Sometimes when we argue we loose the focus or the reason for the start of the argument itself.... you always try to win in an argument... you want to prove that you were right and the other person was absolutely wrong.... it is a debating contest and you just dont want to appear to be the losing party!!..

I have always been stuck with such a notiion in my head when arguments start... however of late it has become important for me to stop the argument sooner than later... I dont have the requirement to validate myself by winning an argument.... I just try and avoid it .... and sometimes when it is with friends I try to see if the other person is actually being sensible in her/his approach to me and if I see that then it is enough for me... I am ready to acknowledge the other persons point of view and move on.... but ofcourse me being a flawed human (shocking I know!)I sometimes argue a point till the other person gets even more aggresive....but on a macro level I like to believe that if the person is fair then I will be fair back...

which brings me to the single most important lesson I have learned... the importance of saying sorry... yes... saying sorry... sometimes it is important to understand how much a sorry would mean to the other person... so if that person is hurting, irrespective of whether it is on account of you or someone else, if a sorry from you can put that person at peace, just say it... or even if you are correct in what you did, but what you did caused that person hurt, then say sorry... cos it really doesnot matter with the people you care about... they are not out to hurt you or kill you... so to the extent you recognise that an action of yours has caused hurt you should say sorry... this calms down the other person and I think makes the other person trust you more...

In my own personal experience I have had arguments with friends and most often i have been able to move on only because sorries were exchanged... I have forgiven people more easily (ofcourse that is not easy) when they have said sorry for hurting me... without engaging me in a discussion of how I am wrong in my thinking... the important thing for them was that I was hurting and they felt bad about that and said sorry....

I am not sure whether I will apply it everyday in my life but I am going to try... now at 35 I feel I need to really start looking forward....