New York in a minute

Coasting Through Costa Rica

My Boss at Milbank was really surprised that I had chosen to go to Costa Rica... and asked me "but why Costa Rica?"... my answer could not have been more insane.... I told him that the real inspiration for my trip was ...Jurassic Park! I remember watching the movie and thinking that Dinos got to live in this beautiful magical place with mountains, forests and rivers ... and gues what it was shot in Costa Rica! As far as I was concerned Costa Rica was calling out to me... and I just responded....

Well what can you say about a place that has Volcanos, cloud forests, tropical forest and beaches adjoining those forests! Pura Vida ofcourse! which means Pure Life.... and Costa Ricans really mean it - everything in Costa Rica is natural - no artificial ingredients.... so one day I was watching the active Arenal Volcana, and the next day I was sipping water as the clouds invaded my room in Monteverde Cloud reserve forest and the day after that I walked through a tropical forest to reach a white sand beach! While all the way gazing at exotic species of animals! ofcourse I did nothing more than click pictures at the beach since I dont swim - like my friend commented - you are a total waste at the beach....

And for the first time in my life I did the Zip Lines - which is basically you zipping through the mountain ranges held up by nothing more than a pulley and belts... and it was exhilarating to zip through clouds at Monteverde... imagine only seeing white around and not seeing what is at the end of the zip line.... I really thought I was crusing through heaven... if that is heaven then I am going to be a better person on earth to earn a berth there....

As always I managed to meet different people from different backgrounds on this trip..... and it was an advantage that I was travelling alone... many were less reserved since I was so easy to approach... others were curious to know how I am able to travel alone and wanted to do it themselves... many others were just interested in knowing about India and I was only happy to oblige....

lots of interesting conversations, meals and zip rides later I am back in Washington... which has suddenly become colder than I last remembered.... that just means one thing - Fall is here! waiting to take pictures with the fall leaves....

So my friends - have a Pura Vida.... travel alone for once in your life... and see how much more lovelier life becomes.....

Animals of Costa Rica

Pura Vida ! Costa Rica - where everything is natural!

Am sitting in the middle of Monteverde cloud forest reserve and I think this is a little sample of heaven that God left behind for people to be motivated to be good....

Anyways more later....

Couple of things have kept my life a bit exciting in Washington....



First off I did my first interview of a potential internship candidate at Milbank.... I was nervous since I had never before interviewed anyone... ofcourse I have been interviewed before and I hate some of the questions that are thrown at me.... "where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" or "What do you like to do in your free time?".... I mean if the answer to the first question were to be any different from "I see myself slogging my a*%$ off at your organisation" you can kiss your chances goodbye... and for the second question, if you do have a life outside of work, you can pretty much kiss that goodbye since work demands will come before your life demands... but the suprisingly thing was that I found myself asking the exact same questions!!! I pondered over what questions to ask but I could not really come up with anything better.... I have more respect for interviewers now...



I went for my first private art exhibition in Washington DC.... so there I was mingling with the "arterrati" of Washington in their pearls and high heels looking at art... ofcourse it took me a while to figure out where the art was ..... only to realise later that the "art work" being exhibited were a series of video clippings..it was video art work... so there was a scene where a woman was vaccuming the sand on a beach.... yes, you read right... so the video repeated scenes of her crisscrossing across the beach with the vaccum in hand .... and I tried to make sense of the whole video to see the "art" in her and I think a vaccum was forming in my head... so I moved on to the next video... which was a camera following a woman on a street... and that was all it did for 2 mins... art shmart, it was 2 mins of my life wasted!.... but the night also helped me realise that art cannot be defined...it is what you define as art....

I also received my first Hurricane warning from my building... in anticipation of Hurricane Earl hitting our shores soon.... well apparently DC remains pretty much untouched by hurricanes and I am hoping it is true this time round as well....

This morning I walked around the Mall (where all the monuments are).... walked past the WW II memorial, the Korean war memorial, Lincoln Memorial etc.... Washington is great that way... you can walk past history and feel invigorated sitting in the midst of historical places.... every place has a significance in the Mall... I loved it.....

And now it is time for the long weekend here...

A friend of mine reacted to my blog on women and career... my friend asked me not to overplay the gender card.... so much so that critcism of a woman in her job is considered to be a sexist thing.... my friend pointed out that the performance of a woman should be evaluated in a gender neutral manner and if she has done badly in a job that should be acknowledged.... and her gender should not be used as an excuse for her to get out of bad work and claim success irrespective....

I agree with my friend.... but there is some point to the fact that women have a more uphill task both personally and professionally while trying to excel in their careers.... I mean what is the consequence if a person is constantly asked, reminded, or even challenged everytime the person does something? and not just by professional colleagues but by society in general? So imagine the mind of a 16 year old who is really good at studies but who is suddenly bombarded by relatives with questions about - how much will you study ? if you study too much it will be difficult to get married... or imagine the mind of a determined woman who achieves a certain goal and then has to listen to someone in her office call her "cranky" or "single and hence successful"? Both these situations, next time she decides to do something the woman is going to think a bit harder about her choices... she might still do what she wants to do but that there is a 3 second thought that is wasted on her fear of reaction from the society....

Am I incorrect? I would love to believe so.

Joke of the century.

Nitin Gadkari (BJP President) saying Rahul Gandhi does not have charisma (or "Karishma" as he said it).... a case of the pot calling the magificient centre piece black?

Or did he really mean to say Rahul Gandhi did not have Karishma Kapoor ... then its fine I guess...

BJP should really step up their game instead of targeting somebody who is at least trying to do something for the poor of this country...

A Mumbai moment in the Metro

So yday I had a Mumbai moment in the Metro in DC... so after a pretty tiring day I packed up my bags and walked to the Metro station looking forward earnestly to reaching home which was just two stops away....

But lo and behold, the metro station was crowding with people... my first reaction was to flee thinking there had been some disaster and people are all trying to get out of harm's way... why else would there be so many people collected anywhere in DC? Turns out they were commuters just like me...

The train soon arrived and it was packed - just like the Mumbai locals - except there were no commuters sitting on top of the trains or hanging for dear lives from the windows of the trains... it was packed in an orderly fashion - like Sardines packed with lemon juice in a can...

and I started thinking like a mumbaikar trying to mentally devise the best strategy for getting into the train after outwitting my co-commuters... my thots were quick....so if I squeeze out this gentleman in front of me I could probably get my foot into the door and then I could hang on to the umbrella of the lady right next to the door and transport myself to my destination... only to discard such thoughts abruptly when I realised that I would probably be sent to jail for such disorderly behaviour.... and everyone around me were so dignified about it.... no one screamed, tugged or pulled at anyone.... and as quietly as the train arrived, the train left... and like everyone else I waited for the next train to arrive which arrived in the next 6 minutes and I reached my destination safe and sound .....

infact there was a lady with a broken foot in the train and all of us accomodated her to the extent possible - now I wonder what would have happened if she was in the "general" compartment of the 6:30 Virar local of Mumbai.... her foot would have probably been separated from her body by now and would have been passed around and then finally passed on to her by well wishers at Virar.... It all adds to the gaiety and gala of Mumbai locals.....

In a survey of top women managers in the US about the main reasons for their success, they all attributed a large part of their success to spousal support.... so many said that they "married the right guy - the second time".... and it was also determined that for a woman to succeed in her career it helps that a strong male support her - be it the father, husband, brother or someone... so you can see Hillary Clinton (an exceptional woman in my opinion) has waxed eloquent about the influnence of her father and the support of Bill Clintion, Madame Curie was supported by her husband in her pursuits of finding radium and he even abandonded his own research to support her ... Margaret Thatcher credits her father and her loving husband with all of her achievements.....and there are countless others....

One factor that I do notice is however that while women are encouraged by their fathers .... most men if asked about the reason for their sucess would attribute it to their mothers! I have often had discussions with my guys friends about the most influential person in their lives and almost 99% of them have said that it was their mother who helped them.... and so it was with world leaders as well... Clinton is unabashed about the sacrifices made by his mother to educate him, Lincoln relied a lot on his mother for his early formative ideas, even Barack Obama in his autobiography credits his mother with the guidance given (and chastises his dad for being an absent father) and also cried openly when his grandmother died....

So isnt it a bit curious that women are encouraged by their fathers and men are encouraged by their mothers? Personally speaking I attribute a lot of my principles to my father and would think his confidence in me has kept me going till date.....and will keep me going for many years to come....

So why is our society so schewed against women? If fathers can support their daughters then why is it that women didnt break the bastions of male dominance long back?????

One reason could be that while the man is willing to promote his offspring, he is not willing to share the podium with the wife.... so as in the early days most women married by 18/19 and their best productive years were with a man who would influence her decisions for long time to come... so imagine a 18 year being asked to sit at home by a dominant husband... she just would.... there would be no challenge.... and hence by the time the woman is in her 40s she has lost her productive years and her children have grown up leaving her feeling completely inadequate.... it is said that most homemakers in their 40s suffer from depression and soon look to outside support to tide over it.... their children and husbands dont matter in the equation anymore....

In the modern day scenario it is never as straight forward... in the effort to appear to be forward a man openly declares that he will "permit" his wife to work.... but the catch is that as long as she is not taking away from his care time (which is the reason he married her) or doesnot demand that he change his lifestyle, place of business or profession..... so most often women who are young have to subserve their interest to that of the 'liberal" husbands... and some even justify it saying "at least he allows me to work" or even something so base as "his sucess is my success so why do I need to excel in anything"... smart thing to do but really is that what it comes down to? I know a person who when asked whether his wife works said "she used to work when I got married but soon after she became pregnant and after that I told her there was no point in her working".... fair point... but the shocking thing was that he was able to dictate that to her... I wonder what his thots would be if his daughter was dictated to in the same way? Would he like that? I presume he thinks his wife is better off not working... and to be honest he is an exceptional father and husband so I do believe his wife is very happy but this is just to highlight the concept.... and the restriction does not stop there.... most often when it is economically necessary for both the wife and the husband to work, tensions start in the relationship when the wife earns more than the husband....a man I considered to be extremely liberal was upset when his wife started earning almost as much as him.. and expressed to me his fear that his wife would not need him anymore.... the important thing to note is that his ego was suddenly shaken....

In all this I see a definite discrimination... and unfairness... it goes against the tenent of every religious teachings in the world including hinduism that one should always be fair in ones dealings with others...

Yet, why is it that moms everywhere tell their high achieving daughters to "adjust" and be "submissive" and to quit their jobs as soon as the husband is threatened.... is that fair? In whose books?

I have to put in my two bits about the latest controversy in the US about whether to establish a mosque right next to Ground Zero ... there are many in this country that are actually protesting against this on the ground that it would be insensitive to the families of the victim... that it is like putting up a Japanese shrine on Pearl Harbour or putting up a Nazi symbol right next to a Jewish death camp... that putting up a mosque right next to Ground Zero would be like the stamp of victory for the perpertrators of the attack... and everyone attacked Obama for saying that everyone has the constitutional right to construct their place of worship...

What I dont understand is - when did Islam get identified as the perpetrator of 9/11? So is everyone sensitive about the mosque coming up because they think the enemy is coming in the midst of their sorrow? when did Isalm become the face of such terrorist attacks? and why is it that people are not thinking logically about this? the religion is not the attacker here... the people are... and just cos they do it in the name of the religion does not mean that they represent the religion.... why is it that people cant think straight about this?

And what else did you expect the President of the United States to say? I agree that the mosque should not be built there? And then would America have been ok with the backlash from the international community?

I decided to go to Disneyland primarily to go back in childhood to re-live those magical moments which Disney is so good at providing... and I have to confess I am probably too old to believe in the magic... and the rides at the Disneyland while they were scary they didnt enthuse me as much as I thot it would....

But overall Disneyland was a good trip... everything over there was so colourful... even their "Stop" signs were so colourful in purple and yellow... Mickey's house was enchanting and Minnies house was pink... and needless to say the place was crawling with kids! and I got a glimse of what I would have done if I had visited Disneyland at their age... so a kid got excited seeing Pluto's dog house.... and one got excited meeting Tinker Bell and went up and hugged Tinker Bell.... well even I got excited seeing Donald Duck and while I tried to shake hands with these characters, they were concentrating only on the kids.... age - discrimination?

I also discovered that I am not really any better at talking with kids..... so there was a little girl standing in the same line as me.. .and her parents asked her to tell me her age... which she did very shyly saying " I am four"... and the only response I could mutter out was "ohh, you look so much older".... what I meant to say was probably "you are such a big girl" but this what came out of my mouth.... I am glad the parents didnt chase me away like the witches of fairytales....

I am so glad I didnt have any such mishaps with Baby George....... yet at least.... talking of Baby George, I spoke to Baby George before boarding the flight to Disneyland... and he chose that time to tell me that he is coming to America to visit me "day after tomorrow"... and I was like "Ohhh...but I am in Disneyland day after tomorrow... can you come one day later?... and before the conversation got any more impossible my sister yanked the phone away from Baby George.....

Hmmm, what if he did land up in Washington to visit me when I was in Disneyland and returned home disappointed in not seeing me? Guess I still believe in fairytales...

Disneyland - Check

Romance in a city

Whenever I am asked about why I like Mumbai, my answer, apart from the fact that the city is so dynamic, also includes a sentence that make most people fall off their seat....Mumbai according to me is one of the most romantic cities I have ever been to.... Yes, surprising and I myself know how ludicrous it might sound to a Mumbai hater...

Why do I find Mumbai romantic? First off this city gives you freedom... freedom to do what you want, go where you want, and stay out as late as you want... secondly, the monsoons! I think monsoons anywhere is beautiful and more so in Mumbai....I love seeing couples huddled under an umbrella and walking around in the rain... or even eating a hot butta at bandstand.... for every little you can have a grand time in Mumbai... most of all I like the fact that Mumbai forces people to actually take time to spend with each other... you are so stressed from work that spending time at the end of the day with your loved one is like a balm to frayed nerves...

Now before you go screaming that I am the crazy one just know that rediff.com had a survey of the most romantic cities in India and one of them was mumbai! ofcourse it got only 4% of the votes but then who can compete with Andamans and Kerala?

One of the new things that women in LA are fighting for is the right for women to be topless on the beaches.... Whatttttttttttttttt???? The argument I heard on TV was that if men can take their tops off why not women?

has this country solved all the gender inequality issues before they take up such issues? And since when did men become the paragon of virtue that we have to emulate them in our behaviour? Ladies, I am a feminist but this is seriously making me question what women want in life...

Everybody loves a Good Sad Story

Sometimes people just want to find the bad in the good.... so when some people call me in the US to talk most of them start off with very irritating questions which are so not related to my well being but about how bad I must be doing ....

One such question is "have you put on weight?".... and "so you must be very lonely in Washington?"... or if I am taking a trip it would be like "but why? You are not scared to travel alone?" and if I have returned back safely "so nothing went wrong, huh?".... and the most irritating question of all "so have you met someone?"...

aarrggggghhh I get so mad when these questions are asked .... and in complete kindness to my fellow human beings and in the interest of their mental peace I have decided to answer all these questions in the affirmative...

Yes I have put on weight - what should I do ?,

Yes I am really scared to travel alone - infact I have decided not to get out of my house at all till someone accompanies me,

Yes things went horribly wrong on the trip - I almost thot of calling you to help me since I knew only you could come to my rescue,

and last but not least - No I have not met someone yet - but you are so nice to think about me and ask about my future husband - infact in your honour my future husband and I have decided that the first half of my first baby's first name will be your first name ....

But seriously why is it that everybody loves a good sad story?

Just stop and think about these questions:

a. What are the characterstics of a woman?

My answer:

nuturing, caring, supportive, loyal, eager to please, mentally strong, physically weak, vulnerable, multi tasking, able to understand the other persons point of view

b. What are the characterstics of a man?

My answer:

Physically strong, facade of mental strength, protective, capable of emotional manipulation, needs affirmation, aggressive, likes sports, selfish, sometimes emotionally bankrupt, doesnt see the other persons point of view many times, controlling...

Actually Mexico cannot be described and more so cos I am not a travel writer... I leave that to the others.... things I will however say about my trip to mexico:

a. Loved the colours in Mexico! red, purple, green, yellow, organe, pink - all used vibrantly by the mexicans... some of the houses reminded me of mallu houses which are painted purple and white or yellow and red.... even the cemeteries in Mexico are colourful...
b. the food.... OMG - dont know whether it is the lack of good food in my life... or just the fantastic recipes...I just loved mexican food.... I ate so much of it....
c. The moped drive around Isla mujeres..... wow... is the only word that describes it.... i zipped past the roads like I was a local and I enjoyed having that freedom....reminded me of the time i zoomed around in Goa...
d. relaxing on the beach... nobody disturbed me or even bothered me... I slept
e. Margarita is actually an awesome drink to have during the summer months.....

This was also my first holiday alone without friends or family... and I have to say I had a fabulous time... not once did I feel like calling up a friend to chat or just chase away boredom... I was totally myself, doing what I wanted to do and totally relaxing... So Ladies, dont be afraid... Go on that holiday without your BF or hubby or mother.....just do it !

Houses in Mexico, beaches, etc...

Mexico 1

I am compelled to share some stories of my experiences as a woman (surprise surprise!).. and the issues I grappled with while growing up and still grapple with when I am nearing my mid - thirties....

Growing up I was fed on stories about Nehru and Gandhi by my father who took great pride in relating stories about India and its freedom struggle... he also didnt leave any stone unturned to tell me about the world leaders he admired like Lincoln, Reagan, Margaret Thatcher.... growing up I never did have any doubts about my place... I was just me and when I grew up I wanted to do amazing things....

For some inexplicable reasons and on account of several factors which was very peculiar to the crowd I hung around with in high school, at the age of 14/15, my identity was indeed called into question... more specifically my identity as a woman... for the first time I became concious that I am supposed to cultivate a unique identity as a woman... so while my accomplishments were all very good (I was a topper) suddenly that accomplishment didnt suffice to define me... I had to define myself by the stereotypical notions of what a woman is to do.... so while I refused to take "home science" classes, my classmates happily undertook these classes....and while I wanted to write about politics, join a movement etc, my classmates made plans for how many babies they wanted to have (some of them actually managed to get that many babies they planned).... and gradually in a very subtle way I was marginalised.... I was no longer fitting in... at a party I was never one of the women who were asked to dance (oh she is like a guy).... and sometimes when I used to get a bit aggresive in class over arguments that would be taken as a sign of my unfeminine side and snide remarks would be made by my classmates... one of them even took me aside and tried to "reform" me... saying if you behave like this "how will you handle a husband?"... and this when I had not even reached 17! and these women had already started thinking about these things!!!..... so much so that I got depressed thinking that I am very ugly, not womanly enough, not good enough etc... and the worst possible insult I could have ever got was that I was a "feminist"... for years I wondered whether I did a bad thing by being a feminist...and whether life would ever forgive me... I was in short ashamed of my ability to think differently.....

It was in law school however that I met women who were like me and perhaps even more so than me... by that time however, having gone through the experience in high school, I had massivley scaled down by behaviour... I decided to be more quiet in class, not aim for high achievement, just try to be a "normal" girl... and above fit in... I used to secretly admire women who had the guts to be themselves...

Well thank god my period of self doubt didnt continue for long... being in the work place increased my confidence though it didnt erase my doubts about my place in society as a woman... I was constantly reminded of my duty to find a husband and have children before hitting the big 30... and constantly advised that I should not expect too much in life.... and in all this I think I started believing the spin... that no matter what I did in life I still had to get the affirmation that a man can give me by being my husband... if he decided to marry her then she must be feminine.... In a way I saw most of my classmates falling by the sidelines to this expectation... most married before 30, had kids by 30 and have put their careers on the backburner if not already taken them off the burner.... I am not sure whether all these women are happy with their choices still but I do know that many of them can be made to feel inadequate in a small span of time by over achieving women.... these women would ofcourse point to their husband's achievements as their achievements and try to compete but they also know that in some way they have not achieved their potential....

And then there are the crude jokes that I have heard about women in senior position.... "ohh she is cranky cos she is not getting any action".... "She is desperate and hence I think she favours younger men"...."obviously she will be successful, she doesnt have a husband or kids right?"... in fact one of my closest made a comment about another close which made me see red... my friend was mentioned in a news paper and while I was regaling my other close friend about how impressed I am with my friend, this friend immediately said "so what is her social life like?".. huh?... "I mean I just want to find out whether she is successful and good at home... she basically has no life and that is why she can get into newspapers".... Now how many times do we hear about a man being mentioned in the newspaper and people claiming "ohh no wonder he is in the newspapers... he doesnt have a life".... and if a woman indeed does juggle everything and gets her life sorted out people will always find something to fault her with.... so there is the case of Zia Mody who is one of the leading legal minds of our country... and she is happily married to her husband of more than 20 years (I think) and has 3 children... she runs one of the most successful law firms in the country, widely acknowledgded as the leader in her profession and generally a good mind....and when they could not talk about anything wrong in her professional ability or in her husband (such as he is cheating or something) they turned to her children.... they all claimed, what is the point in having a career if your children hate you? it seems no matter what turn a woman takes she will always be run over by a car....

And what perplexes me most is that a person like me is considered to be not having become "settled" in life... contrast that to my sister... she is a home maker and like I have said being a homemaker is not an easy job... she looks after home, kids, husband.... and believe me she is happy doing that as well.... but whenever I go out with my sister to a relatives house, I am always asked questions which hint at my incomplete state or in a pitying manner ... so the fact that I can draft legal documents, speak my mind, balance my cheque book, own my own house or car, live alone, travel on work, support my parents, support poor cousins has not convinced any of these people that I am in some way complete... on the other hand my sister is considered to have fulfilled her role in life - now that she has had a kid there are no more questions of what else she should do in life... she has done what a woman has come to earth for.... my aunt once turned to me and said "I hope my daughter never becomes like you - she will also remain unmarried".... thanks aunt, I love you too....

So no matter what I achieve unless I have a man to stand by my side it will never be good enough... so I could get the nobel price but since I am not married I would still be considered as having not accomplished something.... other than my dad (and my mom sometimes) nobody in my immediate family compliments me for my achievements (modest achievements I know but they are mine) .... sometimes I am told that I should downplay my education... or even the nature of my job so that people do not judge me....

This is an extremely candid post and one that I have always grappled with for years..... but I feel it is time that I put my feelings out there even at the risk of looking like a bitter single woman....

Yeah, and tomorrow this bitter single woman would be diving in the waters of Cancun, Mexico..... some of the perks of being single I suppose....

"Marriage has huge payoffs for women. It provides them with social confirmation that they have assumed the feminine role our culture endorses.

The woman who never marries, like the woman who never has children lives with a penumbra of unanswered questions hovering around her: What happened? Can she still be happy? Does she feel cheated? Is there something wrong with her?

No woman wants to go through life trailing this dismal shadow.

All too frequently the first casualty of a marriage with children is the woman's ambitions. If she does not take this role she risks incurring not only social disapproval but the anger of a husband who has frequently assumed that his career would take precedence. For a woman to place her own interests on par with those of her husband is still considered aggresive, unusual, unfeminine and risky behaviour. " There is a "martial glass ceiling"

Extract from a book on white middle class women. Nice to know that women everywhere are equal - even if their equality is in the bad treatment meted out to them.

Is it true that a woman's identity in society is only on account of her relationships with a man?

So would you have no identity if you were not someone's daughter, sister, wife, mother?

Also is it true that most women dont want an identity apart from an identity from her relationship with her man?

On the other hand, why are men not defined by their relationships ? and why are they defined by their status and position in society?

And why is it that when either a man or a woman tries to break away from the mould (such as a man becoming a house husband or a woman becoming a career woman) the society just berates you?

Why is it that when i think of a holiday I automatically think I am supposed to be travelling outside India... Is it cos if I ever travel within India it will be only to kerala and back? why dont I consider a travel site within India itself especially since I have not seen most of it since my parents took me on a tour of India at the age of 2....

Is it some form of middle class mentality I carry around? That travel abroad is more glamourous that travel within India? Do I feel I have not travelled if I have not travelled to a different culture?

Whatever it is I would like to travel to Leh and Ladakh before I am too old.....