One of the most irritating things that I encounter in life is a rehash of my past.... be it the stupid mistakes I made while at law school (so I did not always study in law school, so sue me) or the stupid people I used to hang around with in the past, or the past grievenaces that I may have related to some people about people who are still in my life...

I take this as a part of growing up... everybody makes stupid mistakes in life... be it in your choice of friends, boyfriends, studies, etc... I would really like to find someone who has not made that mistake... I also feel that in life if you want to survive and build relationships it is important to overlook some of the mistakes... and you should take the bad with the good and vice-versa... nobody is perfect and if all my friends started avoiding me because of some stupid oversight by me I would have no friends at all....or for that matter your parents - your parents are bound to irritate you and let you down over a period of time... and as part of growing up you end up accepting them with their flaws... and sometimes maintain an equilibrium which maintains sanity in your life....

either ways, it is your choice alone... while others can advice about how one should go ahead and conduct themselves, it really should be left to the choice of the person on how they handle the situation....

so I absolutely hate it when some people rehash the past to point out that I am still making the same mistake... recently someone told me that I am still being stupid because I am forgetting all the bad things that a certain person had done to me.... and the person went on to potray me as some sort of 'bent over backwards' idiot for deciding to keep in touch with the person in my life.....

at that moment I regretted having shared so much with this person.... especially since this person was not being constructive and was using the past conversations to actually force a course of action or prove a certain point to me... which i absolutely loathe anyone doing...

truth be told as a typical libran I avoid confrontation... and that is why I do not walk out of people's lives that obviously (even though I might have mentally switched off) or even cut out people from my life that cruelly... and in most cases I have learnt to accept the good with the bad... and I sure as hell expect my friends to do the same for me..... if I have made a mistake and I still dont seem to get it I expect my friends to accept me for that... ofcourse there are exceptions to the rule but those exceptions are my decision and not anyone elses....

so what lesson did I learn... to keep my mouth shut except with a select few...

Contrary to what people may expect me to say I strongly support the hindu cause as far as Ayodhya land is concerned...and NOOOOO I dont support the vandalisma and the killings that accompanied the demolition... nor do I support the anti muslim policies followed by the politicians or even the anti - hindu policies followed by the politicians...

But with respect to Ayodhya I have one main reason to support the cause... whether Ram was born there or not (although the high court seems to think so) is still a moot point..... however, if the millions of hindu hold a singular and strong belief that this is where Ram was born and Muslims do not regard that mosque as being anything special or worship in it then I feel deference should be given to the hindus... for better or worse, hindus believe that this is the most holiest of their sites and want to worship over there... and muslims do not even worship in the mosque anymore .... and hence the best thing to happen would be to hand over the land (at least the birthplace) to the hindus and let the mosque remain as it is.... there should not have been any demolition of any kind... both should have accepted each others sensitivities and moved on.... hindus could have continued to worship within the mosque premises and muslims could have anyways moved away from the mosque since they dont hold it to be holy place....

I know this would open up a plethora of cases where on the basis of a belief people could be asked to renounce land... and which is why I make this exception only in respect of the birth place of Ram... given its importance to the large section of the hindu community....the generousity of the muslims would have helped at this point of time.....

But that is a thing of the past... the mosque was demolished... and that changed the dynamics of the case.... there would be no way in which the muslims can forget that...

I was surprised to learn that the whole title suit was initially filed by a very poor man in Allahabad... he did that to protect the rights of his community... and he went almost bankrupt for it...

to think people with very very low income actually do fabulous things in India... another rickshaw driver actually runs a library to disseminate education..... then imagine what we, with our corporate jobs, can do....

Think about it...

Turns out my mom has been more upset about my friends changing colour than me.... she said she kept wondering why I was being treated the way I was by some friends.... and ofcourse her conclusion was that it was because I could be a potential disturbance in their life!!! That it is not easy for them to handle a visitor especially since they have kids now....

Which is a fact that has been driven home by my friends.... cos it is difficult to plan anything with these friends since they have kids... and the usual refrain is 'Alice, I have a baby now. You wont understand what it is like'... and I am like, excuse me? do you necessarily have to use that tone with me?? I mean I am not a stupid person (broad concensus being that lawyers are generally of above average intelligence) and I do have siblings with kids... and hence a mere suggestion of what to do with the kid would have been enough for me to get the point rather than a sermon on how difficult your life is and how I have it easier than you.... I almost feel like screaming 'hey, dont take out the anger/frustration on me buddy'....

But on a serious note I wish I didnt have to confront these issues... especially now....I want to assure all my married with kids friends that I do not have the slightest intention of spending more time than necessary with them not because they are boring or lead uninteresting lives but because to be honest I am really too busy filling up my day... at the moment I have too many things to do and too many things to learn so to be honest, it is really not my cup of tea to actually sit at home with people with kids!! I mean absolutely no offence but I mean it in the most selfish of ways - this is a very unique period in my life and i really do not want to waste time cooped up inside a house with a baby which does not even share my bloodline....

On another note, the story of the 3 abandoned baby girls just got me thinking about what I could do for them... adoption did come up but my friend was quick to point out - you are NOT ready to be a mother yet... a fact that I knew myself... but then when is anyone ever ready for change ???

I was recently having a discussion with a friend... this friend's brother is gay and i was asking about the reaction to such news.... my friend said something surprising - that if given a chance the brother would choose not to be gay...

Now that stumped me a bit.... I know it is easier to be straight and not gay... but is it something that a gay person does with a lot of regret?? almost to say, I wish I was not gay, but since I am now i have to live with this cross....

I like the episodes of Will & Grace where Jack is always so proud to be gay....and makes fun of people because they are straight....

This weekend was, simply put - AWESOME!

I am falling more and more in love with London.... a complete contrast from what I felt when I was in London as a student......

So on Sat I did a sight seeing tour of London with an authentic Londener... which ended almost in the emergency room of a hospital because the authentic Londonder's eyes got hurt... I suspect it was the animated discussion we were having on Bollywood music and dance that brought about the animated movement of the eyes...either ways I managed to see a fair bit of London even if it was just walking around Oxford Street, Marlyeborne Road and Angel....

I have to say that London is handsdown the most cosmopolitcan city that I have lived in.... ofcourse NY would be a close competition but London to me has offered a lot more feeling of welcome.... Like I keep saying, London feels like home this time round.... and in someways my yearning for Mumbai has diminished to a certain extent....

And then it was time for my weekend classes.... creative writing to be more precise.... and we were all asked to develop a character ... and I developed on my "Mostly Harmless" series about my co-desk mate.... he turned out to be quite an interesting character.... I noticed however that writing to many was a serious vocation... they hoped to earn money out of this... and to that extent many were ready to undercut the other and put down the others efforst...but I was in it for the pleasure of it... and I loved developing my character... and listening to writers describe where they got their insipiration from....

and then I rounded off my weekend with a nice meal at Woodlands off Oxford Street... something I used to make fun of when my boss did it... but have to say Pongal in NY is wayyyyy better than Woodlands in London... eitherways I packed sambar and dal for the next two days....

Now time for me to wrap up my weekend....

London - awesome. 2010 - even more awesome!

I just saw the clippings of the closing and opening ceremony of the CWG games... and I have to say that it BLOODY IMPRESSIVE!...

Now ofcourse the Government has quietly started probing the corruption involved... and that just made me tinge a bit... why did we have to have these controversies attached to the game? Is our press more agressive than the press outside?

All in all I think India has shown that they can pull it off... but here in London there is still a feeling that India nearly did not ... and that is sad... that we are viewed as a nation that can falter on its commitments.... somebody here likened it to a wedding... where until the groom arrives the house is chaotic but the family gets it together for the groom to enter the house.... I am not sure I like it that analogy but whatever people want to believe...

I had not called my parents for a while now.. mainly cos of work... so today when I called her during my break my mom was quick to ask me 'i hope you are not calling me because you are busy with a boyfriend'....

whatttt... when did my mom become so cool..... 'mom, so you are happy if I dont call you if I have a boyfriend?'... 'yeah, now I will accept you having a boyfriend - just get married to him after 1 year at least'...

My mom certainly moves with the times ....

I am slightly aggresive when it comes to India and people bad mouthing India... not when there is a genuine reason to put down India but when the person making the statement is just reflecting what the white man would have said a century ago or making statements which clearly reflect a lack of sensitivity or worse thought....

so right now I have discovered someone who is even more gungho about India and ready to wage a war.. my boss! He is in London at the moment and I have met him in NY as well for an India related conference... and everytime he is here he speaks about India with such pride... he is proud of our heritage, our maturity, our politics, our legal system and our ability to convert our destiny... he quoted from Nehru who had mentioned in 1947 that freedom was India's tyrst with destiny... and he was proudly relating the Economist story that said that India will overtake China in 5 years...

Finally I see someone who is as gungho about India as me...and having no shame about it... who believes in the India story...

This is an argument I have with all my friends who dont live in India anymore... in my view many people still imagine India to be what it was 10 years and bring a viewpoint which is clearly outdated.... but somewhere people like me having lived through India, having seen the tremendous progress made and the potential for further progress cannot help but feel elated at being given this opportunity for growth... they say the best time is when you are at your lowest because we can only go up from there... and it is about time that India goes up... and riding the crest is always much better than wading in the pool.....

and it turns out that I am not the only one who feels protective or aggressive about their place of birth... in one of those innocuous conversations when I mentioned that Washington has a lot of history, the person jumped at me and said 'what ??? Washington has history compared to London? or even India??'... I had to clarify, I am not comparing the two, it is just my perception of Washington that I am relating... and to me it was very very nice to be at the centre of what I considered to be one of the best functioning governments... ofcourse they have their problems...but who doesnt....

while I found this a bit irritating since I was not allowed to complete my train of talk but still I somehow understood where the person was coming from...

I am technologically challenged.... that I had no doubts about... but I was always confident that if ever I was called into a situation I would always rise up to the ocassion and get on with it...

so there are two new technologies that have confronted me since I came to London... one was the most innocuous thing in the house - the stove... now I am used to stoves where you can actually see the stove and you can actually see the fire burning... in my house in London I have a stove which is like an ipad... it is flat, black and operates like a computer.... so first day I started searching for the stove thinking it is hidden is some cupboard.... all the while completely ignoring the ipad on the kitchen counter... and then out of curiosity I looked closely and realised that this contraception is what is going to feed me for the next 3 months.... Gosh.. what a struggle.... luckily the apartment came with the manual instruction .... so there was me holding the manual in my hand while trying to make an omellete .... all the while trying to figure which of the switches to touch to get the damn stove to start heating!!! and while I did miraculosly manage to cook the cook, I was very happy to be seperated from the ipad stove as well... now I mostly stay away from the ipad and in case of absolute necessity take the help of the instruction manual again... so can I say that I cooked over an ipad??? yeah, dont think so....

Then today for the first time I got into a lift that had no floor switches (lack of a better word) on it..instead you had press the computer outside and press the floor and the comp would announce which lift you were to get into and then that lift would take you there... since there were no floor switches you really have no control over where you are going and hope that the comp knows what it doing and sending you where you are supposed to go..... alas, I was not to be that lucky... so I was supposed to go to Lobby, instead the comp send me to 2nd Floor.... I waited patiently thinking that the next stop would be the lobby... only that the comp decided to send me back to the 32nd floor where I had initially got on from!!! and it went on and on like that 4 more times...up and down, up and down and up and down and up and down... to use the perfectly English term, I must have looked like a "muppet" to the rest....until a kind soul finally told me how to go to the right place... and then I just jumped off at the nearest floor to the lobby before being carted back up again to the 32nd floor... Gosh, my head is still a bit weasy from all the climbing up and down...

Evidently I am not very good at adapting....

last time I was in London for a long period of time was in the year 2003. I had landed up in London on September 27th and like this time celebrated my bday in London... and I remember I had left London on my bday as well....

I have been liking London so much this time round that I am compelled to think back to what it was like when I came to London 7 years back..... I remember feeling a bit overwhelmed.... and quite stressed... for some reason it was drilled into my head that London is really expensive (it is ofcourse)and as a student I should be careful to not spend so much... I think I spoke to the wrong people.... cos with the stipend I was receiving from the British Council I would have had a very comfortable living... I didnt ofcourse have money to spend on designer clothes but nevertheless I could have done a fair bit of indulging.... I was extra careful about my money at that in London... I would not eat out, i would not buy too many things, I would not go for movies, all thinking it is too expensive... I did a fair bit of sight seeing though because in my mind if you dont spend on travel then there is no point in existence.... so all in all I remember feeling a little restricted in my capacity to enjoy the city.... and this city is all about enjoyment and money comes as a large part of that enjoyment...and when I could not enjoy the city, I really longed to go back to the comfortable days when I was not a student and I was getting a monthly salary...and to me this city began to get a bit stifling...and I felt like I didnt belong here.....

this time round ofcourse I have come on work and I do not have to be that cautious about money.. ofcourse London is expensive but now I have some amount of flexibility in planning my life here... so I do go out fairly often, I do go for shows that I think are interesting and unlike last time I have joined up for weekend classes! so all in all I feel like I am getting a feel of the city, living the city like it should be lived in, enjoying the city the way it should be enjoyed.... in short I am LIVING in London rather than just existing in London... and that makes all the difference... like someone asked me in Washington "is this your first time in London?" and my response was "the first time with money"...

this may seem like a post to show that money is the only way to enjoy london...but it is not... it is more to show how a city as fantastic as London can also become boring if you really dont take the effort to enjoy yourself ... like I should have 7 years back... but better late than never...

I also remember feeling very pressured when I came to London.... the pressure was ofcourse more internal than external but somehow I used to worry a lot.... I used to worry about money, about my future, about what i would do if I went back to India and how I would feel about not finding a job in London.... At that time I came to London to get away from India and all its pressures.... and my London sojourn was something that I had hoped would change my life... and while I didnt see it at that time, London did change my life... in a MAJOR way... and that change has not left me even today... and this time round I cant wait to go back to India... not because I dont like London but because the last time I was in London, I learned to love my own country a bit more... and now I cant change that ....I want to go back to India.... ofcourse the fact that my Boss in India constantly calls me to remind me that he is expecting me to be back in office by mid December also a reason why I feel India is waiting for me....

But it is all about the present and now - now I am in London and I absolutely love it ... no pressure, no expectation, no adulteration, no worries.... London, unadulterated... and trust me it is absolutely fantastic to be here!!

Yday for the first time when I called a service center an Indian picked up the call... I recognised the Indian because of his accent.... and he was helping me sort out an issue in a foreign website of a foreign government... and after sometime I could not stop my curiosity.. and asked him 'are you Indian?' 'yes maam' came the reply. 'where are you from?' I asked. 'hyderabad, maam'... 'ohh how nice. I am from mumbai'... then and there we almost exchanged cups of tea over the phone...

I am not sure what excited me more... the fact that Indians were helping foreigners with their technology issue... or just talking to an Indian in the most unexpected circumstances... above all I think i was excited to experience first hand the 'call centre' phenomenon that one hears about....

Sometimes when we argue we loose the focus or the reason for the start of the argument itself.... you always try to win in an argument... you want to prove that you were right and the other person was absolutely wrong.... it is a debating contest and you just dont want to appear to be the losing party!!..

I have always been stuck with such a notiion in my head when arguments start... however of late it has become important for me to stop the argument sooner than later... I dont have the requirement to validate myself by winning an argument.... I just try and avoid it .... and sometimes when it is with friends I try to see if the other person is actually being sensible in her/his approach to me and if I see that then it is enough for me... I am ready to acknowledge the other persons point of view and move on.... but ofcourse me being a flawed human (shocking I know!)I sometimes argue a point till the other person gets even more aggresive....but on a macro level I like to believe that if the person is fair then I will be fair back...

which brings me to the single most important lesson I have learned... the importance of saying sorry... yes... saying sorry... sometimes it is important to understand how much a sorry would mean to the other person... so if that person is hurting, irrespective of whether it is on account of you or someone else, if a sorry from you can put that person at peace, just say it... or even if you are correct in what you did, but what you did caused that person hurt, then say sorry... cos it really doesnot matter with the people you care about... they are not out to hurt you or kill you... so to the extent you recognise that an action of yours has caused hurt you should say sorry... this calms down the other person and I think makes the other person trust you more...

In my own personal experience I have had arguments with friends and most often i have been able to move on only because sorries were exchanged... I have forgiven people more easily (ofcourse that is not easy) when they have said sorry for hurting me... without engaging me in a discussion of how I am wrong in my thinking... the important thing for them was that I was hurting and they felt bad about that and said sorry....

I am not sure whether I will apply it everyday in my life but I am going to try... now at 35 I feel I need to really start looking forward....

Sometimes when I argue/discuss with people, the arguments turn pretty personal... so when I have made a point which is probably close to the truth, the reaction would be 'you know maybe that is your problem, not mine'....or sometimes downright sexist 'oh you are woman, you will react like this'...or 'you and your inferiority complex'.... none of these would hold water as far as arguments go but have the desired effect of making you stop and doubt yourself for a while... and when friends use these lines against you you take it more seriously..... so I have had a couple of friends who argue back in this manner....and while in my younger days I would react even more adversely to it but nowadays I am a bit more cautious... and view this as just a plot by them to deflect from the real issue... sounds like a real pot-boiler doesnt it??? I just correct them by saying 'no it is not my inferiority complex but maybe this is a reflection of what I genuinely feel about you'....

So why do friends feel the need to play these emotional games? I dont think I will like the answer to this.

Dead tired after my weekend calsses. ... as always in my enthusiasim I have signed up for weekened classes..... the first of them being my eternal quest of mastering photography... and today the instructor took us through the basics of an SLR camera... and Godddd... did I come off as an absolute baboon... i had no idea where any of the functions on my camera were... but all in all a very informative class... and I hope I can exhibit some of my talent once this class is over.... though walking around in cold london holding a camera is really not that exciting ..... I was frozen by the end of the class so much so that I thot of bunking the class in front of the teacher herself... but stuck on with it like my co-classmates... some of them who had even more stupid beliefs about them being able to brave teh london weather with just a t-shirt..... well not their fault... the weather department had predicted a very sunny sat to all of us... it was also a motley crowd... from switzerland, London, Poland, Greece etc... as always discussions turned to economic situation in Europe... and how pissing off the Tea Party movement in the US is.... well tomm is another class....

Most often I am very boring on Friday nights... I just like to go home, watch tv and fall off to sleep... but it is like I am a new person in London... so I readily accepted an invitation from a colleague to go out with him and his friends for dinner and a night club... night club I said was a bit doubtful but dinner I am on for.... so it was nice little vietnamese joint that we went for... officially my first night out in London ..... had a great time...... there were people from around the world...Mongolians, French, Lebanese, Sri Lankans, Indians, English, Uganda etc.... and many asked me about life in Mumbai... to them it seemed like a far away land with many secrets to be unearthed... and I didnt disappoint them at all... I regaled them with stories about the train rides, the black and yellow cabs, the chaos that is a part of every Mumbaikar's life.... I told them to imagine NY, multiply it 100 times over for people and filth, and then 100 times over for chaos as well... and that is Mumbai.... one of them even asked me whether I had acted in a Bollywood movie... a question that I have been asked many times since coming over to the US by many people.... now I would like to believe that they think I am so good looking that I should be in a bollywood movie but mostly I think it is due to ignorance about Bollywood... to them anyone from Mumbai would be living in the heart of Bollywood and hence would have played some small part in it.... I sadly said "I wish"... but promptly offered the English man the chance to come to Mumbai and starr in a bollywood movie as a sidey white drug dealer ......I think he is mulling over that suggestion right now...

week one in London... and I feel like I am at home... no issues, no angst, no missing familiarity (ofcourse I miss some aspects of mumbai and my family).... I even get good dal here... which satisfies my craving for Indian food as well.. London somehow seems more lively, full of life and absolutely welcoming than Washington....it is like Chennai and Mumbai (sorry Chennaities)... I wont elaborate... but you can go to these cities and see for yourself....

A few days back I visited a friend of mine who is currently residing in London. I was particularly excited since I was going to meet her baby for the first time and generally I have known the couple for the past 4/5 years.

However, on reaching their place I found that things had changed. My friend had other friends (a couple) over at the same time and my friend was really busy chatting with her other friends. Ofcourse she would include me in the conversation but the conversation was largely dominated by her friends and her. Somewhere I felt that I had intruded on their time. They were obviously much closer to each other than I was with my friend currently and it seemed like I was somewhere the outsider who was watching a new complicated play about relationships. And I am not sure whether I was imagining it but it seemed as if my friend was more keen to spend time with her new friends and her husband than with me. I beat a hasty retreat - bewildered by the sudden change in my friends behaviour. As much as I wanted to give benefit of doubt to my friend, I felt hurt by such obvious 'you can sit if you want to but we really dont care' attitude. I tried to brush it off as much as I could till the elephant in the room became toooooo big for me to ignore it. I was angry at being treated that way. I am not a beggar who has come begging that I should be ignored. I should have been the guest of honour at their place, especially since this friend has lived with me in India before and I was seeing them after a gap of some years.

Slighted by my friend and hugely hurt I called the one person I should not have called - my mother. My mother has a one track mind - she circles back everything to the fact that I am not married yet. She listened to me and said 'well, its obvious, she didnt want you to think that you could come over whenever you wanted to. She has a family now and she does not want to welcome you into her house as easily since you dont have a family.' short and succint as always and to the point. But mom, I protested, she and I have always been close - we really dont have much disagreements on anything. "Yes, that was before she had responsibilities. She has a child now. In her eyes, you are nothing more than an unnecessary burden - someone she feels sorry for (apparently cos I am single) and someone she cant share her life with."

Wowowo... what am I hearing? In the midst of me kicking myself for having spoken to my mother I began to ask myself - was my uni-dimensional mother right in some way? Did my married friends with kids actually see me more as a necessary burden to put up with - someone who they see as having not moved on with their life and who they see as being in the past? Could that be true? Reallly?? Could these women who have graduated from the best law school in India actually be thinking this way????

That got me analysing every relationship I have had with a married friend of mine who has had kids... and I had to admit that most often, my relationship had changed with all of them in some ways. With some it has changed for the better (like the friend whose kid really thinks I am cool) while with the others it has been less than perfect.

As much as I hate to admit it, my relationship with these people has changed because of one simple fact - I have nothing in common with them anymore. Most of the mothers are worried about their kids, or their husbands or even their inlaws. And apart from an attempt at sounding mature, I really do not have any solution to their problems. I do not have any experience in baby rearing (other than Baby George), in in law problems or even in house hold related problems - the maximum I have come to these is when I have dealt with my sister in Mumbai. And to be frank, I get bored and I am sincerely trying to be interested but I am actually very very bored listening to these stories. Similary these women do not have anything in common with me. Most of them are not working or are clearly taking time off work, that they do not have anything to discuss with me. Most of the questions that they ask me are "how is your job" (which answer is mostly 1 word) and the next "so have you found anybody?".... both of which even if I attempt to discuss with them, they will loose interest in my life story cos it is extremely boring to them to listen to a corporate life story. Added to this is the fact there is really no scope to spend any quality time with your friend alone - most often they are with their kids and you do not have the opportunity to have fun the way you did when you were both single....

And when people dont have anything in common, they do drift apart. What is the remedy? It takes two to tango so I guess both sides have to make an effort. but most often the efforts to connect are hampered by external factors such as kids or even the husband or in my case work commitments. Net net, both of you decide it is too much of effort and decide to live with status quo.

While I have over the years accepted this as part of my growing up, the latest incident with my friend exposed me to the reality that no matter what a woman wants to do, she is still dictated by the family and the society. Her priorities are always going to be her husband and her kids over you no matter that, you are the one who has pulled her up from the gutter when she was beaten and out, you are the one who sat with her through the night when she got the worst news possible in her life, you are one who screamed with joy when she got engaged and married, you are the one who cried at the wedding at the thought of your friend moving away, you are the one who went to the chruch and lit a candle for the little bundle of joy that came along in your friends life (and didnt tell the friend that you did that), you are the one who always was there to fill in the silences even without talking. And ofcourse vice-versa as well - I was friends with these women cos they did all this for me as well.

But the question that I have to ask is - was I just a transit stop? something like a waiting room where my friends waited cos they really didnt see anything better for the moment, and when the train came (i.e. hubby and kids) just left for greener pastures? So all the comfort (even if it was not upto the mark at times) and the companionship was no longer relevant or important to my friends once they found their soul mate and the kids with their soul mates? Was I just a stepping stone in the path of their ultimate goal of marital bliss? Isnt it strange that a husband who just walks in replaces the years and years of growing up that you and your friend went through?

My mother would say "that is the norm of life"... Family always comes first. You are probably right mom, Family always comes first. Except in my case I always thought these friends were like family to me.

My post might seem a little one-sided cos I am not married and I dont understand the compulsions of being a mom and a wife. I am not denying that. My only question is - what value do I give these friendships? 0? or at least a 4?

On the bright side, I can ignore these friends now and without any guilt, when I get a husband and a kid.

London feels strangely like home... It may be because I have lived in London before and navigating through this city was like navigating through home town.. I knew the bus stops, the tube stations, the easy routes etc etc... and not to mention how some things are similar with Mumbai... so everynight I drive past Kings Cross station and for a brief moment it looks like I am looking at Victoria Terminus in Mumbai.. it is similar in its architecture... and then ofcourse the fact that I am working as late as I would be working in Mumbai... so I am one of the lawyers sitting back in the office till about 10 in the night trying to meet a deadline.... and every lawyer in the office is ordering junk food over the telephone, attending conference calls while sitting in an office strewn with papers... ahh.. Mumbai AMSS life...they all ofcourse very friendly as well... most come to my office to chat about life... and also to ask whether I would like to go out for lunch... which is very very sweet....and yday I met my co-room mate.... she is a mom of 2, a brilliant lawyer and a part time employee.... she faced the same problems that every working mother faces... guilt. guilt at having left her children behind, guilt because her mother reminds her that she is being a bad mom by working, guilt at not having the time to put 100% into the job.... I have been trying to find a solution to this unique problem that women face but seems like no where in the world do people want to give credit to a woman to have a baby....

Ofcourse the familiarity in London may also be due to the number of Indians I see on the street! not to mention being greeted by Punjabi women at Heathrow airport... made me want to do an impromptu bhangra right there and then thinking I was in the heartland of Punjab....

Whatever it is London has made me feel very welcome.... thanks London...thanks 2010

Yesterday I went out for dinner with other law schoolites to a place called Moolis which is run by erstwhile lawyers who graduated from law school. Frankly I loved the place - including the bland dal. When queried about why he chose to start a restaurant after doing law, the owner responded that he was always interested in some business opportunity. and above all he says that this is fun! Well then, heres to more fun!

And ofcourse when law schoolites gather around there is exchange of information and gossip... and sometimes it is downright bitchy... so when the fact that one of my classmates was mentioned as one of the top 50 inhouse legal counsels in India came up, the response was 'now you know how credible that report is'... implying that my classmate does not deserve it... I think it is the tendency of people to always find something bad in someones progress... mainly because they see that more as a lack of progress in their lives rather than as a progress in their friends lives.... which is really sad.... cos when will someone stop being maligned ? even the PM of India can be criticised saying he doesnt deserve it - he is there cos he is Sonia's choice.. or even Barack Obama may be pulled down by saying that he got elected only cos Bush was so bad.... well... jealousy has no end...and there are people who are going to be jealous ....

and ofcourse the famous AMSS bashing did rear its ugly head... so at one point somebody said 'and this person quit X law firm cos it had become like AMSS'... and the person looked at me straight while saying this trying hard to guage my response... my response 'so he quit the firm because it became more professional????'... that brought about a few laughs and there was no more AMSS bashing after that....

So looks like living in the developed world is a step down for me... so from a 1000 sq feet house in Mumbai, I went down to 750 sq feet in Washington and now finally to 550 sq feet in London.... so hands down London wins as the most expensive city in the world... and everytime I spend money now I convert pounds into dollars first and then to rupees... so London is exactly twice that of US... so a sandwich costing 5 dollars in the US would cost me 5pounds in the UK... at the exchange rate it is double the US dollars.... and many times I gulp at the exhorbitant prices and want to scream and beat the shopkeeper with my shopping bag 'you lousy fellow.. how can you cheat us 'hardworking Indians from Mumbai, already lived life in the US and now living in the UK'??'... but mostly I just pay and hope that somewhere in the cosmos the correction will take place..

Coming back to the house... it feels so small that I feel crowded by seeing myself in the mirror... i scream silently 'get out of the way you moron - you are blocking my way'... if anyone were to record me they would definitely come away convinced that the CWG games mess (not anymore ofcourse) is less of a mess than me....I am hoping that a rat does not join me in the house otherwise I will seriously camp outside the apartment in protest....

In other news.. a friend offered to introduce me to anotehr friend in London... but cautioned me saying 'oh by the way, this friend of mine may actually tell you bad things about Mumbai since they hate that city. so be patient'....I declined to meet the friend - I mean I react violently to anyone critcising Mumbai... and quite frankly I am beginning to feel like I am the person in the wrong here (when clearly I am not) cos I am the one who is always objecting to statements... and I have not yet had the maturity to ignore these comments either....

As you can see I am just not cut for life in a foreign country... suprisingly since all my childhood has been spent outside India....

A day in the life of a new lawyer in London

Am tired and my eyes are shutting off... so London greeted me with a tube strike today... adding to my stress levels... how do I get to the office is high heels??? I cant walk!!! ofcourse the red bus came to the rescue... except it was in the 6th attempt that I got into the bus... and chugged along for a 1 hour drive across town to the office... the roads were packed and for a while it looked like Mumbai traffic in the monsoons....

Day one in office was less scary than I thot. the partner and colleague took me out for lunch... and the first question they asked was "so among the brothers, who is richer?" ... My answer.."Well...both of them are richer than me at least!"... and then the lunch was also used as an opportunity to introduce me to the project I will be working on... and generally the office was more friendly... people were walking into my cabin and talking to me...I have lunch plans for tomorrow.... also have a room mate in the office... which should be fun after a long time...

and then it was a walk back through the bylanes of london with the St. Pauls cathedral overlooking my every move and the chimes of the chruch matching my every step....

Am home...tired, exhausted, excited, thrilled..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I have been noticing a peculiar thing in this Government...

While the Parliament was discussing the Nuclear Liability bill, the MInister in charge gave credit to the last BJP government for having set in motion the process... the Minister commented that we have just taken forward the good work of the previous BJP Government... and he didnt mean it in a defensive way... he was reacting to Jaitely's comment that he approves of the nuclear liability bill....

And just yday at the opening ceremony of the CWG games, Suresh Kalmadi thanked the ex Prime Minister of India, Atal Behari Vajpayee for having agreed to host the CWG...

I also remember a long time back during the attack on the Parliament during the BJP rule, Atal Behari Vajpayee commented about how the then leader of the opposition, Sonia Gandhi had immediately called him up to enquire about his safety ... and said "if this is how the leader of the opposition behaves, then India is in safe hands"....

Political maturity? Maybe the beginnings of it.....

Sometimes I feel the tempo of how a country will turn out is determined by the first leader the country has..... so in the case of India it was Nehru that set the tempo for the emerging country of India..... divided as it was by religion, caste, language and several other barriers... it was Nehru who steadfastly held on to the principles of secular, plural, liberal society.... and that became the unspoken rule (and many times forgotten)for governing of this country... today the leaders are scared of openly flouting these principles.... even if there are aberrations.... and same with the United States... it was George Washington who laid down the foundation of American politics - setting down the 2 term rule (breached ofcourse by FDR), the supremacy of civilians over military and above all the presence of mind to refuse to be crowned the King of America when a grateful nation asked him to take the lead... those very principles now guide America in a large way ....

Ofcourse there are instances of several great leaders leading countries to Independence with splendid ideas... such as JInnah in Pakistan or even Nkrumah in Ghana... however both these leaders had very short lived tenure and hence their principles could not be imbibed by the new nation...

Onto other topics...

Recently I had a discussion with some people about gay rights in India... and one of the people said that a country like India does not promote gay rights... and I was like .. wait a minute, India has just declared Section 377 unconstitutional... quoting from the draftsmen of the constitution, the High Court held that it is unconstitutional to consider homosexuality as a crime... ... and the law minister came on TV and said that they are not going to appeal against the judgment since the court had provided a reasoning which was beyond challenge....and I thot that was far more liberal than what I have seen in the United States... ofcourse some States have recognised civil unions but overall America remains homophobic... recently a kid committed suicide because his room mate had put a recording of him making out with a guy on you tube - if America was that liberal then why did the Kid commit suicide? and then there is the case of the STudent President of Univ of Michigan being targetted by the Asst Attorney General of the State for being gay... the gay student was called the representative of Satan on earth... is that any different from the bias we have in India...

My limited point was that please dont paint India with a brush that is 10 years old... we have moved on.... ofcourse not as much as the West, but seriously, I dont believe that West is always the way to go.... we have as of now granted recognition to the right of people to be gay...

I dont think my friends understood the point .... or maybe I was not clear.... but overall the end result was that my friends decided to believe India is backward...

Hmm... why do I feel the need to defend India all the time???

So many things to write about ... and I dont know where to begin....

Starting with my very eventful take off from Washington to London.... travelling alone has never been a problem for me...except when there are 3 suitcases, 1 laptop bag and a hand bag.... and all 3 suitcases behave like crazy children on an adrenalin rush... with each of them rolling off on their own free will.. ofcourse added to the fact that in America there is no "coolie" to help you put your bags in.... anyways I managed to pull all my stuff onto the taxi and went off to the airport... on reaching i managed to get out and pull along a cart to take my suitcases... and I distinctly remember asking the taxi driver to wait... but all I remember is that the taxi driver just drove off with my laptop bag... I was livid, confused and above all panicky... and to top it all, in my effort to find a telephone service I had to abandon my three suitcases for a while... and the police nearly came and took them away.. it took all my lawyering skills to convince them of what happened....

Anyways I got the laptop bag and was off to London... Luckily I was in the business class so I had a comfortable journey at least.... and the transition to London was very much set in motion by the BA attendant handing me the Daily Mail paper.... which screamed that Catherine Zeta Jones was not taking up the latest film offer to be by her husbands side... nice... onto the land of the tabloids I say...

Ofcourse I landed on my bday in London... and I was lucky enough to have a friend from Germany visit me for my bday... so the day started off with a lunch with another law schoolite.... its amazing to see so many people from law school do so many wonderful things in life..... and then it was a walk through covent garden and a cup of hot chocolate to warm up the rainy day in London... and then met with another friend from law school... spent a good 3 hours chatting... and bday dinner was at one of the best lebanese restaurants in SOHO... followed by a night out at SOHO which was clearly the best part of my bday...

And today was spent sleeping, walking around in the familiar haunts of London (nice to see the old lebanese place still open) and generally feeling at home. And today was also the day CWG games were to open in India... and I was feeling really anxious about it ... will this be a moment when all the pride that I have been exhibiting about India would come crashing down? Would I be the butt of all ridicule with people pointing out to me and saying "you are proud of this India? hah, India cant even host a game with a lead time of 7 years"... I was almost scared that I would be laughed at on the streets of London...

Buttttt... India pulled it off... what a spectacular display it was... and with every dance and every song my chest swelled up in pride... I loved the fact that India emphasised on the "Indianess"... so it was the various dance forms of India, the yoga, the father of the nation, bollywood and even the train! what a marvelous tribute to India... the ceremony gave tribute to all the small small facets of India such as the dabbawallas, the HP gas cycles, the bangles, the bazaars, etc etc...

and when I walked out on the streets of London after the ceremony I think I was an inch higher... and able to look people straight in the eye and say "Yes, we did it! Jai Ho!"... and one person on the street actually told "Namaste".. maybe he watched the ceremony maybe he didnt... but I liked the greeting...BBC here reported that India actually put up a spectacular show.. and it was nice to see Asia doing it this time round...

2010, nice show!

15 mins before I rush to take the train back to DC...

Relieved by the Ayodhya judgment.... it is a please all judgment as far as I can read... distressed that the Sunni board has decided to appeal it... happy that RSS has toned down their rhetoric...I want everyone to just move forward now... just accept the verdict ....

my stomach was in the pits worried about what will happen in India because of the judgment ... feeling a bit relieved...

anyways bye for now... rushing off...

I think I went crazy for few hours today... from tracking my passport to planning my NY trip, to booking my flight to London... it was crazy... not to mention the packing, the last minute goodbyes, the shopping, the scare of how I will get across so many things to London.... its far from over but I have decided to take it easy... I went and got myself another suitcase cos one of my suitcases looked really pregnant from both sides.... so now I have three suitcases which is something which I hope will not attract too much attention from the airlines....

In a business meeting today I met with a senior person ... he was of Indian origin and looked like a good ole grandfather ..... and like all grandfathers he loved talking.... I was quite benign throughout the conversation.... until he started talking about India... in his analysis of the CWG fiasco he rightly blamed the Indian politicians... he was absolutely right and I endorsed the feeling of shame that I had in seeing my country build the ground for insulting itself in such an international manner..... then he said something which was not at all warranted or in my opinion not true... he called the Indian electorate "Stupid"... and "uneducated" and "not as intelligent as the Americans".... that burned my ears... okkk you can criticise the wrongs in the country but you cant call the people of India stupid... nooooo way... at least not in front of me.... so much against my better judgment I muttered up courage to say "I do not agree with that Sir. I think Indian electorate is emotional but definately not stupid".... Luckily my voice was so low that he didnt hear it I think - cos he went on again and again...

I mean the Indians are not the ones that voted George Bush to power - and that too twice! And for all the criticism of family run Congress party I would like to point out that attachment to familhy is a human phenomenon not an Indian characterstic... so you have several cases of fathers and sons becoming Presidents in the US... and I can bet my bottom dollar that if you have a kennedy stand for election he will win too....

Anyways I think I know enough about American to state that they are way ahead in terms of democracy and taking care of its people... and I am grateful to have seen that ... and set that as a bar... but I am not going to criticise the people of India as being stupid... we have something like a white man hangover...

It has been crazy so far... so after what seems like eternity I finally received word that my UK visa has come through... yipeee... I am off to London in the next couple of days (I hope)....

but before that I have to travel to New York to meet with some very important people.... something that happened only because my visa got delayed... so maybe I should start believing in everything happens for a reason...

Sunday musings

This weekend was an unexpected bonus in washington... so i decided to make the most of my time here.... and my mind immediately went to something that I do in Mumbai...Cycling! so I was up and ready to bike at 9 a.m only to discover that it was raining in good ole DC... it ultimately cleared up at around noon... and I rushed out immediately to take benefit of the sparse sunshine.....

and cycle I did!! It was truly invigorating to cycle down Penn Avenue towards the capitol... and it was even more suprising to see that you are allowed to cycle so close to the Capitol... what an imposing building...truly a remarkable edifice of American democracy.... and then I cycled to the Eastern Market.. one of the most charming markets I have ever been too... there are musicians playing, people selling interesting stuff on the street, flea markets and paintings... I walked around hoping to find some interesting curio that I could take back from DC.... and ended up a Georgian painters tent... his paintings were striking... it had a hynotic feel to it... so I started a conversation with him asking him where he was from.. He was from Georgia...and I used my limited knowledge about Georgia to continue the conversation... I asked him about Shevernandze Government thinking in my mind that he was one of those sterling examples of post Russia leaders.... only to hear a barage of criticism from this Georgian painter... he blamed Sheverdnaze for all the ills in the country... he plundered... his family got all the wealth... he was pro west and hence got the support of the Americans... he ruined the economy... he killed a whole generation of people the painter informed.... I was absolutely stunned to hear that... in my mind this guy was the guy who was able to lead Georgia away from Russia into a democratic set up... and to hear this showed that what we hear in India is really something that is concocted.... and then he asked me whether I am studying politics here in DC.... and I said, I am doing something worse - I am a lawyer... he laughed... "Lawyers very smart, eh?" he responded... and I said "yes. some of them can be over smart too".... after a delightful conversation during which I glanced through his paintings (including some of them from his hometown in Georgia) I finally bought one of his paintings.... a nice thing to remember him by I thought...

and then it was back to the Mall where all the monuments are.... and after nearly 6 years I went to the Vietnam memorial.... it was quite touching to see people place flowers still in rememberance.... I sat in silence observing people reacting to the names on the wall .... one of them even sat down and wrote a note... I could only imagine that it was to their father or an uncle that they were writing to ....

and then after 3 hours of cycling it was time to come back home.... energised by the tour, talks and travels.... Ahh nice...

Thinking London, Looking Tokyo

This post is about people saying something and doing exactly the opposite...

For instance the recent controversy in the US is the pastor from Atlanta who has been accused of sexually assaulting boys from his church.... now this pastor was one of those people who preached that homosexuality is a sin and he was on earth to eradicate it..... and just as he preached, he went and did the exact opposite of that.... and then there is the case of the US senator who again used public forum to denounced homosexuality and then was caught soliciting a male prostitute!

All of this makes me wonder.... why preach something you cannot follow... rather why preach about that specific topic? I mean there are so many issues in the world you can raise your voice against - why raise an issue where you know you are not being honest?

This reminds of two scenes from two movies made by two different directors in two different continents... the first was the movie Mr and Mrs. Iyer.... which is a movie about a muslim man who gets caught in the riots and is saved by a hindu woman.... so there is the scene in the beginning Konkana Sen recoils from Rahul Bose on hearing that he is a muslim.... and then there is a scene where a man and his friend have a discussion about muslims saying their prayers in public and how it is such a nuisance... and one man tells the other man that muslims should be left alone and they should not be persecuted cos of their religion.... and later on in the movie when the hindu religious fundamentalists come onto the bus, and start searching for the muslims, konkana sen immediately tells them that the muslim is her husband and they are mr. and mrs. iyer... and when the fundamentalists continue to search for muslims, the man who previously advocated to his friend that muslims should be left alone get up and point out to the muslim couple in front of the bus.... which couple eventually get killed...

The next movie is Crash which was a brilliantly made movie about LA and the underlying racism.... so there is the case of Ryan Phillipe who is an upright cop who advocates equality and believes in giving Blacks a fair chance..and then there is another cop (Matt Dhillon I think) who is openly vitriolic... and denounces any form of equality between blacks and whites... there is a scene where he even insults a black couple .... and finally Ryan Phillippe in an attempt to protect a black boy takes him into the car... and then gets so scared by the boy that he shoots him dead .... and Matt Dhillon is called to rescue people from an accident... and one of the people stuck is the same black woman whom he had insulted... and they show how he risks his life to save her....

In both cases, all of them did exactly opposite of what they preached... so what does this mean??? is it that people who pretend to be good are not always that good... or that people who pretend to be bad are not always that bad....

Personally I have seen some sort of hypocrisy in my life... for instance i have seen many ultra religious people who proclaim that they are following the word of God and that they live the Christian life... but they are the first ones to shut the doors on the needy, the first ones to stack up their money and the first ones to be cunning.... and I also have a lot of people who are human rights advocates who claim to be embracing differences... yet they are the first ones to denounce people and their lifestyles... they denounce or judge the choices people make and claim that their choices and lifestyles are not pure enough since they are not doing good for other human beings.... what happened to the basic human right of choice??? Apparently there is only one choice in their books....

Cultural Musings

Anywhere you go there is going to be a cultural exchange which is not going to be pleasant always... so while I have been very interested in learning about American culture (particularly the functioning of the Government, polictics etc) I have had some bloopers here...

The first one was at an office party... where at the end of the party I mentioned that my girlfriend is coming to pick me up... and immediately the lady replied "oh i didnt know you were gay"... I literally screamed out my clarification... nono.. its my friend who is a girl... the way i went around explaining it I might have sounded a tad homo-phobic...

the other incident was with a jewish friend... where he was explaining to me that during the recession he went against all advice and continued investing... and I half in awe told him "see that is the jew in you!".... my friend burst out laughing immediately... and told me that that is the most offensive thing you can say to a jew but he is laughing because I said it in such innocent way... I was profusely apologetic and told him that I meant it as a compliment etc etc...

So what are my learnings from this cultural experiences? That you can be stupid in any country.

last few days have been crazy at work... its almost like I am back at AMSS.... late nights, lots of discussions, lots of analysis, lots of pressure, deadlines etc etc... Ahh... the good life... I miss that too...

In other news, Christy has started going to school in Dar Es Salaam.. He is apparently adjusting very well. Baby George on the other hand - not so much. Apparently on the first day of school he got scared by the school that he refused to leave my sister.... now he refuses to go anywhere near the school so he is having a cushy life with my sister lounging at the hotel... hmm... I wonder whether he is acting scared so that he can stay and have fun in the hotel... devious little child...

So today I visited the House of Representatives of the US Congres... I got a gallery pass to sit in and observe the proceedings of the House of Representatives...

After clearing one security check after another I entered the visitors gallery expectantly hoping to see a lot animated activity... however I saw sleepy chairman, a bored out of her brain typist and overall disinterested members... the main reason for the disinterest was the long speech a congresswoman was giving... and the central point of her speech was the passage of a new bill to help small businesses...

But then things got interesting once the debate started.... the house was completely divided along party lines... there was the democrats on the left and the republicans on the right.... and the republicans attacked the bill like no business.... they expounded economic theories which sough to cut government involvement in public life.... and argued vehemently for a leaner government... one of them came up and said that Truman had fired about 100000 workers and yet had led the country to the best post war economic boom (without ofcourse mentioning that the war was the reason for the American boom).... and another republican brought out a poster of Uncle Sam pointing his finger and saying "You cut"... implying that the Government should cut taxes and scale down the involvement.... and a republican argued about something that was wrong with the legislation and the democrat stood up and said "but I am surprised you are saying this since you yourself voted against removing that provision from the law last week!".... The democracts were not any less and put forth a spirited response.... and they were sure of passing the bill in the house owing to their present day majority... and the possibility of the democrats losing the house was brought home when a republican stood up and said "I hope the public will choose better soon"...

The economic crisis dominated the discussion.... it is such a big thing in America with lots of people having lost their savings and their jobs.....

All in all a very informative visit it was for me... Now I want to see the UK parliament in action if possible and then ultimately my Parliament if possible...

Is a Baby the new Prada?

Disclaimer: Trust me this is not about the previous post of mine... I admire the woman for doing what she did and I would love to do that one day if I could... but this is about the not so serious ..

There are some things that are fashionable nowadays....

For instance along with Prada, Gucci, Valentino, another thing that is gaining currency as the fashion statement is the Baby ...... and mostly I see men using the baby thing as a way to get more brownie points about their personality.... so I knew of someone who had a picture of his baby on his desk as if it was an award...and a really really silly painting on his wall made by his child...now dont get me wrong... I am sure this guy loved his kid... but somehow seeing so much exhibitionism about his child I started to wonder why he needed to do that.... I mean it is one thing to feel elated about it but another to shove it down somebody else unwilling throat....... now this is also the person who would have picture of "Godfather" on his wall to just appear to be "with it"... you know, things that are popular and hence would increase your status? or maybe I am distrustful of men who appear toooo involved...

The other thing that is gaining currency slowly in India is the "I hate Mumbai (and hence India)" crowd.... now I am one of those vocal opponents of any form of beratement of this city... but I am catastrophic when it comes to criticism from a person who has just shifted into the city... I know foreigners find it tough to live in Mumbai but it is also tough for Indians to start living in the US .... there are cultural differences and it is not easy to adjust to that.... so one common friend asked another friend of mine about how I am doing and when my friend responded that she is looking forward to coming back to India this common friend blurted out "What? Is she crazy? Ask her to find some gora, get married and settle down there". This common friend had shifted into Mumbai 2 years back after living abroad for 5 years .... and ever since he has been lamenting his "misfortune" in coming to Mumbai..... through this trauma I have been quite understanding giving him space to feel good about Mumbai... cos I hated Mumbai too when I first interned there.... but this latest salvo from him offended me at so many levels... firstly assuming that my life abroad is wayyyyy better for me than the life I had and would have .... then assuming that I needed to marry someone to get admission into the States offended me as a woman... I have an education that can get me to some places and I sure as hell dont need a man to bring me better fortune.....and thirdly this common friend was actually judging me for not wanting the same life that he wanted for himself....I am different so does that mean that I am not good???

But this is my question - what prevents me from judging this friend of mine back... I mean should I not judge him because he has shown no respect for the education that India has given him? Should I not judge him for not loving his own country? should I not judge him for the lack of decency in critising somebody else's choices??

Or is it just more "cooler" to say that India sucks...

One thing is for sure - I am not that fashion concious to adopt these latest trends...

Wouldnt this be just swell?

http://idiva.com/news-work-life/pod-baby-in-sling-at-parliament/1862

I dont know what it is but I suddenly feel sad about leaving Washington... I guess now I have got used to the life here...

and another thing is that I am suddenly scared of going back to India... now given that I have been longing so much for Mumbai this might come as a surprise ... but having had this time in DC and having not been under the terrible pressure that one is used to in India, I am wondering whether I have sort of become "soft"... now I like to focus more on my creative ventures rather than getting my hands dirty for a transaction... I would like to have more time to travel... see new places, learn new things... so I am wondering whether I will lose this zest when I am back in India... getting back into the pressure that is the pressure of a really normal mundane life.... now dont get me wrong... It is not because it is India... but more so because I am slowly beginning to like the change in me and my life cos I have been away from the humdrum of life..... sometimes it takes a radical change (and most often unwelcome) for you to notice the better things in you.....

Or maybe it is because Mumbai wont be the same without my sister and the kids.... but then I have two new babiesto spoil and play with now in Mumbai...

Waiting to see what London has in store for me....hmm...

Somebody asked me today "So have you found your Mr. Right yet?"..

My response "There is no Mr. Right. There is only Mr. Least Wrong"

Do you agree?

2 of my closest friends in Mumbai just had their babies - on the same day!!!!!!! God bless

And another close friend declared that she is getting married in Feb ... and is waiting for me to attend the wedding...

Cant wait to see all this in January when I get back to India.... I cant believe I am missing so much action in my friends lives....

2010 - keep it up!

I am in "shift" mode.... packing stuff, feeling wistful about my soon to be past life in DC, the sights of DC, the shopping etc...

But what is my biggest regret? That I did not get to shake hands with Obama. But I did a "six degrees of separation" calculation and it turns out there is very little separating Obama and me (apart from the fact that he doesnt know I exist and that he would not care to know as well)... you see there is a colleague in my office who has a picture of her with Obama hanging in the office.... so that means I know her and she knows Obama and voila! I am just one degree seperate from Obama.... but physically speaking, the maximum I have come to is getting stuck in a traffic jam on account of a presidential motorcade.....

does that count? in my books yes!

Someone mentioned to me that they believe that even without religion or rule of law, people would behave themselves and not commit crimes... he emphasised on the inherent goodness of people which will make them see right and wrong... and stop any crimes....

I disagree.... if morality was such a pull why is it that we see so many atrocities committed only during riots when there is general lawlessness... or why do we see war crimes? why is it that people are subject to utmost brutality by some people when they have the power to get away with impunity? I think it was the Nuremberg trials which stated that people should listen to their own values while deciding their actions (the argument put across by several Nazi solidiers was that they were just following orders)....

but I believe, given a chance people would be ready to exploit. and be totally SELFISH.

In one of the news programmes on CNN, one of the political strategist raised an issue which surprised me... he stated that the biggest mistake that Obama made when he took office was not to clarify which church he belonged to! I was stunned. I mean this is United States - there is no place for religion in a society made up of immigrants?? Turns out there is a strong Bible belt in the United States who are very serious about the candidates for presidency being of a particular religion... infact growing up I used to hear that Kennedy was the first catholic President ever... and I remember thinking to myself - but what is the difference? He is still a Christian right? Apparently the Bible belt does not like Catholics to be voted into power.

So we have Obama whose middle name is Hussein... and who had to clarify that he was not a muslim... and also confirm that he was a practicing christian.... to me that signified a clear discrimination... I mean isnt that what we face in Gujarat? the question of whether you are a hindu or a muslim? so in the worlds leading democracy religion still plays a card?

I was shocked and in a way distressed.... this just exhibited that no matter how much education, wealth, or even so called "progress" you make in society people are still petty and small about such things....

so suddenly it looks like I am swamped... with many things too boring to explain.... and this is also the last 2 weeks of my stay in DC and I am making large scale plans to meet up with people and do a little more of sightseeing around DC.... so the next 3 days are jam packed with activities... and then I have to slowly start thinking about packing.... I hate packing... it always makes me tense...what if the bag is too small... what if the customs officer stops me and asks me to hand ovre half my life's savings for the overweight bag I am carrying... Ohh Gosh - my mind never stops imagining...

and today I have to attend a formal dinner... and when I mentioned this to my friend, along with the dollop of advice about the gift to take to the party, my friend casually mentioned "oh also, be mature".... whatt????? I scrambled my friend's brain for the next 20 mins to figure out what she meant.... what do you mean mature? Do I appear immature? Do I talk like an immature person?? blah blah blah...and I think my friend changed her story (she even called me "interesting to talk to" in a valiant attempt to get rid of me and my incessant barage of questions)..... now I am all tense for this formal meeting... maybe the solution would be if I pretend to be a robot. Stand still, follow the hand movement so as to exhibit life, follow the directions given by the host (eat, drink, talk) and then quietly exit the party without giving too much indication of my personality....

In other news my sister and the kids have finally left Mumbai.... they must be in Dar Es Salaam by now.... I wonder how Baby George is reacting to his new surroundings... maybe he will scare off a few lions.... actually his elder brother might.... Gosh, mumbai without them - inconceivable!

Women in Law Firms in the developed world

http://ip.law360.com/articles/193183

I completed 400 posts in this blog! I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now. Hmm... nice to know I dont get bored of at least blogging...

A newspaper article recently wrote that people who frequent facebook suffer from low self esteem.... I have always maintained that facebook is an outlet for many people... many of them are deprived of a means to show their friends and relatives their life - mostly to show their relatives the good things in their lives...... it is their way of announcing that they are upto something spectacular in life....

And I dont fault them either.....every single human being requires affirmation from other... be it about their life choices, life, lifestlye, their talents etc..... for instance this blog is my way of announcing to the world what I am upto... ofcourse the fact that only a handful of people find it interesting or even read it is no deterrent to me..... I remember when I had clicked a picture of me shaking hands with the President of India I sent it to my cousins in South Africa! In hindsight my cousins really didnt care and probably I need not have bothered but at that time sending them the picture was my way of seeking an affirmation from my relatives....

So I find facebook to be an extension of that... but there are some curious behaviours exhibited on facebook which amuses me sometimes...

There is the case of the fellow who went to a foreign country... now I know that the person went to the foreign country and didnt do anything but stay inside and work.... and the fellow had put up pictures of the city as shot from his hotel room! The fellow was that desperate to announce to the world that he was travelling abroad on work....

Then there is the case of the homemaker.... who constantly changes the status to keep saying that her life is blessed...or words to the effect that she cant believe how lucky she is... at first reading it warms you up.... but then when you see it again and again and again you wonder - is she sending out a message? Does she really want people to acknowledge her luck in public? And then the question that begs to be answered - if you feel so lucky indeed, then why do you need to tell people about it?

Then there is the case of the person who adds friends at the drop of a hat.... just so that they are considered to be really popular.... I know a couple where the husband was so jealous of the wife of the number of friends his wife had he would just go about adding anyone to his list... I am not sure whether he succeeded in matching up to her... but facebook is somewhat of an exhibit of your popularity....

I am probably equally at fault many times... and I am more at fault because I quietly observe rather than participate... which looks a bit sneaky at times...

But overall facebook is helpful... to keep in touch with people you dont want to lose touch with me but dont want to actively be in touch with either....

Recently I had to request my friend for some financial help in that I needed some urgent money transferred into my account in India...

and as frantic as I asked her for help I frantically asked her for her account number and sought to wire the money from the US to her account in India... her response was livid - "please pay me when you get back - there is no hurry"... and just for a lark I decided to test her faith in me... "but what if I run away with the money and spend it all on male strippers who will do the full monty for me"...

My friend responded - "then I would consider my money well spent"...

That is the thing with good friends - they always know when and how to spend the money well ...

Now to find some male strippers in DC... hahha... just kidding...

Overall US is a safe place... I dont feel the fear while walking outside... or while walking on the road or even taking the Metro.... I am confident that if I get into trouble I will always have some public service personnel to help me.... in fact quite often I find policemen on every corner and they are always ready to lend a helping hand....

But on the other hand I also feel scared quite often in the States... for instance the other day my friend and I had gone to the Lincoln Memorial at night .... and there was a plane above us flying really low.... I am not sure what happened but my friend (who is American) immediately clutched my hand and watched the plane intently..... and whispered to me "why is that plan flying so low?"... I didnt respond... after a while my friend turned tome and said "Lets get out of here fast"....

The plane was flying low only because it was trying to land at the Washington National Airport.... but the events of September 11th had so traumatised my friend that she was now scared of any plane that was flying low.... the fear would surface anytime there would be anything untoward in the sky.... The fear that America could be under attack anytime....

Compared to that, despite the Mumbai attacks I dont fear going to the Taj or any of those places where the terrorists attacked Mumbai... I almost adopt a fatalistic attitude - if I have to die I will die.... and walk on by as if nothing has happened.... Is it a belief that everything in India is saved by God and not by the administration? So if God chooses to save you, you will be saved....so if you happen to be caught in a terrorist attack then you are just plain unlucky... Is that how Indians view the terrorist attacks?

Personally speaking I get scared sometimes in Washington ... thinking an attack is imminent....Or maybe it is the effect of the Hollywood movies..... you know movies where everything happens first in the United States.... so if the aliens attack, they first attack Washington, DC like they showed in Independence Day.... or the end of the world begins in the United States like in the movie "2012".... and natives in each country are left praying for divine intervention in front of the "religious" structures such as the Taj Mahal....

I better be careful walking around... or I better stop watching doomsday movies

How do you react to jealousy? One when someone is jealous of you and two when you are jealous of someone...

both questions are in some way related.... so take a hypothetical situation for instance ... say you have always craved for that exquisite dress in the window of a fancy boutique.... and you never did have enough money to buy it..... but you make do by looking at the dress everyday to and back from work... promising yourself everyday that one day you will save up enough money to buy that dress... and then you envisage yourself wearing that dress and making a splash in society....

Cut to reality... you never did manage to save enough for that dress... and worse, your friend/colleague actually bought that dress and is now making that splash in society instead of you.....

What do you do?

A. You chastise the friend (without revealing that you have lusted after that dress for the longest time) and tell her that she is financially irresponsible for having spent so much money on a dress.... :"Are you going to waste money ? If you buy so many things you will run out of money and then you will one day look back and wonder why you spent so much on clothes? You dont even have a house - so what would you rather have - a house or good clothes? Anyways that dress does not look good on you".

B. You congratulate the friend on the new possession - but slyly mention that the colour does not suit her (the dress looks fabulous on her in your honest opinion)

C. You criticise the dress and its value in front of the friend - Hmmm.. I wonder whether this dress will last ... look at the fabric... maybe you should not wear it so often....
Soon your friend looks sheepish in the dress - goal!

D. You say nothing to your friend, you ignore her and the dress and mingle with other people who have nothing to do with the dress...

E. You go upto the friend and confess that you have always wanted that dress but never could manage enough to buy it... and mention that it looks good on her !

Which of the options above would you honestly choose?

I have been on both sides of the fence.... and trust me when jealousy rears its head it always ends up hurting both parties........ you feel sad.... for the loss of the uncomplicated relationship that you had with your friend... for the realisation that from now on you are not looking out for your friends interest or that your friend is not looking out for your interest....

Its a loss of friendship in any event....

I had a glimse of the American way of life this weekend... I saw the womens US open final in NY this weekend ... followed by a game of American football between the Washington Redskins and Dallas Cowboys.... while the US Open was tame, the football game was all american... I have never seem such a boisterous crowd in my life... walking on the road my friend (who was a Dallas fan) was chided and told to go home.... there was screaming... and the crowd was so loud that I thot my ear drums would break..... and I topped it up by having authentic junk food - hot dog!

I also got a feel of what it is like to be an American citizen.... at these sporting events security remains a hugs concern ... and taking care of so many people who were converged in one place is no joke.... but I have to say that the police, NYPD , metro personnel did such a fantastic job of it.... in particular one incident stood out... a handicapped person had got onto the wrong platform.... the metro personnel went out of their way to help the handicapped person... they stopped the train a formed a bridge between the trains and then ensured that the handicapped person got out safe and sound... if this the attention that every citizen gets in this country, I would have to agree that America is truly the leader of the world in terms of democracy.... when will politics in India bring the citizen back into the equation? It is also perhaps telling that while corruption exists in the US, the corruption is limited to really big important deals... it does not affect the common man.... I think India should aim to graduate to that form of corruption .... rooting out corruption is not really an option....

There is one more thing I like about America - it is enshrined in their constitution.... it recognises the "pursuit of Happiness" as the right of every citizen.... Now that is refreshing....

Generation Talk

I just spoke to my mom.... and in her opinion my life is completely wasted.... she was categorical in that she feels I have not done anything with my life....

I agreed with her. My life does seem completely wasted at times. But not for the same reason my mom thinks.

I was all set to write about my trip to NY and the sports filled weekend I had... but I just heard the news that a senior of mine passed away at the age of 38.... and no he was not unfit.. he was a fitness freak... he was sort of my first mentor in life....

New York in a minute

Coasting Through Costa Rica

My Boss at Milbank was really surprised that I had chosen to go to Costa Rica... and asked me "but why Costa Rica?"... my answer could not have been more insane.... I told him that the real inspiration for my trip was ...Jurassic Park! I remember watching the movie and thinking that Dinos got to live in this beautiful magical place with mountains, forests and rivers ... and gues what it was shot in Costa Rica! As far as I was concerned Costa Rica was calling out to me... and I just responded....

Well what can you say about a place that has Volcanos, cloud forests, tropical forest and beaches adjoining those forests! Pura Vida ofcourse! which means Pure Life.... and Costa Ricans really mean it - everything in Costa Rica is natural - no artificial ingredients.... so one day I was watching the active Arenal Volcana, and the next day I was sipping water as the clouds invaded my room in Monteverde Cloud reserve forest and the day after that I walked through a tropical forest to reach a white sand beach! While all the way gazing at exotic species of animals! ofcourse I did nothing more than click pictures at the beach since I dont swim - like my friend commented - you are a total waste at the beach....

And for the first time in my life I did the Zip Lines - which is basically you zipping through the mountain ranges held up by nothing more than a pulley and belts... and it was exhilarating to zip through clouds at Monteverde... imagine only seeing white around and not seeing what is at the end of the zip line.... I really thought I was crusing through heaven... if that is heaven then I am going to be a better person on earth to earn a berth there....

As always I managed to meet different people from different backgrounds on this trip..... and it was an advantage that I was travelling alone... many were less reserved since I was so easy to approach... others were curious to know how I am able to travel alone and wanted to do it themselves... many others were just interested in knowing about India and I was only happy to oblige....

lots of interesting conversations, meals and zip rides later I am back in Washington... which has suddenly become colder than I last remembered.... that just means one thing - Fall is here! waiting to take pictures with the fall leaves....

So my friends - have a Pura Vida.... travel alone for once in your life... and see how much more lovelier life becomes.....

Animals of Costa Rica