There is something nice about being a crutch to someone in your life... I have been a crutch to many people in my life... helping them through their life challenges, be it a relationship breakup, family disputes, general disputes... In my books, if these people were going through a tough time it was upto me to see them through that crisis... and I think I did.... I saw it as my responsibility to help them... and I felt nice about helping them as well... there have been many people in my life for whom I have been the crutch....
however I have noticed one trend.... the people I have been there the most as a crutch have invariably let me down... let me down terribly in fact... while I would not call it keeping a count, these are the people I expected a lot from .... simply cos I was there for them... and as weak as I am I expected them to stick by me when I needed them... be it taking a stand on an issue, giving me respect or even standing up for me in front of others.... almost without fail, these same people have let me down without any qualms.... it is almost like, they know they cant get me to be a bad person and hence they can be selfish (and probably declare it so) and declare it openly to me... "yes, I was selfish.. I am sorry for that"... as if it is somehow supposed to make me feel better that they are being honest with me... or simply to state that I like you a lot but I cannot go the distance with you as far this issue is concerned... you are on your own and I am on your own.. btw thanks for all the support you gave me when I was down and out... but sorry I cannot do the same for you.. you got yourself in this situation and you should know how to handle it...
everytime it has happened I have looked at myself as a failure.... for having trusted these people to stand up for me... for once, think about me and take a stand (even if inconvenient)... for once, show me that they can go the distance for me....
Contrast this with other people.... for whom I have never been there as much I have been for these people... and they have taken care of me as if I belong to them.... selflessly.....
so is it me or just these people? should I just stop caring about people? or doing things for people? and especially should I just be selfish?
I wonder whether these people how I did turn my life around to help them and be with them...
however I have noticed one trend.... the people I have been there the most as a crutch have invariably let me down... let me down terribly in fact... while I would not call it keeping a count, these are the people I expected a lot from .... simply cos I was there for them... and as weak as I am I expected them to stick by me when I needed them... be it taking a stand on an issue, giving me respect or even standing up for me in front of others.... almost without fail, these same people have let me down without any qualms.... it is almost like, they know they cant get me to be a bad person and hence they can be selfish (and probably declare it so) and declare it openly to me... "yes, I was selfish.. I am sorry for that"... as if it is somehow supposed to make me feel better that they are being honest with me... or simply to state that I like you a lot but I cannot go the distance with you as far this issue is concerned... you are on your own and I am on your own.. btw thanks for all the support you gave me when I was down and out... but sorry I cannot do the same for you.. you got yourself in this situation and you should know how to handle it...
everytime it has happened I have looked at myself as a failure.... for having trusted these people to stand up for me... for once, think about me and take a stand (even if inconvenient)... for once, show me that they can go the distance for me....
Contrast this with other people.... for whom I have never been there as much I have been for these people... and they have taken care of me as if I belong to them.... selflessly.....
so is it me or just these people? should I just stop caring about people? or doing things for people? and especially should I just be selfish?
I wonder whether these people how I did turn my life around to help them and be with them...
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