When I was in my 10th standard somebody in a bid to insult me called me a "feminist"!... I remember recoiling with shock at that insult... wondering when did feminism become such a bad word...



I guess feminism has earned its own disrespect the same way NGOs have now been discredited... a lot of it is wellfounded .... but still does not digress from the fact that both movements are intended at bettering the lot of some weaker section of society or remedying a social evil.....



I am not certain I am a hardcore feminist... I know I am an advocate for womens rights and will be the first one to argue (after all who cant?) against any MCP.... but sometimes I look at others and realise that I am sooo far behind in my "evolution".... they are way ahead in their concepts while I am still taking baby steps....

Anyways my basic concept is you should treat people well... and people include women as well... a job is not lesser because you earn lesser... so a woman who looks after the home should also be given equal position in society.... development of society is actually hinged on the few years that the mother gives to the child..... and you cant value that in terms of money....

my feminist leanings have never been popular... and nowadays I have considerably lessened my arguments against such discrimination at home.... I feel it gets you nowhere... nobody is going to change overnite and you might as well not get crucified doing it.... just live your life.... and do what you have to do... afterall nobody will judge you once you are successful at whatever you are doing!

Christy and Baby George look so alike now.... infact the only distinction between them is their height difference.... a few days back while I was sleeping I felt someone touching my face.... I opened my eyes, saw Christy and immediately gave a good whack..... only later when I opened my eyes a bit more I realised that Christy had become shorter.... and then when I opened my eyes a bit more I realised that it was Baby George staring at me... with the most hurtful look on his face... cos his aunt had never hit him before and he seemed perplexed at the sudden change in his aunt.... ofcourse I hugged him and made up later.....

Ohhh my poor sister, not only do they behave alike they look alike as well! Now the real culprit will never be caught....

Who do I choose?

On one hand there is a woman who is aiming for the most powerful job in the country and then there is charismatic, handsome and "everything positive" man who is competing with her... I am torn between the two.....

As much it is cliche to say this - it is tough being a woman in this world... at first your gender just gives you back seat in many people's mind... you are suddenly characterised, ensured that you are introduced to the soft side of things, expectations are set... and every step of the way you are fighting gender bias, burden of societal pressure and above all juggling everything at the same time... I think being a woman infinitely requires more strength than being a man..... and hence to see a woman come this far, for me is pretty encouraging....

On the other hand there is a man who appears direct, modern, smart, charismatic, able and above all promises change... everytime i watch Obama I wish that we had someone as charismatic as him in India...

I will just sit on the fence for this folks

The moment I saw this picture I thot of my sister and Baby George.... I dont know why but this is such an affectionate picture of a mother and a child (no matter which species)..... while I said this to my sister she just smirked as if I had gone mad (ofcourse no likes to be compared to a bear I suppose)....

Motherhood is supposed to be joyous ... yet my sister is one of the most harassed moms... Its never easy to bring up kids in any event but to run after kids like Christy and Baby George is an art by itself... so most often she is screaming at the top of her voice, trying hard to sleep in the midst of the cacophony of the kids or just plain trying to get through the day without killing someone.....

yet once when I asked her whether she likes being a mother our conversation went like this....

Sis: "No, I dont particulary think motherhood is the best thing to do'

Me: "Really? Everybody says so but.."

Sis: "Well show them to me... I will sock them"....

Me: "Then what keeps you going ?"

Sis, while looking at Christy: "The thing is that I really really really like this kid"

Motherhood is as simple as that I suppose.

Its so easy ?

Its so easy to brush off things as being irrelevant or even unecessary in one's life.....its so easy to downplay a person's character and go along with the world to say "oh this is all a gimmick".... its all so easy to make a person fall ..... and jump with glee watching the person struggle to get up and dust the dirt off....

But once in a while you have to stop, think and make sense of the mess that the world is in... and to see an action that challenges your sensibilities, moral codes, values, views and above all your cynicism is a thing to be taken seriously!....

All this talk is in relation to the recent newspaper article that talked about how Priyanka Gandhi visited her fathers assassin in jail.... Why am I so affected by the news about the visit? Cos I will never be able to do it... Never.... Never... I just dont have it in me to forgive so much..... It takes character to forgive the ones who have done you wrong... it takes even more character to hug them, cry with them and enquire about their welfare... it takes courage to accept a loss.... it takes even more courage to accept and move on.....

I am not certain whether all this was politically motivated... even so I dont believe it is easy to act so much with your fathers killer......... even more so I dont believe the world is that harsh and materialistic as yet....

I just had to share my feelings on this... now lets move on...

Where have I been?

Being in Thailand is like being in a red light country.... I mean I have never seen a country which is more attuned to "serving" the tourists as much as Thailand.... to be honest it was quite sad to see 13 year olds being taken around old white men.... but I am no one to be judgmental about anyone - I am not in their shoes and I had different choices in life .... but you turn away from the country hoping that things dont go worse (they could legalise child porn or something) and in some way wishing that these women have the freedom to get out... I dont know, I am not sure, I dont want to know....

Other than that the most amazing part of my Thailand trip was the parasailing and the sea walking that I did... I have always been paranoid of water... and to finally fly above water was an amazing experience.... and sea bed walking was even better.... Was able to see the fish at close quarters - ofcourse having bread in your hand helped a lot in getting the fish to come to me...

Unfortunately I did not take any pictures of Thailand..... didnt find anything interesting enough..... Sorry....

Whats in a name?

Lots it seems if you are named Alice!... I mean i have been subjected to jokes about my name whenever I have introduced myself -
its always either "Oh Alice in wonderland! Are you in wonderland?" (Gee, so original dude) or "Alice, Who the F#*@ is Alice?!" Again I crawl under the table everytime these really cliched and boring jokes are made at a social gathering.... sometimes I take a nonchalant approach and look at the person with eyes that mean to say "Seriously? Why do you even exist?" For a long time I thought of changing my name cos it was getting so tiring dealing with all these sad jokes cracked by sad people.....

Anyways change my name I did not .... I am still stuck with this name.... and now I have a new complication in life - whenever I asked for a delivery home I have to repeat my name 10 times or spell it out before the person on the other line gets my name ... questions like "Alix?", "Sorry Madam, Cant understand" is most common response I get.... Finally in frustration I just confirm that my name is actually Alix and ask them to deliver....

If my life was not hard enough, the name of my building is also a tongue twister ... as innovative and witty as it is with the name "Wits End" for a building, your life just got a little more difficult.... "Widths End?" "Wet End?" or "West End?" are all common terms that I have been given over the telephone.... and then there are the endless stream of jokes which revolve around the obvious meaning of the term "Oh, so you are at your wits end?" (Not before dude but now with this joke I am)

I guess life does go on, crazy name or not... but if I ever have to name a kid I will ensure that it is a simple, soft, common name ...... which is why after repeated feedback (and someone calling me Baby Potato) I stopped calling Baby George Baby Tomato.... apparently I was setting the ground for him to be scarred for life.... well at least Baby Tomato would have had his aunt for company in dealing with the trauma.....

Charmed Life

I think at some point we all want to believe that we are "favoured" by the high being.... that out of the 8 billion odd people in this world we are the only ones meant to have a charmed life.... the one who will ultimately get what is deserved in life...

I wonder how many such people died waiting for that charmed life......

crazy post - but I feel crazy at this moment...

Holi-- are you holy?

Playing Holi has never been on my agenda ever... the first time I was introduced to the thrills of playing was in my first year in law school.... and just that year the director of our school decided to issue show cause notices to all who played holi and thereafter the festival was always something to be avoided...

until this year that is.... Christy and Baby George decided to play Holi and bought special guns for the occassion...and that meant I would also play Holi ..... ofcourse Baby George could not hold his gun so had to be content with his brother taking away his gun... Christy was even smarter - he traded the two guns for a larger gun which his friend had .... At the end of all the holi celebrations Christy has so much colour on his face that his own mother could not recognise him - and could identify it was Christy only because of his broken tooth.... Baby George was bundled off to the house since instead of playing with the coloured water, he started drinking it .....

Jordan - A MUST SEE

Jordan surprised me totally - I was expecting a poor country with no infrastructure for tourism etc etc... it turned out to be a real tourist friendly place... and ohhh so lovely... I had the best time there... imagine driving through a road where you spot almonds and cherry trees on one side and olive trees on the other.... and where you can actually float on water in a sitting position... imagine, imagine, imagine.... I loved this country a lot.... A MUST SEE!

Kaif Halak - 2

Egypt in all its glory..... if you had not guessed already

Kaif Halak? (How are you in Arabic)

More to come....

Goodbyes and all that jazzz....

Goodbyes are a strange lot.... some goodbyes are sweet, some goodbyes are painful, some goodbyes are necessary, some goodbyes are expected, some unexpected, some goodbyes bring happiness....

It seems Baby George has now got used to my goodbyes.... at first while leaving my sister's house Baby George would watch intently when I would start putting on my shoes .... and then come running along to me thinking he will also take a joy ride with his cool aunt..... only to be disappointed.... despite his valiant attempts to hang on to my legs or clothes (sometimes even my neck) saying goodbye to him would always evoke a burst of tears from him.... ohhh how cute!.....

But seems like Baby George has learned from his experience..... the other day when he saw me getting ready to leave he watched intently like always... but instead of running to me he decided to run to the door and open it for me... except he could not reach the door lock..... so he did the next best thing he could ... he picked up my shoes and brought it to me - one shoe at a time.... and promptly went to his mother and asked to be picked... and comfortably perched on his mothers arms he said "Tata".... and when asked for a kiss, he bit me with his 5 teeth and send me off packing.....

Which goodbye do I prefer??? well it certainly feels good that Baby George is involved in helping me get ready to leave.... but whoever complained about a few tears being shed for them???... i certainly did not!

Talking about goodbyes - finally I am off on my long overdue vacation ..... I am off for 12 days ..... where to??? hmmmmm... why dont I let my pictures speak for me....

Until then Goodbye! And no thankyou for all the fish!

Evening Out...

Life is a Bargain .... you never get what you want in its entirety...

Perhaps prior to your birth there was an auction held by God of all the good things on earth .... so up for bid was good looks, intelligence, personality, good health, lovely family, spouse, siblings, kids, friends, wealth, property, excellent work etc etc... and God laid down certain rules of which I am certain the following were critical - "thou shall not bid for more than 3 good things" and "Notwithstanding the above, the optimum mixture of the good things that a person will get will be decided by God and His decision is final "....

So if you bid for good looks, personality and wealth - the chances are that God gave you only good looks with no personality (there are exceptions ofcourse) and instead of personality you would probably end up with excellent work (after all you are goodlooking!) and needless to say wealth follows.... or if you bid for intelligence, good health and family, the chances that you got personality instead of good health but your family is there to support you through your bad health..... or you may have been the emotional fool who asked only for family, friends and kids... and you might end up getting wealth, friends and kids..... afterall who can ignore a rich friend and a rich dad/mom?.... or if you wished for family, good health and intelligence you probably ended up with a good spouse, intelligence and good health and a really screwed up family ....

Hmmmm.... Everything in life evens out, dont you think? So next time you have a problem in life you might as well think - this is not a bad bargain - at least I am goodlooking or at least I am wealthy or at least I have a good family or at least I have a good spouse...... Cos that is the truth....

If you think about it - you didnt choose life but life chose you... you were born into this world and then made to live this life...be it the life of a pauper, a prince, a jetsetter, a gorgeous woman, an ambitious woman...whatever life deals out you are forced to tackle... you have no choice but to live this life ... ofcourse you can choose to end it but if you are one of those die hard optimistic people you dont want to exercise that option anyways.....

This post almost feels like a sermon .....

Book a Face

Finally I joined the bandwagon of the "facebook" culture.... I mean it was like a war zone with every e-mail requesting for a friend confirmation or the other... and I would watch people talk about "finding" long lost friends and it stroked my curiousity immensely... and then all it took was a Saturday evening at home for me to finally succumb to its lure ....

The attractiveness of Face Book is that you get to meet long lost friends and can easily get in touch with your friends... I found nearly 10 friends who I had lost touch with .... all good... but I realised that after a point of time there is nothing else to do on face book... other than going and seeing what your friends are upto - who is doing what where and with whom seems to be paramount guiding factor.... and it is also an excellent way of informing your friends about how fantastic your life is... net net Face Book should be rechristened LOOK AT ME - I AM A SUPERSTAR. COM ....

Okkk this is my personal opinion and one that is after two days of surfing.... so please dont murder me yet on this blog - I will give Face Book a chance... and book my face for scrutiny by all my lost lost enemies and friends in cyberspace.... haahahahahahahh

Domestic Help

I know people would think I am crazy for saying this.... I didnt particularly like living in London.... yes yes it was a really lovely city, broad roads, clean streets, lots of history, lots of cold, lots of white people, lots of international students, variety of cuisines etc etc etc.... but for some strange reason I just didnt feel at home..... this was not my home and I was not a fit there ... No dont get me wrong I was not abused or illtreated but for me everything back home made more sense....

I have often been given sympathy by people for having come back to mumbai.... after all I had left the better lifestyle that whites have to come back to the "non exciting regional" life of brown people... Are you crazy?? Some were even mean about it - making snide remarks about how I had come back to the same life and didnt "improve" on it by jumping on to the bandwagon of white people and their brown slaves..... and to be honest - I fell for this tirade... I remember landing in Mumbai and feeling lost and disoriented in the city.... and I remember feeling sad that I had left London.... going to my sisters place lessened the pain a bit but the overwhelming feeling in my mind was WHY DID I COME BACK?

The reasons why I came back were many and too detailed to set out over here.... but if I had indeed stayed back I would have been doing it only to conform to the societal norm of being in London rather than being there because I wanted to stay in London... Now dont get me wrong - I would not have turned down a top law firm to come back but let me put it this way I didnt make much of an effort to stay back.....

Why you ask? Again the primary reason for this was the sense of "not belonging"... I was always going to be an outsider, a brown amongst whites, an Indian immigrant whose mere presence was somehow indicative of the backwardness of my country..... and I would miss all the events in my family ....

But as curious as it sounds the one single thing I missed in my life in London was .. hold your breath.... My loyal Bai!!! Yes the lady who comes to my house, cleans my house, washes my clothes, washes my plates, cooks for me - all for the grand price of about 10 pounds a month!.... I cant survive without my Bai coming to my house everyday.... IT IS ABOSLUTELY CRITICAL FOR MY EXISTENCE .... I am too busy to clean my house everyday so someone who does it for me is akin to a life saver.....

Okkk stop judging me and my life style .... you know it as much as I do that it is not easy to be working and maintaining a clean house ..... and those who can do this - please tell me the steroids you are using...

Speaking of help around the house Baby George has started helping around the house.... one of the persistent problems faced by any Mumbaikar is the curious pigeon who comes into your house... and my sisters house is infested with pigeons ... and everytime one enters the house my sister runs and starts hitting the cupboard trying to scare off the pesky birds.... and her assistant in this is Baby George .... however he has taken his job so seriously that anytime he hears the word "pigeon" he starts hitting the cupboard and gets very angry when there is no pigeon flying out.........

Pigeons better beware!..... One year olds are the latest terrors in town...

Sometimes the world is so crazy.... I have difficulties figuring it out.... the most perplexing questions that keep coming back to me are:

a. Why do bad things happen to reallllly realllyyy nice people?

b. Why do the rich get richer and the poor get poorer?

c. Why are the yummiest things in life fattening?

d. Why do thin people eat anything and not put on weight?

e. Why is there no cure for common cold and flu?

f. Why are we all asked to fear old age?

g. Why do parents have to die?

h. Why do people make sacrifices for their children only to watch them to go away?

There are many things in life that you long for ... and then there are things in life that you realllllllllllllllllllly reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly longgggggggggggggggggg for...... infact the entire mission of your life is getting that one elusive goal.... you adjust your life around with a view to achieve your goal, you make compriomises, you change for that one thing, you sacrifice time with your loved one with the single minded goal to achieve that goal....

But do you find that sometimes when you have worked so hard to get some goal and when you finally achieve that goal the taste of success is not really that sweet?..... you are just relieved that all the sleepless nights are over and you can finally move on to better things in life.....

Changing Times

When I had just come back to India I was most excited about the advertisements - the advertisements were all so different from the ones I had seen and full of life... there was Sangeeta Bijlani (of the Azhar fame) telling me to use only Nirma, Kapil Dev endorsing a shaving cream and sprouting someting in punjabi, Only Vimal ads and ofcourse the famous "Vicco Turmeric, Nahi Cosmetic"... Vicco Industries is on the way to my sisters house and everytime I see the Vicco I find myself singing "Vicco Turmeric, Nahi Cosmetic....

Just yday I saw an advertisement which showed a girl buying her dad a car.... and the dad being so proud of her.... now daughters buying their dads a car is a common occurence in India ( I would think so at least) but this is the first time I have seen an ad actually showing women as being responsible .... women as being capable or actually in need of financial planning... I was very very impressed....

ofcourse needless to say that there are very very regressive ads still prevailing.... the most irritating ones are the ICICI ads which show the sindoor that is put on a woman at her marriage as being the sign of protection.... with catchy lines like "make sure that she is protected after you are no more" .... What in the world!!.... and to think ICICI is dominated by women and they still manage to maintain such a regressive position in the air waves - Kamat, if you are by any chance reading my blog - please walk with the times or at least change your advertisement agency....

okkkkk... the bug has bitten me again - the urge to fly off again.... and the biggest dilemma is where to go... Should it be Fatehpursikhri or Haridwar....

Both unique in its own way - one is a religious city and the other a historical city ... I am not sure which one to go to....

Hair and there

Hair cut makes or breaks you.... actually it is nothing as dramatic as that ..... its just that with a good hair cut you can look younger, sexier, prettier, thinner, hipper etc etc... frankly I have always had a bad run with hair cuts.... during my college days I sported a crew cut so I really didnt have much style... till a friend convinced me that I should grow my hair to see where it goes...

Some hair cuts have been pretty sucessful... but till very recently I never did get the hair cut exactly the way I envisaged it .... and finally I found a place and a hair stylist who actually gave me the hair cut the way I wanted it ... and I feel good sporting it... and most importantly my mom thinks its awesome too....

Well Baby George also had his hair cut .... except in his case he looks like an escaped convict hiding in his mom's house.... the only thing missing is his striped jail suit.... he he .... curiously he looks more like Christy or Kitty with his hair cut... net net Christy looks like an escaped convict too.... am sure my mom wont approve of escaped convict look alikes in her house....

Its so difficult not to get pissed.... yet everytime it happens I feel like turning into Jim Carrey in the mask, do a little dance on the persons head and bring out about 70 guns and set them blazing....

who am I venting about ? People who see other people go through bad things in their lives, look at their own momentary phase of good fortune and say "I am better off than this person".... people who need another person's bad fortune to feel validated .... I have come to the strange conclusion that some people are really weird - they just need competition in all aspects of their lives to get out of their mundane existence...

Dude, get a perspective!!!!! you really are not immune to the rule of life which dictates that what goes up must come down also or that life is all about series of twists and turns all intended to lead you to a balanced life... or as the Gita says - everything in life is transcient - friends, spouses, wealth, jobs, happiness, parents, children... why and how can you be proud of something that you really have no control over?...

All that matters in the end is whether the people in your life count on you and whether you can count on them ....

I am sure when Baby George starts counting he will count on me too...

Baby George's vocabulary

Well Baby George is learning ..... he has added an array of words to his modest vocabulary.... Christy is "Kitty", Akshara is "Aksra", Dog is "Dogu", crow is "Kaka" (mallu)..... and about the last one he also sings a mallu song asking the crow where its nest is....

All this is well and good.... but in the Lords name when is he going to say "East or West, Vavaaunty is the best".... I had started singing this song to him even when he was in my sisters stomach and I am surprised, nay, SHOCKED that it was not the first thing he said when he started speaking....

In other news, Christy or Kitty is upset that his parents didnt invite him for their wedding.... he feels bad that his parents had so much of fun without him..... I told him I would invite him for mine... he didnt seem too excited about that ... hmmm..... you think he will be excietd if I have a clown at the wedding ???

They say this is a man's world ... and I have to agree.... I mean look around you and you will see that the world couldnt have been so badly managed if it were not for the men.... for centuries we have heard nothing but the jargon that men are inantely superior to women and women are only good at managing the house... and thats where they should stay..... well all I can say that at least women are good at what they do!

I recently met a stay at home mother... and I could sense that she was feeling soooooo underrated amongst the working women... and tried to cover up her feelings of inadequacy by trying to talk about how to manage work force... while I was amused I kept thinking what is it about the working women around her that makes her feel like she is not doing enough... now does every woman have to be the super mom, super employee, super wife, super daughter, super sister... can we just not take one role instead of rolling all into one .........

and after all this we hear statements that women are meant to be in the kitchen only....my response, Buddy, thank god for that, imagine a man in a kitchen??!!!!!

This is unacceptable - I diet and someone else loses weight!!!!!

The latest person in my family to lose weight is Baby George - he is slim and trim... so much so I can feel his rib cage... and when I asked him why he had lost weight he told me (in his own language) that he lost weight as he always runs to get his food which results in a lot of calorie burning.... hmm.....

Anyways there is only thing that is consistent in my diet plan - I have been doing yoga and eating home cooked food for all meals - once in a while I get enticed somebody else's home cooked food....

Social Behaviour

Okkk I am no Miss Manners but there are certain fundamental rules that have governed my socialising... actually to be honest I have myself failed at complying with most of them but I feel angry/hurt when I see some really bad behaviour.... The rules are as follows:

a. Always smile when you meet a new person - no matter whether you are meeting Sonia Gandhi or Ratan Tata or even the local postman.... it is quite natural for me to smile at most people... but seriously - what does it cost you to smile at the new people you meet? Is your life so pathetic that you cant see other people being happy?

b. Always introduce the person you are with to others in a party - now it is a diff matter if you dont remember the name of the person you are meeting at the party but I think it is EXTREMELY RUDE to be with someone, meet someone else and not introduce the person you are with to the other person - confusing???? welll life is confusing....

c. Dont stick to your partner through the evening - well this is something you would do as a teenager cos you really didnt know better .... you should mingle about and let your partner also be free to talk to other people... I really get irritated by people who feel they have to be with each other all the time in a crowd.... okkk this is my personal view and most wont subscribe to this but what the heck - they are not writing this blog!...

d. However, if you see that your friend/partner not having a good time at the party, it is important to go and make that person feel ok... otherwise you are just a jerk who got lucky enough to get someone to come with you to the party...

e. Dont make comments about another person in front of others - you can ofcourse have your opinions (who doesnt) but it is RUDE to openly bitch about another person at the party

f. Finally, always thank the host for inviting you. How much of an effort does it take to actually say thankyou?

Level 1

Okkkk... I am officially in the league of good cooks.... today morning I had dosa and sambar... well nothing spectacular about that except that I MADE IT!!! All by myself.... I am sooooo proud of myself .... i never thought making dosa and sambar would be possible in my house...

it was a proud moment for me ... and one which I religiously called up my family and told them about.... my sister asked me "you called me to tell me that you made dosa and sambar????" as if it is an everyday occurence... oh comeon!.... it is a HUGE DEAL.... I am officially on my way to becoming a totally efficient and self sufficient person...

I need to do a liquid diet one day of the week.... I have to decide which day.... I would prefer it to be over the weekend since I dont have to come to office.... but then weekend is also the only day I can be at home and cook up something I like.... also need to also explore how I can liquidify chocolate... hmmmm....

Being on the plumper side of life is not easy.... and there are enough people to make you feel bad about it at some point in your life... as a kid you feel bad and sit quiet... now as an adult I feel another person commenting on another person's weight is totalllllly uncalled for and unwarranted and smacks of bad attitude..... and now my fav retort to anybody who by any chance comments about my weight is: "At least I can lose the weight. What will you do about your ugly face and the various personality disorders that cant be cured?"

hmmmmm.... harsh???? then please feel free to give me a better insult....

Update on the battle of the bulge

Okkkkk.... so today started with a one hour yoga..... all went well... except my body is still aching from all the twists and turns they made me do.... and I really pride myself on being really fit...

and then I dutifully made 5 dosas at home.... ate 2 of them for b'fast and packed the rest for lunch.... came to office... worked till about 12:30 looking forward to my lunch break...

that was until my friend came along and asked me to join her for lunch... ofcourse I resisted... I said - "what will happen to the dosas I have made ?" quick solutions were given by my friend.... will there be low fat, low cal food? My friend waved with such a disdain that jolted me from my seat and follow her blindly into the realms of culinary delights... net result was that my lunch comprised of parathas from "only Parathas" and half a slice of pizza and diet coke... and rounded it up with icecream (fat and sugar free)....

Okkkk since that deviation I have not eaten a morsel...

Self Evaluation: Learn to say no! to non dieting office friends

Christy has been giving me "lessons"... about how when I come to his house, eat and go off I should thank my sister.. ofcourse I chased him around the house and pinned him down till he screamed ..... and then started the process of telling Christy that I am his mothers sister and how she can come to my house and eat and vice versa (though ofcourse it is always the vice versa!!!) and we dont need to say thanks to each other...... Dont know whether he understood anything cos he was still watching me his mothers food when I went there the other day...

Baby George loves playing in the bathroom... he splashes around in the bathroom as if he was born a water baby... so once while he was playing I decided to take the mug and pour water on him... that excited him soooo much... he started filling up the mug to throw the water back at me ... but at all times losing his balance and pouring the water on himself.... he tried and he tried and he tried.... with no success at dousing his aunt.... until in frustration he walked up to his mother and asked to be taken out of the bathroom....

it was sincerely the cutest thing I had ever seen............

The strife to just be

One of the books that I am reading tells me that the aim of living organisms is to "just be"..... it was really heartening to know that the basic aim of every living organism is to just be.... yet I could not help but wonder why it is that we humans cant let another human just be.... we have to judge, poke fun at, pull down, pity, and generally behave badly to another human being who is not like you.... I find it extremely frustrating.... ... Why?... just be... and just let be...

Anyways the New Year has not started on a high note... first there was the Bhutto killing which marred new years, then there was the reported molestation of the women in my city, Mumbai, then the continuous stories of women being raped and attacked all over India..... its shameful and I am so glad everybody is as pissed off as I am....

I remember reading Benazir's autobiography when I was in school.... and now I recollect reading how as a girl growing up in a third world country you are soo scared that men would rape you and you would be defiled for life with no option but to cringe and go underground... and she recollected how this fear stalked her through her Harvard days when she would get scared just seeing a man in her dormitory.... if that is the plight of a powerful woman I wonder how the ordinary women feel....

I have no answers to such madness.....

Wooohoooooo....

My kitchen can actually produce good food!!! yeah yeah.... Good food meaning goooooood foood.... the one that your kids will call their friends over for.... lip smacking, happiness inducing, fulfillment guaranteed, nostalgia inducing foooddd.... food that takes you back to your small town house where lunch meant 3 vegetables, 1 non veg curry, 1 moru curry and several accompaniments......

What do you need to do to make all this good food, you ask?

Simple. Call Mom.

The Art of Being Happy

Well its finally here... this is my 200th post on this blog.... and its quite the optimum time given that it is the end of the year...



End of a year always make me introspect into what happened the whole year... I look back and wonder whether I did all I could and lived in the best way I could have.... and this year I think the overwhelming sense is Yes!.... I could not have done anything better... not to others, not to me or to my job.... I just did what was humanly possible....



and ofcourse as with everything in life there were some disappointments and unexpected turns that come along in life.... and you are never prepared for that no matter how much you have enacted the scene in your head and heart... and finally you just face it boldly and hope to god that "this too will pass".... but then I guess thats the story about everyone's life, isnt it?



Anyways I think this year has given me a lot of things to be grateful about.... I am grateful for the love that people have given me, grateful for the undivided attention, grateful for the friendships that have stood the test of time this year as well, grateful for the bond that I have with my nephews, grateful for the ability to work, grateful for the opportunities that I was given (even if I didnt take them), grateful for the opportunity to love and care for people, grateful for having the sense to retain my own sense of self..... grateful, grateful, grateful.....



and grateful for the lessons i have learned... one of which is the lesson that to love someone (now it could be anyone from your nephews, children, parents, boyfriend etc) is perhaps the most courageous thing a person can do in life.... it is more courageous than going into battle.... and I know that everyone has loved someone or the other at some point in time... so by that definition we are all courageous.....

My New Year Resolution

Not to lose my temper. With anyone. Period.

Baby George

Baby George knows who butters his bread....


My parents are in town .... Baby George at first looked at them suspiciously...... and refused to go to them until they were handing out chocolates .....

ofcourse my sister made the best of the situation.... as any new parent would do my sister dumped her kids on her parents and jazzed off for a wedding.... and my parents were left with the terror that is Christy and the jovial terror in the making Baby George....

and as expected Baby George had only thing in mind.... Food! and he soon realised that my parents were the only ones who could feed him in the absense of his mom ..... so the usually cold Baby George suddenly went and hugged his grandmother.... and when his grandmother fed him "dosa" he smiled very gratefully at his grandmother....

and then the next day morning he was back to keeping away from my parents... the kid sure is street smart....

my fashion consultant

Finally I have decided to take control of my wardrobe..... everybody who knows me knows also that I give very little importance to clothes and my outward appearances... if I could I would end up in any place with random mismatched clothes.... with my hair uncombed (cos I think the frizzy hair looks so cool), my very very basic chappals and just feeling happy in comfort clothes....

of late however I have decided that time has come for me to acknowledge my duty to look good in public.... after I am not bad looking, I have a fairly decent smile (some say it induces happiness in them - he he), ok my body needs a little bit of work but I will get there.... so over the weekend I did some shopping for clothes... I decided to go for clothes that I normally would not go for..... skirts, t-shirts, capris etc.... and I must say that the end result was not too bad.... okkkk when I say that it is not to say that everybody loved it.... it is just to say that I loved the new Me!!....i genuinely felt more comfortable, good, happy and just generally perky.....

Ofcourse not that I didnt seek anybody's opinion on my new set of clothes..... one of them being Christy..... he didnt like my skirt so much cos it had a zig zag design but opined that "you look little nice".....he loved my new hooded t-shirt and even said "you look thin!".... yayay.... after all Christy has no reason to hold back his criticism.... he knows his aunt is still going to be his aunt no matter what.... and so I have decided that Christy is going to be my number one fashion consultant....

Till then - heres to the new ME!!!!!

Soul Music

My friends tell me I am a dreamer..... I have recently started accepting this BIGGGGG revelation... infact I have now become aware of the fact that I dream everywhere..... while doing the security check at the airport (with the police woman saying "Madam, please stop dreaming and come inside") , while eating, while reading, while watching TV etc.....

Well now that this "flaw" has been discovered let me confess that most often when I am dreaming I am contemplating the meaning to life.... I think about issues, about how to solve a specific problem, how to react to a particular situation... its unintentional but in my view each second is then spent productively (ha!)...... not that my dreaming has solved any specific or major issue in the world .... but in my life itself sometimes I get epiphanies while I am dreaming that make my life a lot easier......

Ofcourse the reason for this post is not to exhibit my quirky side... it is to share with the readers One of my fav hindi lyrics which keep playing in my mind everytime I go into one of those dreaming session...It is a song from the movie Masoom- "Tujhe Naraz Nahi Zindagi, Hairan Hoon Main"..... and sometimes that is exactly what I feel.... life has so many twists and turns leaving you happy, sad, burned, rejected, dejected, elated etc etc at different points in time... and you wonder Who in the world is planning all these things for you in life ??? How did this situation ever arise? and everytime I face such situations I keep singing the above words... and in some silly way I find myself smiling.....

There are other lyrics that keep playing in my mind but I shall reserve that for a later post.... At the end of it all as justification for my dreaming I can only recite the lyrics of another famous song by John Lennon "You may say I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one".................

Senseless

I just dont understand some advertisement... there is a famous poultry brand which has the picture of a smiling chicken with an equally smiling pretty girl asking people to only choose "X" brand of chicken...

it just seems absurd that a chicken who is getting killed would smile and ask people to choose that brand.... the worse was when the bird flu hit India.... and advertisements all over showed smiling chickens saying "I am perfectly fine. Eat me!"

Ridiculous I tell you...

So I listen to Hindi music

So, I have flaws... surprise surprise! Yay! Yay! Yay! Bring out the champagne (and diet coke) .... there are too many to count as I have suddenly realised... I eat for no reason, I am ok with my kitchen being dirty for a while, I am ok with my cupboard being messy, I take pangas with taxi drivers, waiters and phone company officials and I generally dont have patience for many things....

Now before you get all preachy and moralistic on me (including teaching me a few things about running a house) I would like to remind each of you that my biggest source of strenth in the department of human flaws is Indian mythology. Mahabharta is full of stories of flawed people... each of the characters have a flaw or a weakness ...... for instance Yudishtar could not lie and hence that became his reason for being such a bad son/husband.... Karna was insecure about his parentage and hence became weak when faced with questions on that... and above all, the single most admired God Krishna's philosophy of the means justifying the end baffles me ... it is subject to so many interpretations..... everybody who doesnt have the justification for their actions would love to join the bandwagon of end justifying the means......

Reading about all these stories makes me believe that I am really not the only one in the world who is flawed... everybody is .... finally the only thing that matters is to "Be Happy"...... and yes I love listening to Hindi music.... so sue me...

My sister asked me to come to the movies with her.... to watch OSO (which by the way is a complete entertainer and a must watch if you want to destress)..... I readily agreed... afterall since Baby George my sister and I have not seen any movie together....

Only that my sister later told "actually I dont want you to come for the movie... just watch the baby while I am away"....

Hmm...... all I can say is that she is really lucky to have me as a sister in her life.....

In other news I got the entire Calvin and Hobbes collection as a belated b'day gift!!!!!!! Yayayayayayayayayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....

Sorry people - this one is not for sharing with anyone.... infact coming to my house and touching it also will be highly regulated.... first washing your hands, then dipping it in detol, then using special tissue paper to wipe your hands.... frankly the process is too long for anyone to bother coming and trying to read it in my house.....

Instead you are always welcome to read the coffee table book on the buildings of Calcutta....

So many things to say

My mind is brimming with thoughts on many things.... despite my work load my thoughts sometimes meander into the realm of the "societal issues".... for instance child abuse, abandoned children, environment etc..... right now my mind is fresh from a discussion about who contributes more to society - Arts students or the Science students..... well this debate is endless..... often it is said that only those who are bad in maths will go into Arts.... and hence in some way inferior to those who can do maths...

my personal take on the subject is that my teacher in 1st standard hit me so hard while teaching me maths that since then i have a phobia against maths.... so I might have been the next Ramanujam of India but was sadly nipped in the bud by my 1st standard teacher.... well not that everybody is in the same category of a traumatised maths student.... some just like Arts better..... I personally like the Arts subjects more .... I love history and I love imagining what it was like in the era gone by.....

and now to the question of who contributes more to society.... as I gently pointed out in the discussion - the freedom struggle was led by lawyers - presumably just using their sense of justice, connection with people and vision for the country instead of any complicated maths formula.... I wonder whether we could have got freedom by the scientists working overtime to develop the best formula for throwing out the British.... ofcourse this is not to deride the contribution of the great scientists in developing our country ....

both are important in their own right and one cannot do without the other......

Baby George's B'day

Baby George turned 1 y'day... Yay!!!!! And there was a party thrown for him and his brother... ofcourse Baby George didnt know anything about his b'day and felt merry when he saw the balloons floating around.....

Now ofcourse life being a bitch didnt permit me to participate for the b'day party... so I met him today... woke him up from sleep and started singing "happy b'day" to him... he looked confused.... and quietly came and put him head on shoulder..... and my sister commented "maybe he is remembering things from his childhood" implying that he was recollecting the days I spent with him at the hospital.... but I thot Baby George was still in his childhood.....

Anyways I have not yet got him anything.... instead I have taught him the "merry dance"..... where I twirl Baby George around .... he completely loves it!!!! and falls down on the floor laughing.... welll what more do you need.....

In other news I heard Christy was wondering where Vava aunty and his remote control plane have disappeared.... damnnn now that means I have to find a remote control plane in Mumbai... any suggestions people???

Who am I?

No people this is not one of those existential questions? But sometimes I feel like asking myself that questions - basically the questions I am seeking to ask are as follows:

Who the hell am I to judge a man who comes and begs for money? Who the hell am I to cringe at his dirty hands and look away from his diseased feet?

Who the hell am I to degrade a prostitute? Do I even know her background? Do I even know how much her selling her body is providing sustenance to someone else?

Who the hell am I to look down on people who earn lower than me? Do I even consider whether they have had the same opportunities as me? Do I even consider whether if I was in their position whether i would have even reached their state?

Who the hell am I to judge other women? to look at them being subversive to their husbands or just putting themselves last? Do I even consider that they might be happy doing that? Do I even consider whether life for them is as they wanted it?

Who the hell am I to judge an uneducated man/woman? Do I even consider that they are smarter than me? Do I consider that they might havenot got the opportunity?

I mean who the hell am I ???

And also if you are doing all of this - who the hell are you??

Quite a fruity fight

Today morning Baby George and I had our first fight - over a guava!!!! ....

classic case of greed if you ask me(by Baby George) .... Now this what happened.... Baby George's mom was washing his guava and I was peacefully eating mine.... when all of a sudden an innocent looking Baby George walks upto me and being playful by nature I gave him my guava to hold till he got his.... needless to say Baby George refused to give back my guava and yanked it away from my hand like a person possessed..... and this continued till his mom gave him his guava.... his only restriction was that his hands were too tiny to hold both guavas.... so finally like a lost kitten he looked at the guava coming back to me, reconciled himself to holding one guava and grunted away to gastronomic delight.....

In other news it was Christy's b'day y'day.... I called him and sang the b'day song....and ofcourse added "you were born in the zoo"..... heheh... and when I asked him whether he was born in the zoo - he said Yes!... when asked what he wants he promptly said a "Racing Car!" .... and when I said "Oh I was going to get you a remote control plane"... he promptly said " A plane"....

Fickle minded nephews I tell you......

Baby George grunts

Baby George recently got a toy - a pink piglet who walks, shakes its twisted tail and grunts (oink!)...... ofcourse I presented it to both the brothers.... Christy promptly bought out his heaviest car and put it on top of the piglet to see if the weight could be carried ..... Baby George in the meantime was watching from a distance.... until I turned the piglet towards him....... the piglet walked, shook its tail and grunted its way to Baby George.... only that Baby George immediately ducked behind his aunt in fear of the walking and grunting piglet!!!

Well.... seems like Baby George picked up a few points from the piglet... on one of my outings my sister and I ordered icecream..... only to hear very very loud grunts..... we looked around for a pink piglet... only to find that the grunts came from Baby George.... he was grunting for the icecream and refused to keep quiet till we gave him some......

Well some toys teach the wrong things I suppose......

A Sail, Life boat and philosphy

Today I decided to change the landscape of my desk a bit..... Now hanging from my really tiny desk is a picture of a sail boat with the caption "It is not fate that decides where life is going, its all about how you take life and where you take it".... this was donated generously by a friend who believed that I should have a picture of a sail boat on my desk to symbolise that I was going places.... The irony is that for a long time I have not gone to any place other than within my office.....



My desk also underwent a minor change when a junior of mine in the wee hours of the morning drew three elephants on my desk - a papa elephant, a mama elephant and a baby elephant.... it is really adorable if you ask me..... and the papa elephant looks a little drunk and has quite a tilt in his gait......



I am not too much into decorating my desk with paraphernalia from my life... no you wont find baby pictures, my family pictures or even my pictures on my desk.... at the same time i see people whose desks are sooooo well decorated .... pictures of their trip from turkey, a glass given by a "friend", inexplicable flowers that land on their desk etc etc..... sometimes in the middle of the night when there is no one around I go and stare at these pleasant things just to get my mind off the thing that I am supposed to be doing.....

Each time I wish I could be a little more like them ... to have a colourful, fun filled desk.... where things are so lively..... the last time I had something anything lively on my desk was a talking cactus who would shake when you clapped and sing "I am a Cactus, I am a Cactus".... it was really cute and I nicknamed him Carlos.... all went fine until Carlos met Christy.... Poor poor Carlos...he just didnt stand a chance with Christy...... I still weep for him..... I still have not found a replacement for Carlos... If I were ever to decorate a kids room, the room would have clouds..... and a lot of fairies, a lot of colour, a lot of cartoon figures (actually in my own room I would like to have a wall full of Calvin and Hobbes)..... and perhaps a small slide..... where the kids can play when they are all alone..... hehehehe....

If I were not a shark....

In the morning today I had an innocent enough conversation with a friend which brought back some happy memories of my childhood....

now all those who know will also know that I once harboured ambitions of joining politics... just like my dad.... and to this day I believe I will be really good at it.... maybe not the dirtly stab your back politics... but generally talking to people, connecting with the old and young, rich and poor etc.... and I genuinely believe I can predict the mood of the general people..... well ofcourse none of this has been tested and so all that I think about myself may actually come crashing down...

anyways back to the conversation.... I talked about how I will travel across India, wave to people, give inspiring speeches (ofcourse in Shudh Hindi), the locals would feed me ..... Ahh.....

Ofcourse that was until I heard my friend saying "hello...Come back to earth".....

But why should I come back to earth???? I want to dream.....

And they say they abolished slavey in the last century

I am totally convinced that my profession, while being glamorous is actually nothing more than a variant of slavery....... As a lawyer you are constantly called in to transactions which will just craash into smithereens if the lawyer doesnt dance like a plucked chicken who has been put into hot water.... and no matter how much of effort you have put in you will still be called in for an execution - that of yourself....

Sometimes I feel it is all a lost cause..... and as my favourite from "Hotel California" said "We are all prisoners here of our own device".....

October 2 came and went..... and I didnt even feel like it was my b'day... I was sitting in a large five star hotel trying desperately to connect to the net so that I could send out my documents and return back to the main purpose of my visit to the five star (a conference)... .. it was absolutely the most pointless b'day I had had....

anyways all was not bad.... I decided that I would treat myself to a south indian b'fast and ate 3 dosas!!!! with the proper accompaniment of sambhar and 3 different types of chutney .... It was lip smacking good! After my third dosa the waiter came and cheekily asked me whether I would like one more and I said "I wish!".... but after that it was back to work and I returned home and crashed out....

Anyways the other goods news is that after my incessant shouts of "attention", Baby George finally said "Atc..sion"... he repeated this three times!!!! I am so proud of my nephew....

Things that are important to me

You grow up in a society which notifies you early on in life about the things that are important.... the things that you MUST have to have a complete life... they include education (absolute necessity), house, car, enough money, spouse, children.... and sometimes in the quest for those very things we forget why it is you need these things... we all just go about it in a perfunctionary manner - something we just have to do .... but I think it is important to recognise the few fundamentals that you live by so that you realise how lucky you are or how unlucky you are....

Things that are important to me are:

a. My own identity - I dont believe anybody can take away your identity without you yourself wanting to lose it.... but still there may be situations when you might be forced to give up things that are important to you in order to adjust/compromise with someone you love. I just hope I dont have to give up my identity for any reason.

b. Ability to go out alone - this is absolutely critical for me I think... I dont think many people would enjoy the same things I do and somehow I feel obliged to entertain them while doing things I like doing... something like shopping, or even sitting at a coffee shop.... or even going on my crazy photo tours.... I just like the fact that in mumbai I can go alone to all these places... many people would judge me for being alone... but thats the way I want it

c. Ability to help people important to me - Its important for me that I am able to be there for my loved ones... and there are few of them in my life that I absolutely treasure and I hope I am able to be there for them as much as I want to

d. Being with trustworthy people - I am by nature very naive... though I have learned from my mistakes that not all people who come into your life wish the best for you I have steadfastly hung on to the belief that most people are trustworthy.... and the sad reality is not many people are.... and now even more than anything I hang on to the people who I trust the most ...

e. Its important to be true to yourself... even if you behave as if you are the queen with others... you must be true to your self... yes I screwed up in the past and now I am making amends for it... it actually lessens your stress.....

f. Its important to realise that you are quite dispensable .... no matter what the situation everybody moves on in life.....

g. Its important to get hugs from children once in a while.... they are innocent and when they hug you that means they love you.... and It is important to feel that once in a while ...

h. I think it is important to love with all your heart ........ whatever it is you love - your job, your partner, your siblings, your books, your alone time......

i. Finally it is important to realise that there is always someone better than you and someone worse than you... it is important to realise that someone somewhere is always going to be better than you and someone somewhere is going to be worse than you... it is important not to get overwhelmed by both....

I dont know whether I will practise any of the above... but it is always good to have a list of important things in life.....

Fly Off

I want to fly off again - and this time my wish list inlcudes the following:

a) Varanasi or Benares- Now everybody talks about these places as if it is Gods own land... I guess in a way it is what with all the sadhus running around the place..

b) Srinagar - mainly cos it is a dangerous place and I am in a dare mood

c) Madurai - cos of the temple architecture

Finally I dont think I will go anywhere - anytime I get free I shall spend a day with my sister and nephews... they deserve that..... but a wish list is always fun...

When Baby George became Hulk Hogan

Baby George gets angry. Very Angry. When I squeeze his "Achacha" in front of him......

Ok.. this is what happened..... I was as usual making merry with Christy.... and in the process held him tight and squeezed him ... now I didnt notice that Baby George was in a corner watching all our moves closely..... and then suddenly I see a puffed up, angry Baby George with his fists clenched and face totally wrinkled up in anger standing in front of me...and grunted and scowled at me with no mercy.... like Hulk Hogan - a tiny little one, ofcourse.... and saved his "Achacha" by falling on top of me....

It was totally adorable.... and nice to see such love between siblings.... touch wood....

Things I Hate.. sorry Dislike

There are many things I hate.. for instance I hate not having had a Saturday to spend with Baby George and Christy, I hate that my sister and me cant go for movies anymore now cos of Baby George, hate that I cant just speak up many times about something that I feel strongly about, hate that I am really scared of being hurt by the people closest to me, hate that I am sometimes unable to keep the promises I made to myself etc etc... but today it is about things I hate in others.... actually hate is too strong a word so I will use the term dislike....so here goes....

I DISLIKE:

a. people who lie - especially the ones who lie without any reason.

b. people who dont make efforts to sustain a relationship

c. people who emotionally blackmail

d. people who are condescending - mainly a sign of inferiority but still hate that

e. people who flash their money as an achievement

f. people who cling on to their better halves

g. people who pretend to know it all

h. people who are not natural and put up a show

i. people who ignore their better halves at parties

j. people who compare their better halves with others

k. people who dont bother with their parents

l. unncessarily accented people

m. men who hit women

n. women who refuse to be independent

o. couples who ignore others

Oh Calcutta!

I was in Calcutta over the weekend.... I have had a decade long romance with this city... and I have never been to that city till now..... and I finally managed to see some parts of the city....

I am fascinated by Bengal ... from the time I learned about our freedom struggle I have always wanted to go to Bengal and see where it all started... and then I met the Calcutta people in Law School and got even more fascinated by Cal... the city seemed to develop a loyalty amongst its inhabitants.... everybody always wanted to go back to Cal.... there has to be something about that city....

I find Bengal very interesting - their obsession with language (which is sometimes annoying), their literary achievements, their passion for food..... something that I totally gel with... and by coincidence or design most of the people in my life are bengalis or someone associated with Cal.....

I went for a whirlwind tour of the city - first to the 2nd hoogly bridge, then to the Howrah Bridge, Victoria Memorial and then St. Pauls Cathedral..... and my pictures prove that... and you know you have reached Bengal when you hear the rounded words ... I knew I had when the driver told me "Your lOggage is in the BHack"

Watch Out! Walking Baby on the prowl

Baby George has started walking.... yes at 9 months he took his first baby steps..... and he was so excited about it the first few times that he would turn around, look at his mom, giggle in excitment, promptly lose his balance and fall down on his bum... well those are days of the past now.... now Baby George is the king of the living room.... and prowls the length and breadth of the living room in search of food.... so no matter where you are eating you will soon find an eager, drooling and aggressive I must add Baby George at your feet asking you to give him food...

Baby George has also learnt to play with adults... he soon realised that my hand bag is my most precious possession..... so in one of my "zoned out" moments, Baby George picked out the camera cover, started walking as fast as his 10 month old legs could with the sole aim of taking my camera cover away from me.... and he would merrily look back to see if I was following him... and giggle through out till I caught him..... and followed up the exercise by taking my hair brush, lip stick etc etc...

Baby George's first words were "Tata" and "Achacha"..... I will explain... Tata, cos he wants to go out everytime anyone else does.... and Achacha (means elder brother) signifying his admiration for Christy who is his hero in life....

Ah... the ways of Baby George are strange... in the meantime, please keep your food and hand bag safe from the walking baby on the prowl.....

Goa over the weekend

It was Goa over this weekend.... but I got to see very little of the place... was extremely busy through the day....

But this post is not about that.....this post is about the few things I discovered ....

I discovered that while you might want to forget the past, when you meet people from the past they will always remember you for your past... not your present.... and you do the same for other people... and no matter how much better you are doing in life or how much happier you are doing in life your past is what defines you with some people...

I realised that in life it is very rare to find people you look upto..... I suppose in a way I was clueless about what I wanted to do simply because I had no one to look upto.... and once you find that you will always have that in your life no matter where you go....

I realised that more people get, the more people will want..... we just have to strive to be better.... even better than ourselves.....

I realised that I can indeed stay up late two days in a row!

I realised that going out dancing and drinking with my 20 something colleagues is enjoyable!!!!

Most of all I realised that nobody is perfect - including the ones I look upto.....

Public Speaking and Me

When I was a child I used to get petrified if someone asked me to speak in front of a crowd.... you know the usual mess would start in your brain - am I looking too fat? is my dress too short? Is my face really oily? Am I appearing like the biggest idiot on earth?

All sane questions in an insane moment... over time I conquered that fear and gradually became very comfortable with public speaking... I could go on stage and try and engage with the crowd... so much so that I thought I was the next Indira Gandhi.... waving to the crowds and throwing flowers... I still maintain I will be good at that...

Ofcourse that is all when I am totally prepared for such a public speaking requirement..... I can practice, I can perform, I can engage... and not when I am called imprompto on stage... that is when I shrivel up once again... I cant speak.... and when compared to all the witty speakers I end up looking like a bumbling fool....

Anyway the point of it all is that recently I was called to speak in front of a crowd of about 100.... and i am still reeling from the bad performance there.... I ended the day screaming to myself - WHY COULDNT I HAVE NOT SHUT UP????

Spartan

I wish I was spartan.... you know the type who uses words sparingly to describe a feeling.... yet those words are packed with a punch that delivers the message right on the nose.......... now I am not exactly that creative to think about spartan, witty, pack-a-punch word..... But there are some words that I use to describe how or what I want to convey...

The first set of words that I use regularly are the words "Not Yet".... so when anyone asks me "are you getting married?" I reply Not Yet!.... "are you going on a world tour?" Not Yet Mate.... "are you going to buy that 15 crore pent house?" Once again Not Yet... I learned these words from a girl who was sitting next to me on my flight to New York from London.... for some strange reason she started talking to be at the fag end of the flight... and since I am mostly whoosy when the flight lands I was holding on to my seat when she asked me "Are you married?" ... and I answered "No".... and she replied saying "Not yet, you mean".... and I looked at her and said "Yeah. Not Yet." There is such a postive ring to the words "Not Yet"...something that tells you that maybe it has not happened yet but will soon happen or will happen sometime when you want it to.... I just love the feel of these words.....

The other powerful phrase I have used is "This too will pass".... a reminder that no matter what times you are going through, good or bad, it will pass..... it also keeps you grounded in that you are reminded not to get too proud of your good fortune because in a second all of that can be snatched away... and when it happens you can remember that "This too will pass"... what a wonderful phrase.... and to all the hard working money minded lawyers (that includes me) who plug away on their computer on Sunday these words are a good relaxant - "This too will pass"... ofcourse you know you are fooling yourself since the work load will never die but for the moment you can visualise the light at the end of the tunnel...

And yes you can judge me all you want for me relying on simple words to get through life.... but whatever it takes to take the load off....

All in the Family

Family matters.... and guess how I know it ? Cos I realised that I am no different from my mom and dad when it comes to small small things....

For instance I went for a short weekend break to Kochi where I met up with my parents.... and I was excitedly carrying around my camera and clicking away.... and in what I thought would be a life changing revelation I told my mom that I think I will pursue photography seriously.... quite contrary to my expectation my mom replied " yeah even I had such lofty ambitions. You remember your childhood pictures? They were all taken by me. I gave it up because in India photography was too expensive"... Now that was a life changing revelation to me.... I am just like my mom in this respect.... my baby pictures are truly the best pictures I have seen of myself... I look like an adorable, cute little baby smiling and laughing always... and now I know it has to do with my moms photography skills rather than me being photogenic.....

and I am observing the same thing in the new generation.... Christy has a creative bent of mind.... while he may wreck many many things he has a pretty good sense of colours..... he once gave me a painted cup which was actually so beautiful that I wanted to keep it.... and he regularly draws cars, gardens, people etc... and recently he even won a painting contest.....

Ofcourse Baby George is yet to develop his skills... but one skill that he has inherited from the family is the love for food!... If Baby George could walk he would have been the first one to run towards the food counter.. unfortunately he has to rely on adults who dont go as fast as he wants and he is left with no option but to kick his legs in the air to show his extreme disappointment at not been fed..... and once the food is given to him, he doesnot even tolerate a one sec break of your hand going back from his mouth to the plate to gather food again.....

And here I was thinking I am so different from my family... I am not... I am just a more recent version of them....

India at 60

Ofcourse Independence day came and went...and like most Indians I slept through the "midnight hour" and woke up to watch our erudite PM wax eloquent about the plans he has for our country.... now my friends always consider me to be extra patriotic and little over the top with the India stuff... and while I believe I am much less of that now I have few things that make me really proud of my country... and I know many wont agree with this... but heck! we are a nation of 1 billion people.... so here goes my list of things I am proud of India at 60

a) I am proud of the country's educational system - yessss I know it lacks a lot of child specific development oriented courses blah blah blah but I think for a developing country to achieve so much in terms of just education is a marvel.... I see Africans and Arabs coming and studying in India... and I geniunely believe Indian education system equips an Indian to go out and face the world with confidence...

b) I am proud of the fact that India has one of the strongest IT industry in the world...

c) I am proud of the fact that in the last 15 years our country has progressed so much economically... Indian are just more prosperous and raring to go....

d) I am proud of the leaders that India has produced... especially people like Nehru, Sardar Patel (his RSS leanings notwithstanding), Ambedkar, Sarojini Naidu, Indira Gandhi (albeit minus her evil doings).... I am especially proud of Nehru's emphasis on self reliance as the theme for India .... and I truly believe that it is the foundation of industrialisation coupled with the education system that has enabled Indians to make a mark for themselves...

e) I am proud of our beaurocrats... Before you jump please let me explain... one of the courses I did at LSE was the difference between Indian economic development and the south east asian countries....and one of the fundamental reasons why India didnt crash like they did was because we had a very well educated, aware and intelligent set of people sitting at the helm of affairs in Delhi.... we developed but at our own pace..... if not for them we would have become another failed story

f) I am proud of my democracy.... I take it for granted.... I love it that we can make it work despite our population and our differences...

g) I am proud of press in India.... they may have their bad points but they are there to check governments and the evil in society...

h) I am proud of the diversity in my country... I love the fact that there are so many people to meet, so many different cuisines, so many different dress styles, so many different places to go to...

Even as I write this I am aware of the various things that are wrong in my country.... but somebody needs to remember that surviving as a democracy is in itself an achievement.... lets remember that for one day at least....

Kerala over a weekend

I will support you

I know it is really rare and it is priceless when it happens but one of things that make life worth living is when someone says the words "I will support you".... now it can be ranging from emotional support to financial support..... whatever be the instance these words act like a balm ..... soothing all the emotional pain that you are going through.... and I think I vouch for every person when I say - there is nothing more calming in the world than hearing the words "I am here for you" or "I support you".......... I just wish everybody would hear it more often...

I guess that is why God brings us into this world with two support systems... your parents.... and then S/He adds on the siblings so that they can support you in addition to your parents....

Dont know why I thought of this but I just felt like sharing this thought... and for those who have supported me and who will support please know I really appreciate it...

Fine Tissues

I have bought these really realllyyyy realllyyyyy expensive tissue paper..... and I really didnt intend to buy it.... it was one of those situations where I liked to cover of the tissue box, picked it up, went to the check out counter, popped my eyes when they told me that the price was above Rs. 100, quietly paid and then walked out of the shop mulling my fate....

Now this box sits pretty on top of my fridge.... for the longest time I didnt feel like opening it...... I needed a reason to open it up... so there it sat - all pretty and nice.... and finally when I opened it up and took one really expensive tissue paper I felt like laying it on my bed and asking it to relax - it was soo fine, soft, perfumed.... it just didnt deserve to be used for wiping my face or anything else...

So that is the status right now... The tissue box is as it is... and I wipe my face on the towel now....