my pray

One of the lessons learnt by Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love is where she learns to forgive herself.... and that forgiveness enables her to move on to better things in life (read finding her soul mate)....

Forgiving yourself is one of the toughest things to do - even more difficult than forgiving others.... you could forgive others knowing that forgiving them would get rid of them from your life completely... but you are going to have to live with yourself even after you forgive yourself... and hence most often you are reluctant to forgive yourself easily... you chastise yourself more often in the hope that you can in some way become a better person.... well... as life shows being unforgiving results in you becoming the most unhappy person on earth...

now I am not big on forgiving.. forgiving others or myself for that matter... I hold on to past grudges and even more so when they dont apologise for their mistakes..... of late I have realised that asking for forgivness need not always precede you forgiving them... if I could quote the Bible on this Jesus forgave his crucifiers despite them not asking for any forgiveness...... I have to still master it...

Most of all I need to start forgiving myself .... for some of the choices I made which didnt quite work out the way I had hoped ..... for not rectifying my mistakes even when I knew I made a wrong choice .... and for not having the guts to take a bold decision when I could have cut short a messy situation with just that bold decision... for not listening to my own judgement which in many cases has proved accurate ...Above all I forgive myself for being an ordinary person who let herself live in the moment....

so what do you forgive yourself for today?

So I spoke to my sister about her imminent departure from the city... She was really sad.... My sister said "i am used to the Mumbai type of living - now to go somewhere and get used to that city all over again is such a pain... I hope i come back to mumbai soon...Christy was also sad... Arre I am leaving all my friends behind... who will I play with over there?"... Baby George was as always busy eating... he came on the phone and over a cacophony of sounds told me that he is eating fryums... and also mentioned the word Washington which I assume meant that he still remembered my teachings..... then I asked the most painful question to Christy- Will you forget me when you leave Mumbai? And Christy's response was uncharacterstic - "Why would I forget you? Why do you ask such questions?"... ok I got the answer I needed...

Later I spoke to a friend who is expecting and lamented about how my life in mumbai is changing without my sister and the kids... and she promptly said "you have my baby to play with when you come back".....

Yup... Life will go on....

So this is a painting I did of the Capitol Hill - and for the extremely critical I already rectified some of the obvious flaws in the painting... and my friend has already agreed to frame it up in her office....

Eat Pray Love or whatever you are interested in

I saw Eat Pray Love... liked it... and while the movie is a bit slow especially when gorgeous Javier Bardem comes in, the movie raised certain questions for me .... ofcourse the movie is about a woman's quest to find herself and to move on with her life... a situation that me and most of my girl friends have faced one time or the other in their lives.... so to that extent I could relate to the angst of not knowing what one is to do and where one is to go... and while I have overcome such existential questions to some extent in my life my quest for the real purpose of my life continues....

While I will come to the real learnings from the movie in another post the first question that struck me is this:

Why is it that every movie, serial, story ends with one finding your soul mate? Take serials such as Sex and the City, friends, or even how I met your mother - all of them ended with the characters finding their loves and beginning their happily ever after story ? For instance would there have been a story like Eat, Pray Love if finally she didnt find love? Would it have been the NY best seller if in the end she figured out that the biggest problem in her life was her relationships and she didnt want to venture into that territory anymore?

Would I have even been interested in reading that book?

So what is ultimately the message of such books and serials? that till you find love, you are really searching for yourself? and once that mythical love comes along, in a very Jerry Maguirish way, that love completes you? So you no longer have to go around the world to find yourself? that no matter your flaws, you can just stop bettering yourself since the purpose of your life (which was to find your soul mate) has been achieved? So you might be a self serving pig but since you have someone to love you you really can afford to be obnoxious to everyone else?

Does marriage and love really mean the end of your quest for self? Does it mean that one has solved all the formulas to deliver a perfectly rounded up number?

Or is it simply that once you are married or in love you really dont have time to spend on self? You are so caught up with the new identity that you are constantly pushing the self back?

I am not sure... the romantic in me wont read a book unless the perfect love comes to the door step.... but a part of me also doesnot like the newly minted fairy tales - which seem to camoflage the earlier messages of fairy tales like Cindrella, by putting the prince and the princess in modern settings such as new york and in various locations around the world such as India and Indonesia.

I am not sure I am making myself clear - but in stories such as Eat Pray Love, i see a very discomforting message....

When I was leaving India for the US in June, my sister and Baby George came home to see me off (Christy was in school).... and while they were leaving I hugged Baby George and cried ... Baby George was confused ... he looked at me, touched the tears rolling down and asked "Crying?"..... and that got a smile out of me... and my sister comforted me saying that you are gone only for 6 months and we will be here when you get back... and later in the night while waiting to catch the flight, my sister send me a message "bye. We will miss you."...

Anyways my sister and her family are making plans to leave India in October.... a turn of events I had not expected, especially when I am away from the country....so this is a letter of thanks to my sister and her two sons...

thankyou Chech for enriching my life for 5 years in Mumbai... I got to see Mumbai more because of you than anyone else.... be it the visit to Sanjay Gandhi national park, the Gateway of India, Taj, countless restaurants in Mumbai, the juhu beach... I loved eveyr cackle that came out of Christy and Baby George while buying balloons in Juhu, eating falooda at the stalls, driving on the Sea Link and touching the sea at Band Stand.....

thankyou for giving me the opportunity to see Baby George grow up... for me it was a life altering change... I never knew I could handle a new born and let alone be patient with it... but Baby George and I became fast friends and I will cherish the 3 odd years I watched him grow up... I am not sure whether he will remember those years but then I have the videos to show him....

thankyou for feeding me countless number of times... and giving me open access to your house whenever I wanted to stay over.... for enjoying my nutty attempts to fly the kite for Christy's benefit... for giving me Kachiya Moru everytime I came over... so much so that it provoked Christy to say "You eat so much in our house and you dont even say thankyou to my mother"... ofcourse I chased him around... but I am saying thankyou now for all of that....

Thankyou for the 5 years of incredible fun....Mumbai and I will miss you....

And as I wrote this a drop of water fell down on my fingers.... Yes, Baby George, I am crying...

A bad carpenter always blames his tools.... so I had one of those moments when I was complaining to my dad about how it is such a chore to cook.... and how no matter what recipe I follow the food always tastes bad... and then almost defensively explained to my dad that somehow the vegetables here dont have the same taste as the veggies back home... and dont even talk about the spices... most of the spices have lost all their flavours by the time they land up here and hence my food tastes really really bad...

My dad listened patiently and then said "No, I dont think so. I think you are just a bad cook"....

and before I could even protest he immediately said "I will give it to Mummy"... and promptly handed over the phone to my squealing mom....

So as soon as I had challenged the rain gods to put up a better show, the rain gods decided to teach me in the best possible way...

So it was Sunday morning .... it was beautiful outside with the cool breeze hinting of an early autumn... and I was like "I need to expore the city in this beautiful weather"...and I looked at the umbrella and said "nah. I can handle the rains here"....

So I wore an elegant flowy white summer dress and took the metro to the embassy row ... embassy row is akin to our Chankya Puri in Delhi where all the embassies are housed ...... so one of the first embassies I spotted was the Indian embassy with a huge statute of Gandhi in front ... and for independence day (August 15) it was awfully quiet at the Indian embassy - have to say Indian embassies everywhere have best buildings.... and soon it was time to spot the Indonesian embassy which had a fantastic and artistic building with nice green tiles and cream coloured walls... and I walked past the embassies of Korea, Chad, Luxembourg, Bulgaria etc. and the final building which was the artistic building of the Islamic centre with its beautiful minarets and Persian writing in the heart of DC...

and thats when the rain gods decided to smile, nay laugh, at me ... sure enough it started as a drizzle... and I walked confidently thinking to myself - ha, this is rain? Let them come to India and see the monsoons!... and almost on cue, the rain intensified and soon it was a mini monsoon... even then my arrogance knew no bounds and I took refuge under a tree outside the Thai embassy.... and waited impatiently for the poor show of rain to stop... well as you already guessed it didnt.... and before long I realised that I am soon in danger of looking like Mandakani in a drenched white dress in the middle of the most international street of Washington -not the best thing to happen on Indian independence day....

I soon took refuge in the embassy of Cote d'Ivoire... and stayed outside the doors for close to 1 hour... .all the while trying to placate the rain gods for my presumptous behaviour ....... suffice to say I had to hop from one country to another to escape the unforgiving rain .... so I hopped from the embassy of Cote d'Ivoire to the embassy of South Korea and then to the embassy of Greece, and then finally to the embassy of Indonesia where I found a cab and dived in....

Note to myself - if I become the PM, make good will visits to these countries....

I recently had a conversation with a colleague here in DC...

Me: So have you seen any bollywood movies"? (Now when I ask this question, by the term bollywood I mean Karan Johar, SRK, everything is pink and rosy, lots of songs and dancing female extras....)

Colleague: "Ohh Yeah. I have seen Slumdog Millionare"

Slumdog Millionaire has single handedly while highlighting a genuine problem given all of Mumbai and India a bad name ... I hope people are more sensible than believing that India is all about the slums and poverty....

If there is something "super" India can produce - is it a "superbug"... I cant understand why India is angry... but can we deny the fact that our environment might actually be very very potent for bugs... I remember the Sars virus came to India and died... well... I just wish they would find a cure for the superbug soon so that India does not have to be associated with it....

Washington is having thunderstorms - and by thunderstorms I mean the normal monsoon rains, turned down 2 notches and raining for about 2 hours of the day... so here i was all brazed up to face the thunderstorms and seeing what the thunderclouds sent down I almost felt like screaming at the clouds "ohh comeon, you can do better than that..... this is too mild ... and let me hear some thunders"... and just as the words were formed in my brain, the rains left the plains.....

the rainy season is the best time of the year for me.... I find it just right, a mix of hot and cold, wet, beautiful horizons ....

I love advertisements - its short, funny, and you get to see what is out there in the market. Additionally advertisements also point to the biases that exist in society... so most often I find advertisements in India somewhat retro - most often women are shown as being in the kitchen, there is no recognition of a working mother, it is always the mom that washes the clothes of the children and it is always the mom that cooks the delicious food for the husband and the kids and beauty is still measured by the fairness of your skin...

yeah I know all the above is actually what happens but I feel that advertisements like movies have the potential to influence society... so more often than not I have expressed my angst at some of the degrading advertisements...

So it was interesting for me to study the advertisements here in the US to see how progressive they are and whether they seek to break the stereotypes.... Well the report card is out and I am sorry to say it is not that different from what we have back home...

Moms are still the ones that wash the clothes, prepare the meals and take the kids to the playgrounds.... ofcourse fairness is not a criteria here for the fear of being called a racist.... there are ofcourse more ads showing working women ... but most of them are for reproductive health care products (thus recognising a sort of sexual liberation).... and then there are advertisements that show women as bimbos as well....

I guess perception everywhere is the same.....

name of a company: "________ Tomato Processors".....

I dont know why I kept laughing at the name.... what next? "_________Potato Peelers"?

Dont feel like writing anything today but soon the things I plan to write on include:

A. commute by the Metro
B. Food and cuisines of DC
C. My list of top 10 things of DC

bye for now...

Okkk this morning one of my neighbours stole my newspaper.... I am so pissed... getting up in the morning and looking at the newspaper is one of the things I look forward to in my day anywhere in the world.... so I am really pissed... so pissed that I feel like putting up an all night vigil just to see who is stealing ....

And no, crime in the US does not feel better than crime in India.... it still makes me as angry....

Okk.... just heard the news that my sister may be leaving India sometime soon.... my heart sank... and I am sure my sister is heartbroken as well to leave Mumbai... I cant imagine not having my sister in the same city after having her for 5 long years... and to think that I wont get to see Baby George every weekend is very distressing to me... and sitting all the way here in DC is really adding to the mess... if i was in Mumbai I would have been spending time with the kids and my sister... Mumbai wont be the same without them for sure.... my only consolation is that they have promised to visit India every year so that gives me something to look forward to.... I really really miss being in India right now....

in other news I have decided to attack painting with a vengenance... I realised painting is nothing but mixing colours to produce a calming effect... so that extent I still dont see any sense in some of the modern paintings which shows disfigured human beings ... but I am no one to question it so I am going to enjoy my paintings.... who knows I might just be able to sell them to my friends for a rupee....

Anyways right now I am upset about my sister leaving Mumbai and me not being there to see them off.... shucks.... the modern economy is so tragic... driving families apart....

I am so pissed off about a report from India that says that an adivasi girl was striped and paraded naked and almost raped by the locals... it was like a free for all party....

I am disgusted at this system... sometimes I feel that all this talk about Indian culture is bogus... morality is the lack of opportunity... and everyone when given an opportunity would just make the best of the situation and be selfish.... afterall there is no one to question you so why not?

I am disgusted with myself as well...I have not done an ounce to help my fellow women... despite all the priveleges that God has given me and which I am grateful for...

I need to do some serious thinking..... and to all the women out there - please start thinking about what you can do for the women in India..... even a little bit will help...

A friend of mine recently commented about how someone has left law and started a restaurant business in London... and while I said that is good, my friend said his life must be so much better than ours - he does not have to listen to clients screaming at him, worry about deadlines, do boring documentation etc etc... and I listened intently and I wondered why is it that people think being in a high pressure job like that of a lawyer or an investment banker is akin to social suicide... well yes you dont have personal time and most of the time your life is dictated by the demands of crazy clients and bosses... and most often you really want to tear your hair apart cos your team just didnt pull it together.... I could go on and on about the perils of being a lawyer...

but I have to ask... which job doesnt run all these perils? maybe to a different degree or of a different kind.. but tell me one job that does not entail stress and emotions.... take for instance the restaurant guy.... I wonder whether he doesnot have to stress about getting the ingredients on time, listen to clients complaining about food being served bad, worry about the quality, worry about the employees, worry about running the establishment accordingly to the laws etc etc.... all in all I think running a restaurant is not as stress free as it is cut out to be - no people, eating at a good restaurant is not the same as running it....

so when I asked my friend - you mean you would much rather cook for people than draft documents for people? and my friend said yes. and therein lies the difference - you just have to love what you do otherwise even cooking would make you squirm... or even documentation would make you scream... only if you love what you are doing then can you say you are totally happy...

Let me know when you find out what is it that you love to do... I am discovering new new things everyday myself...

I am bit staggered by the news that our census think Indian housewives dont do any productive work and hence should be clubbed along with beggars and prsotitutes (the fact that prostitutes dont do any productive work is also suspect)....



Having a sister and a mom who are both live at home moms, I wonder what price the Government would have paid to have the same services rendered by a professional... I mean my mom may drive me crazy, but she picked up after me when I was young, protected me, made sure she jumped into the sea when i was swept away in a wave and saved me, made sure that I dont associate with the wrong men at an impressionable age, goes through worry after worry cos I am not married, give me advice when I least expect her to do so... and above all gives me a place I can call home.... and same goes for my sister... she takes her kids safely to school, prepares meals for them, teaches them, throws them bday parties cos they shd feel good (even though it is staggering excruciation for her).... and above all the boys feel that they are coming to a stable home...



I ask the Government - how can you put a price on this? if you can please do cos I would really like to know the savings made in a household cos the housewife chooses to stay at home and look after her children and her home...



While what the Government says does not really change the importance of a mother and wife in the house... I wonder what it will teach the generations who are going to grow up in the next decade reading our "higher ups" thot a house wife is someone akin to a beggar and a prostitute.....

A day in the flea market in DC

Fundamental Questions

So there are some fundamental questions that I get asked by everyone since I am now working in the US.... how do you find the city? How are you managing your food? how long are you here? when do you shift to London (Sept 17th btw)? and then the bigges..

What do you think is the difference between India and US in terms of working style... now mind you I have asked the same question to people who just migrated to India... and like them I am expected to give the expected answer... yeah working here is a breeze compared to India.... just that I dont particularly feel I want to feel breezy at work... I like the hustle bustle of work life... yeah things could improve in India such as infrastructure, life styles but to me what I have in India is fine too.. so to many peoples surprise I answer that I dont particularly find much of a difference except probably cultural diff... Indians are a bit more aggresive and competitive... so many times the client is not pleasant and hence you end up being unpleasant to your juniors... and in India there are so many demands made on you on so many matters that keeping a cool head is way low in your priority... and to top it all India being a developing economy is still evolving its laws and hence the laws are constantly changing and it becomes tough for a lawyer to manage to track the law...... yes, we could be more sensitive.... we could spend time in mentorship...

in any event when I say the above I am met with squeals of laughter ... and accusations that I am trying to justify what I am stuck with...... okk... so be it...

All this brings to me one aspect of my life that I have noticed... since NLS I have had to justify many many things in life.... so i would meet a stranger and they would degrade NLS and call it the snob college with no substance.... and then I would go into defending myself and my college... and call people jealous etc etc... I didnt face this form of attack when I was in IDFC.. infact many people would not even mention it to me since they considered IDFC to be irrelevant to the legal profession... so I think I was allowed to be an "unjustified" IDFC worker... I just worked in my happy space (and I loved the work that I was doing in IDFC as well) and while the world was busy chasing invisble butterflies ....

but nothing had prepared me for the onslaught that happened when I shifted to AMSS... now I was aware that many people dont get AMSS and that everyone in the legal world has an opinion about it... and not always good.... but that the criticism would be to this extent was something I never anticipated... the first signs of this came when I went to a casual dinner with friends... and suddenly all shifted to me and started asking me about my work and my work life balance... and me being the "spaced out" person didnt understand the intent of these questions and answered quite honestly that work is killing but I like it blah blah.... they turned the conversation around to say AMSS really kills people and no wonder they lose people... and then it dawned on me that this was actually an attack on AMSS rather than a query about me and my life.... ... yet again at another innocent party, I met a senior of mine and enquired about his law firm (another top one in india) opening up a new office... and the senior (who I still respect) asked me "ohh is AMSS spying on us now?" I was like - what??????????????? and then every question I asked was turned into an AMSS plot to bury competition by using industrail espionage and good looking spies (yeah, cos I so look like Jolie in Salt).... yet another senior from NLS who met me for my Boss's event when I asked "how's work?" went on a spiel about how he is really busy and he doesnot have enough people... and how unlike "certain" big law firms he does not believe in growing in size without quality... and I looked at him and wondered - dude, i am not really that important in AMSS so if you really want to insult the firm I will be happy to introduce you to my Boss and my Boss's boss and everyone I know in the firm - let your angst out to them not me...

and thats when I realised that it is their problem and not mine.... as they say being criticised is a sure sign that you are important to be criticised.... so enjoy it.... now I try to have a benigh smile on my face when AMSS is beaten up... or maybe I have just become bored of such conversations.....

Being in the US one cannot be far away from the debates about the economic policies followed by the Government to beat the recession... while Obama is going to the cleaners shouting that the economy is in such a state only on account of a decade of republican vices... and republicans are prompt to criticise Obama for what they say are going to shrink the economy rather than grow....

And that is where I have figured out the crucial difference between Republican and Democratic parties... ofcourse I need more information... but the thin line that divides the Republican party and Democractic party in economic policy is their view about Government regulation... the former believes in total free economy... completely free hand to deal with the business anyway you like.... the market will correct itself.... while the latter has traditionally been more in favour of a regulated growth.... and with the economic crisis blowing the lid off the Republican theory of market correcting itself (none of them contemplated the effect it would have on the common people), people are now confused about Obama's handling of the economy...

the main grouses seem to be the tax increases proposed by Obama... Obama proposes to increase taxes for the rich, regulate the banks more and make the Government a strong pillar of the economic recovery (not that there is any other way)... many cry foul claiming that the increase in taxes would make it difficult for the business to be profitable... they want a free hand in governing their business and dont want regulation to scuttle their efforts.... they Obama as anti-business .... and most importantly all of them who are criticising Obama are very rich and not very affected by the crisis...

I have a pretty strong view of what the Government should do and should not do... while on the one hand there is my father who was very upset when the Indian Government sold Modern bread saying "what is the use of this Government if they cant even provide bread to the people of this country?" .... while I dont subscribe to this view at all.... there is also the other view which is that Governments have stifled growth for so long in India it is time they got out....

both have merit.... but my preference is for a "vigilant" Government... a Government that is out of the business of making money but is vigilant enough to step in when it affects the larger public good (for instance the hiking up of prices, or even inducing shortage of goods in the market etc.)... hence I prefer the Government to concentrate on areas that are not going to be money making enterprises for the private sector such as education, agriculture, law and order, rural roads and bridges.... and deflect the private sector business into the other sectors where private sector is likely to make more money... yet the entry of the private sector has to be regulated so that their entry and exit do not cause massive distress to the economic infrastructure of the country... for instance, you dont ICICI to collapse one fine day... you want the Government to regulate the banking business enough to ensure that banks dont run out...

I am not entirely a proponent of the mixed economy - but I believe the Government cannot be far away from the economic process either.... it is a fine balance...

What is my thought for the day?

Everyday I labour to figure out my thot for the day since I feel I have such limited time in Washington I must have a new thot everyday.... well today the thot is this...

The whole debate about me liking Mumbai better than Washington has evoked very mixed reactions from people.... some were like - "you cant be serious"... how can you like a dump like Mumbai? and others understood...

net net I realise that the place you call home is not cos that place is the cleanest, prettiest, busiest, richest or even the most comfortable... but it is home cos there are so many things attached to it such as your family, job, heart, lifestyle, comfort, familiarity, people, culture and your sense of being in the city... I think it was my cousin who pointed out that I like Mumbai cos I developed my wings there... maybe true....but I think I really developed my wings in Law School.... but Mumbai allowed me to fly I guess....

In the end it is all about how familiar a place becomes to you that you consider it as the place where you can be yourself... I have never felt that form of familiarity with any other city than Mumbai... not even when I was a student at LSE for a year... I just kept thinking of going back to Mumbai.... maybe if I stay in another city for as long as I have stayed in Mumbai I might just consider that city my home....

Falling for Niagara

When I was visiting Canada, my cousin's son when seeing the Blackberry in my hand asked incredously "You have Blackberry in India?" My first reaction was ofcourse to teach the little one the strides made by India... and before I could even open my mouth my counsin sister had already launched into a spiel of how India makes 35 dollar computers so India has everything...



After that I wondered why is it that we have to always compare things like success, progress, advance to what the West has ... so it is something like West has blackberry and hence I should too to show advancement... and many Indian wrongly tout these external gadgets as their ticket to "uber coolness"... including the author at times....

I guess West has been the leader in many things for the past 3 centuries... and until some country in the East shows the way it is always bound to be a West driven parameter of success.... do I like it?

I guess I dont mind it.... that is until Indian Americans start deriding India..... my simple point is... do you meet someone for the first time and tell them "oh you must have such a miserable existence given your financial situation?" or do you enter a house and start criticising the house for its lack of luxury? No you dont. You just be civil and be polite.

So my weekend was busy.... first it was the art class .... so to prepare for that I had to get up early, cook lunch and pack snacks (since the class was about 5.5 hours long) and run off to the Smithsonian centre wondering why in the world I am taking a class knowing fully well that I am no good at it?....

Once I reached the class however, I had lots of fun.... it was exactly what I wanted to know about watercolour painting... and there were some cool people too.... I made friends with another girl who also joined up the class to de-stress from her high stress job at the IFC.... all in all there were a lot of jokes and lots of painting... ofcourse I did notice that the instructor would comment about everybody's painting but not mine... he would look at mine and just make a silent getaway... It was as if he was saying to himself "Gosh - there is no point in giving any comments - there is no hope for her".... well hope or no hope I got what I wanted - which was an introduction to painting... I was so enthused that I came back and made a few more painting at home while watching TV....

Then there was the photography class on Sunday.... this time our location was the Smithsonian Natural History Museum... now my camera is not cool enough to capture any of the indoor stuff so I effectively scanned all the exhibits at the museum... so I saw the Hope Diamond - not really sure what is so great about it... saw variety of gems and stones - all were so pretty.....

next stop was the Smithsonian Air and Space museum...now I am not such a fan but I believe Christy has become very interested in Space... so it was in his honour that I went to the museum so that I could pick up some cool stuff for him... and pick up I did.... I picked up a NASA pen that writes on any surface, packed icecream that is taken to outerspace for astronauts to eat, a build it yourself globe, and night illuminator which shows the stars.... after buying all this I realised that now I have to buy everything in twos... cos the younger Baby George will not brook any variation to his gifts.... damnn.. I must make another visit there....

after that it was back to my house and preparing my meals for the coming week..... and also some more reading about Lincoln... my respect for him has gone up leaps and bounds... he was such a humble man... in one of the stories apparently the Army Commander (during the civil war) didnt respect Lincoln and hence would keep the President waiting... and Lincoln would wait patiently for the general... now any man or woman would have brought his ego in and thundered an adequate response... not Lincoln.. he just waited...and when the time was right, cos of non performance by the same General, Lincoln showed him the way out... and while showing him the way out he was most respectful as well... another thing is that Lincoln lost his son in the middle of the Civil War... and in the midst of following up on the news of the war front Lincoln was devasted with the death of his son... I admire the courage of the man... to continue to do your duty when your life is falling apart- that is admirable in any person.....

Some interesting questions that I would like to answer:

1) when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Hmmm...I wanted to be a scientist... I was very inspired by Madame Curie (the first femal nobel price winner) that I kept telling my dad that I want to be her when I grow up... do I regret not being a scientist? Does anyone regret leaving something they are not good at ? And I recollect that during my time in India one of my relatives asked me the same question - and for some strange reason I said a lawyer...

2) Define Freedom

To me freedom is the ability to be yourself.... and pursue your dreams without unnecessary constraints.... to do whatever you want to do .... the freedom to be someone you always wanted to be

3) What is the first thing that pops in your head when you think of your mother?

Vulnerable.

4) Do I owe an apology to anyone? Why?

To many people... for my bad heartless behaviour... for not being the bigger person in a conflict....for even putting down people when clearly they are better off than me... I am sorry

5) If you met yourself as a 16 year old, what would you tell yourself?

a. Stop worrying about the acne marks.
b. You are better than you think you are
c. Dont wonder why you dont have a boyfriend like the other girls - none of the boys around you measure up anyways.
d. Life is too large for you to concentrate on the small people who are bothering you now.
e. I love your determination
f. Dont lose sight of your goals in life cos of a man
g. Take care of yourself - eat well, control your weight and be happy
h. Forgive others
i. be generous to others and be kind. Someday somebody's kindness will help you.
j.Believe in destinty and God - everything turns out best

6) What is your greatest fear?

That I wont have anyone to have a good laugh and good conversation with

7) If you could take a train journey and go to any part of the world where would you go?

To Russia.

8) What is the one food you cannot live without

Curd.

9) Tell us everything you know about the day you were born

Well I have been told that my mom ate lunch and was sleeping when I kicked myself out into the world at 3:30 p.m. It was on October 2 and hence I presume there would have been a lot of celebrations and talks about Gandhi. It was also during the emergency so I presume life would have been a little more controlled. Either ways my parents tell me that I was a beautiful baby (yes people) and every relative who came to see me complimented my mother.

10) What is the first thing you notice about a person?

His/her confidence. I notice the way the person stands (sometimes a person tries to stand really talll to show that he is important and ends up being the smallest person), the way the person smiles (a smile is like a window - I always catch a glimse of the persons personality when I see a person smile - he is a good person, he is a crook, still waters run deep), the way the person looks at you. Close second, I notice the way the person dresses up. Even though I am guilty of this a well dressed person always means that the person takes care of himself or herself... and hence values oneself a lot more..

11) Do you still have dreams?

Hell yeah!

A friend and I discussed recently about what one wants to do in life....my friend entreated that she wants to do something "big"... something that would take my friend away from the "small" in life... and I listened curiously...

I was caught by this bug early on in life... that somehow I wanted to be more useful in society.. that the purpose of ones life is to be able to do something spectacular... and after a process of trying to figure out what i wanted to be in life I came to the sad conclusion that I am probably never going to do anything spectacular for the world, that very few people actually end up changing the world and that the world has enough people competing for what you are aiming for... so rather than focussing on what I could do for the world I decided to focus on what I could do for myself.... at least one of us(me and the world) is happy with that...

and while today I consider myself to be a lawyer and focus my energy on doing a good job, sometimes I do feel the need to explore and break out of the conventional mode of living ... something that would make me sparkle inside... something that convinces me that my life is not only about the mundane....

and then I also wonder is this an eternal quest that everybody is engaged in? or is it just me?

The murky world of our politics

Now I love following political news... how parties garner votes and how some squandered away the opportunity to make this country better....I am not sure why I like politics but it might have something to do with my father who was a staunch follower of such news... I like the combinations, like the compromises that are drawn up, like the ability of politicians to connect with the people and also the ability to improve the lot of the people....

However I have been following the murky dealings of the Sohrabuddin murder case... where the home minister of Gujarat gave direct orders to kill the man... and they did! how? Cos they could! I cant believe in this day and age politicians have such a say in a person's life...the audcaity of a Government to actually sponsor a death... not to mention the carnage that they inflicted on muslims after Godhra... and the most amazing part, Indians always voted the same Government back.... to think the Chief Minister Modi actually thinks this is a war between national and anti-national forces...

Mr. Modi. Please do not speak for the rest of India. We really hope you didnt authorise such behaviour (cos that would shake my belief that only good governments get back to power) but please do not position yourself as a nationlist on our behalf. I am a Christian and I am also a patriotic Indian.

And to think BJP actually proposed his name as the PM for the country!! I am so glad the BJP is not in power and the mess they are in doesnot seem to indicate that they will be in power anytime soon.

I hope Manmohan Singh stays in good health.

So I have joined for watercolour painting classes starting this weekend... and I am yet to buy all the art supplies... now when I signed up for the classes I thot I would just have to land up in class and a few strokes of my brush I would have a masterpiece in my hands... no... I have to still buy the supplies... and today I thot I would brave the Washington heat and go and buy.... but lo and behold when I went out, what greets me? the Rain!!!! so I have come back to my desk and waiting for the rain to go so that little alice can go and buy...

why painting? Cos I read somewhere that the best way to relax for a lawyer is to paint.... something about how colours make you happy.... I know I am terrible at painting but somewhere I feel I have a creative side to me... and I want to find out what that is.... there is something so magical about the brush strokes bringing a place or an event to life... and I love that process of transformation...

This is in addition to the photography classes that I have taken and where I have got the unexpected learning that everybody in the world wants to be a photographer... and I am not really good at it... but I still love it... and one of my most cherished memories is the time I spent with my camera taking pictures early morning.... ahhh bliss... some like reading.. I like taking photos...

now to go back to mumbai, develop them and frame them up.... and put them up in my house... out with the old and in with the new...

Tamil Songs in Washington

Ok... so that is what I am doing... I have downloaded Tamil songs from the internet and have been listening to it on and off.... somewhere it gives me a sense of grounding... a feeling of this is where I am from... now I understand the mentality of an immigrant... and why Indians who live abroad are even more conservative than their counterparts in India... cos you want to hold on to everything that defines you.. and your culture (which includes songs) defines you the most ...

I have also realised why I felt so lonely coming back to Washington... cos there are no people around me... now in Washington, my house is lovely and I like it (except I have no cleaned it for days - dont judge people, I am not used to cleaning everyday by myself) but it is in an apartment complex where I dont know my neighbours... infact I hope to run into my neighbours while throwing the garbage out but no such luck yet and even contemplated creating a ruckus so that the neighbours would come out... and then I get out of the house, the streets are all almost empty... and then there is the tube ride where I dont see many people talking to each other... all of them are grim and reading something or the other - now contrast this to the Mumbai train rides where from the beginning of the ride till your destination, you are adopted into a community of rail commuters who let you in on their lives (slowly)... back to Washington- I reach office and I have a cabin to myself (everybody does - so no great shakes) and for days I can go without seeing a living being near my office... and then I come back home....

so in all this my contact (actualy people to people contact) is limited to official matters in the office... and on a very need based basis... so there is no leisurly stroll to Cafe Coffee Day with friends at 5 p.m.. or even to eat peanuts at 6 pm... and then the travel back home where your driver will vent out his grievances in life (and you ARE the root cause of all his probs) and so on and so forth...

I almost feel like Amrish Puri in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge where he is feeding the pigeons at Trafalgar Square and he imagines he is in the mustard fields of Punjab....

Only the gyrating dancers and the song are missing from my imagination....

After my trip to Canada I am suddenly struck by a sense of loneliness... maybe it was the effect of spending time with my cousins or just the excitement of seeing a new place... but now that I have come back to my routine life in DC I am suddenly feeling sad...

i am so pissed with this loneliness that I am not speaking to anyone.... maybe a nice hindi movie will cheer me up..... in all this I wonder how I would have felt if I had been in Mumbai... firstly I would have had no time to think about all these things.. secondy I would have been back in familiar territory feeling pampered by my maid, cook and driver and eating cooked food made by someone else other than me.... I would have watched the news (which I do here as well) and felt bad that India is not prepared for the CWG games (and also made mental notes about what I would have done differently) .... and then it would have been a crazy day at work since everybody in India works like crazy... I would have spoken to my friends and my sister about my trip... perhaps visited Baby George and felt cheerful and come back...and after a long day at work I would retire for the night feeling exhauted and wondering when my next holiday will be...

In Washington things are a bit different.... my apartment needs serious cleaning... my cooking still sucks... I have no ironed clothes which means I have to iron them....

Am I homesick?

What gave it away?

Family, Niagara, superawed daughter etc...

So this weekend I was in Canada... my cousins stay in Toronto and my desire to see Niagara falls from the Canadian side made my decision to take a trip to Canada very easy...

Apart from seeing Niagara falls and Toronto the trip was a much needed bonding time with family... my cousin and I have not seen each other in 17 years... and it was really nice to meet them..... and more specifically to hear about my family from her... she is older so she obviously knows more about the family... so I heard about the real hardships that my dad and his 3 brothers went through to get educated.... it appears that my dad was so brilliant that when it looked like he had to drop out of school due to money problems, his teacher used to come home and teach him.... and that each of the brothers supported the others education (one even married wrong to get the dowry to support the family) and how my father being the youngest felt most indebted to all his brothers for their hardship.... I was just amazed at how difficult it was for my father to come up in life.... and my admiration for him has now become an awe.... sometimes I take my education, my position in life, my ability for granted... and wonder why people choose not to do things in their life... in short I am a snob... and then I hear this about my dad and think, if anyone can be a snob then it is my dad... to the contrary my dad is the first one to change the topic, to think that he did nothing extraordinary.... I wonder whether he is disappointed in his children.... that no one could achieve his level of success....

I also learned a bit more about my own family .... living in Kerala you are often made aware of your family ... old ladies will ask "so what is your family name?"... and when I would say Kallingal, they would promptly ask which part of Kerala I was from... now in Kottayam this is even more pronounced as some of the wealthiest and well known families live there... so studying in Corpus Christie I was forced to confront them and their so called "family status"... so it was interesting to know that my family is apparently one of the oldest families in Kerala tracing their origin to the time St. Thomas came... my family members apparently worked with the Kings of Cochin... one of them was a famous clock maker it appears (I cant spot even one family member who has that talent) and my grandfather was the first graduate of the district of Kollenchery.... in all this ofcourse I never heard that they had stupendous wealth or that they had an industrious mind.... all of them seemed to have been rich with education and service and nothing else... .am I happy? Hell ya!

I will put up my pics of Niagara soon....

I dislike small towns... no matter where in the world they are... whether it is India, US or UK.... there is something so depressing about been in a small town.... first of all access to many of the essential things in life are not there, you have lesser amenities, you have lesser opportunities, you have lesser dreams.... all in all you feel - isolated.... a deepening sense of isolation is what I dislike about small towns...

Somebody commented that living in Canada was permeated by a sense of isolation from the world.... and I thought that is exactly what I feel when I visit some of the small towns in the world....

Random musings

So as you can see I have decided to write everyday about my experiences... cos somewhere I believe if I ever read this 20 years down the line I will have some memories to reflect on and maybe even some good reading at that age...



Just yday I was using a new gadget I found in the store and I thought to myself "Wow that just made my life a bit simpler".... It is very rare that I have such thoughts in India... .. hmm... why is that? Are we Indians not innovative?



I also started thinking about the ingredients of a "good life".... and here is my list of ingredients of a good life...



a. Love: I feel very stupid saying this but I feel the most alive when I love, am in love and is loved. Give me love anyday I think I will consider half of life's battles to be won....



b. Family - closely related to the above, I would consider a good family life to be an ingredient of a good life.... ofcourse it is another matter that I will tear my hair apart if my folks stayed with me but still they are there and I am grateful for that... ofcourse Baby George is also a necessary ingredient in my life... hahaha... he is growing up now... I wish my sister or brother would have one more kid - only to keep me entertained like Nishant, Baby George and Christy do/did....



c. Success: Now this is a tricky one... I have realised (much to my own surprise) that I am actually a very ambitious person... and I also realised that my ambition is very different from the rest... so it is not about the money but about my own sense of accomplishment... so for instance if I wanted to prove myself in a certain field...I would not rest till I got that ... even if it is not a desirable ambition as per society's standards.... I believe one should be extremely happy in one's job, look forward to going to office everyday, have a vision for oneself for the future and make sure you are always bettering yourself...in a way this secondment is a way of bettering myself...



d. Activities... One must always have a hobby that one does outside of work... which he or she is really passionate about.... this would help hone a skill that the person would otherwise not get in the job...

e. Friends: This is a critical one... and in a Mumbaikar's life the lifeline... You need to have a set of trusted friends who will be with you through thick and thin... and friends who you can have fun with.... and just hang around when your spouse or parents irritate you...

f. Good help.... Yes, people... its absolutely critical to have good domestic help... in my mind it is actually number one... like they said in a movie... "I can always get a new husband but it is so difficult to get a good maid"....

g. Good House- now in Mumbai it is very relative what is a good house... what I have in mind is a house where when you enter the first thing that greets is a clean lobby rather than paan stained staircases..... just a nice cute place which gives out warm vibes... and helps you relax...

h. Loyalty. I think one should have a sense of loyalty to something... to your family, country, principles, job... whatever it is.... that gives you a higher purpose in life I think...

i. Public transport - now this is a quirk of mine - I like public transport more than private cars (although I do miss my car back in mumbai).... but I think my quality of life is tremendously improved if I can travel anywhere anytime without having to think about the time it takes or even the safety aspect...

j. Good television and movies... I dont need to explain.... Everyday when I get back from work I love to relax in front of the TV... now in DC I watch reruns of friends and sometimes Law&Order... but in India I used to watch all the telesoaps as well... and ofcourse movies ! Ahh nothing better than a day out at the movies with friends...

In general I think you will be content if you have an open mind.... I dont yet have it.... maybe this stint will help me do that....

I just had a discussion with a woman whose parents ran away from communism in Russia.... and I asked her whether she still had relatives back in Russia and she said yes... at first instinct my reaction was that - you left your country behind.... you didnt stay back to fight it.... and then I thought to myself... staying back what would they have done anyways? most people are ordinary looking to lead ordinary lives... most often they would have just been deported or killed.. .and then what good would have come of it if they actually stayed behind? Just by staying behind are you able to prove your loyalty to your country?

I dont think so.... staying back and doing nothing about yourself or even about improving society is probably a worst case scenario than flying out of the country to make a better life for yourself...

Staying in America has made me question a lot of my prejudices....

Strange things are reminding me of Mumbai... I saw a picture of a person eating some peanuts from the roadside... it looked like nice hot peanuts .... immediately it took me back to the streets of Mumbai where I would run off and get some peanuts...

I did the next best thing here... I went to the vending machine and bought a bag of mixed nuts for one dollar.... nice...

but it just didnt have the taste of the Mumbai roadside peanuts....

I have realised that there is alot I need to learn about photography... to start with my camera needs an upgrade... and then I need to learn the techniques more...

I saw some of the pictures taken by others... they are soooo stunning that I hid my pictures....

A friend recently spoke about insecurity.... and that got me thinking...

when is a person insecure? Mostly because they fear loss... when do they fear loss? when they have no control over the thing they are hoping they wont lose? and what does the realisation that they dont have control leave to? insecurity.... Voila!

So is that why people are insecure about their money? their fame? their husbands?

Today there was an earthquake in DC.... i did wake up at around 5 in the morning but I doubt it was bcos of the earthquake....

This is a new thing for me...

Another conversation I had with mom when mom asked me about my work... I said that compared to what I used to do in Mumbai I am getting a lot more time.... my mom said "that is good. Take this time and relax a bit."

So mom, what do I need to do to relax?

Yday I was speaking to my mom and she asked me whether I was happy... and I told here "Yes I am. But I miss Mumbai a lot and I cant wait to come back to Mumbai."

To which my mom responded "Oh please, its not like there is anything special waiting for you at Mumbai"...

But mom, the something special waiting for me is the city of Mumbai.....

So yday I had the chance to talk to two Indian Americans... one was a stranger I had met while applying for visa and the other is a friend of a friend... both of them were goodlooking, young, ambitious women who had started their life in India... one had married the other had not... and both had shifted to the US about 7 - 10 years back.... to both I asked the question - "do you miss india?"..... and both gave the same answer "why would we?".... one went on to elaborate... "I find life in India so stressful. I wonder how people back in India live the way they do with so much of stress. Here my life is all set - I have a work life balance, I have a career that is going places and which wont be dictated by personalities, the infrastructure in my current city is good.. unlike in Mumbai where the infrastructure is soooo bad. I still remember the horrific traffic jams in Mumbai and used to get frustrated....". The other Indian American went on to elaborate "when I am in India I am amazed at how much help there is.. my brother has 3 drivers 2 maid and one nanny... and I keep feeling bad that these people are doing so much for me... and once when I was in India, i decided to do the dishes myself but then the kitchens in India are so dirty that I decided that it is better that a maid does it."...

Now I dont judge these women... they are all right in their own way... and I agree with most of their comments about Indian life... however I dont remember my life being bad cos I had help.. yes the infrastructure in Mumbai is really bad.. it is bad compared to many cities in India itself... and it is frustrating to drive in Mumbai (at least before the sea link started).... I wonder whether I will start talking like them if I were to stay here for good....

One of the things I try and do while here is to perceive how India and Indians are perceived.... it is difficult to completely ascertain that... a section of the people are very excited about India with its yoga, rivers, culture, curry etc... the other section of the people (of whom I have not met many) tend to be still of the view that India is somewhere in the middle ages and that emulating the US would have benefits for India... Most of the news items percolating over here about India is about the bandh called recently, the price rise, the naxal movement, the unveiling of the new terminal etc... nothing serious or even interesting about India is said here... we are not in the ranks of China which is touted as being the next big thing.. or even discussed in the context of financial regulation... we are still somewhere getting a bit of light but not yet...

most recently this article

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1999416,00.html
caused a lot of consternation.. it made me laugh and also feel angry a bit... but then I also realised that the man speaks the truth.. Indians did migrate... there are lots of gujjus who dont really show our country in the birghtest light....

yet I am confused about the psychology of US... in a country which is largely composed of migrants what in the world is the author thinking singling out one single community.. in that case are you not going to single out the Italians, the vietnamese, the canadians... it seems that every person who comes to America has had an identity before... so where does it stop... or are you concentrating on one community cos of the color of the skin... something like "if you are white, you are American, if not then you are Indian, mexican, latin living off our wealth"....

I am not sure I have elucidated well... but truly I am very confused about this whole issue... on one hand US is all about migrants... but then not all migrants.....

So I have started attending my first weekend classes.... and when asked by my teacher where I am from I unhesitatingly replied "Mumbai!"... the MNS would be so proud of me...

But when my teacher got excited by Mumbai saying "that is a place I have always wanted to visit".. I immediately responded "Oh, there is nothing to do in Mumbai"... and that is when the teacher very gently told me of a book he read... the story was of a boy who was so bored of the street he lived in that he kept sitting out on the street saying "nothing ever happens on my street. This is the most boring street in the world"... and the book shows how while the boy is waiting for excitement to reach him, behind him the street was abuzz with activity... fire down the road, policement catching a thief, kids dancing on the street... and the boy was oblivious to that... and my teacher gently pointed out..... you are like the boy in the book... you think nothing ever happens in Mumbai but the prob is most likely that you dont see it...

How true.... I like the teacher....

so off I went shooting photos on a lovely sunday morning in Washington... and this is the outcome....

So I have been reading a lot of American History since I came here.... I am basically trying to figure out its people, its life, its culture....

and one of the people i have been focusing on is Abe Lincoln.... the 16th President of the United States... who fought the Civil War and effectively abolished slavery... he is a fascinating figure... and ever since my Dad told me about him there has been some amount of latent curiosity about him for me... and now that I am in Washington what better place to learn about him!

While I am still learning about him one of the most fascinating aspects of Lincoln is his belief that in life you have make yourself worthy of the world's esteem... he always wanted the world to acknowledge him and to that end he wanted to be better than he was.... he was said to be melancholic, had a crazy wife, 4 children, and a very very honest reputation.. he was brought up in poverty, didnt have education, saw his sister pass away in childhood, had no parental support.... in short he was meant to be ordinary ..... and a "failure".... and fail he did.....many times.... his stint in the Senate was a disaster, he failed to get elected many times... he was not selected by the republican party twice... and the one time he got elected was cos he was the candidate least expected to be controversial from all sections... when he got the republican party nomination, newspapers screamed that Republican party has gone bankrupct that they had to choose a man who has no education, who speak incoherent words and has bad grammer... he was even criticised for his looks... it was said that he was like somebody had pulled together the unwanted parts and put on a straw ....

I am curious to know how Lincoln went through his life knowing that the whole world was against him.... that he was all he had... that all he had to become could only be through his and his own hard work.... his wife was supposed to have supported him but apparently she lost it when one of their children died..... what must have kept his going? Was it a belief in a higher purpose? Lincoln himself was self deprecating... he wrote to the voters once asking for a chance to prove himself and said "if you dont, well I dont have much expectations about myself anyways"....

How could a person like this be the greatest President the United States has ever had? And become one of the greatest orators of his times? whose speeches are read and recited again and again around the world by children and who is referred to by parents when children ask for a role model.... how could this person who had nothing going for him in the end have the whole world bowing to him....

in some ways I am reminded of Gandhi... both were lawyers... and both of them faced failure in some form or the other in their early lives... their marriages were far from good.... and ofcourse none of them were goodlooking.....and these two figures actually changed the histories of their countries....in a time when there is no media except for the newspapers, word of mouth and their charisma which apparently travelled the most... including crossing borders...

I sit here and read about these inspiring men.... and in some ways I lament that i am nowhere close to following what these individuals had done in their lives... I compare myself to them unashamedly... and come away feeling that I am not living up to my own expectations......

Can I be any better?

Okk... so I am not a great cook... and I dont like cooking unless it is for people who enjoy my cooking....
so in the US I went around asking for a cook... and all I got were incredulous looks! like what are you saying? why dont you cook yourself?? apparently people here dont believe in taking help with cooking....

In the US everything is a do it yourself... you do everything yourself... and the system is completely suited to that.. you have the dishwasher, you have the washing machine, you have the vaccum cleaner etc.... and some of the ads on TV are all about how you can change your sink, tiles etc - all by yourself if you buy the easy to follow manual from a particular shop... and I am thinking - when do people actually find the time todo all this? in between working 14 hours, they also have to be good at carpentry? No wonder carpentry is one of the courses in school here...

I am getting more and more respect for my country....

Here is my question... why is everyone happy about Obama being the first black president of the United States?

Cos in my view he is only black in colour... he was raised by a white mom, white grandparents and lived the classic white man's life... not a black person's life... you see what I associate with a black person and how he comes up in life is that he and his family have overcome years of discrimination and then got to a point where a hardworking father/mother puts their son/daugter through college... I am not sure whether Obama has these issues to live with ... he was ofcourse half black and that might have subjected him to some form of discrimination... but was he living the life of a black person? I think not....

Its the 4th of July here... my first ever in the United States..... so it seems appropriate that I pen down some of my thoughts about this country that is going tobe my home for the next 3 months....

Firstly, unlike what the world believes Americans are really really nice people... they are very curious about India and have a lot of respect for other countries... nowhere have I heard an American say (yet at least) that India is so backward or you must be so better off coming here... and for that I am really glad... I am slowly becoming friends with Americans and I hope to have this friendship for a long time....

I love American pride in themselves... the July 4th weekend was all about being proud of being an American... there are news programmes that talk about all the good things America has done... and how as a nation they have helped millions.... and most of it is true.... there is so much that this country has given the world.... and is still giving... and that cannot be taken away from them... or the Americans... this is a country that built itself up from nothing and hence they deserve to be credited with that....

I am a bit confused about American system though... it is confusing cos this systems seems to be as close to a corrupt system as can be... and I am not talking about Government alone... even the private sector... everywhere I saw, people were getting jobs cos they knew someone who knew someone..... and if you want to be in the government (which ordinary people can be without passing a test like our IAS) then you have to have good connections... so a Chelsea Clinton will always be ahead of the pack...or you have to always be ready to lend a hand... or just reach out to someone and prove to that someone how recommending you would be the best thing to do.... I am not sure whether I will be happy with that .... I want the freedom to be able to get the job I want cos I have merit.... not becos someone recommended me... or that someone didnt recommend me..... I would feel lost......

The judicial system also seems right for corruption.... right now the hearing for a supreme court judge is going on... and she is appointed by the Obama administration... but what I didnt comprehend was that she was going to be appointed as a judge in the highest court in the country when she had hardly had any experience in courts, she had hardly had any experience as a judge in any of the lower courts and her only reason for being there was that the President thought her to be a suitable candidate... and the reason for that is that she is as close to Democractic party principles..... so she will get appointed and she will remain in office as long as she wants and that is how the Government influences the judiciary.... wow... in India that would be a sure shot for disaster... and the most corrupt Supreme Court ever.... I really dont know how this system has worked well over here...

what stunned me even more is that - America discriminates between Men and Women in the work place! Yes, women and men get paid differently for the same work.... no need to say women always loose out... I am shocked... how can that be in this country??? How and why are women tolerating it?

What is even more educative is that lawyers actually ruined a part of the society here... the entire society is so litigous that people are actually scared of doing many things... in a way it is good... on the other hand, doctors are scared of malpractice... so they want insurance coverage which drives up the costs..... I am not sure whether this is advantageous to anyone to have so many lawyers fight for more money....in some ways the highly clogged legal system in India is a deterrent to may non serious litigants... not really sure...


Someone asked me "your life in India seems like a lunxurious life - the driver, cook, maids etc".... and they were contemplating coming to India... and my response was ... Yes my life is luxurious in many ways... but in many many ways it is also insecure.... I am scared for my liberty, I am scared for my freedoms as a woman, I am scared cos of my religious identity, I am scared cos of my ability to be me...there is no protection in my old age... the Government does not look after us..... social norms dictate evry move in India..... and God Forbid the religious bigots get hold of the Government again then I am going to be scared every night of my life..... I am not protected in my own country..... Everyday we trust God and move around..... so to that extent India has a lot to offer but has not yet offered its citizens feeling of being protected and certain about their rights... something to take back from my time in the United States... give citizens the certainity of their rights...

I also realised that the notion that we have in India that US is a ticket to good life is so based on the stories carried back by the Desi Americans.... and I used to always challenge it, in many fight such notions saying how dare you make it look like we are all trying to escape our country?... now I realise that the generation of Desi Americans who did make it to the US were genuinely not given any opportunity in our country to prosper... no jobs, no money, no hope... they just left... and when they entered a country that offered them all this and more it was but natural that they would come back and potray stories of a better life..... cos it was a better life - FOR THEM! So it is no wonder that even today it is the Desi Americans who are the first ones to criticise India and say that India is a backward country.... or say that Americans have sorted it all out.... I used to get offended by these statments - not just from DEsi American - any Indian who went abroad and tried to make it look like they have escaped hell.... now I understand the psyche a bit better... they left a very different India.... they didnt leave todays India... and it is upto me to be a more understanding Indian... and perhaps show my Desi American friends that India as they knew it or their parents is different.... we are changing and that change is a wonderful opportunity for every Indian to be a better person... to build a better India.... and Desi Americans can provide the much valuable insight into that process of transformation.....

cos, India is very tolerant.... we are ready to be flagged down sometimes.... sometimes it is a sign of compassion for another person.....

My friend and I were recently discussing about where we are and where we actually thought we would land up while growing up....

To be honest, growing up I had a sense of urgency to get out and go places..... to break away from the shackles of society and do something on your own... to build a life for your self... to earn for yourself.... stand on your own feet... be a participant in the world.... I have no idea where or how I got these ideas but I suspect my father had something to do with it... with that in mind I tailored my life... and I loved every minute of that process... ofcourse when failures came along I didnt particularly like it but I still had the sense to move on...

which brings me to the question - what if I was born with everything? as in i had the nice house, the nice car, nice holidays, active social life with my parents... and I didnt really need to work towards anything... would I be this driven? Would I aim to improve myself?? I am not sure....

Which is why I think the best gift you can give your children is the gift of vision... vision into the future for themselves.... something they have to strive for in their life.... something they cant take for granted....

I am sure glad my parents gave me nothing more than education... I dont know whether the next generation will view it similarly...

So I decided to take off to NY to be with friends for the weekend... my uncles passing away stressed me out a lot sitting in DC and I decided to destress myself... and boy am I glad I took the decision....

so off I went to take my first ever train ride to NYC on Amtrack... early in the morning at 5:30.....at first when I reached Washington Union Station I was confused since I didnt find any people at the station... Is this the right Station? Where are the people... turned out it was the right station and I reminded myself that I should not expect to see milling crowd in all railway stations the way I see in Churchgate, Mumbai.

So I landed up at my friends place - to find her son and her sons friend taking a bath .... memories of me scaring baby george during his bath time came flooding back to me... and I immediately jumped from behind the shower curtain on two unsuspecting 4 year olds... luckily for me the 4 year old didnt start crying with terror but laughed along... otherwise I would have soon been declared unsafe around children and that would have been an ignomious end to my weekend plans.... followed it up with a good lunch of dal and chapati... only to follow that with a disappointing exit by US (Yes, I support USA) in the football world cup..... in the evening we strolled to the park where my friend made a failedattempt to fly the kite and made claims about the kite flying that were taller than the actual length that the kite flew to....

next day after a leisurly brunch (yummy Cobb salad) and an unexpected shopping bonanza, I was picked up by my friend and taken to the suburbs of NY ..... and for the first time in my life I got to see actual suburban life in the US... with the white picket fences, large gardens, surrounding forest, the mail boxes which are actual out in the front loan and is actually shaped like a house (yes the one that is there in the Tom and Jerry cartoons) !!! My friend and her three kids were a delight..... especially the little one who was the same age as Baby George... and he spoke so much! I am generally not good with kids ( I only scare them)....so I was really surprised to see that they all kept asking me questions and were curious about me... hahah....

and now I am finally in DC... and will be here for the July 4th weekend... which promises to be a fun event... keeping my fingers crossed....

my uncle passed away...my maternal uncle in South Africa...

I had casually called my mom up to chat with her this morning on the way to work ... and then she told me the news.... I just stopped in my tracks....

It is so difficult to deal with death when you are not near your family... for the moment I hate being so far away.... I hate it....

Ofcourse you cant avoid NY when you are in the States.... I was invited to attend an event in NY by the firm and I was more than happy to oblige... what a city... it just sweeps me with its buzz... in someways like Mumbai... everybody is on the go and keen to get somewhere... I love that about cities....

I was lucky to be put up a hotel in downtown... I grabbed lunch from one of the cafes there and went to Trinity Church and had a peaceful lunch... Trinity Chruch is more than 200 years old and that is where Columbia Univ started... I was quite happy to learn that.... and then trying to find my way to the office I lost my way in Wall Street - and I am so glad I did!! I saw the raging bull, the stock exchanges, the "turnstiles", the bankers and lawyers walking down in their professional finery... amazing sense of being....

The event itself was a women's oriented event - suprised to find the same issues dogging American law firms with respect to women lawyers - where do they go after a family? what about the loss of talent? What can be do to retain them? What do we do to get them back on the highway? Nobody had any answers... we all drank champagne to that!

And then went out for a night out with my friend - which was even more fabulous... got to try some mexican food which was yummy.... and then for a drink at the Ritz Carlton....

Total bliss... and then back to Washington ..... and back to dreaming of going to NY again...

7th day in the United States and what have I done so far?

Well I managed to trigger my fire alarm twice the past two days - once cos I slept off after putting something on the stove and second cos the fire alarm is crazy (it just went off by itself)...

I managed to visit the gym and swimming pool in my building.... very nice... I am yet to use the swimming pool but I am sure I will find an opportunity....

watched USA draw with Slovakia with a bunch of frenzied Americans... actually even I was frenzied cos I was supporting the USA.... felt totally sad about the bad call made by the referee... a mistake and what a loss to the United States...

Seen the whole country debate about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.... damnnn I wonder what India would have done had this happened - actually I dont need to wonder, I saw what they did for Bhopal... but I saw half the country gunning for Obama and half the country defending him.... As some Americans told me - whatever Obama does now will be criticised... and I watched a TV debate where an obvious republican supporter asked sarcastically "but isnt Obama a messiah?" Cant believe this is so personal... and also saw the entire country go up in arms over the republican congressman saying that it is a "tragedy" that BP has been asked to pay 20 billion dollars.... some Amercians pointed out that he is probably funded by BP and was paid to speak that way... so turns out corruption is not limited to my country... it just appears more clean and legal here.... hmmm....

I am yet to see Obama, White House, Hillary or anything to do with the Government... I really hope to do that this weekend or the weekend after that..... all in all my conclusion is that Washington is a peaceful city - somewhat like Delhi (albeit without the dirt and grime)....

Are all footballers goodlooking or is Washinton air making me deluded????

George in Georgetown

So this is week one (Day 2) of my stay in Washington... it all started off chaotic with me missing my car pick up, with no phone connection and just taking a cab to Washington... i managed to reach safely thanks to the nice taxi driver who gave me his phone to use.... and all was well when I reached my apartment which was super cool..... it had a nice feel to it and was fully furnished with internt and tv etc...

and then I did some exploring around the city and realised that I am actually living next to the best part of Washington DC - Georgetown! Georgetown is so quaint looking with so many cafes and small places to shop that it almost feels like I am in Europe.... and today I topped it with a jog in Georgetown along the Potomac river (which sounds very native American to me)....

I have so far not met people in my building - I believe there are people from all nationalities here.... I do hope to make friends in the building....

The biggest challenge is food... I tried cooking today with no sucess ... so I am still eating cornflakes and oats... with some cut fruits thrown in..... and ofcourse there was the dishwasher disaster where it got flooded cos I used the wrong deterrgent.... right now I have called a truce with the dishwater asking it not to spew more foam.... please pleasee.....

Tomorrow I start work.... I am getting butterflies... why is it that after so many years in the profession I still fell like a nervous wreck while taking up a new assignment.... whats the matter with me??

So there is a game I play with Baby George... I catch him, ask him to open his mouth and then ask him "what happened to your teeth?" And Baby George used to get flummexed and start searching for his teeth and totally get confused.....

Now the kid has grown up - so when i recently played the same game with him this is how it went:

Me: Arre where is your teeth?

BG: Looks confused, searches for his teeth and points it out to me

Me: Arre, nahi hai. Kahan gaya?

BG: Theekh Hai, Nahi Hai.

What????? Game over?

So I was in Kerala this weekend to garner some sympathy for my impending trip to the US. So I spoke to my parents (who were obviously weepy), my sister, my sister in law and my brother (who seemed quite nonchalant to the whole trip) and ofcourse to the "brats".... the initial reaction of Christy was "please could you get me a pen back from the US? and not one made in China like tha last one you got me"... ok sir... and then there was Baby George who didnt quite understand the nuances of what I was saying... so I tried to impress upon him that I will be away from him for 6 months (no reaction), I will not meet him for 6 months (still no reaction) and I will not be able to take him out for 6 months (still noooo reaction)... ok change in strategy.... I might as well get him on board with the US trip ... so I tried teaching him the name of the place I was going to visit.... so I taught Baby George "Vava aunty is going to Washing - ton, Washing - ton".... and Baby George after few fumbles got it right and would promplty say "Washington!...

that was until some relatives came over .... and as any self respecting grandparent would do my parents asked him to "perform" for the relatives by asking Baby George "So where is Vavaaunty going?"...... and prompt came the reply "Washing Machine!"...... I ducked under the nearest desk to avoid the gleeful glances of my relatives who apparently did believe that I was going to the Washing Machine.....

I am going to take this out on Baby George when he grows up!