In a survey of top women managers in the US about the main reasons for their success, they all attributed a large part of their success to spousal support.... so many said that they "married the right guy - the second time".... and it was also determined that for a woman to succeed in her career it helps that a strong male support her - be it the father, husband, brother or someone... so you can see Hillary Clinton (an exceptional woman in my opinion) has waxed eloquent about the influnence of her father and the support of Bill Clintion, Madame Curie was supported by her husband in her pursuits of finding radium and he even abandonded his own research to support her ... Margaret Thatcher credits her father and her loving husband with all of her achievements.....and there are countless others....

One factor that I do notice is however that while women are encouraged by their fathers .... most men if asked about the reason for their sucess would attribute it to their mothers! I have often had discussions with my guys friends about the most influential person in their lives and almost 99% of them have said that it was their mother who helped them.... and so it was with world leaders as well... Clinton is unabashed about the sacrifices made by his mother to educate him, Lincoln relied a lot on his mother for his early formative ideas, even Barack Obama in his autobiography credits his mother with the guidance given (and chastises his dad for being an absent father) and also cried openly when his grandmother died....

So isnt it a bit curious that women are encouraged by their fathers and men are encouraged by their mothers? Personally speaking I attribute a lot of my principles to my father and would think his confidence in me has kept me going till date.....and will keep me going for many years to come....

So why is our society so schewed against women? If fathers can support their daughters then why is it that women didnt break the bastions of male dominance long back?????

One reason could be that while the man is willing to promote his offspring, he is not willing to share the podium with the wife.... so as in the early days most women married by 18/19 and their best productive years were with a man who would influence her decisions for long time to come... so imagine a 18 year being asked to sit at home by a dominant husband... she just would.... there would be no challenge.... and hence by the time the woman is in her 40s she has lost her productive years and her children have grown up leaving her feeling completely inadequate.... it is said that most homemakers in their 40s suffer from depression and soon look to outside support to tide over it.... their children and husbands dont matter in the equation anymore....

In the modern day scenario it is never as straight forward... in the effort to appear to be forward a man openly declares that he will "permit" his wife to work.... but the catch is that as long as she is not taking away from his care time (which is the reason he married her) or doesnot demand that he change his lifestyle, place of business or profession..... so most often women who are young have to subserve their interest to that of the 'liberal" husbands... and some even justify it saying "at least he allows me to work" or even something so base as "his sucess is my success so why do I need to excel in anything"... smart thing to do but really is that what it comes down to? I know a person who when asked whether his wife works said "she used to work when I got married but soon after she became pregnant and after that I told her there was no point in her working".... fair point... but the shocking thing was that he was able to dictate that to her... I wonder what his thots would be if his daughter was dictated to in the same way? Would he like that? I presume he thinks his wife is better off not working... and to be honest he is an exceptional father and husband so I do believe his wife is very happy but this is just to highlight the concept.... and the restriction does not stop there.... most often when it is economically necessary for both the wife and the husband to work, tensions start in the relationship when the wife earns more than the husband....a man I considered to be extremely liberal was upset when his wife started earning almost as much as him.. and expressed to me his fear that his wife would not need him anymore.... the important thing to note is that his ego was suddenly shaken....

In all this I see a definite discrimination... and unfairness... it goes against the tenent of every religious teachings in the world including hinduism that one should always be fair in ones dealings with others...

Yet, why is it that moms everywhere tell their high achieving daughters to "adjust" and be "submissive" and to quit their jobs as soon as the husband is threatened.... is that fair? In whose books?

I have to put in my two bits about the latest controversy in the US about whether to establish a mosque right next to Ground Zero ... there are many in this country that are actually protesting against this on the ground that it would be insensitive to the families of the victim... that it is like putting up a Japanese shrine on Pearl Harbour or putting up a Nazi symbol right next to a Jewish death camp... that putting up a mosque right next to Ground Zero would be like the stamp of victory for the perpertrators of the attack... and everyone attacked Obama for saying that everyone has the constitutional right to construct their place of worship...

What I dont understand is - when did Islam get identified as the perpetrator of 9/11? So is everyone sensitive about the mosque coming up because they think the enemy is coming in the midst of their sorrow? when did Isalm become the face of such terrorist attacks? and why is it that people are not thinking logically about this? the religion is not the attacker here... the people are... and just cos they do it in the name of the religion does not mean that they represent the religion.... why is it that people cant think straight about this?

And what else did you expect the President of the United States to say? I agree that the mosque should not be built there? And then would America have been ok with the backlash from the international community?

I decided to go to Disneyland primarily to go back in childhood to re-live those magical moments which Disney is so good at providing... and I have to confess I am probably too old to believe in the magic... and the rides at the Disneyland while they were scary they didnt enthuse me as much as I thot it would....

But overall Disneyland was a good trip... everything over there was so colourful... even their "Stop" signs were so colourful in purple and yellow... Mickey's house was enchanting and Minnies house was pink... and needless to say the place was crawling with kids! and I got a glimse of what I would have done if I had visited Disneyland at their age... so a kid got excited seeing Pluto's dog house.... and one got excited meeting Tinker Bell and went up and hugged Tinker Bell.... well even I got excited seeing Donald Duck and while I tried to shake hands with these characters, they were concentrating only on the kids.... age - discrimination?

I also discovered that I am not really any better at talking with kids..... so there was a little girl standing in the same line as me.. .and her parents asked her to tell me her age... which she did very shyly saying " I am four"... and the only response I could mutter out was "ohh, you look so much older".... what I meant to say was probably "you are such a big girl" but this what came out of my mouth.... I am glad the parents didnt chase me away like the witches of fairytales....

I am so glad I didnt have any such mishaps with Baby George....... yet at least.... talking of Baby George, I spoke to Baby George before boarding the flight to Disneyland... and he chose that time to tell me that he is coming to America to visit me "day after tomorrow"... and I was like "Ohhh...but I am in Disneyland day after tomorrow... can you come one day later?... and before the conversation got any more impossible my sister yanked the phone away from Baby George.....

Hmmm, what if he did land up in Washington to visit me when I was in Disneyland and returned home disappointed in not seeing me? Guess I still believe in fairytales...

Disneyland - Check

Romance in a city

Whenever I am asked about why I like Mumbai, my answer, apart from the fact that the city is so dynamic, also includes a sentence that make most people fall off their seat....Mumbai according to me is one of the most romantic cities I have ever been to.... Yes, surprising and I myself know how ludicrous it might sound to a Mumbai hater...

Why do I find Mumbai romantic? First off this city gives you freedom... freedom to do what you want, go where you want, and stay out as late as you want... secondly, the monsoons! I think monsoons anywhere is beautiful and more so in Mumbai....I love seeing couples huddled under an umbrella and walking around in the rain... or even eating a hot butta at bandstand.... for every little you can have a grand time in Mumbai... most of all I like the fact that Mumbai forces people to actually take time to spend with each other... you are so stressed from work that spending time at the end of the day with your loved one is like a balm to frayed nerves...

Now before you go screaming that I am the crazy one just know that rediff.com had a survey of the most romantic cities in India and one of them was mumbai! ofcourse it got only 4% of the votes but then who can compete with Andamans and Kerala?

One of the new things that women in LA are fighting for is the right for women to be topless on the beaches.... Whatttttttttttttttt???? The argument I heard on TV was that if men can take their tops off why not women?

has this country solved all the gender inequality issues before they take up such issues? And since when did men become the paragon of virtue that we have to emulate them in our behaviour? Ladies, I am a feminist but this is seriously making me question what women want in life...

Everybody loves a Good Sad Story

Sometimes people just want to find the bad in the good.... so when some people call me in the US to talk most of them start off with very irritating questions which are so not related to my well being but about how bad I must be doing ....

One such question is "have you put on weight?".... and "so you must be very lonely in Washington?"... or if I am taking a trip it would be like "but why? You are not scared to travel alone?" and if I have returned back safely "so nothing went wrong, huh?".... and the most irritating question of all "so have you met someone?"...

aarrggggghhh I get so mad when these questions are asked .... and in complete kindness to my fellow human beings and in the interest of their mental peace I have decided to answer all these questions in the affirmative...

Yes I have put on weight - what should I do ?,

Yes I am really scared to travel alone - infact I have decided not to get out of my house at all till someone accompanies me,

Yes things went horribly wrong on the trip - I almost thot of calling you to help me since I knew only you could come to my rescue,

and last but not least - No I have not met someone yet - but you are so nice to think about me and ask about my future husband - infact in your honour my future husband and I have decided that the first half of my first baby's first name will be your first name ....

But seriously why is it that everybody loves a good sad story?

Just stop and think about these questions:

a. What are the characterstics of a woman?

My answer:

nuturing, caring, supportive, loyal, eager to please, mentally strong, physically weak, vulnerable, multi tasking, able to understand the other persons point of view

b. What are the characterstics of a man?

My answer:

Physically strong, facade of mental strength, protective, capable of emotional manipulation, needs affirmation, aggressive, likes sports, selfish, sometimes emotionally bankrupt, doesnt see the other persons point of view many times, controlling...

Actually Mexico cannot be described and more so cos I am not a travel writer... I leave that to the others.... things I will however say about my trip to mexico:

a. Loved the colours in Mexico! red, purple, green, yellow, organe, pink - all used vibrantly by the mexicans... some of the houses reminded me of mallu houses which are painted purple and white or yellow and red.... even the cemeteries in Mexico are colourful...
b. the food.... OMG - dont know whether it is the lack of good food in my life... or just the fantastic recipes...I just loved mexican food.... I ate so much of it....
c. The moped drive around Isla mujeres..... wow... is the only word that describes it.... i zipped past the roads like I was a local and I enjoyed having that freedom....reminded me of the time i zoomed around in Goa...
d. relaxing on the beach... nobody disturbed me or even bothered me... I slept
e. Margarita is actually an awesome drink to have during the summer months.....

This was also my first holiday alone without friends or family... and I have to say I had a fabulous time... not once did I feel like calling up a friend to chat or just chase away boredom... I was totally myself, doing what I wanted to do and totally relaxing... So Ladies, dont be afraid... Go on that holiday without your BF or hubby or mother.....just do it !

Houses in Mexico, beaches, etc...

Mexico 1

I am compelled to share some stories of my experiences as a woman (surprise surprise!).. and the issues I grappled with while growing up and still grapple with when I am nearing my mid - thirties....

Growing up I was fed on stories about Nehru and Gandhi by my father who took great pride in relating stories about India and its freedom struggle... he also didnt leave any stone unturned to tell me about the world leaders he admired like Lincoln, Reagan, Margaret Thatcher.... growing up I never did have any doubts about my place... I was just me and when I grew up I wanted to do amazing things....

For some inexplicable reasons and on account of several factors which was very peculiar to the crowd I hung around with in high school, at the age of 14/15, my identity was indeed called into question... more specifically my identity as a woman... for the first time I became concious that I am supposed to cultivate a unique identity as a woman... so while my accomplishments were all very good (I was a topper) suddenly that accomplishment didnt suffice to define me... I had to define myself by the stereotypical notions of what a woman is to do.... so while I refused to take "home science" classes, my classmates happily undertook these classes....and while I wanted to write about politics, join a movement etc, my classmates made plans for how many babies they wanted to have (some of them actually managed to get that many babies they planned).... and gradually in a very subtle way I was marginalised.... I was no longer fitting in... at a party I was never one of the women who were asked to dance (oh she is like a guy).... and sometimes when I used to get a bit aggresive in class over arguments that would be taken as a sign of my unfeminine side and snide remarks would be made by my classmates... one of them even took me aside and tried to "reform" me... saying if you behave like this "how will you handle a husband?"... and this when I had not even reached 17! and these women had already started thinking about these things!!!..... so much so that I got depressed thinking that I am very ugly, not womanly enough, not good enough etc... and the worst possible insult I could have ever got was that I was a "feminist"... for years I wondered whether I did a bad thing by being a feminist...and whether life would ever forgive me... I was in short ashamed of my ability to think differently.....

It was in law school however that I met women who were like me and perhaps even more so than me... by that time however, having gone through the experience in high school, I had massivley scaled down by behaviour... I decided to be more quiet in class, not aim for high achievement, just try to be a "normal" girl... and above fit in... I used to secretly admire women who had the guts to be themselves...

Well thank god my period of self doubt didnt continue for long... being in the work place increased my confidence though it didnt erase my doubts about my place in society as a woman... I was constantly reminded of my duty to find a husband and have children before hitting the big 30... and constantly advised that I should not expect too much in life.... and in all this I think I started believing the spin... that no matter what I did in life I still had to get the affirmation that a man can give me by being my husband... if he decided to marry her then she must be feminine.... In a way I saw most of my classmates falling by the sidelines to this expectation... most married before 30, had kids by 30 and have put their careers on the backburner if not already taken them off the burner.... I am not sure whether all these women are happy with their choices still but I do know that many of them can be made to feel inadequate in a small span of time by over achieving women.... these women would ofcourse point to their husband's achievements as their achievements and try to compete but they also know that in some way they have not achieved their potential....

And then there are the crude jokes that I have heard about women in senior position.... "ohh she is cranky cos she is not getting any action".... "She is desperate and hence I think she favours younger men"...."obviously she will be successful, she doesnt have a husband or kids right?"... in fact one of my closest made a comment about another close which made me see red... my friend was mentioned in a news paper and while I was regaling my other close friend about how impressed I am with my friend, this friend immediately said "so what is her social life like?".. huh?... "I mean I just want to find out whether she is successful and good at home... she basically has no life and that is why she can get into newspapers".... Now how many times do we hear about a man being mentioned in the newspaper and people claiming "ohh no wonder he is in the newspapers... he doesnt have a life".... and if a woman indeed does juggle everything and gets her life sorted out people will always find something to fault her with.... so there is the case of Zia Mody who is one of the leading legal minds of our country... and she is happily married to her husband of more than 20 years (I think) and has 3 children... she runs one of the most successful law firms in the country, widely acknowledgded as the leader in her profession and generally a good mind....and when they could not talk about anything wrong in her professional ability or in her husband (such as he is cheating or something) they turned to her children.... they all claimed, what is the point in having a career if your children hate you? it seems no matter what turn a woman takes she will always be run over by a car....

And what perplexes me most is that a person like me is considered to be not having become "settled" in life... contrast that to my sister... she is a home maker and like I have said being a homemaker is not an easy job... she looks after home, kids, husband.... and believe me she is happy doing that as well.... but whenever I go out with my sister to a relatives house, I am always asked questions which hint at my incomplete state or in a pitying manner ... so the fact that I can draft legal documents, speak my mind, balance my cheque book, own my own house or car, live alone, travel on work, support my parents, support poor cousins has not convinced any of these people that I am in some way complete... on the other hand my sister is considered to have fulfilled her role in life - now that she has had a kid there are no more questions of what else she should do in life... she has done what a woman has come to earth for.... my aunt once turned to me and said "I hope my daughter never becomes like you - she will also remain unmarried".... thanks aunt, I love you too....

So no matter what I achieve unless I have a man to stand by my side it will never be good enough... so I could get the nobel price but since I am not married I would still be considered as having not accomplished something.... other than my dad (and my mom sometimes) nobody in my immediate family compliments me for my achievements (modest achievements I know but they are mine) .... sometimes I am told that I should downplay my education... or even the nature of my job so that people do not judge me....

This is an extremely candid post and one that I have always grappled with for years..... but I feel it is time that I put my feelings out there even at the risk of looking like a bitter single woman....

Yeah, and tomorrow this bitter single woman would be diving in the waters of Cancun, Mexico..... some of the perks of being single I suppose....

"Marriage has huge payoffs for women. It provides them with social confirmation that they have assumed the feminine role our culture endorses.

The woman who never marries, like the woman who never has children lives with a penumbra of unanswered questions hovering around her: What happened? Can she still be happy? Does she feel cheated? Is there something wrong with her?

No woman wants to go through life trailing this dismal shadow.

All too frequently the first casualty of a marriage with children is the woman's ambitions. If she does not take this role she risks incurring not only social disapproval but the anger of a husband who has frequently assumed that his career would take precedence. For a woman to place her own interests on par with those of her husband is still considered aggresive, unusual, unfeminine and risky behaviour. " There is a "martial glass ceiling"

Extract from a book on white middle class women. Nice to know that women everywhere are equal - even if their equality is in the bad treatment meted out to them.

Is it true that a woman's identity in society is only on account of her relationships with a man?

So would you have no identity if you were not someone's daughter, sister, wife, mother?

Also is it true that most women dont want an identity apart from an identity from her relationship with her man?

On the other hand, why are men not defined by their relationships ? and why are they defined by their status and position in society?

And why is it that when either a man or a woman tries to break away from the mould (such as a man becoming a house husband or a woman becoming a career woman) the society just berates you?

Why is it that when i think of a holiday I automatically think I am supposed to be travelling outside India... Is it cos if I ever travel within India it will be only to kerala and back? why dont I consider a travel site within India itself especially since I have not seen most of it since my parents took me on a tour of India at the age of 2....

Is it some form of middle class mentality I carry around? That travel abroad is more glamourous that travel within India? Do I feel I have not travelled if I have not travelled to a different culture?

Whatever it is I would like to travel to Leh and Ladakh before I am too old.....

my pray

One of the lessons learnt by Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love is where she learns to forgive herself.... and that forgiveness enables her to move on to better things in life (read finding her soul mate)....

Forgiving yourself is one of the toughest things to do - even more difficult than forgiving others.... you could forgive others knowing that forgiving them would get rid of them from your life completely... but you are going to have to live with yourself even after you forgive yourself... and hence most often you are reluctant to forgive yourself easily... you chastise yourself more often in the hope that you can in some way become a better person.... well... as life shows being unforgiving results in you becoming the most unhappy person on earth...

now I am not big on forgiving.. forgiving others or myself for that matter... I hold on to past grudges and even more so when they dont apologise for their mistakes..... of late I have realised that asking for forgivness need not always precede you forgiving them... if I could quote the Bible on this Jesus forgave his crucifiers despite them not asking for any forgiveness...... I have to still master it...

Most of all I need to start forgiving myself .... for some of the choices I made which didnt quite work out the way I had hoped ..... for not rectifying my mistakes even when I knew I made a wrong choice .... and for not having the guts to take a bold decision when I could have cut short a messy situation with just that bold decision... for not listening to my own judgement which in many cases has proved accurate ...Above all I forgive myself for being an ordinary person who let herself live in the moment....

so what do you forgive yourself for today?

So I spoke to my sister about her imminent departure from the city... She was really sad.... My sister said "i am used to the Mumbai type of living - now to go somewhere and get used to that city all over again is such a pain... I hope i come back to mumbai soon...Christy was also sad... Arre I am leaving all my friends behind... who will I play with over there?"... Baby George was as always busy eating... he came on the phone and over a cacophony of sounds told me that he is eating fryums... and also mentioned the word Washington which I assume meant that he still remembered my teachings..... then I asked the most painful question to Christy- Will you forget me when you leave Mumbai? And Christy's response was uncharacterstic - "Why would I forget you? Why do you ask such questions?"... ok I got the answer I needed...

Later I spoke to a friend who is expecting and lamented about how my life in mumbai is changing without my sister and the kids... and she promptly said "you have my baby to play with when you come back".....

Yup... Life will go on....

So this is a painting I did of the Capitol Hill - and for the extremely critical I already rectified some of the obvious flaws in the painting... and my friend has already agreed to frame it up in her office....

Eat Pray Love or whatever you are interested in

I saw Eat Pray Love... liked it... and while the movie is a bit slow especially when gorgeous Javier Bardem comes in, the movie raised certain questions for me .... ofcourse the movie is about a woman's quest to find herself and to move on with her life... a situation that me and most of my girl friends have faced one time or the other in their lives.... so to that extent I could relate to the angst of not knowing what one is to do and where one is to go... and while I have overcome such existential questions to some extent in my life my quest for the real purpose of my life continues....

While I will come to the real learnings from the movie in another post the first question that struck me is this:

Why is it that every movie, serial, story ends with one finding your soul mate? Take serials such as Sex and the City, friends, or even how I met your mother - all of them ended with the characters finding their loves and beginning their happily ever after story ? For instance would there have been a story like Eat, Pray Love if finally she didnt find love? Would it have been the NY best seller if in the end she figured out that the biggest problem in her life was her relationships and she didnt want to venture into that territory anymore?

Would I have even been interested in reading that book?

So what is ultimately the message of such books and serials? that till you find love, you are really searching for yourself? and once that mythical love comes along, in a very Jerry Maguirish way, that love completes you? So you no longer have to go around the world to find yourself? that no matter your flaws, you can just stop bettering yourself since the purpose of your life (which was to find your soul mate) has been achieved? So you might be a self serving pig but since you have someone to love you you really can afford to be obnoxious to everyone else?

Does marriage and love really mean the end of your quest for self? Does it mean that one has solved all the formulas to deliver a perfectly rounded up number?

Or is it simply that once you are married or in love you really dont have time to spend on self? You are so caught up with the new identity that you are constantly pushing the self back?

I am not sure... the romantic in me wont read a book unless the perfect love comes to the door step.... but a part of me also doesnot like the newly minted fairy tales - which seem to camoflage the earlier messages of fairy tales like Cindrella, by putting the prince and the princess in modern settings such as new york and in various locations around the world such as India and Indonesia.

I am not sure I am making myself clear - but in stories such as Eat Pray Love, i see a very discomforting message....

When I was leaving India for the US in June, my sister and Baby George came home to see me off (Christy was in school).... and while they were leaving I hugged Baby George and cried ... Baby George was confused ... he looked at me, touched the tears rolling down and asked "Crying?"..... and that got a smile out of me... and my sister comforted me saying that you are gone only for 6 months and we will be here when you get back... and later in the night while waiting to catch the flight, my sister send me a message "bye. We will miss you."...

Anyways my sister and her family are making plans to leave India in October.... a turn of events I had not expected, especially when I am away from the country....so this is a letter of thanks to my sister and her two sons...

thankyou Chech for enriching my life for 5 years in Mumbai... I got to see Mumbai more because of you than anyone else.... be it the visit to Sanjay Gandhi national park, the Gateway of India, Taj, countless restaurants in Mumbai, the juhu beach... I loved eveyr cackle that came out of Christy and Baby George while buying balloons in Juhu, eating falooda at the stalls, driving on the Sea Link and touching the sea at Band Stand.....

thankyou for giving me the opportunity to see Baby George grow up... for me it was a life altering change... I never knew I could handle a new born and let alone be patient with it... but Baby George and I became fast friends and I will cherish the 3 odd years I watched him grow up... I am not sure whether he will remember those years but then I have the videos to show him....

thankyou for feeding me countless number of times... and giving me open access to your house whenever I wanted to stay over.... for enjoying my nutty attempts to fly the kite for Christy's benefit... for giving me Kachiya Moru everytime I came over... so much so that it provoked Christy to say "You eat so much in our house and you dont even say thankyou to my mother"... ofcourse I chased him around... but I am saying thankyou now for all of that....

Thankyou for the 5 years of incredible fun....Mumbai and I will miss you....

And as I wrote this a drop of water fell down on my fingers.... Yes, Baby George, I am crying...

A bad carpenter always blames his tools.... so I had one of those moments when I was complaining to my dad about how it is such a chore to cook.... and how no matter what recipe I follow the food always tastes bad... and then almost defensively explained to my dad that somehow the vegetables here dont have the same taste as the veggies back home... and dont even talk about the spices... most of the spices have lost all their flavours by the time they land up here and hence my food tastes really really bad...

My dad listened patiently and then said "No, I dont think so. I think you are just a bad cook"....

and before I could even protest he immediately said "I will give it to Mummy"... and promptly handed over the phone to my squealing mom....

So as soon as I had challenged the rain gods to put up a better show, the rain gods decided to teach me in the best possible way...

So it was Sunday morning .... it was beautiful outside with the cool breeze hinting of an early autumn... and I was like "I need to expore the city in this beautiful weather"...and I looked at the umbrella and said "nah. I can handle the rains here"....

So I wore an elegant flowy white summer dress and took the metro to the embassy row ... embassy row is akin to our Chankya Puri in Delhi where all the embassies are housed ...... so one of the first embassies I spotted was the Indian embassy with a huge statute of Gandhi in front ... and for independence day (August 15) it was awfully quiet at the Indian embassy - have to say Indian embassies everywhere have best buildings.... and soon it was time to spot the Indonesian embassy which had a fantastic and artistic building with nice green tiles and cream coloured walls... and I walked past the embassies of Korea, Chad, Luxembourg, Bulgaria etc. and the final building which was the artistic building of the Islamic centre with its beautiful minarets and Persian writing in the heart of DC...

and thats when the rain gods decided to smile, nay laugh, at me ... sure enough it started as a drizzle... and I walked confidently thinking to myself - ha, this is rain? Let them come to India and see the monsoons!... and almost on cue, the rain intensified and soon it was a mini monsoon... even then my arrogance knew no bounds and I took refuge under a tree outside the Thai embassy.... and waited impatiently for the poor show of rain to stop... well as you already guessed it didnt.... and before long I realised that I am soon in danger of looking like Mandakani in a drenched white dress in the middle of the most international street of Washington -not the best thing to happen on Indian independence day....

I soon took refuge in the embassy of Cote d'Ivoire... and stayed outside the doors for close to 1 hour... .all the while trying to placate the rain gods for my presumptous behaviour ....... suffice to say I had to hop from one country to another to escape the unforgiving rain .... so I hopped from the embassy of Cote d'Ivoire to the embassy of South Korea and then to the embassy of Greece, and then finally to the embassy of Indonesia where I found a cab and dived in....

Note to myself - if I become the PM, make good will visits to these countries....

I recently had a conversation with a colleague here in DC...

Me: So have you seen any bollywood movies"? (Now when I ask this question, by the term bollywood I mean Karan Johar, SRK, everything is pink and rosy, lots of songs and dancing female extras....)

Colleague: "Ohh Yeah. I have seen Slumdog Millionare"

Slumdog Millionaire has single handedly while highlighting a genuine problem given all of Mumbai and India a bad name ... I hope people are more sensible than believing that India is all about the slums and poverty....

If there is something "super" India can produce - is it a "superbug"... I cant understand why India is angry... but can we deny the fact that our environment might actually be very very potent for bugs... I remember the Sars virus came to India and died... well... I just wish they would find a cure for the superbug soon so that India does not have to be associated with it....

Washington is having thunderstorms - and by thunderstorms I mean the normal monsoon rains, turned down 2 notches and raining for about 2 hours of the day... so here i was all brazed up to face the thunderstorms and seeing what the thunderclouds sent down I almost felt like screaming at the clouds "ohh comeon, you can do better than that..... this is too mild ... and let me hear some thunders"... and just as the words were formed in my brain, the rains left the plains.....

the rainy season is the best time of the year for me.... I find it just right, a mix of hot and cold, wet, beautiful horizons ....

I love advertisements - its short, funny, and you get to see what is out there in the market. Additionally advertisements also point to the biases that exist in society... so most often I find advertisements in India somewhat retro - most often women are shown as being in the kitchen, there is no recognition of a working mother, it is always the mom that washes the clothes of the children and it is always the mom that cooks the delicious food for the husband and the kids and beauty is still measured by the fairness of your skin...

yeah I know all the above is actually what happens but I feel that advertisements like movies have the potential to influence society... so more often than not I have expressed my angst at some of the degrading advertisements...

So it was interesting for me to study the advertisements here in the US to see how progressive they are and whether they seek to break the stereotypes.... Well the report card is out and I am sorry to say it is not that different from what we have back home...

Moms are still the ones that wash the clothes, prepare the meals and take the kids to the playgrounds.... ofcourse fairness is not a criteria here for the fear of being called a racist.... there are ofcourse more ads showing working women ... but most of them are for reproductive health care products (thus recognising a sort of sexual liberation).... and then there are advertisements that show women as bimbos as well....

I guess perception everywhere is the same.....

name of a company: "________ Tomato Processors".....

I dont know why I kept laughing at the name.... what next? "_________Potato Peelers"?

Dont feel like writing anything today but soon the things I plan to write on include:

A. commute by the Metro
B. Food and cuisines of DC
C. My list of top 10 things of DC

bye for now...

Okkk this morning one of my neighbours stole my newspaper.... I am so pissed... getting up in the morning and looking at the newspaper is one of the things I look forward to in my day anywhere in the world.... so I am really pissed... so pissed that I feel like putting up an all night vigil just to see who is stealing ....

And no, crime in the US does not feel better than crime in India.... it still makes me as angry....

Okk.... just heard the news that my sister may be leaving India sometime soon.... my heart sank... and I am sure my sister is heartbroken as well to leave Mumbai... I cant imagine not having my sister in the same city after having her for 5 long years... and to think that I wont get to see Baby George every weekend is very distressing to me... and sitting all the way here in DC is really adding to the mess... if i was in Mumbai I would have been spending time with the kids and my sister... Mumbai wont be the same without them for sure.... my only consolation is that they have promised to visit India every year so that gives me something to look forward to.... I really really miss being in India right now....

in other news I have decided to attack painting with a vengenance... I realised painting is nothing but mixing colours to produce a calming effect... so that extent I still dont see any sense in some of the modern paintings which shows disfigured human beings ... but I am no one to question it so I am going to enjoy my paintings.... who knows I might just be able to sell them to my friends for a rupee....

Anyways right now I am upset about my sister leaving Mumbai and me not being there to see them off.... shucks.... the modern economy is so tragic... driving families apart....

I am so pissed off about a report from India that says that an adivasi girl was striped and paraded naked and almost raped by the locals... it was like a free for all party....

I am disgusted at this system... sometimes I feel that all this talk about Indian culture is bogus... morality is the lack of opportunity... and everyone when given an opportunity would just make the best of the situation and be selfish.... afterall there is no one to question you so why not?

I am disgusted with myself as well...I have not done an ounce to help my fellow women... despite all the priveleges that God has given me and which I am grateful for...

I need to do some serious thinking..... and to all the women out there - please start thinking about what you can do for the women in India..... even a little bit will help...

A friend of mine recently commented about how someone has left law and started a restaurant business in London... and while I said that is good, my friend said his life must be so much better than ours - he does not have to listen to clients screaming at him, worry about deadlines, do boring documentation etc etc... and I listened intently and I wondered why is it that people think being in a high pressure job like that of a lawyer or an investment banker is akin to social suicide... well yes you dont have personal time and most of the time your life is dictated by the demands of crazy clients and bosses... and most often you really want to tear your hair apart cos your team just didnt pull it together.... I could go on and on about the perils of being a lawyer...

but I have to ask... which job doesnt run all these perils? maybe to a different degree or of a different kind.. but tell me one job that does not entail stress and emotions.... take for instance the restaurant guy.... I wonder whether he doesnot have to stress about getting the ingredients on time, listen to clients complaining about food being served bad, worry about the quality, worry about the employees, worry about running the establishment accordingly to the laws etc etc.... all in all I think running a restaurant is not as stress free as it is cut out to be - no people, eating at a good restaurant is not the same as running it....

so when I asked my friend - you mean you would much rather cook for people than draft documents for people? and my friend said yes. and therein lies the difference - you just have to love what you do otherwise even cooking would make you squirm... or even documentation would make you scream... only if you love what you are doing then can you say you are totally happy...

Let me know when you find out what is it that you love to do... I am discovering new new things everyday myself...

I am bit staggered by the news that our census think Indian housewives dont do any productive work and hence should be clubbed along with beggars and prsotitutes (the fact that prostitutes dont do any productive work is also suspect)....



Having a sister and a mom who are both live at home moms, I wonder what price the Government would have paid to have the same services rendered by a professional... I mean my mom may drive me crazy, but she picked up after me when I was young, protected me, made sure she jumped into the sea when i was swept away in a wave and saved me, made sure that I dont associate with the wrong men at an impressionable age, goes through worry after worry cos I am not married, give me advice when I least expect her to do so... and above all gives me a place I can call home.... and same goes for my sister... she takes her kids safely to school, prepares meals for them, teaches them, throws them bday parties cos they shd feel good (even though it is staggering excruciation for her).... and above all the boys feel that they are coming to a stable home...



I ask the Government - how can you put a price on this? if you can please do cos I would really like to know the savings made in a household cos the housewife chooses to stay at home and look after her children and her home...



While what the Government says does not really change the importance of a mother and wife in the house... I wonder what it will teach the generations who are going to grow up in the next decade reading our "higher ups" thot a house wife is someone akin to a beggar and a prostitute.....

A day in the flea market in DC

Fundamental Questions

So there are some fundamental questions that I get asked by everyone since I am now working in the US.... how do you find the city? How are you managing your food? how long are you here? when do you shift to London (Sept 17th btw)? and then the bigges..

What do you think is the difference between India and US in terms of working style... now mind you I have asked the same question to people who just migrated to India... and like them I am expected to give the expected answer... yeah working here is a breeze compared to India.... just that I dont particularly feel I want to feel breezy at work... I like the hustle bustle of work life... yeah things could improve in India such as infrastructure, life styles but to me what I have in India is fine too.. so to many peoples surprise I answer that I dont particularly find much of a difference except probably cultural diff... Indians are a bit more aggresive and competitive... so many times the client is not pleasant and hence you end up being unpleasant to your juniors... and in India there are so many demands made on you on so many matters that keeping a cool head is way low in your priority... and to top it all India being a developing economy is still evolving its laws and hence the laws are constantly changing and it becomes tough for a lawyer to manage to track the law...... yes, we could be more sensitive.... we could spend time in mentorship...

in any event when I say the above I am met with squeals of laughter ... and accusations that I am trying to justify what I am stuck with...... okk... so be it...

All this brings to me one aspect of my life that I have noticed... since NLS I have had to justify many many things in life.... so i would meet a stranger and they would degrade NLS and call it the snob college with no substance.... and then I would go into defending myself and my college... and call people jealous etc etc... I didnt face this form of attack when I was in IDFC.. infact many people would not even mention it to me since they considered IDFC to be irrelevant to the legal profession... so I think I was allowed to be an "unjustified" IDFC worker... I just worked in my happy space (and I loved the work that I was doing in IDFC as well) and while the world was busy chasing invisble butterflies ....

but nothing had prepared me for the onslaught that happened when I shifted to AMSS... now I was aware that many people dont get AMSS and that everyone in the legal world has an opinion about it... and not always good.... but that the criticism would be to this extent was something I never anticipated... the first signs of this came when I went to a casual dinner with friends... and suddenly all shifted to me and started asking me about my work and my work life balance... and me being the "spaced out" person didnt understand the intent of these questions and answered quite honestly that work is killing but I like it blah blah.... they turned the conversation around to say AMSS really kills people and no wonder they lose people... and then it dawned on me that this was actually an attack on AMSS rather than a query about me and my life.... ... yet again at another innocent party, I met a senior of mine and enquired about his law firm (another top one in india) opening up a new office... and the senior (who I still respect) asked me "ohh is AMSS spying on us now?" I was like - what??????????????? and then every question I asked was turned into an AMSS plot to bury competition by using industrail espionage and good looking spies (yeah, cos I so look like Jolie in Salt).... yet another senior from NLS who met me for my Boss's event when I asked "how's work?" went on a spiel about how he is really busy and he doesnot have enough people... and how unlike "certain" big law firms he does not believe in growing in size without quality... and I looked at him and wondered - dude, i am not really that important in AMSS so if you really want to insult the firm I will be happy to introduce you to my Boss and my Boss's boss and everyone I know in the firm - let your angst out to them not me...

and thats when I realised that it is their problem and not mine.... as they say being criticised is a sure sign that you are important to be criticised.... so enjoy it.... now I try to have a benigh smile on my face when AMSS is beaten up... or maybe I have just become bored of such conversations.....

Being in the US one cannot be far away from the debates about the economic policies followed by the Government to beat the recession... while Obama is going to the cleaners shouting that the economy is in such a state only on account of a decade of republican vices... and republicans are prompt to criticise Obama for what they say are going to shrink the economy rather than grow....

And that is where I have figured out the crucial difference between Republican and Democratic parties... ofcourse I need more information... but the thin line that divides the Republican party and Democractic party in economic policy is their view about Government regulation... the former believes in total free economy... completely free hand to deal with the business anyway you like.... the market will correct itself.... while the latter has traditionally been more in favour of a regulated growth.... and with the economic crisis blowing the lid off the Republican theory of market correcting itself (none of them contemplated the effect it would have on the common people), people are now confused about Obama's handling of the economy...

the main grouses seem to be the tax increases proposed by Obama... Obama proposes to increase taxes for the rich, regulate the banks more and make the Government a strong pillar of the economic recovery (not that there is any other way)... many cry foul claiming that the increase in taxes would make it difficult for the business to be profitable... they want a free hand in governing their business and dont want regulation to scuttle their efforts.... they Obama as anti-business .... and most importantly all of them who are criticising Obama are very rich and not very affected by the crisis...

I have a pretty strong view of what the Government should do and should not do... while on the one hand there is my father who was very upset when the Indian Government sold Modern bread saying "what is the use of this Government if they cant even provide bread to the people of this country?" .... while I dont subscribe to this view at all.... there is also the other view which is that Governments have stifled growth for so long in India it is time they got out....

both have merit.... but my preference is for a "vigilant" Government... a Government that is out of the business of making money but is vigilant enough to step in when it affects the larger public good (for instance the hiking up of prices, or even inducing shortage of goods in the market etc.)... hence I prefer the Government to concentrate on areas that are not going to be money making enterprises for the private sector such as education, agriculture, law and order, rural roads and bridges.... and deflect the private sector business into the other sectors where private sector is likely to make more money... yet the entry of the private sector has to be regulated so that their entry and exit do not cause massive distress to the economic infrastructure of the country... for instance, you dont ICICI to collapse one fine day... you want the Government to regulate the banking business enough to ensure that banks dont run out...

I am not entirely a proponent of the mixed economy - but I believe the Government cannot be far away from the economic process either.... it is a fine balance...

What is my thought for the day?

Everyday I labour to figure out my thot for the day since I feel I have such limited time in Washington I must have a new thot everyday.... well today the thot is this...

The whole debate about me liking Mumbai better than Washington has evoked very mixed reactions from people.... some were like - "you cant be serious"... how can you like a dump like Mumbai? and others understood...

net net I realise that the place you call home is not cos that place is the cleanest, prettiest, busiest, richest or even the most comfortable... but it is home cos there are so many things attached to it such as your family, job, heart, lifestyle, comfort, familiarity, people, culture and your sense of being in the city... I think it was my cousin who pointed out that I like Mumbai cos I developed my wings there... maybe true....but I think I really developed my wings in Law School.... but Mumbai allowed me to fly I guess....

In the end it is all about how familiar a place becomes to you that you consider it as the place where you can be yourself... I have never felt that form of familiarity with any other city than Mumbai... not even when I was a student at LSE for a year... I just kept thinking of going back to Mumbai.... maybe if I stay in another city for as long as I have stayed in Mumbai I might just consider that city my home....

Falling for Niagara