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London and its colours

Sedition case against Arundati?

hmm... that is a new one I have heard of.... so it seems Ms.Roy proclaimed that Kashmir is not a part of India and India is an occupying force.... and the sedition laws of India, which are a carry forward from our British raj days, prescribes that ms. Roy can be prosecuted since she might have fostered violence against the country....

leaving aside the legal nuansances of the sedition law, would I, as a citizen, get offended by what Ms. Roy said? come to think of it I would think she went a tad too far... I am all for human rights and that includes the ability to criticise the government but I think Ms.Roy went too far when she claimed that Kashmir was not a part of India... just because she is an Indian citizen and will always stay in India does not make that statement any less.... wouldnt we get offended if a Pakistani says the same thing? yes, we get crazy when Pakistan goes on and on about it... so for Ms. Roy to appear to break up our country and say that Kashmir is not a part of India is quite offensive...

having said that, I think the best way for the government is to ignore her... she is quite irrelevant in the Kashmir issue... nobody listens to her... and she is not going to influence pubilc opinion significantly.... the government should just give her a strict warning and let her off... like a bad child who just stole money from the principal.....

I just spoke to Baby George in Africa! That is something I never thot i would say ...

He was at home since he had fever.... and so he came promptly to the phone and told me that he had fever, that his brother was troubling him and that the road next to his house was called halesannasy road (or something similar).... ahhh baby George has not changed much....

I was even more happy to hear that they will be coming back to India in April/May and will be in Mumbai for 10 days!! Wowow.... God that means I have to find a house that can weather Christy and Baby George for so many days!!! I better do some searching.....

resolutions for this weekend.

A. Pack my camera and capture changing colours of autumn
B. Visit at least one of the famous markets in London - Camden preferably
C. Piano classes.

the office here has a small cafeteria which is more like a little alley in the middle of the office.... this is where people go to get some coffee or other refreshments... usually that is a place that I dont frequent except to grab a glass of water....

nowadays courtesy certain high profile meetings, some left over snacks have been placed in this cafeteria... instantly transforming this unassuming cafeteria into a den of complete gastronomical delight....and as I pass by this place, the succulent danish pastry calls out to me in the most inviting of its aromas....and then there is the heart melting (also melts in your mouth) blueberry muffin which seems to be calling out to me saying 'please take me home'....

and in the most british and Macbethian way I feel like crying out 'out you damned muffin.. out of my thoughts!'.... have I succeeded?

I shall never eat and tell....

so yday my friend and I took a walk down westminister ... I love the westminister anytime of the day and particularly at night .... the presence of the gold coloured buildings in the middle of London against the Thames is always such a beautiful awe insprising sight.....

ofcourse while I was there I could not help being the armchair activist that I am - so I went in front of the westminister and shouted 'give us our kohinoor back!!!'... with the full conviction that a berieved Indian would have..... the only problem was that the night time shouting attracted the attention of the policemen.... and my friend had to literally pull me away from my useless activism to avoid being caught....

Hmmm... I dont know why I even screamed that out... I really do not want the kohinoor back.... it is not even that great looking.... and it is said that the empire that has the kohinoor always fails... and they say that is why the British Empire lost all its colonies (ofcourse not to take away credit from the little minions like Gandhi and others who chucked them out)....

People I really need to channelise my activism somewhere.....

Today the weatherman said that the temperature in London would be around 16 - I almost clapped my hands in glee thinking 'ohhh it will be such a lovely day!!!'.... then I stopped to think... I am actually getting excited about the temperature being 16 degrees?

I remember 6 years ago when I had visited Washington from London my friend had checked the temperature for me and had informed me that the temperature is around 25 degrees... and i remember retorting 'ohh my God, that is hot!!'...

and to think I claim loyalty to Mumbai where the minimum temperature is 15 and the highest is.. well... it can be anything....

My friend who lives in the UK during one of my many conversations mentioned that life in the UK for an Indian can be very lonely.....

That observation shocked me a bit since I feel absolutely at home in London..... I get everything I need over here (including sambar from Waitrose) and there are so many Indians over here that you feel at home..... then my friend clarified - you feel isolated because there is no one you can take liberties with ... like you can when you are in India....

And I thought to myself - that is so true.... one of my many cultural learnings here in the UK is that you never impose beyond a certain point... nobody is that welcoming into their homes here... and they would invite you only if they know you that well... though I have been very lucky to be called by several english people to their homes I could understand what my friend was saying.... there is something secure in knowing that something is yours....your country, your people, your relatives....you naturally take liberties with it....

Ahh... now I am not feeling so stupid about wanting to go back to Mumbai/India still... it is mine - with all its problems, craziness, dirt and absolute chaos.... mine to adopt, destroy, adapt, change, accept, modify, cleanse.. whatever my mind wants....

In the UK there is a very interesting concept called the shadow cabinet... that dominated the news the first time I landed up here... the Labour party was selecting the shadow cabinet... at first I wondered why would the labour party need a cabinet at all? shadow or otherwise....but the word shadow did suggest that there was more to it....

so shadow cabinet dear readers is the cabinet that the opposition party creates to counter the actual cabinet of the ruling party... so for every chancellor of the exchequer there was shadow chancellor of the exchequer.... so on and so forth...

Very interesting concept... though I doubt that adds more value to reasoned political behaviour....

What does it mean to be gracious? There are people you meet in life and you wonder how they are able to maitain their poise and grace in times of adversity... particularly I find grace in elders...

what does grace signify to me.... To me grace signifies the ability of the person to look beyond the present and at the big picture .... grace means you still keep your cool when you are being attacked... grace means you are the first one to complement an adversary on their success... grace means acknowledging a peer's superior success.... grace also means you are humble about your success... grace means you are secure in your own skin...grace means helping a friend through a crisis even if you are badly beaten down in life or even when you are really doing well in life without making the friend concious about it....

needless to say being gracious is a tough art... and I have observed more closely the lack of grace in mine and other peoples behaviour....so there are law schoolites who bitch about their peers - some of the bitching couched in very kind words 'yeah, for him to reach that level, it is superb'... or 'I have not heard anything great about this person'.... or 'well, you never know how much of all this is true'.....and as always there is the AMSS bashing which is a definite sign of lack of grace in a person (ofcourse I never tire pointing it out on this blog).....so I have heard laments like 'That is something that would never happen in my firm'... or 'well at least we have a fair chance in our firms'.... or the worst 'you dont need to know the law to be a partner in India'.... all of these ofcourse make me go through a range of emotions such as laughter, to anger to non-chalance....and I try to be very gracious in my approach (I said try - doesnt mean that I am always).... and when they talk badly about my firm I in turn talk highly about their organisation.... hoping to neutralise the insecurity that is driving the diatribe .... but most often such grace is wasted on really insecure people and hence they wind back to the same point....

at least you were gracious is what my friends tell me... and I sometimes wonder whether it is better to plummel the enemy to the ground with my bare acidic tongue or sit on a cloud perched high above ground with a halo around my head feeling very angelic and close to God....

Hmm... tough choice people....

So this weekend was as usual busy.... first off was the Chocolate making class.... which was conducted by the Cadbury institute... and in a span of 3 hours I was rolling, beating, whipping chocolate truffles into perfection... and by the end of it I had about 8 packets full of truffles... and one of my friends who ate it actually said it was really good..... .. my friend from India has also asked me to keep aside a bag of chocolates .... alternate career??? nah... chocolate making is really not my life style.... but if ever asked the irritating question of 'do you cook?' I could perhaps say 'yes, I can make chocolates with a teacher around!'... I am sure I will appeal to the arranged marriage market more with that answer....

And then it was meeting up friends... and watching a bollywood movie... surprisingly no Indians in the crowd and all of them were even more appreciative of our cinema... I was soooo happy to explain the various cultural aspects of the movie (I might have developed a few new Indian cultural aspects)........ followed by great dinner and conversations... its surprising how many people at the table were staunch christians... all of them the same generation as me... but all of them were staunch christians .... they also attend church on a regular basis... wowo.... I did feel like a really useless christian there...

as I said falling in love with london this time seems so easy....but when somebody in the crowd asked me 'do you want to go back to India?' I immediately replied 'yes, ofcourse!'....guess I still love mumbai - that crazy, dirty, always in a tizzy city.... what is wrong with me????

So many things to write about..... meeting with an old law school friend where we shared a lot of laughs, meeting with a new friend, making plans with an newish but old friend, call from another law school classmate who I have not spoken to in 10 years almost and discussing politics with my American neighbour....

Wow.... seems like a lot to do but that is how busy I have been.... I have also made plans for the weekend which definitely include classes, soho, church and bollywood.... I am not sure how much I wil get to do all these things but I am going to try... I have been so busy with all these things that I have not yet had the time to go out and take some pics of London....

Some of the gems I have learned about:

My piano teacher who told that I should always keep all my fingers on the keyboard.... because you never know what note might come up.... and I looked at him and said 'that is pretty much like life'... and he laughed in a way that only a shy syrian boy can saying 'you are probably right'.... and then we played away....

and another quote I heard today from my new Nigerian friend ... apparently said by a Ugandan dictator 'thank you for your hospitality, I shall retaliate'.... I laughed my head out.... surely he must have retaliated....

have I said that I love London a lot this time round?

I have been delaying giving my clothes for dry cleaning for a while now .... mainly because I want to get suggestions for a good dry cleaning place that is convenient for me to pick up from ... and since I spent most of my time in office I thot something close to the office would be the best..... and as luck would have it they have a dry cleaning service that comes and picks up clothes from the office itself!! and that just made life a bit more easier....I should try and recommend this to my boss back home...

In other news, I read on CNN that a paper in Uganda had published names and pictures of all gays and lesbians in the country.....with the caption - kill them or something similar.... and my colleague over here is Ugandan and I was teasing him about it...and then I turned to my British colleague and commented that the lowest (or somewhere close to the lowest) category of human being you can be in the world is a black, muslim, lesbian......in her typical stiff upper lip british way my colleague responded 'with one leg'.... I burst out laughing....

I love the British - I am beginning to understand their sense of humour now...

The topic of friendships seem to be occuping my thoughts these days.... recently a person I had not been in touch with for the past decade due to some misunderstanding or better understanding (one never knows) mentioned to another common friend that I had stopped talking to them!

and given all the angst that I have been facing with friendships lately it got me thinking about what does it take to preserve a relationship? When do you walk out of the relationship? What is the final straw that finally breaks your tolerance level and makes you want to get the person out of your life?

And finally, can a broken relationship be mended? Can you ever get back to what you had?

In my book, between friends if there is lack of respect or appreciation, then that is the last straw. And my threshold is quite high... so somebody has to demonstrate a lack of appreciation or respect consistently for me to break off....and lack of respect can be demonstrated in many ways - not making the time, not keeping in touch, not participating in the happy moments, not understanding what is important to your friend,not making the effort to be nice..... so if I am the one who is making all the effort to keep the friendship going then after sometime I switch off... so it comes as a surprise to me when people actually get surprised that I moved away - since they didnt think anything great about the effort I was making! or if I am constantly berated or pulled down then that is a sign that I should not associate with this person... I mean really what is the point if you really feel bad about yourself and your life when you are with this person....

Also these factors change with age... after a certain age you really do not want to make an effort.... you are too busy with your life and you just dont see the need to put up with rubbish...

can a relationship be mended? I have not been successful at that yet... maybe if the hurt is really minor and the person does make enough of an effort with me then probably....now I dont mean to say that I dont have fights with friends at all... I do... but even when I do my focus always remains on the larger picture....that this is a relationship that is worth investing in... and I expect that from the other person as well...so if both of you are mature then you are to move past that fight.... and if it doesnot happen then I really move on....

i really dont know... someone said that to have a good friend you need to be a good friend first....and that you are lucky if you have 2-3 good friends in your life....most of the people you consider friends fall by the wayside in the course of your meandering life.....

all I can say is - how true....

Today something special happened to me.... I started my piano classes at the Royal Academy of Music, London today.... my instructor is a young Syrian pianist.... and I started this morning at 7:30 a.m.

It was afetr a span of 22 years that I was touching a piano... in my hey days I used to read the notes and play quite well at church events.... I stopped my classes after i came back to India... mainly on account of a lack of enthusiasm on my part to do anything beneficial for myself....and then after that I did not look at a piano again....

Till today.... as the instructor took me through the lessons about the notes, reading the notes and playing them slowly all of that came back to me.... I was able to immediately recollect what I used to do with my piano..... and the instructor noticed this in me... within 20 mins he had moved me from the beginners level to slightly more senior (I dont know what that is).... and slowly him and me started playing the piano... very very tentative steps... and I throughly enjoyed the experience!! I kept wondering why it is that I didnt bother to learn this instrument when I was in Mumbai..... The instructor was only unhappy about the way I place my fingers... accordingly to him, it was important to relax and place the fingers lightly... and soon I saw the reason why all piants stay upright and have their fingers positioned in a particular way....

I have discovered one more thing that I can do when I move back to Mumbai....its strange... I never knew that I had all these interests in me when I was in India...and over here my interest range from photography, to painting, to piano to writing! and I am sure I will be no good at all of these but I think I enjoy having so many different things to do.... its also curious that I have picked up activities that are by its very nature very lonely activities to do.... be it painting, photography or even writing.... all of these activities are done without company...

Well to rectify that I have decided to enroll for a chocolate making class in London at the Cadbury centre....yummmm...

One of the most irritating things that I encounter in life is a rehash of my past.... be it the stupid mistakes I made while at law school (so I did not always study in law school, so sue me) or the stupid people I used to hang around with in the past, or the past grievenaces that I may have related to some people about people who are still in my life...

I take this as a part of growing up... everybody makes stupid mistakes in life... be it in your choice of friends, boyfriends, studies, etc... I would really like to find someone who has not made that mistake... I also feel that in life if you want to survive and build relationships it is important to overlook some of the mistakes... and you should take the bad with the good and vice-versa... nobody is perfect and if all my friends started avoiding me because of some stupid oversight by me I would have no friends at all....or for that matter your parents - your parents are bound to irritate you and let you down over a period of time... and as part of growing up you end up accepting them with their flaws... and sometimes maintain an equilibrium which maintains sanity in your life....

either ways, it is your choice alone... while others can advice about how one should go ahead and conduct themselves, it really should be left to the choice of the person on how they handle the situation....

so I absolutely hate it when some people rehash the past to point out that I am still making the same mistake... recently someone told me that I am still being stupid because I am forgetting all the bad things that a certain person had done to me.... and the person went on to potray me as some sort of 'bent over backwards' idiot for deciding to keep in touch with the person in my life.....

at that moment I regretted having shared so much with this person.... especially since this person was not being constructive and was using the past conversations to actually force a course of action or prove a certain point to me... which i absolutely loathe anyone doing...

truth be told as a typical libran I avoid confrontation... and that is why I do not walk out of people's lives that obviously (even though I might have mentally switched off) or even cut out people from my life that cruelly... and in most cases I have learnt to accept the good with the bad... and I sure as hell expect my friends to do the same for me..... if I have made a mistake and I still dont seem to get it I expect my friends to accept me for that... ofcourse there are exceptions to the rule but those exceptions are my decision and not anyone elses....

so what lesson did I learn... to keep my mouth shut except with a select few...

Contrary to what people may expect me to say I strongly support the hindu cause as far as Ayodhya land is concerned...and NOOOOO I dont support the vandalisma and the killings that accompanied the demolition... nor do I support the anti muslim policies followed by the politicians or even the anti - hindu policies followed by the politicians...

But with respect to Ayodhya I have one main reason to support the cause... whether Ram was born there or not (although the high court seems to think so) is still a moot point..... however, if the millions of hindu hold a singular and strong belief that this is where Ram was born and Muslims do not regard that mosque as being anything special or worship in it then I feel deference should be given to the hindus... for better or worse, hindus believe that this is the most holiest of their sites and want to worship over there... and muslims do not even worship in the mosque anymore .... and hence the best thing to happen would be to hand over the land (at least the birthplace) to the hindus and let the mosque remain as it is.... there should not have been any demolition of any kind... both should have accepted each others sensitivities and moved on.... hindus could have continued to worship within the mosque premises and muslims could have anyways moved away from the mosque since they dont hold it to be holy place....

I know this would open up a plethora of cases where on the basis of a belief people could be asked to renounce land... and which is why I make this exception only in respect of the birth place of Ram... given its importance to the large section of the hindu community....the generousity of the muslims would have helped at this point of time.....

But that is a thing of the past... the mosque was demolished... and that changed the dynamics of the case.... there would be no way in which the muslims can forget that...

I was surprised to learn that the whole title suit was initially filed by a very poor man in Allahabad... he did that to protect the rights of his community... and he went almost bankrupt for it...

to think people with very very low income actually do fabulous things in India... another rickshaw driver actually runs a library to disseminate education..... then imagine what we, with our corporate jobs, can do....

Think about it...

Turns out my mom has been more upset about my friends changing colour than me.... she said she kept wondering why I was being treated the way I was by some friends.... and ofcourse her conclusion was that it was because I could be a potential disturbance in their life!!! That it is not easy for them to handle a visitor especially since they have kids now....

Which is a fact that has been driven home by my friends.... cos it is difficult to plan anything with these friends since they have kids... and the usual refrain is 'Alice, I have a baby now. You wont understand what it is like'... and I am like, excuse me? do you necessarily have to use that tone with me?? I mean I am not a stupid person (broad concensus being that lawyers are generally of above average intelligence) and I do have siblings with kids... and hence a mere suggestion of what to do with the kid would have been enough for me to get the point rather than a sermon on how difficult your life is and how I have it easier than you.... I almost feel like screaming 'hey, dont take out the anger/frustration on me buddy'....

But on a serious note I wish I didnt have to confront these issues... especially now....I want to assure all my married with kids friends that I do not have the slightest intention of spending more time than necessary with them not because they are boring or lead uninteresting lives but because to be honest I am really too busy filling up my day... at the moment I have too many things to do and too many things to learn so to be honest, it is really not my cup of tea to actually sit at home with people with kids!! I mean absolutely no offence but I mean it in the most selfish of ways - this is a very unique period in my life and i really do not want to waste time cooped up inside a house with a baby which does not even share my bloodline....

On another note, the story of the 3 abandoned baby girls just got me thinking about what I could do for them... adoption did come up but my friend was quick to point out - you are NOT ready to be a mother yet... a fact that I knew myself... but then when is anyone ever ready for change ???

I was recently having a discussion with a friend... this friend's brother is gay and i was asking about the reaction to such news.... my friend said something surprising - that if given a chance the brother would choose not to be gay...

Now that stumped me a bit.... I know it is easier to be straight and not gay... but is it something that a gay person does with a lot of regret?? almost to say, I wish I was not gay, but since I am now i have to live with this cross....

I like the episodes of Will & Grace where Jack is always so proud to be gay....and makes fun of people because they are straight....

This weekend was, simply put - AWESOME!

I am falling more and more in love with London.... a complete contrast from what I felt when I was in London as a student......

So on Sat I did a sight seeing tour of London with an authentic Londener... which ended almost in the emergency room of a hospital because the authentic Londonder's eyes got hurt... I suspect it was the animated discussion we were having on Bollywood music and dance that brought about the animated movement of the eyes...either ways I managed to see a fair bit of London even if it was just walking around Oxford Street, Marlyeborne Road and Angel....

I have to say that London is handsdown the most cosmopolitcan city that I have lived in.... ofcourse NY would be a close competition but London to me has offered a lot more feeling of welcome.... Like I keep saying, London feels like home this time round.... and in someways my yearning for Mumbai has diminished to a certain extent....

And then it was time for my weekend classes.... creative writing to be more precise.... and we were all asked to develop a character ... and I developed on my "Mostly Harmless" series about my co-desk mate.... he turned out to be quite an interesting character.... I noticed however that writing to many was a serious vocation... they hoped to earn money out of this... and to that extent many were ready to undercut the other and put down the others efforst...but I was in it for the pleasure of it... and I loved developing my character... and listening to writers describe where they got their insipiration from....

and then I rounded off my weekend with a nice meal at Woodlands off Oxford Street... something I used to make fun of when my boss did it... but have to say Pongal in NY is wayyyyy better than Woodlands in London... eitherways I packed sambar and dal for the next two days....

Now time for me to wrap up my weekend....

London - awesome. 2010 - even more awesome!

I just saw the clippings of the closing and opening ceremony of the CWG games... and I have to say that it BLOODY IMPRESSIVE!...

Now ofcourse the Government has quietly started probing the corruption involved... and that just made me tinge a bit... why did we have to have these controversies attached to the game? Is our press more agressive than the press outside?

All in all I think India has shown that they can pull it off... but here in London there is still a feeling that India nearly did not ... and that is sad... that we are viewed as a nation that can falter on its commitments.... somebody here likened it to a wedding... where until the groom arrives the house is chaotic but the family gets it together for the groom to enter the house.... I am not sure I like it that analogy but whatever people want to believe...

I had not called my parents for a while now.. mainly cos of work... so today when I called her during my break my mom was quick to ask me 'i hope you are not calling me because you are busy with a boyfriend'....

whatttt... when did my mom become so cool..... 'mom, so you are happy if I dont call you if I have a boyfriend?'... 'yeah, now I will accept you having a boyfriend - just get married to him after 1 year at least'...

My mom certainly moves with the times ....

I am slightly aggresive when it comes to India and people bad mouthing India... not when there is a genuine reason to put down India but when the person making the statement is just reflecting what the white man would have said a century ago or making statements which clearly reflect a lack of sensitivity or worse thought....

so right now I have discovered someone who is even more gungho about India and ready to wage a war.. my boss! He is in London at the moment and I have met him in NY as well for an India related conference... and everytime he is here he speaks about India with such pride... he is proud of our heritage, our maturity, our politics, our legal system and our ability to convert our destiny... he quoted from Nehru who had mentioned in 1947 that freedom was India's tyrst with destiny... and he was proudly relating the Economist story that said that India will overtake China in 5 years...

Finally I see someone who is as gungho about India as me...and having no shame about it... who believes in the India story...

This is an argument I have with all my friends who dont live in India anymore... in my view many people still imagine India to be what it was 10 years and bring a viewpoint which is clearly outdated.... but somewhere people like me having lived through India, having seen the tremendous progress made and the potential for further progress cannot help but feel elated at being given this opportunity for growth... they say the best time is when you are at your lowest because we can only go up from there... and it is about time that India goes up... and riding the crest is always much better than wading in the pool.....

and it turns out that I am not the only one who feels protective or aggressive about their place of birth... in one of those innocuous conversations when I mentioned that Washington has a lot of history, the person jumped at me and said 'what ??? Washington has history compared to London? or even India??'... I had to clarify, I am not comparing the two, it is just my perception of Washington that I am relating... and to me it was very very nice to be at the centre of what I considered to be one of the best functioning governments... ofcourse they have their problems...but who doesnt....

while I found this a bit irritating since I was not allowed to complete my train of talk but still I somehow understood where the person was coming from...

I am technologically challenged.... that I had no doubts about... but I was always confident that if ever I was called into a situation I would always rise up to the ocassion and get on with it...

so there are two new technologies that have confronted me since I came to London... one was the most innocuous thing in the house - the stove... now I am used to stoves where you can actually see the stove and you can actually see the fire burning... in my house in London I have a stove which is like an ipad... it is flat, black and operates like a computer.... so first day I started searching for the stove thinking it is hidden is some cupboard.... all the while completely ignoring the ipad on the kitchen counter... and then out of curiosity I looked closely and realised that this contraception is what is going to feed me for the next 3 months.... Gosh.. what a struggle.... luckily the apartment came with the manual instruction .... so there was me holding the manual in my hand while trying to make an omellete .... all the while trying to figure which of the switches to touch to get the damn stove to start heating!!! and while I did miraculosly manage to cook the cook, I was very happy to be seperated from the ipad stove as well... now I mostly stay away from the ipad and in case of absolute necessity take the help of the instruction manual again... so can I say that I cooked over an ipad??? yeah, dont think so....

Then today for the first time I got into a lift that had no floor switches (lack of a better word) on it..instead you had press the computer outside and press the floor and the comp would announce which lift you were to get into and then that lift would take you there... since there were no floor switches you really have no control over where you are going and hope that the comp knows what it doing and sending you where you are supposed to go..... alas, I was not to be that lucky... so I was supposed to go to Lobby, instead the comp send me to 2nd Floor.... I waited patiently thinking that the next stop would be the lobby... only that the comp decided to send me back to the 32nd floor where I had initially got on from!!! and it went on and on like that 4 more times...up and down, up and down and up and down and up and down... to use the perfectly English term, I must have looked like a "muppet" to the rest....until a kind soul finally told me how to go to the right place... and then I just jumped off at the nearest floor to the lobby before being carted back up again to the 32nd floor... Gosh, my head is still a bit weasy from all the climbing up and down...

Evidently I am not very good at adapting....

last time I was in London for a long period of time was in the year 2003. I had landed up in London on September 27th and like this time celebrated my bday in London... and I remember I had left London on my bday as well....

I have been liking London so much this time round that I am compelled to think back to what it was like when I came to London 7 years back..... I remember feeling a bit overwhelmed.... and quite stressed... for some reason it was drilled into my head that London is really expensive (it is ofcourse)and as a student I should be careful to not spend so much... I think I spoke to the wrong people.... cos with the stipend I was receiving from the British Council I would have had a very comfortable living... I didnt ofcourse have money to spend on designer clothes but nevertheless I could have done a fair bit of indulging.... I was extra careful about my money at that in London... I would not eat out, i would not buy too many things, I would not go for movies, all thinking it is too expensive... I did a fair bit of sight seeing though because in my mind if you dont spend on travel then there is no point in existence.... so all in all I remember feeling a little restricted in my capacity to enjoy the city.... and this city is all about enjoyment and money comes as a large part of that enjoyment...and when I could not enjoy the city, I really longed to go back to the comfortable days when I was not a student and I was getting a monthly salary...and to me this city began to get a bit stifling...and I felt like I didnt belong here.....

this time round ofcourse I have come on work and I do not have to be that cautious about money.. ofcourse London is expensive but now I have some amount of flexibility in planning my life here... so I do go out fairly often, I do go for shows that I think are interesting and unlike last time I have joined up for weekend classes! so all in all I feel like I am getting a feel of the city, living the city like it should be lived in, enjoying the city the way it should be enjoyed.... in short I am LIVING in London rather than just existing in London... and that makes all the difference... like someone asked me in Washington "is this your first time in London?" and my response was "the first time with money"...

this may seem like a post to show that money is the only way to enjoy london...but it is not... it is more to show how a city as fantastic as London can also become boring if you really dont take the effort to enjoy yourself ... like I should have 7 years back... but better late than never...

I also remember feeling very pressured when I came to London.... the pressure was ofcourse more internal than external but somehow I used to worry a lot.... I used to worry about money, about my future, about what i would do if I went back to India and how I would feel about not finding a job in London.... At that time I came to London to get away from India and all its pressures.... and my London sojourn was something that I had hoped would change my life... and while I didnt see it at that time, London did change my life... in a MAJOR way... and that change has not left me even today... and this time round I cant wait to go back to India... not because I dont like London but because the last time I was in London, I learned to love my own country a bit more... and now I cant change that ....I want to go back to India.... ofcourse the fact that my Boss in India constantly calls me to remind me that he is expecting me to be back in office by mid December also a reason why I feel India is waiting for me....

But it is all about the present and now - now I am in London and I absolutely love it ... no pressure, no expectation, no adulteration, no worries.... London, unadulterated... and trust me it is absolutely fantastic to be here!!

Yday for the first time when I called a service center an Indian picked up the call... I recognised the Indian because of his accent.... and he was helping me sort out an issue in a foreign website of a foreign government... and after sometime I could not stop my curiosity.. and asked him 'are you Indian?' 'yes maam' came the reply. 'where are you from?' I asked. 'hyderabad, maam'... 'ohh how nice. I am from mumbai'... then and there we almost exchanged cups of tea over the phone...

I am not sure what excited me more... the fact that Indians were helping foreigners with their technology issue... or just talking to an Indian in the most unexpected circumstances... above all I think i was excited to experience first hand the 'call centre' phenomenon that one hears about....

Sometimes when we argue we loose the focus or the reason for the start of the argument itself.... you always try to win in an argument... you want to prove that you were right and the other person was absolutely wrong.... it is a debating contest and you just dont want to appear to be the losing party!!..

I have always been stuck with such a notiion in my head when arguments start... however of late it has become important for me to stop the argument sooner than later... I dont have the requirement to validate myself by winning an argument.... I just try and avoid it .... and sometimes when it is with friends I try to see if the other person is actually being sensible in her/his approach to me and if I see that then it is enough for me... I am ready to acknowledge the other persons point of view and move on.... but ofcourse me being a flawed human (shocking I know!)I sometimes argue a point till the other person gets even more aggresive....but on a macro level I like to believe that if the person is fair then I will be fair back...

which brings me to the single most important lesson I have learned... the importance of saying sorry... yes... saying sorry... sometimes it is important to understand how much a sorry would mean to the other person... so if that person is hurting, irrespective of whether it is on account of you or someone else, if a sorry from you can put that person at peace, just say it... or even if you are correct in what you did, but what you did caused that person hurt, then say sorry... cos it really doesnot matter with the people you care about... they are not out to hurt you or kill you... so to the extent you recognise that an action of yours has caused hurt you should say sorry... this calms down the other person and I think makes the other person trust you more...

In my own personal experience I have had arguments with friends and most often i have been able to move on only because sorries were exchanged... I have forgiven people more easily (ofcourse that is not easy) when they have said sorry for hurting me... without engaging me in a discussion of how I am wrong in my thinking... the important thing for them was that I was hurting and they felt bad about that and said sorry....

I am not sure whether I will apply it everyday in my life but I am going to try... now at 35 I feel I need to really start looking forward....

Sometimes when I argue/discuss with people, the arguments turn pretty personal... so when I have made a point which is probably close to the truth, the reaction would be 'you know maybe that is your problem, not mine'....or sometimes downright sexist 'oh you are woman, you will react like this'...or 'you and your inferiority complex'.... none of these would hold water as far as arguments go but have the desired effect of making you stop and doubt yourself for a while... and when friends use these lines against you you take it more seriously..... so I have had a couple of friends who argue back in this manner....and while in my younger days I would react even more adversely to it but nowadays I am a bit more cautious... and view this as just a plot by them to deflect from the real issue... sounds like a real pot-boiler doesnt it??? I just correct them by saying 'no it is not my inferiority complex but maybe this is a reflection of what I genuinely feel about you'....

So why do friends feel the need to play these emotional games? I dont think I will like the answer to this.

Dead tired after my weekend calsses. ... as always in my enthusiasim I have signed up for weekened classes..... the first of them being my eternal quest of mastering photography... and today the instructor took us through the basics of an SLR camera... and Godddd... did I come off as an absolute baboon... i had no idea where any of the functions on my camera were... but all in all a very informative class... and I hope I can exhibit some of my talent once this class is over.... though walking around in cold london holding a camera is really not that exciting ..... I was frozen by the end of the class so much so that I thot of bunking the class in front of the teacher herself... but stuck on with it like my co-classmates... some of them who had even more stupid beliefs about them being able to brave teh london weather with just a t-shirt..... well not their fault... the weather department had predicted a very sunny sat to all of us... it was also a motley crowd... from switzerland, London, Poland, Greece etc... as always discussions turned to economic situation in Europe... and how pissing off the Tea Party movement in the US is.... well tomm is another class....

Most often I am very boring on Friday nights... I just like to go home, watch tv and fall off to sleep... but it is like I am a new person in London... so I readily accepted an invitation from a colleague to go out with him and his friends for dinner and a night club... night club I said was a bit doubtful but dinner I am on for.... so it was nice little vietnamese joint that we went for... officially my first night out in London ..... had a great time...... there were people from around the world...Mongolians, French, Lebanese, Sri Lankans, Indians, English, Uganda etc.... and many asked me about life in Mumbai... to them it seemed like a far away land with many secrets to be unearthed... and I didnt disappoint them at all... I regaled them with stories about the train rides, the black and yellow cabs, the chaos that is a part of every Mumbaikar's life.... I told them to imagine NY, multiply it 100 times over for people and filth, and then 100 times over for chaos as well... and that is Mumbai.... one of them even asked me whether I had acted in a Bollywood movie... a question that I have been asked many times since coming over to the US by many people.... now I would like to believe that they think I am so good looking that I should be in a bollywood movie but mostly I think it is due to ignorance about Bollywood... to them anyone from Mumbai would be living in the heart of Bollywood and hence would have played some small part in it.... I sadly said "I wish"... but promptly offered the English man the chance to come to Mumbai and starr in a bollywood movie as a sidey white drug dealer ......I think he is mulling over that suggestion right now...

week one in London... and I feel like I am at home... no issues, no angst, no missing familiarity (ofcourse I miss some aspects of mumbai and my family).... I even get good dal here... which satisfies my craving for Indian food as well.. London somehow seems more lively, full of life and absolutely welcoming than Washington....it is like Chennai and Mumbai (sorry Chennaities)... I wont elaborate... but you can go to these cities and see for yourself....

A few days back I visited a friend of mine who is currently residing in London. I was particularly excited since I was going to meet her baby for the first time and generally I have known the couple for the past 4/5 years.

However, on reaching their place I found that things had changed. My friend had other friends (a couple) over at the same time and my friend was really busy chatting with her other friends. Ofcourse she would include me in the conversation but the conversation was largely dominated by her friends and her. Somewhere I felt that I had intruded on their time. They were obviously much closer to each other than I was with my friend currently and it seemed like I was somewhere the outsider who was watching a new complicated play about relationships. And I am not sure whether I was imagining it but it seemed as if my friend was more keen to spend time with her new friends and her husband than with me. I beat a hasty retreat - bewildered by the sudden change in my friends behaviour. As much as I wanted to give benefit of doubt to my friend, I felt hurt by such obvious 'you can sit if you want to but we really dont care' attitude. I tried to brush it off as much as I could till the elephant in the room became toooooo big for me to ignore it. I was angry at being treated that way. I am not a beggar who has come begging that I should be ignored. I should have been the guest of honour at their place, especially since this friend has lived with me in India before and I was seeing them after a gap of some years.

Slighted by my friend and hugely hurt I called the one person I should not have called - my mother. My mother has a one track mind - she circles back everything to the fact that I am not married yet. She listened to me and said 'well, its obvious, she didnt want you to think that you could come over whenever you wanted to. She has a family now and she does not want to welcome you into her house as easily since you dont have a family.' short and succint as always and to the point. But mom, I protested, she and I have always been close - we really dont have much disagreements on anything. "Yes, that was before she had responsibilities. She has a child now. In her eyes, you are nothing more than an unnecessary burden - someone she feels sorry for (apparently cos I am single) and someone she cant share her life with."

Wowowo... what am I hearing? In the midst of me kicking myself for having spoken to my mother I began to ask myself - was my uni-dimensional mother right in some way? Did my married friends with kids actually see me more as a necessary burden to put up with - someone who they see as having not moved on with their life and who they see as being in the past? Could that be true? Reallly?? Could these women who have graduated from the best law school in India actually be thinking this way????

That got me analysing every relationship I have had with a married friend of mine who has had kids... and I had to admit that most often, my relationship had changed with all of them in some ways. With some it has changed for the better (like the friend whose kid really thinks I am cool) while with the others it has been less than perfect.

As much as I hate to admit it, my relationship with these people has changed because of one simple fact - I have nothing in common with them anymore. Most of the mothers are worried about their kids, or their husbands or even their inlaws. And apart from an attempt at sounding mature, I really do not have any solution to their problems. I do not have any experience in baby rearing (other than Baby George), in in law problems or even in house hold related problems - the maximum I have come to these is when I have dealt with my sister in Mumbai. And to be frank, I get bored and I am sincerely trying to be interested but I am actually very very bored listening to these stories. Similary these women do not have anything in common with me. Most of them are not working or are clearly taking time off work, that they do not have anything to discuss with me. Most of the questions that they ask me are "how is your job" (which answer is mostly 1 word) and the next "so have you found anybody?".... both of which even if I attempt to discuss with them, they will loose interest in my life story cos it is extremely boring to them to listen to a corporate life story. Added to this is the fact there is really no scope to spend any quality time with your friend alone - most often they are with their kids and you do not have the opportunity to have fun the way you did when you were both single....

And when people dont have anything in common, they do drift apart. What is the remedy? It takes two to tango so I guess both sides have to make an effort. but most often the efforts to connect are hampered by external factors such as kids or even the husband or in my case work commitments. Net net, both of you decide it is too much of effort and decide to live with status quo.

While I have over the years accepted this as part of my growing up, the latest incident with my friend exposed me to the reality that no matter what a woman wants to do, she is still dictated by the family and the society. Her priorities are always going to be her husband and her kids over you no matter that, you are the one who has pulled her up from the gutter when she was beaten and out, you are the one who sat with her through the night when she got the worst news possible in her life, you are one who screamed with joy when she got engaged and married, you are the one who cried at the wedding at the thought of your friend moving away, you are the one who went to the chruch and lit a candle for the little bundle of joy that came along in your friends life (and didnt tell the friend that you did that), you are the one who always was there to fill in the silences even without talking. And ofcourse vice-versa as well - I was friends with these women cos they did all this for me as well.

But the question that I have to ask is - was I just a transit stop? something like a waiting room where my friends waited cos they really didnt see anything better for the moment, and when the train came (i.e. hubby and kids) just left for greener pastures? So all the comfort (even if it was not upto the mark at times) and the companionship was no longer relevant or important to my friends once they found their soul mate and the kids with their soul mates? Was I just a stepping stone in the path of their ultimate goal of marital bliss? Isnt it strange that a husband who just walks in replaces the years and years of growing up that you and your friend went through?

My mother would say "that is the norm of life"... Family always comes first. You are probably right mom, Family always comes first. Except in my case I always thought these friends were like family to me.

My post might seem a little one-sided cos I am not married and I dont understand the compulsions of being a mom and a wife. I am not denying that. My only question is - what value do I give these friendships? 0? or at least a 4?

On the bright side, I can ignore these friends now and without any guilt, when I get a husband and a kid.

London feels strangely like home... It may be because I have lived in London before and navigating through this city was like navigating through home town.. I knew the bus stops, the tube stations, the easy routes etc etc... and not to mention how some things are similar with Mumbai... so everynight I drive past Kings Cross station and for a brief moment it looks like I am looking at Victoria Terminus in Mumbai.. it is similar in its architecture... and then ofcourse the fact that I am working as late as I would be working in Mumbai... so I am one of the lawyers sitting back in the office till about 10 in the night trying to meet a deadline.... and every lawyer in the office is ordering junk food over the telephone, attending conference calls while sitting in an office strewn with papers... ahh.. Mumbai AMSS life...they all ofcourse very friendly as well... most come to my office to chat about life... and also to ask whether I would like to go out for lunch... which is very very sweet....and yday I met my co-room mate.... she is a mom of 2, a brilliant lawyer and a part time employee.... she faced the same problems that every working mother faces... guilt. guilt at having left her children behind, guilt because her mother reminds her that she is being a bad mom by working, guilt at not having the time to put 100% into the job.... I have been trying to find a solution to this unique problem that women face but seems like no where in the world do people want to give credit to a woman to have a baby....

Ofcourse the familiarity in London may also be due to the number of Indians I see on the street! not to mention being greeted by Punjabi women at Heathrow airport... made me want to do an impromptu bhangra right there and then thinking I was in the heartland of Punjab....

Whatever it is London has made me feel very welcome.... thanks London...thanks 2010

Yesterday I went out for dinner with other law schoolites to a place called Moolis which is run by erstwhile lawyers who graduated from law school. Frankly I loved the place - including the bland dal. When queried about why he chose to start a restaurant after doing law, the owner responded that he was always interested in some business opportunity. and above all he says that this is fun! Well then, heres to more fun!

And ofcourse when law schoolites gather around there is exchange of information and gossip... and sometimes it is downright bitchy... so when the fact that one of my classmates was mentioned as one of the top 50 inhouse legal counsels in India came up, the response was 'now you know how credible that report is'... implying that my classmate does not deserve it... I think it is the tendency of people to always find something bad in someones progress... mainly because they see that more as a lack of progress in their lives rather than as a progress in their friends lives.... which is really sad.... cos when will someone stop being maligned ? even the PM of India can be criticised saying he doesnt deserve it - he is there cos he is Sonia's choice.. or even Barack Obama may be pulled down by saying that he got elected only cos Bush was so bad.... well... jealousy has no end...and there are people who are going to be jealous ....

and ofcourse the famous AMSS bashing did rear its ugly head... so at one point somebody said 'and this person quit X law firm cos it had become like AMSS'... and the person looked at me straight while saying this trying hard to guage my response... my response 'so he quit the firm because it became more professional????'... that brought about a few laughs and there was no more AMSS bashing after that....

So looks like living in the developed world is a step down for me... so from a 1000 sq feet house in Mumbai, I went down to 750 sq feet in Washington and now finally to 550 sq feet in London.... so hands down London wins as the most expensive city in the world... and everytime I spend money now I convert pounds into dollars first and then to rupees... so London is exactly twice that of US... so a sandwich costing 5 dollars in the US would cost me 5pounds in the UK... at the exchange rate it is double the US dollars.... and many times I gulp at the exhorbitant prices and want to scream and beat the shopkeeper with my shopping bag 'you lousy fellow.. how can you cheat us 'hardworking Indians from Mumbai, already lived life in the US and now living in the UK'??'... but mostly I just pay and hope that somewhere in the cosmos the correction will take place..

Coming back to the house... it feels so small that I feel crowded by seeing myself in the mirror... i scream silently 'get out of the way you moron - you are blocking my way'... if anyone were to record me they would definitely come away convinced that the CWG games mess (not anymore ofcourse) is less of a mess than me....I am hoping that a rat does not join me in the house otherwise I will seriously camp outside the apartment in protest....

In other news.. a friend offered to introduce me to anotehr friend in London... but cautioned me saying 'oh by the way, this friend of mine may actually tell you bad things about Mumbai since they hate that city. so be patient'....I declined to meet the friend - I mean I react violently to anyone critcising Mumbai... and quite frankly I am beginning to feel like I am the person in the wrong here (when clearly I am not) cos I am the one who is always objecting to statements... and I have not yet had the maturity to ignore these comments either....

As you can see I am just not cut for life in a foreign country... suprisingly since all my childhood has been spent outside India....

A day in the life of a new lawyer in London

Am tired and my eyes are shutting off... so London greeted me with a tube strike today... adding to my stress levels... how do I get to the office is high heels??? I cant walk!!! ofcourse the red bus came to the rescue... except it was in the 6th attempt that I got into the bus... and chugged along for a 1 hour drive across town to the office... the roads were packed and for a while it looked like Mumbai traffic in the monsoons....

Day one in office was less scary than I thot. the partner and colleague took me out for lunch... and the first question they asked was "so among the brothers, who is richer?" ... My answer.."Well...both of them are richer than me at least!"... and then the lunch was also used as an opportunity to introduce me to the project I will be working on... and generally the office was more friendly... people were walking into my cabin and talking to me...I have lunch plans for tomorrow.... also have a room mate in the office... which should be fun after a long time...

and then it was a walk back through the bylanes of london with the St. Pauls cathedral overlooking my every move and the chimes of the chruch matching my every step....

Am home...tired, exhausted, excited, thrilled..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I have been noticing a peculiar thing in this Government...

While the Parliament was discussing the Nuclear Liability bill, the MInister in charge gave credit to the last BJP government for having set in motion the process... the Minister commented that we have just taken forward the good work of the previous BJP Government... and he didnt mean it in a defensive way... he was reacting to Jaitely's comment that he approves of the nuclear liability bill....

And just yday at the opening ceremony of the CWG games, Suresh Kalmadi thanked the ex Prime Minister of India, Atal Behari Vajpayee for having agreed to host the CWG...

I also remember a long time back during the attack on the Parliament during the BJP rule, Atal Behari Vajpayee commented about how the then leader of the opposition, Sonia Gandhi had immediately called him up to enquire about his safety ... and said "if this is how the leader of the opposition behaves, then India is in safe hands"....

Political maturity? Maybe the beginnings of it.....

Sometimes I feel the tempo of how a country will turn out is determined by the first leader the country has..... so in the case of India it was Nehru that set the tempo for the emerging country of India..... divided as it was by religion, caste, language and several other barriers... it was Nehru who steadfastly held on to the principles of secular, plural, liberal society.... and that became the unspoken rule (and many times forgotten)for governing of this country... today the leaders are scared of openly flouting these principles.... even if there are aberrations.... and same with the United States... it was George Washington who laid down the foundation of American politics - setting down the 2 term rule (breached ofcourse by FDR), the supremacy of civilians over military and above all the presence of mind to refuse to be crowned the King of America when a grateful nation asked him to take the lead... those very principles now guide America in a large way ....

Ofcourse there are instances of several great leaders leading countries to Independence with splendid ideas... such as JInnah in Pakistan or even Nkrumah in Ghana... however both these leaders had very short lived tenure and hence their principles could not be imbibed by the new nation...

Onto other topics...

Recently I had a discussion with some people about gay rights in India... and one of the people said that a country like India does not promote gay rights... and I was like .. wait a minute, India has just declared Section 377 unconstitutional... quoting from the draftsmen of the constitution, the High Court held that it is unconstitutional to consider homosexuality as a crime... ... and the law minister came on TV and said that they are not going to appeal against the judgment since the court had provided a reasoning which was beyond challenge....and I thot that was far more liberal than what I have seen in the United States... ofcourse some States have recognised civil unions but overall America remains homophobic... recently a kid committed suicide because his room mate had put a recording of him making out with a guy on you tube - if America was that liberal then why did the Kid commit suicide? and then there is the case of the STudent President of Univ of Michigan being targetted by the Asst Attorney General of the State for being gay... the gay student was called the representative of Satan on earth... is that any different from the bias we have in India...

My limited point was that please dont paint India with a brush that is 10 years old... we have moved on.... ofcourse not as much as the West, but seriously, I dont believe that West is always the way to go.... we have as of now granted recognition to the right of people to be gay...

I dont think my friends understood the point .... or maybe I was not clear.... but overall the end result was that my friends decided to believe India is backward...

Hmm... why do I feel the need to defend India all the time???

So many things to write about ... and I dont know where to begin....

Starting with my very eventful take off from Washington to London.... travelling alone has never been a problem for me...except when there are 3 suitcases, 1 laptop bag and a hand bag.... and all 3 suitcases behave like crazy children on an adrenalin rush... with each of them rolling off on their own free will.. ofcourse added to the fact that in America there is no "coolie" to help you put your bags in.... anyways I managed to pull all my stuff onto the taxi and went off to the airport... on reaching i managed to get out and pull along a cart to take my suitcases... and I distinctly remember asking the taxi driver to wait... but all I remember is that the taxi driver just drove off with my laptop bag... I was livid, confused and above all panicky... and to top it all, in my effort to find a telephone service I had to abandon my three suitcases for a while... and the police nearly came and took them away.. it took all my lawyering skills to convince them of what happened....

Anyways I got the laptop bag and was off to London... Luckily I was in the business class so I had a comfortable journey at least.... and the transition to London was very much set in motion by the BA attendant handing me the Daily Mail paper.... which screamed that Catherine Zeta Jones was not taking up the latest film offer to be by her husbands side... nice... onto the land of the tabloids I say...

Ofcourse I landed on my bday in London... and I was lucky enough to have a friend from Germany visit me for my bday... so the day started off with a lunch with another law schoolite.... its amazing to see so many people from law school do so many wonderful things in life..... and then it was a walk through covent garden and a cup of hot chocolate to warm up the rainy day in London... and then met with another friend from law school... spent a good 3 hours chatting... and bday dinner was at one of the best lebanese restaurants in SOHO... followed by a night out at SOHO which was clearly the best part of my bday...

And today was spent sleeping, walking around in the familiar haunts of London (nice to see the old lebanese place still open) and generally feeling at home. And today was also the day CWG games were to open in India... and I was feeling really anxious about it ... will this be a moment when all the pride that I have been exhibiting about India would come crashing down? Would I be the butt of all ridicule with people pointing out to me and saying "you are proud of this India? hah, India cant even host a game with a lead time of 7 years"... I was almost scared that I would be laughed at on the streets of London...

Buttttt... India pulled it off... what a spectacular display it was... and with every dance and every song my chest swelled up in pride... I loved the fact that India emphasised on the "Indianess"... so it was the various dance forms of India, the yoga, the father of the nation, bollywood and even the train! what a marvelous tribute to India... the ceremony gave tribute to all the small small facets of India such as the dabbawallas, the HP gas cycles, the bangles, the bazaars, etc etc...

and when I walked out on the streets of London after the ceremony I think I was an inch higher... and able to look people straight in the eye and say "Yes, we did it! Jai Ho!"... and one person on the street actually told "Namaste".. maybe he watched the ceremony maybe he didnt... but I liked the greeting...BBC here reported that India actually put up a spectacular show.. and it was nice to see Asia doing it this time round...

2010, nice show!

15 mins before I rush to take the train back to DC...

Relieved by the Ayodhya judgment.... it is a please all judgment as far as I can read... distressed that the Sunni board has decided to appeal it... happy that RSS has toned down their rhetoric...I want everyone to just move forward now... just accept the verdict ....

my stomach was in the pits worried about what will happen in India because of the judgment ... feeling a bit relieved...

anyways bye for now... rushing off...