So I have been reading a lot of American History since I came here.... I am basically trying to figure out its people, its life, its culture....

and one of the people i have been focusing on is Abe Lincoln.... the 16th President of the United States... who fought the Civil War and effectively abolished slavery... he is a fascinating figure... and ever since my Dad told me about him there has been some amount of latent curiosity about him for me... and now that I am in Washington what better place to learn about him!

While I am still learning about him one of the most fascinating aspects of Lincoln is his belief that in life you have make yourself worthy of the world's esteem... he always wanted the world to acknowledge him and to that end he wanted to be better than he was.... he was said to be melancholic, had a crazy wife, 4 children, and a very very honest reputation.. he was brought up in poverty, didnt have education, saw his sister pass away in childhood, had no parental support.... in short he was meant to be ordinary ..... and a "failure".... and fail he did.....many times.... his stint in the Senate was a disaster, he failed to get elected many times... he was not selected by the republican party twice... and the one time he got elected was cos he was the candidate least expected to be controversial from all sections... when he got the republican party nomination, newspapers screamed that Republican party has gone bankrupct that they had to choose a man who has no education, who speak incoherent words and has bad grammer... he was even criticised for his looks... it was said that he was like somebody had pulled together the unwanted parts and put on a straw ....

I am curious to know how Lincoln went through his life knowing that the whole world was against him.... that he was all he had... that all he had to become could only be through his and his own hard work.... his wife was supposed to have supported him but apparently she lost it when one of their children died..... what must have kept his going? Was it a belief in a higher purpose? Lincoln himself was self deprecating... he wrote to the voters once asking for a chance to prove himself and said "if you dont, well I dont have much expectations about myself anyways"....

How could a person like this be the greatest President the United States has ever had? And become one of the greatest orators of his times? whose speeches are read and recited again and again around the world by children and who is referred to by parents when children ask for a role model.... how could this person who had nothing going for him in the end have the whole world bowing to him....

in some ways I am reminded of Gandhi... both were lawyers... and both of them faced failure in some form or the other in their early lives... their marriages were far from good.... and ofcourse none of them were goodlooking.....and these two figures actually changed the histories of their countries....in a time when there is no media except for the newspapers, word of mouth and their charisma which apparently travelled the most... including crossing borders...

I sit here and read about these inspiring men.... and in some ways I lament that i am nowhere close to following what these individuals had done in their lives... I compare myself to them unashamedly... and come away feeling that I am not living up to my own expectations......

Can I be any better?