Today I started something new... and faced the old.....

Go figure... or you can just call me to find out....

I am just exhausted....

Tough realisation that glass ceiling does exist in many forms in India... it might not actually be evident but it appears only when you hit your head against it... and it is very evident when you interact with people....

Most recently one of the transactions I was working on was dominated by women...but the transaction was lead by a man.... who refused to interact with anyone of the opposite gender.... so there was a funny situation where we are all sitting across the table and discussing... and I was explaining some issue to this man.... and funnily enough he refused to look at me when I was talking to him... and in response to my explanation he replied to my male colleague... enough to make anyone go mad.... I leaned across to my male colleague and asked "why does he not look at me when I am talking to him?" My colleague replied "Its not his fault. He is from the cow belt"....

In a country which is dominated by women rulers its surprising that you have people like this... meanwhile I am just nursing my head which just hit glass.....

So I had one more weekend with my sister, Christy and Baby George... it was so much fun.... we went to an amusement park in Cochin and had the best time ever... we went on rides... and screamed our lungs out... Christy and me went on a crazy ride and I could not open my eyes at all.... Baby George was ofcourse too small.... and was not allowed in to most things..i tried to distract him by asking him about his friends back home... you know Shanoo, Om, Mohammed... only this time he kept thinking and thinking.. he had forgotten his friends!!! and then quickly pointed at Christy and said "Christy is my friend"...helloooo kid.... just last month you had snapped at Christy for laughing at your friend Shanoo....well.. he quickly moved on...... and he kept asking for the pool.... but then we realised one thing....

THat Baby George is scared of water....at first I was surprised... at this age what fear can be have... but fear he did... and refused to get into the swimming pool .... and got in only after hanging on to my neck..... and even then Baby George was completely screeching when playing in the water....I kept wondering why would he be scared of water....and then given all my interest in past life asked my sister whether she thinks he is afraid of water cos of something is his past life... hahah... only to have my sister retort.... "he doesnt even remember his friends after a month... forget past life!".... well she had a point...

At this age I am a bit wary of people who get too close to me too soon... or profess undying devotion to me... I am just a tad cautious... what is wrong with this person??? am I being cynical?? I am not sure... definitely more cautious.....

I am also amazed at how fragile human relationships actually are..... There are so many people in the world who just walk away from relationships for flimsy reasons... and by relationships I dont mean male female relationships... i mean all kinds of relationships... something pisses you off totally and you just snap out of it.... and walk away... you just move on and dont look back... while I do think that is each persons personal choice... I have to wonder however whetehr all this individualism has made relationships even more fragile... for the weakest of reasons perhaps one ends up losing an otherwise good relationship....

Anyways, I believe in the old adage - if you sneeze and the nose falls off then let it! If things can be destroyed by a simple incident then so be it.. that is the life span of that relationship....

There are time when I see something and my heart melts.... melts in a way that I can feel little drops of my heart falling down.... and I almost feel like doing a skip and feel that life is great....

and most of them involve kids....

Vacancy

Job Advertisement:

Title: Head, International Operations of a leading international organisation with a focus on middle east and its issues. The organisation is constantly striving for expanding its network and the position demands immense leadership skills in forging new alliances and tie ups.


Location: Transferable Job. First posting and initial will be somewhere in between Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Job Description: The incumbent will be expected to manage the international operations of the international organisation. Job involves negotiations and discussions with with tough counterparties (who are usually more technologically advanced). The incumbent will be expected to handle tough situations including innovative methods of sending out tough messages to its tough counterparts (previous methods included flying planes).

The incumbent can expect a life of adventure and purpose. Work done by the incumbent usually is front page news in all countries. Job involves travel (through tough terrains) and incumbent will be expected to live in small towns with little or no contact with the outside world - adequate protection will be given in alliance with the friendly host government.

Other Perks: Heavenly blessings for all the good work done including 15 virgins in heaven waiting on matyrdom.

Qualifications: Knowledge of all anti-American slogans, threatening words and a belief that muslims are discriminated against universally. Working knowledge of use of weapons and flying would be added bonus.

Walk in interviews will be held at an undisclosed location.

The funny side of my robbery was suprisingly brought about by my mom... at first she was concerned about my safety... Level 1. Level 2 was the sadness with the lost jewellery.... They were so pretty.... pity I wont get to see them again... said my mom wistfully....

I was lying down on the sofa all the while trying not to listen to such lament....

and then my sister joined forces.... "you know I am glad she didnt get up in her sleep and see the robber.." said my sister while helping my mother sort out the beans.... 'actually, I am glad she didnt wake up and actually offer the robber coffee.."... at this I turned!! whattttt ??? really people.... what kind of nut did my sister think I am .... on seeing my quizzing look my sister immediately corrected herself "oh sorry. I forgot you dont keep coffee in your house. you would have offerred him diet coke or juice? Rights???" and my mom guffawed at the thought of me serving the robbers coffee in the middle of the night....

By now a nice fluffy pillow was halfway across the room enroute to meeting my sisters forehead....

It helped lighten up the situation a bit... all of us laughed a nervous laughter hoping to drown out what had been averted .....

There is something surreal about my world right now... given that I have just been the victim of a brazen crime... and a very daring one at that ... ofcourse I am thanking God profusely for having saved me from all harm... but now my view point to the world is actually coloured by what happened....

First off I am eternally grateful for the good things I have in life... and such good things are not measured by the wealth I have (which ofcourse can be taken away by a crafty robber)but by the intangibles in your life... your friends, family, your sprit, your safety, your mind, your zest for life.... stealing is not the way you loose these things...yuo lose these things in normal course and out of your own active action...

I am also concious now how bad the world really can be.... for one there are those who really pretend to care but dont really care... and you are left wondering "wait, isnt this person my friend?".... I have come to realise that expecting good from others is really not sane....

I have also realised that life is about making peace with what you cannot change... my stuff has gone and I probably will not get it back... I just have to make peace with it... and not fret on and on about it.... like I have to live with the fact that many people in my life really dont care about me....

One of the after effects of a robbery while you are in the house is the realisation that you are really really vulnerable.... a feeling that many would share on seeing the tsunami on tv..... its like you can try and be whoever you want to be but at the end of the day nature and a higher power control who you are....

While I lost money, the most precious possession of mine - physical safety was protected... it had to be someone smiling down on me to protect when the robbers were rummaging through my stuff in the bedroom.... and to think if I had just got up and seen the robber.... it gives me shivers still....

for days on end I could not sleep peacefully.......and I probably will not be able to sleep peacefully for a long long time....

I debated whether to write this post... I tossed and turned and tossed and turned and tossed adn turned.... till I decided that writing to me was therapeutic... and hence this writing....

I was victim of a crime recently... a most daring crime of house robbery.......

till date I keep thinking about the power of God that made me escape what could have easily been ugly... and God forbid anything had happened I would have just been a statistic to society, a lost resource to my employer and a terrible loss for my parents and some friends.....

the crisis also shows you who are the people who run to you with help... the people who dont loose nerves when you are in a crisis... people who will remain strong for you when you are at your worst.... people you can count on... and who will not be too busy to call you to check on you...... and who are just a phone call away....

I am too stunned to actually take what I am feeling seriously... all I can say is thank god you are not a victim... and keep praying that you are not a victim....

Its always good fun to interact with my nephews... nice to see the new generation coming up... but as always I expect them to follow what we did in our lives and wonder why they are so different... guess I will not make the best parent in the world....

Anyways Baby George was in Mumbai with me for a few days... and we had the best time ever.... he started speaking to me about his friends back in tanzania.... so what are the names of your friends?

Om, Mohammed, Shanoo, Anand....

And Baby George informed me that he doesnt like girls... 'they are not my friends'.... and then when I probed him a bit more he told me that he bit his friend Anand in the bus... why??? cos Anand said he was not my friend.... way to go kid.. bite someone who refuses to be your friend... hahaha.... and he started off by telling me that he had 5 friends and when I asked him who is the 5th friend he quickly reacted back saying 'the whole world is not my friend',... point taken kid....

anyways now they have left... after the euphoric victory of India winning the world cup... everytime i screamed Baby george would get scared... and then I took him fort he victory parade at Carter Road.... all in all India in a different light....

So I have been feeding on a diet of old Amitabh Bachan movies.... and I am totally blown away by this man... now I can understand why he is still such a superstar..... in his movies he is the man of character.. the man who overcomes odds.... the example that every ordinary Indian can aspire to.... as compared to that the heroes of today appear to be a tad sad.... actually frivolous.... it is about love stories... or about some form of family drama... there is no depth in these characters... they are great entertainers but Amitabh brought out a personality... my God he is good....

another theme that runs through all his movies... the ability of an ordinary person to overcome his circumstances in life.... to fight against all odds and survive... and poverty was such a recurring theme in his movies..... and India was quite a difficult place to stay... in the absense of cell phones the movies show people making calls from pay phones... and almost screaming to talk.... and forget about out station calls... it was only trunk calling... ahh those days... thank God we are past that....

In other news I am quite disgusted with the entire cash for votes issue.... and how the BJP is stalling Parliament for it.... and the Tehelka story also shows that no party is above suspicion.... it is not to their credit if they ask people to buy and somebody offers them something... both parties are actually bad... and the Congress seems to have got the blame for it.... not to say that it is disappointing to see the Congress government get muddled in controversies after controversies... enough please... lets have some governance now....

My sister and the kids are down from Tanzania... at first go Baby George just kept quiet when he saw me... and later on warmed up to me....one day in the car I asked him to sit on my lap... and he was like - no I will sit with mummy... and in jest I told him "cutty".... he got so upset... that he promptly came and sat in my lap to ensure that I would not be cutty with him.... that is so cute........

Today I watched one of my favourite movies - Masoom....it was in a way my way of re-living childhood days....... I had seen the movie when I was a child.... and danced innumerable times to the song 'Lakdi ki katti'..... I used to envy the children in that movie because they were always so well dressed and thin! Almost believing that the 'moti' they refer to in th emovie was me!! so much for complexes......other than these silly things I dont remember anything much of the movie.... and hence I decided to watch it again...

and this time the subtle messages were obvious to me... the question of infidility... the illegitimate child.... the relationship between the husband and wife... everything.... the movie is fantastically made by Shekhar Kapur and at every scene he manages to capture the emotions very very well.... as an adult I now understand what the movie was alll about....

Having said that I just could not help but notice the gender biases in the movie... for instance Nasseruddin Shah has 2 daughters in the movie... and his friends constantly chide him about how he doesnt have a son... and the protagonist also keeps wishing for a son.... when he has two very smart intelligent daughters.... and that is somehow used to explain that accepting the illegimate son is good... so that the void of a son can be fulfilled... I wonder whether in modern times this would be acceptable.... for instance what if the illegitimate child was a girl?? would the movie have been differently made?? also there is one character played by Tanuja who is shown as a career woman... at first she is shown as a cigarrett puffing career woman... who is always bold and abrasive... and who speaks her mind but does not fit into society....and ofcourse her husband has left her for another woman! I mean if that was not there in the movie then the movie would not have been complete at all... so a woman cannot be a bold, speak her mind and smoke a ciggy without her husband leaving her..... tch tch... will women never learn?? that seems to be what the movie is asking.....forgive all indiscretions of the man and stay together as a family.........

Its all about the joy of the movies!

Delhi - One of my Fav haunts

London - delayed pictures...

Well what can I say - I 'heart' London too.....

Some things just bring back memories .... the recent Jasmine revolution in Tunisia and the ongoing revolution in Egypt brings back memories of the fall of communism in the early 90s when I was still in school..... At that time television was not as sophisticated as it is today and most often we had to rely on radio to get uptodate news about the events in the world...newspapers were always every exciting those days.... I remember getting lost in the literature .... and I also remember having attempted to keep the newspaper clipping of those days for posterity.... somewhere thinking that I would find immense pleasure in reviewing those headlines again....

This time round I can see the part played by technology in bringing about this revolution..... facebook, twitter, you tube etc are all responsible for bringing so many people together... in a way the millionaire inventors of these applications actually provided a service to the people around the world..... and this time I can see action live on TV... almost as if I am part of the revolution....

I never thot I would see the day when democractic movement would sweep the Arab world..... especially since there was a feeling that generally democracy would not work in that part of the world.... I sure hope we are witnessing the birth of a new form of government in the Arab world.... and I also hope that such a change will bring prosperity to the people ... and once the prosperity comes all forms of violent protests will subside and people will be just busy with making their lives better .....

Be-khar (homeless) in Mumbai

I am back in Mumbai... and till now I am bekhar in Mumbai... not that it was a sad situation for me... I stayed all these days with a friend and my aunt... both of whom treated to sumptuous meals everyday and made me stay in luxury - I have now officialy crossed the dangerline for the waistline... damnnnn tasty Indian food ...

So being Bekhar in Mumbai, I decided to spend bulk of my time in Kerala till my house got ready... my mom was very happy to see me ofcourse... though I dont know whether she was happy to see me or happy with the fact that I have come back fairer!..her first comment on seeing me was 'you have become fairer'!.. ofcourse later in the evening when I was sleeping, my mom came over and looked at me and in a melancholic tone said 'actually I think you have become dark again'..I pulled the sheet over my head... sheesh.... mothers I tell you.....

I also managed to visit all my uncles while in Kerala... all of them who seemed really happy to see me.... and may be it is my new found social self but I was also able to chat with them more freely... I went and saw my father's eldest brother... he stays in our ancestral home... which is some distance from civilisation... and as I entered the house my uncle (who is 85 plus) beamed on seeing me... and asked me 'mole (daughter), are you going back to London again?'....while the question itself was not surprising it was the way in which he remembered what I was doing in life that touched me... I came away feeling that in all my mad rush, I should not forget the people who matter to me.....who still remember what I am upto even though I have not bothered to personally tell them what I am doing in life....

simple people, simple lives, simple mind.... peace... simple as that....

Goodbye 2010. You have been mostly good. But time to move on.

Happy New Year World. Lesson from 2010 - Life changes when you least expect it.

Xmas eve! and I have not even done my Xmas shopping....

its cold outside.... really really cold..... so cold that I cant even take out my hands for more than 2 mins... I have never been in such cold weather before.....

looking forward to an authentic British Xmas !

Merry Xmas everyone....