked us who we were and where we are from.... I quitely gave up all hopes of continuing with my yoga uninterrupted .....

Well cant blame them also ....the only activity this town affords is a walk to the river side.....to chat up with strangers and hear about the world outside.....other than this the other activity is shopping........so you have the choice of picking up "egg puffs" (yummmy) from Annes Bakery, Best Bakery, New Best Bakery, New Better Best Bakery and so on and so forth....we are obviously not well known for our ingenuity in shop names....and then there are the gold shops!!!... my mom I think is a major patron of gold in this town...and her major disappointment is that her second daughter is not that keen on going shopping for gold....well I keep telling her that if they served me better drinks in these shops I would happily accompany her....by better drinks I mean a pinacolada or a caffe frappe....hahah...

Tomm I hope to wake up early and go to the church......

One more tea coming up...

Now ordinarily I am actually good hostess...but my speciality is to open up a tetra pack of Real Guava juice and serve it...and since most of my guests are the "new generation" I usually have appreciative glances....ofcourse that doesnot work in Kerala ..... unless you serve coffee or tea with special Anne's bakery marble cake people would consider it totally improper...so here I am mixing tea leaves to ensure that the guests who come to visit my mom dont leave the house feeling bad about not having been treated properly.....hmmm.....

Today mom was also feeling better...she was laughing more....and today I also got mom's side of the story...she actually feels happy that there are so many people visiting her....as all her children are away she feels very lonely...well I totally understand that....and I wish she would not feel so lonely ....but I also wish people would understand on their own and not talk too long to my mom....some are understanding...like today a lady asked my mother whether the doctor had told her not to talk too much etc..ofcourse she asked this after a marathon 2 hours session on the local gossip....but there are others who still call her on the phone and ask her for recipes!!!

winter is coming down to Kerala as well...and this morning it was really misty...I can only imagine how it must be down by the river....I say imagine cos that is all I can do at the moment...tomm I am going to try and sneak by and sit by the river on my own...my mom will anyways be too busy giving recipes on the phone.....

"You have a second daughter?"

My mom just underwent a angioplasty to remove 3 blocks from her heart...and I remember being stuck in a meeting the whole time in Mumbai...and finally I was able to get out of my work schedule and come down to be with mom....after all what is the point of working if you just cant make time for family....

and I am so glad I did....my mom was weak as expected ....and she was happy to see me...but she has not changed a little bit...she stills wants to get up and run around the house doing chores...the only leeway is that now she supervises....no amount of threats work on her .....she still has to get up and run...I used to always wonder why people think staying at home was easier....ofcourse you dont have a crabby boss (ofcourse diff if you have a crabby hubby/wife) but there is still so much to do ....and every vacation I would come home and expect to sit by my mom's side just reading or watching TV...but as soon as you are slowly receding into the laziness of your own home my mom would remember an unfinished business and run to do that....and she seems to be continuing that even now...which is not good at all for her condition.....

and ofcourse there are tons of people visiting her everyday...my mom is obviously popular....and most of them come to the house and ask who I am ...apparently they never knew that my mom had a second daughter...well obviously I was not climbing the popularity charts in Kottayam...and I just dont get this at all...they all come to visit a person who has just undergone a heart procedure and still insist on having coffee and talking to you about their sister's husband's cousin's son's friend's dog!!....I just could not believe people would just sit and talk for so long when they clearly know that my mom is supposed to relax.....but everytime I open my mouth it is shot down as being of the "new generation"...implying that I have no idea of what is good social behaviour.....well I dont know about good social behaviour I just know that I dont like seeing my mom getting tired from all that talking and sitting up....why do that to her people?? anybody supporting me on this?

other than that being in kottayam is both refreshing and stifling at the same time....it is nice to wake up without tension...and it is nice to see green out of the window and even when you walk outside....and it is nice to have family around to relax with ..... but there is always some lurking fear in me that I am crossing some kind of invisible boundary whenever i venture to do something...its almost like the plants in my neighbours house have eyes ....when you step out there is someone watching you and commenting on your latest pimple to the next door neighbour.....and there is always the liberty to question as much as you want about whatever you want......so I am always asked how I cope with a "lonely" house....welllll if only they come to Mumbai and see the size of our apartments they will realise that sometimes you need space from the house itself cos it is breathing down your neck......and I am always asked what I do for food...and the amazing thing is that when I tell them that I actually try to cook over weekends (and quite sucessfully I must add) they actually laugh about.....its almost like they were waiting to hear that joke from me....and they never let up till I actually change the story and tell them that I order from outside.....and once I do that, that gives them the perfect window to pounce on me yet again about how it must be so lonely to stay and eat all by myself...well obviously they have not watched "101 Juiciest hook ups" at 11 in the night with a plate of lucky briyani...it is divine.......

I miss the freedom that I have in mumbai the most when I am in Kerala...there is actually a beautiful river that flows near my house....and my mom gets paranoid everytime I tell her that I would like to go and sit there and have a solitary moment to myself...."what will people think?" is what she constantly asks me....I almost feel like blurting out "Ma the people who are watching probably dont think too much anyways"...but that is not the ideal answer to such a screwed up system....I patiently wait till I get company and then go over and sit there ...forget solitude...you would be happy if you get 5 mins without somebody's eyes glaring at you....Hmmm.....not surprisingly that when I come to Kerala I become a total recluse and refuse to say any words beyond "hello" ....and if that can be achieved with a nod then I just happily nod away....

dont get me wrong...I love many things about home....I love my family, i love the green, I love the food, I love the hassle free existence of small towns ....but most often than not I am dying to get back to the dirty city of Mumbai and breathe free...ironic isnt it? to just stroll out at 7 in the night and go to bandstand and have a cup of coffee....trust me....I appreciate my job, my life, my mumbai so much more when I see what it is like to constantly worry about someone else's opinion.....am I weird? well at least now you guys know where that comes from.....

My parents constantly warn me that I will slowly lose touch with my family after they are gone...I kinda see their point of view also...afterall when you have family you really have a sense of security..and as the famous sunscreen song said "the more you grow older the more you need people you grew up with"....now that is a puzzle that I have still not been able to solve....if anybody knows better please do enlighten me........

anyways seems like I get more philosophical also when I am in Kerala...must be the rice in Kerala....