when was the last time you did not feel any fear?

To Love, is it to love with the understanding that you are prepared to lose what you love? can you love knowing that this is not permanent? or can you love only if you know for sure that this is worth investing in?

that is the thing about life - the changes that it brings about.... and you never know the turn it is going to take.... in the process you loose a lot of things that you held dear in your life.... and sometimes even wonder why it came into your life only to go away...
 

My visit to the Dhobhi Ghat

advice from a father to a daughter on the anvil of her marriage....

whilst family is important, always remain a true professional - both are consistent...

now why dont I hear this more often??? especially to a generation of women professionals like me??? why do I constantly have to figure out which gang I belong to? the modern woman (implying career oriented women who are independent) or the traditional kinds (who would presumably give up career after husband and kid)... why cant I just be me... whether it is as a career oriented woman or a traditional woman or both sometimes???

Please can the world give me back my choice??? and can my father just tell me the above as well... that as a man he does not feel the need to choose either one ....and that he sees me as a completely perfect woman no matter what I choose....

I have just been approached to be a mentor to a young professional... she is all of 22... and bursting with enthusiasm I am sure at having joined one of the prestigious firms.... in short, as a mentor, I am supposed to help her navigate her career... and hopefully help her achieve heights of success..

If I were to look at my career progress and think about the advice I wished I had received, here is a list:

a. dont be afraid of enquiry... it might not amount to much but you have to keep an inquisitive mind
b. dont be afraid of getting it wrong first time..... just make your best effort no matter
c. be open to feedback
d. WORK comes first for the first 3 years of your life... then other things can come up...
e. Always keep your boss informed..
f. Be proactive...
g. dont hestitate to ask for work
h. Never tell the Boss you need downtime...

I am sure there are more.... for now I am hoping that I will get it right with this young associate...

ok change in gears.... reversal is in order.... hmmm... Alice, get a grip and decide...

would you ever walk away entirely from a person with whom you have had a mental connection with?

BJP.... why are you so in disarray.... how can you bring back Rajnath Singh... do you have no one more credible?? why do you waste an opportunity to be a party with a difference....

all this is going to benefit the congress.... which is happy situation for congress but not for the country.... one needs a viable alternative to make democracy work...

on another note, how touching was Rahul Gandhi's speech at Jaipur..... obviously playing to the gallery.... but seriously, it was very touching.... and a reminder of the sacrifices that these kids have seen in their lives.... I always tell people... they were just born into the family... and they have seen two violent deaths and myriad attacks on their character.... is it possible to live sanely in such situations?? i doubt it ....

have I really stumbled on it??? will I go through with it??  is the universe prodding me to???

Lincoln, Gandhi....

Both superb failures in their careers as lawyers... and yet the greatest leaders...

there is a sudden spurt in the number of people viewing this blog.... I am confused.... am I suddenly a celebrity blogger? and I dont even know about it?? well all I can say is... how about leaving some comments on my blog if you are actually reading it?

No country for women

It appears India is no country for women... the gang rape has brought about the worst and best in India.... on one hand is the spontaneous outburst of reaction from the common man.... the scores of men and women who came out on the streets of India to protest this declining safety record for women... and then there are the politicians who came out and the most ghastly things about women....

RSS chief says rapes happen only in India and not in Bharat, despite evidence to the contrary.... and then he says that women are meant to do the household chores... and that if they dont look after the husband then the husband is entitled to leave them and go..... and then ofcourse the shocker from Asaram who thinks a rapist would stop raping if the woman begs him and calls him brother....

Now that the skeletons are out, perhaps its time to acknowledge that there is no country for women....

The Delhi Gang Rape has caught India by storm... and for the first time I feel such agitation is needed to draw attention to this problem.... rape is always such a sensitive topic... prevention rather than cure is always the norm...

Growing up the only thing i used to fear in my life was rape.... to me that represented the ultimate humiliation of a girl... the subjugation, the sexual abuse and the exercise of power over a woman was to me the greatest fear I had... added to that was the societal acceptance that yes, you could get raped... something in the attitude also spoke about how as a woman you should prevent it from happening... and if it did happen then you need to figure out why.... it seemed, at that point in time, to be the worst possible thing that could happen to a woman...

that fear never left me... I went to law school and the one thing that happened was the fact that I dont need to feel helpless in the face of sexual assault... and that if you are raped that does not mean that it is your fault... that the man can be challenged....that there is life after rape... I felt calmer and stopped including this in my list of things to be afraid of... but the fear never left entirely.... Benazir Bhutto in her autobiography specifies that she herself was so scared of rape that many times she would not step out of her room at Harvard if there was man in the hallway .... so it was not just me... every woman feared this.....

most recently, when the robbery happened the first thing that crossed my mind was what if the robber had decided to attack me... and till today I do not know how I would have reacted if I was attacked....and thank God everyday for sparing me....

I have always felt strongly about rape and rape victims... many times helpless in the wake of what I consider is a societal attitude... movies depict rape as an "easy option".... an easy weapon to use against woman and her family.. its almost like she doesnt matter in the game of life.... and she can be swept aside by any man for any reason....

When will start viewing women as human beings????

New Year

2013 is finally here...now back in my youth I would have imagined 2013 to be so far ahead in the future that the images of the future as shown in the movie "Back to the Future" with flying cars and sky signal stops etc... well no country in the world is close to that kind of a lifestyle... India is far far behind ....

how was 2012?

well year end introspection is always good .... 2012 was very frankly a mixed bag.... a lot of ups and downs... and at the end of it, all incidents seemed to have shaped me in some way or the other... I was as always my over imaginative self... imagining the worst even in cases where there was really no need... with all my friends lamenting that I am an otherwise normal person.... except for my over imagination.... well that being said, 2012 was challenging in its own way.... and nice and pleasant in other ways... 2012 surprised me ... I was mature when I least expected me to be... I realised how far I had come as a person when I put my head down and realised that i had moved on in many ways...

2013.... how would I like it to be? my simple answer.... just surprise me...

so finally I am off for my annual vacation.... so looking forward to it.....where??? well you can see from the pics when I come back.....

Happy New Year people.... Mayans said that the world will end... I say the world as we know it will end today... and a new world is going to start....

Modi wins in Gujarat - so he can now become PM of India now? So since when did Gujarat decide who MY PM should be???? crazy world... I hope to God that Modi does not become the PM of this country....its simply because, despite his capabilities etc, I still see him as the man who decided to let evil take control.... and that is just unacceptable to me.... does he show remorse?? nope, which makes it worse...

In other news, life has been hectic lately for me... it has been mainly a lot of social functions and catching up.... all  good... and throughly enjoying myself with my new found social butterfly status... truth be told I am actually a very private person... I keep to myself many days and dont want to mingle... my idea of a perfect evening is to have friends over and watch some movie or the other.... and just chat... I am not too much of a clubbing person so I cringe everytime someone asks me to come to a club... but now I have overcome that as well... I now go once in a while... and realised that with friends even a club can be fun....

I recently met one of old classmates... now meeting old classmates is always a tricky business.... now most remember you from law school... with all your problems and crazy phase... and not many are willing to see a new you... and try to pull you back into the old mould .... and that is exactly what happened with this classmate..... it was in short very unpleasant... I felt like i was sitting through an inquisition.... justifying my life and choices.... net net I didnt see much value in keeping in touch....

does that happen with everybody??? your past remains in the past?

Crutch

There is something nice about being a crutch to someone in your life... I have been a crutch to many people in my life... helping them through their life challenges, be it a relationship breakup, family disputes, general disputes...  In my books, if these people were going through a tough time it was upto me to see them through that crisis... and I think I did.... I saw it as my responsibility to help them... and I felt nice about helping them as well... there have been many people in my life for whom I have been the crutch....

however I have noticed one trend.... the people I have been there the most as a crutch have invariably let me down... let me down terribly in fact... while I would not call it keeping a count, these are the people I expected a lot from .... simply cos I was there for them... and as weak as I am I expected them to stick by me when I needed them... be it taking a stand on an issue, giving me respect or even standing up for me in front of others.... almost without fail, these same people have let me down without any qualms.... it is almost like, they know they cant get me to be a bad person and hence they can be selfish (and probably declare it so) and declare it openly to me... "yes, I was selfish.. I am sorry for that"... as if it is somehow supposed to make me feel better that they are being honest with me... or simply to state that I like you a lot but I cannot go the distance with you as far this issue is concerned... you are on your own and I am on your own.. btw thanks for all the support you gave me when I was down and out... but sorry I cannot do the same for you.. you got yourself in this situation and you should know how to handle it...

everytime it has happened I have looked at myself as a failure.... for having trusted these people to stand up for me... for once, think about me and take a stand (even if inconvenient)... for once, show me that they can go the distance for me....

Contrast this with other people.... for whom I have never been  there as much I have been for these people... and they have taken care of me as if I belong to them.... selflessly.....

so is it me or just these people? should I just stop caring about people? or doing things for people? and especially should I just be selfish?

I wonder whether these people how I did turn my life around to help them and be with them...

 

So the Govt wins the vote in the Rajya Sabha as well....  I am hearing the BJP crying foul over this vote ... .they say that the Congress manipulated the entire voting process....

now tell me... what is the govt to do? if being in the Govt they cant take important decisions, then how will the country ever progress... so my question is, if to get some good, the government indulges in some horse trading - is that bad?

kudos to the floor managers of Congress... they pulled it off..

Ahh... so many things happening... so many things to do.... and I cant seem to stop myself from taking on everything as it comes along...

this morning my personal trainer paid me the best compliment that I could have ever asked for.... he asked me whether I ran in the marathon.... and this as i was lying down on the ground gasping for breath after he had made me do a mini running session... I raised my weak head to ask him "no, why?"... my trainer replied "you should run the marathon. You have very good style of running"... wwoowwwww... coming from a trainer that is a sure compliment... and if I may say so at this age... .I was elated and ecstatic.... I was back in the game people... after piling on the pounds over the last one year I have now reached a stage where the trainer thinks I can indeed run the marathon... well done Alice....

so in my new found enthusiasm I decided to reconnect with all the activities I had stopped.... and decided to give my shooting one more chance.... for the ignorant, I had completed a course on rifle shooting in the year 2010... and really enjoyed it ... I do believe if I concentrate I can actually be a good shooter... the problem is that I dont concentrate.... I start thinking about many things and get distracted...

so 2013, you have a lot of exciting things to look forward to from me....

So Sri Ravi Shankar makes a statement today that India has become land of scams and slums....

Seriously??? now when did he think India was better off in the past??? does he really think we have more slums and scams now??? and what does he request we do ? stop everything this country is doing? so that we can get back to his concept of what India is like...

People who are not in charge of changing India should not give opinions without the necessary research..... its so easy to be an armchair politician... you have no liability and no accountability....