What was I thinking? That the cast would come off and I would be cruising like normal?? I planned a trip to ncpa, movie, lunch etc ... All in the fond thot of walking on my own two feet...its a wonder why I didn't plan a marathon as well... Alas it was not meant to be... The moment the cast came off I put my foot down.... A shooting pain went up my leg.. I just could not understand my foot was reacting this way.... I was unable to put my foot down... I could not take more than one step... Actually I could not take any steps at all.... I grabbed my crutches and very tearfullly moved around.... It appears I have to take the support of the crutches for a few more days...

I accepted reality ... And in the calm of my house tried moving around... Slowly... Steadily... I have managed to take 2 steps.... I hope to do 4 tomm....

Today hopefully my cast is coming off. As I wait for the doctor to arrive (he is already 20 mins late) a range of emotions are going through me.... One ofcourse is the excitement at the impending freedom... Ah to be free again... To walk, run, jump go anywhere as I please... The freedom from dependency.... Not to rely on others to open dooors, hold me, seat me, get up for me.... It will definitely be a relief to not be the centre ofd all attraction as soon as you enter... Well I never thot I would dislike all the attention... But now I cringe before going for meetings .... Everybody sort of gets up .. I feel embarassed and nobody sits down till I am seated...rest of the meeting goes fine... And then the trouble starts when you have to leave the meeting.. Awkardly you get up and then u try and get on the crutches ... And the door has to opemn up the door for u...

I will also miss the kindness of strangers ... Simple gestures like opening the door for me... making way... Ensuring that I am not inconvenienced ... All very touching... I did see a child point to me and ask why my leg is such... And I saw from the corner of my eye the mother explaining that when there is a fracture... I didn't hear the restm... Maybe I am also increasing the knowledge of the next gen as well in the process.... I will also miss the lack of security checks... Wht a relief to be shown past all checks.... Ek langdi kya karegi ... Well.. Let's not go down that path... But easy access definitely rocks...

So here's looking to more freedom... What do I want to do first? Well I want to feel my feet... And take some pics of mumbai

what is it about old hindi songs that peps me up... I somehow think these songs make me come alive... somehow there is something so basic about these songs that I feel happy to listen to them....something so earthy... no show.. no drama... just simple good music....

give me old hindi songs anyday....

Just to remember.... for no one but me...

sometimes when I look at the latest fashion shows I cant help but notice that the models are sooooo thin and gaunt that they look like they have not eaten for days... which is probably true since it is commonly known that these models really dont touch food before any shows...

one of the pictures I recently saw had models posing in designer wear with gothic make up .... they all had no expression and had a blank stare in their eyes....

which made me wonder - is the designer selling these clothes to zombies? cos the unhappy faces would definitely not appeal to a normal healthy woman....

Some news about baby George.... Baby George apparently has been doing very well in his class... he is the only one in the family that actually asks his mother for lessons!! While his brother just sits and yawns and waits for night fall so that his mom will feel sleepy and relase him... obviously this shows in their marks... Baby George tops his class and Christy .. well lets just say he needs to work harder...

But Baby George is also smarting up now...he got a star for good performance in his class....and immediately rushed to his brother to ask him whether he had also got a star... according to my sister knowing fully well that his brother did not get a star like him... well not a very walm welcome was awaiting him... Christy chased him around for daring to ask about the star...

Last I heard Baby George is still hiding from his brother....

What do you do when misunderstandings creep in? When without realising you start hurting a person, all the time assuming that you were meaning well for the person?? How do you figure out when a person is getting hurt?

And once misunderstandings creep in can you make it all go away? Or would you always have a feeling of mistrust? and the relationship never goes back to what it was....

I always get scared by fights... I try and run away from it so much... as a result many dont know what bothers me and when I tell them, they are really concerned about how that escaped them...and sometimes things have gone so bad that the relationship takes a tumble... thats the thing with misunderstandings.... you just dont understand....

Are there any relationships without their fair shares of misunderstandings? in an effort to maintain the peace is it advisable to always bend over backwards? and pretend that there is nothing wrong? does that help a relationship? or break it eventually?

I have no answers...

Movie Adventure

Now every weekend I have to catch a movie... its a religion ..... so imagine my utter despair to have my leg in a cast... no movies for 3 weeks!!! nooo I could not suffer that... i decided that I would reclaim my life back - in crutches at least.... so off I went to the cinema...

As with everything in my life now I decided to plan in advance for my journey to the theatre... i started by spotting the trouble spots - ie. where the steps are... and tried to remember whether they did have escalators.... and slowly chartered a way to get to the theatre... I got dropped off at the mall... slowly inched towards the escalators.... good thing was that I was not given any security check... now the trouble was to get on to the escalator with the crutches....its moving so you run the risk of falling.... so you have to hand over the crutches to your friends.. and then hold the railings and jump on to the escalator... same thing while getting off.... once done you are on firm ground.. and then you make your way to the cinema hall.... now walking on crutches is a pretty tough exercise... the entire weight is taken by one leg... and it really aches when you walk around too much... so I rested a lot in between... and finally made it inside... now that is where I found teh maximum trouble... I just could not climb up the stairs to get to my seat... there was no support that I could hold on to jump up... i had to rely on people ... which I refused to... cos I really didnt want to make a habit of it....at one point I crawled up the stairs - which was veery embarassing... and then I jumped up to A seat.. not my seat... and much to my dismay had to request for a seat exchange since I could not get up there...

now I know why I dont see many handicapped people for movies... it is far too much of trouble when you can watch it in the comfort of your home... the good news is that the swelling in my leg has come down considerably and my leg feels lighter....

tomm i have another challenge... I have to go for a personal visa interview... and I am told that there are 5 steps to climb.. ohh woe is me...I hope there is someone to help...

all my moments are counted by steps now....

Reflections of a cast away

So finally after dodging it for so many years, I have finally got a cast in my leg... it all happened innocuosly enough.... a slight mishap which had major consequences.... I was out for my early morning jog... and I slipped on one of the many uneven pavement tiles .... and there I was rolling on the road with twisted angle.... doc suspects a small crack in my bone.... so net net I am now with crutches with my leg in a cast for 3 weeks! oh joy...

so I decided to utilise this period to understand what a handicapped person goes through in life... in a way chronicle my experiences... ofcourse I have to say that I am really really reallly blessed... I have help... I can afford doctors... I have friends who come and help... I have priveleges which many may not have for which I am eternally grateful.... but neverthless handicap is something that affects all in some way or the other... so like they say I decided to walk in the shoes of a handicapped person to really understand what they are going through....

First off...i feel odd limping around on my crutches... while people are gracious and always helping, I just feel like I am standing out in the crowd... and I attract attention... now I am never to shy away from attention... but somehow I feel like I am kinda of odd looking with crutches...

you are also suddenly concious that you are dependant on the mercy of many strangers... for instance I cannot get down on the steps that easily....I have wait...put my crutches on them and carefully come down.... now this becomes easier with some help around... and strangers are so helpful... the other thing is opening doorss.... with your hands busy, opening doors have to necessarily be at the mercy of strangers.... and I am one for never taking any undue favors and feel really bad taking it.... I dont even ask friends for favours and to suddenly depend on strangers is a new cup of tea for me... and I dont even drink tea!

simple things become a matter of planning for you.... like going to the ATM.... you have to calculate how many steps there are and how you will reach the ATM.... otherwise you ask your friends to withdraw money for you.... or the usual walk to the cafetaria is now a trek... with lots of stops.... and you feel bad because others are trailing behind you....

with one leg your daily life gets stopped... taking a bath is a process... wrap the plastic around your leg and then hop over... ahh... alll in all a tedious process....

with your leg in a cast, you feel blessed to be able to reach office... and be at office... otherwise your mind becomes a battlefield.... so while it is excruciatingly painfuly walk to the office I really like to be around people who entertain me... I just get relief.... but at the end of the day you realise that your leg is all swollen up because you have not put the leg in an elevated position... now that is even more odd... imagine sitting in office with one leg up... everyday I have been coming back from office with my leg feeling as heavy as iron rods with all the swelling....

its a good thing I come from a family of doctors.... I get regular consultation and medical advice.... which keeps me going...

now a walk in the dirty roads of mumbai will also be a blessing.... all in all I long for the day when I can walk on my own two feet.... and not have to balance out with anybody helping me.... its such a blow to your self confidence that you are immobilised....

Yday a friend called and said that she felt happy reading my blog after a loonnnggg time.... she was very certain that I should publish a book with my pictures and also write a book... she promised to find me publishers as well.... the fact is that I love hearing such words of praise about my photos and my writing.... and consider it to be an alternate profession that I can take up ....for when i am retired...

However sometimes I do get negative vibes about my blog... there are ofcourse those people who keep making fun of me and my blog... saying who reads it?? are you the only person who reads it? etc. etc... I actually dont feel bad about it cos I am writing for myself... pretending to talk to an audience of invisible, faceless people.... almost like you practicing your speech in front of the sea....

but one particular comment really stands out... in a conversation where my blog was also mentioned, I was told by the person that they dont have time to read all these things... that they have a baby et al.. and well with a baby in tow who has the time to read a frivolous blog ..... true true I nodded... baby cuts blog anyday, I immediately replied.... nevertheless to my utter suprise I realised that the person actually reads my blog - how did I find out? well I just posted a uncomplimentary blog about that person the very next day ...and the person blew up... and I was like " who is looking after the baby?"....

anyways, heres to the hidden blog reader who is ashamed to admit that they actually enjoy reading blogs.... baby or no baby.....