I always find it difficult to assess whether people like me or not... actually I dont trust my assessment... so while I might have gone around thinking everything is perfect in my equation the other person had a totally different take on it.... so I am really reluctant to readily accept any evaluation of people liking me.....

and more so with kids.... I am just not sure whether they like me or not ... Christy baffles me sometimes.... he sometimes calls me up to say that he misses me.... but the next time he sees me he starts hitting and biting me .... and I come away feeling completely confused.... and now it is the turn of Baby George.... given the fact that I was the first person in the world to hold him my mom feels that I will always share a special bond with him.... I disbelieve that... firstly cos I generally dont consider myself to be great with kids (although my friends say that I am great with them) and secondly he is a baby!! how much does he know about the nurse who held him and me .... and recently when I was showing one of those home videos of Baby George and me my friend immediately quipped "he likes you so much"... what??? no way.. he is just playing .... ...

and today when I went to my sister's place, my sister tells me that Baby George heard my voice from the other room, listened for a while and then smiled... my sister was completely shocked.... and after a while of playing, Baby George refused to go to sleep ... and when he did he kept raising his head to see whether I was around.... and ofcourse the standard routine of following me around the house continued today as well....... and me being me I stood in differents parts of the room just to see whether he would actually come to me... and he did!!

After all this I came away thinking - Does Baby George really like me that much??? Nah... he is probably bored of routine ....

Yet another rainy morning when Alice stepped out with her camera to capture Mumbai... Was really fascinated by the remnants of a fort in Bandra and which still had portugese writing on it!!! Ofcourse the words "AMIDON99" just below it adds no value to it and only enhances the feeling of dilapidation... the fort has an amphitheatre where concerts can be held but is in such a bad shape that you will spot only canoodling couples there... this despite a board saying clearing "No anti social activities"...

The last picture happened by mistake when the winds brought the umbrella in front of the camera... but net effect I liked....

Time to change this blog?

Talking about change I am slowly beginning to consider closing this blog down and shifting to an anonymous blogger mode... While I excitedly sent out my blog details to all and sundry when I created it I now feel I should have just kept my mouth shut about it. Like a friend immediately wrote back "I am glad to see you are willing to share your feelings in public". That should have been my cue.

Nowadays I am extremely concious about the fact that somebody reading this may be someone who is not my friend. Maybe a misplaced fear but one that is there nevertheless. And there are also so many things I am not able to discuss on this blog cos there are some things that are just private.

Hmmm......

Of late I have been thinking about changes that happen in one's life..... as a child you are never prepared to face changes .... as an adult sometimes you keep hoping for a change in your life... most often one is never prepared for that change - good or bad... sometimes the long awaited change comes at a time when you really dont expect it anymore despite longing for it....

Personally there have been many changes in my life ... looking back, however painful it might have been at that time, I dont think I would have wanted life any other way.... for instance the biggest change in my life was the shift from Oman to Kerala... while I love India blah blah blah, for me the shift was a complete nightmare...

I found it extremely difficult to adjust to a life in Kerala..... found it difficult that I could not cycle around (lest people start talking about you), found it difficult that there was no place where one could go and play bad minton or just play carroms, found it difficult to understand the new people I was getting to know, found it difficult to understand why money was all of a sudden of paramount importance in one's life, found it difficult to understand why I was not taken to school in a school bus (my school didnt provide me that service)..... I just found it difficult. Period.

Over time I gradully adjusted to India and finally found my place only in law school... I am now as comfortable in India as Baby George is in his swing cot..... I love the pace, the chaos, challenges.........

The other big change in my life was ofcourse law school... it was a wonderful change that was due for a long time.... and quite honestly after Kerala it was like I was let up from under water to breathe...... and breathe I did..... and then ofcourse as a result of that I came to Mumbai to work and everybody knows my feelings about Mumbai...

the other big change in my life was my study in London for a year.... It was such an exciting yet anxiety inducing time for me.... I was ecstatic about having got the scholarship to LSE... I was even more ecstatic that I would get to live in London for a year... I remember excitedly packing up my stuff, selling my beautiful low seater chairs, shipping my antique chair to Kottayam, saying goodbyes to all and sundry and heading out to the UK as excited as Baby George gets when he sees food..... what a one year I had... I learned so much, travelled so much, met so many people, studied spanish ....... whew!

And sometimes you see changes happening in another persons life and that affects you ... like my sister shifting to Mumbai and now being a die hard Mumbai fan.... I cannot think of a time without her now...or my friends who all shifted out of Mumbai one by one cos of educatio, marriage or just a change of city.... or the entry of Baby George into this world..... all of them have affected my life in some way or the other....

I guess there will be many more changes in my life - some good some bad....

Change is constant. Thankgod it is.

Today when I went to meet Baby George, he was hidden behind a large suitcase... he was trying to decipher the large object in front of him and only gave up the quest when his aunt stormed in... what surprises me is that Baby George is always stunned to see me... he keeps observing me for a while trying to make sense of this moving blob in front of him.... and then he lets out a smile....

and the latest in Baby George's life is that he has two tiny teeth.... they are so tiny that you cant make out that they are there unless you allow him to bite you.... actually you dont need to allow him he will anyways bite you.... and as always he again followed me around the house and came up to the door when I was leaving for office... this time I carried him all the way upto the taxi and made him say good bye to me..... ahh..I love such moments...

The One Fetish

I have finally come to terms with the one fetish I have in life - Shoes!... I buy shoes as if my life depends on it.. so I have shoes for rains, shoes for summer, shoes for winter, shoes for office (ofcourse!), shoes for trekking, shoes for formal dinner and myriad other activities that I keep thinking I will undertake....


But recently my fetish for shoes has had quite a painful outcome.... After nearly 3 months I decided to splurge on shoes and trotted off to Metro Shoes... and purchased what I thought were really nice looking pair of shoes... I mean my feet looked nice in them and I could walk in them (in the shop at least)..what more do I need?..... and excitedly wore it in office the next minute... except I didnt stop to consider the effect wood pannelling in my office would have on my dainty little shoes.... I kept slipping and kept holding on to anything (including humans) to prevent a complete humiliation....


and off I stormed to the shop to exchange my one minute old shoe.... and got in its stead another dainty pair of shoes... well I looked nice in them, I could walk in them (I checked on wooden panneling as well)... what more do I need??.... and excitedly wore it in office the next minute.... this time I didnt stop to consider whether the shoes would actually fit me!!! It feels as if the shoes are baying for my blood and I walk around as if I am making my feet do some penance for some past sin....


Penance and me dont look too good together.... and now it is too humiliating for me to go back and change my shoes once again ...

There are two options for me - never wear my shoes again which is completely scandalous to my middle class mentality or become as thin as Victoria Beckam so that my entire body fits into the shoes.. ofcourse in the process I can look like I am doing penance for having ever eaten in my life... hmmm...

Mumbai in the Rains

I love the rains and unlike most mumbaikars I love mumbai in the rains.. yes it is slushy, dirty, traffic jam inducing etc etc but look around people - Mumbai actually looks gorgeous! ... I love the rain anywhere but since this is my city I get to kick back and enjoy the rain from my house.... ofcourse in my home in Kottayam I get pampered with home cooked food when it rains.....

so once the rains lashed mumbai like it was going out of style I decided to venture out and capture the mood in mumbai..... and as un- expected my camera discharged just when I took it out ..... so once again I was stuck with a dilemma - to take or not to take..... and finally went with the first option.... in the process I got to see a rain drenched mumbai in all its beauty... and for the first time I went into Prince of Wales museum ..... it is quite nice I must add.... and got to see beautiful parts of Ballard Estate, Horniman Circle, The Naval Dockyard........ and ofcourse there was Taj Mahal hotel and Marine Drive which I didnt capture........

But this was more like a trial run for me... I want to do a proper photo tour soon.... with more planning... and capture Crawford Market, Chor Bazaar, Ban Ganga, Victoria Terminus........ anybody game???

People Like Us

One of the most irritating things I find about people is when they give me the "people like us" dialogue... Let me explain....

sometimes you are just sitting around discussing and dissecting problems in life - for instance that leaky tap in your house, or the maid that steals your sugar or what will happen in two years....or the perennial problem that women have to discuss about - Weight!!.... and then suddenly the person most affected by the problem inlcudes you in the problem by saying "for people like us it is so difficult"..... and I go completely mad hearing this.... and I feel like screaming - "Listen! Dont inlcude me in your problems. My problems are mine and I have enough of them so I cant be bothered about your problems that you think is a problem for me as well."

Ofcourse that rarely happens and most often I just turn away and change the topic... next time I should probably say "yeah, who would have thought being so damn good looking would cause so many problems".... that way the person also feels good and I come away looking good.....

Thats a plan.

Wondering Years

Thanks to Zee cafe I now get to catch reruns of famous serials which have been discontinued. One of my all time favorites is "Wonder Years". The show started when I was in school I think and I actually caught up with it only when I came to law school.

Wonder Years takes me to a place of yearning. Mainly I yearn for the things that Paul, Winnie and Kevin have in the serial - a place where you grew up since you were small, a place where your best friend is just across the street, a place where the girl/boy you like lives across the road and a place where you somehow have the space to discover yourself. As always my biggest grouse in life is that I never grew up in a specific place where I could come back to as home, where I could catch up with my childhood buddies and never realise that times have changed since I left town. I doubt whether the new generation in my family also have that since they also keep moving around with their parents.

In law school, I would also feel jealous of my friends who would relate stories of them meeting with their childhood friends over the school break... my friendships actually began in law school and I cant recollect any friend from childhood who I am in touch. It is slightly difficult when you have shifted countries I guess but still.... I yearn for those things that I cant have...

Perhaps its important to focus on the fact that I have changed homes so many times that I can adjust in any place and make new friends easily....

Why am I not excited?

India is all poised to have its first woman president. By all stretch of imagination I should be excited and feeling proud of the fact that women have come so far in this country. But I am just not excited about this new development. the reasons?

Firstly, I will miss Kalam. I remember when I was studying in London people all commented about how India has a rocket scientist as the president. They saw India as being the country where scientists are honoured in this manner. And honestly I felt good that people made such an association.

Secondly, I dont know enough about the new nominee. Having heard about her background it appears to be her closeness to a specific No. 10 that has propelled her to this post. Not a good sign ever.

Thirdly, I feel Indian public doesnot have a voice in this matter. Going by the polls, it appears that people still prefer to have someone like Kalam in the presidents office.

Fourthly, I am always averse to people being promoted cos of gender. While I promote equality I hate the slogan of equality being used to gain advantage. In this specific case however gender may be a secondary consideration.

I also find it extremely ironic that India, with all its backward policies with respect to women, have been more than willing to accept women leaders. I know there is a touch of sentimentality attached to the same but women leaders have stayed put in the political spectrum. And like Time Magazine said India is in all but name being run by an Italian lady with no college education!!.

The dichotomy in India is amazing!

Am I fat or thin?

Now it is a tradition between Christy and me. Everytime I meet him after a week of dieting I ask Christy (with some trepidation, ofcourse) "Christy, am I fat or thin?"... Christy looks me up and down and always replies "Fat!!"... and without fail this routine ends up with me chasing Christy around the house and finally pinning him down and squeesing him till he gasps "You are thin, Vava aunty"... Ahh...Victory... the only time Christy was ever polite to me was when I was leaving Kerala when he told me "You are little thin" (whatever that means) mainly cos he was feeling sad that i was leaving... I hugged him tighter that day...

Christy being so whimsical, I decided to co-opt Baby George early on to my side... my game plan was to train him from 7 months itself to make sure that he always says "Thin!" when I ask him the question.... and so I pounced this question on an unsuspecting Baby George... he was precariously standing up (holding on to my hand) when I popped the question "Baby George, Am I fat or thin?".... expecting only a knowing nod or a smile from him which can be interpreted to mean only yes.... instead, as if on cue, Baby George reached out and grabbed my cheeks!! as if saying "look at these cheeks. Ofcourse you are fat!"...

But never one to go down without a fight I also zestily grabbed his cheeks and said "You are also fat!".... Baby George smiled....

Baby George Ka Gussa

Baby George is really growing up.... My sister tells me that he has completely rejected baby food (e.g. farex) in favour of idlis, chapatis and fried rice..... and seeing the portions he eats I suspect he is going to be a bouncy round baby soon..... and he craves for the same things that we crave for... recently in one of our outings, my sister and me were having icecream... Baby George immediately started kicking his legs in the air and leaned across to my ice cream cone... and when we refused to give him he started crying as if we have been denying him food all his life.... he only relaxed when my sister gave him little bits of icecream ... we also quickly ate up our ice cream and Baby George soon forgot what he was crying for...

Baby George has also started crawling now... he follows me around the house... not to mention following my sister surrepticiously into the kitchen and scaring my sister no end.... and now he has realised that some members of his family actually go out everyday and while doing so say 'tata' to him... he clearly thinks he should also be going out like the others ... the other day when I said tata to him to leave for office, Baby George mustered up all the strength he had in his 7 month old body and crawled all the way to the door.... and plonked himself right at my feet and lifted his hands up for me to take him with me.... I am not one to show to emotions... But was that cute or what???? Ofcourse his mother then picked him up and took him to the stairs lulling Baby George into believing that he was also going out just like us...

Why does he want to grow up so soon??? And that too come to office????

Rain Rain...

Where are the rains????? In all my years at Mumbai I have never wished for the rains so much... its sultry and hot and I find it difficult to sleep in my house.... ofcourse I have the option of fitting in an AC in my house but given my new environmental activism I prefer not to increase consumption of electricity... in any event, the tradition has always been that the heat would come close to boiling point and then the rains would douse it out....

But not this time ... apparently the cyclone "Gonu" in Oman has distracted our sweet little monsoons to go to the gulf rather than come to Mumbai.... What the heck???? And apparently rains have reached Punjab and Shimla while the rest of the country is reeling under a heat wave.... and this is what I want to know - What does Punjab and Shimla have that Mumbai doesnot? Why this step motherly treatment? Why? Why?

And I have made a bargain with the monsoons... if they come soon I shall take pictures of Mumbai in the rains... showing monsoons in all their glory.....

Another women centric post... consider yourself warned...

I was recently watching the Donald Trump serial "the Apprentice". I like watching it cos it sort of shows you the kind of things that can go wrong and makes you feel that you are not the only one who screws up once in an while.

In one of the episodes I watched, the finalists were two women... One was an older woman who was married with kids and the other was a younger woman who was not yet married.... and at the final interview session, the 'Donald' asked both of them as to why they want to win.... and the older married woman said of the other younger woman "she wants to win cos she doesnt have anything else in her life to look forward to other than this job".....

That comment just potrayed what is a very common place occurence in society... how women turn on women .... so in case you are single and unattached you welcome such comments from attached people... and in case you are attached your single friends find you weird ... and most career women look down on the stay at home moms or the housewives saying they are not doing anything with their lives.... when all of the above is so untrue!!!! none of these women are more useless or useful due to these things... they are all women who are doing what they love best at that point in time..... to respect that is not asking for too much, I think.....

I dont know who is wrong and who is right... but I do know that women are the worst enemies of women... I doubt whether a single man would look at a married man and make fun of him... or viceversa... Men perhaps dont view each other differently cos of one's relationship status....
Why are women so ready to berate another woman?

P.S. Trump chose the younger woman in the end. Perhaps he also realised that a woman who is so sexist should not be in his team.

Innocence of Children

well what do you know... Baby George didnt recognise me... I blasted into the house hoping to see Baby George smiling but instead all I got were curious stares from Baby George.... and I tried my best to make him remember me..... I picked him up, played with him, made him fly - but he still stared at me..... stared at me in a way that speaks "I know you from somewhere..."..... so I decided that the best way to revive his memory was to recreate a chaotic scene in kerala along with his brother... so christy and I (with baby george tucked safely in my arms) started yelling and jumping around.... and contrary to my expectations Baby George made an upside down smile and started crying!!!!...

The amazing part was that he hugged me even tighter while crying... he didnt let go of me even when his mother came to pacify him... he just kept holding on to me.... perhaps saying "why did you scare me vava aunty. I have just taken a flight and am jet lagged now".... finally I gave him my finger to bite and he calmed down.... and then he let out a small smile.....

Kids are so innocent.... they turn to the ones they are attached to even if they are the ones that scare them.... which reminded me of a story my sister related about Christy at the age of 3.... after having received a sound beating from my sister, Christy went back to my sister and complained about her to her!!!! So innocent...

As for me, I am healing my bitten finger by soaking it in hot water.... the scary thought is what if I have to give my finger to bite everytime I scare children ???? ..........



kids are so innocent... they turn to the ones they are attached to even if they are the ones that hurt them.... so innocent....

Christy and Baby George are coming back to Mumbaki today. Yay!!!!

I wonder whether Baby George will recognise me now. Ofcourse in the 15 days that I was away from him I constantly spoke to him on the phone. Ofcourse he had no idea where the voice was coming from and would constantly scan the faces of my parents and his mother to see whether they are speaking to him. I believe he even went to the extent of examining the wiring of the telephone to get a total perspective. And needless to say, the conversation ended with him smiling- Always!. Maybe he will remember the blob who constantly dances in front of him.

After wrecking havoc in Kerala for a month Christy is being brought to the relatively harder environment of Mumbai. Thank God Christy came back before the monsoons reached Kerala. Kerala is not strong enough for both Christy and the monsoons. But then is Mumbai??

I am actually surprised at the fact that many people liked my photographs of Delhi. I am totally encouraged now.

And some more...

Pictures I took on my travels...

I love taking photographs on my travels... so this time when I was in Delhi I was ecstatic that I could finally take pictures of the city that is truly the best in terms of historical monuments... infact I would become extremely snobbish about India whenever I visited some any historical monument abroad...'Ugh! they dont know what real monuments look like'.... in my view, there is nothing compared to the buildings built by the mughals in India... nothing....

so with that snob value I went on a photo tour (alone I must add) of Delhi... the only problem- my camera discharged just when I opened it up to click the pictures... what a waste I tell you! Anyways got some oridinary random pictures which didnt not focus very well... but what the heck everybody makes mistakes...

Ohh ofcourse the first picture is of Christy in Kerala - as always aiming for the tree top.... cos he is such a monkey....

Politically Correct Aunt

Bed time stories are a tradition with my dad... When I was a kid my dad would tell me stories about dragons, fairies, princes and princesses in a land far far away.... I would lie down beside my dad and listen intently .... always imagining my dad to be the hero in all of them....

One day Christy asked me to tell him a story... I was thrilled - Yay!... now I get the opportunity to pass on the tradition to the next generation.... and started off telling the story of Cinderalla to Christy.... About the orphan girl who was ill-treated by the step mom and step sisters.... about how she made friends with every animal (including rats) cos she didnt have company...and ofcourse the most important part about how the prince of that land was holding a ball to choose his bride.... how she didnt have proper clothes for the ball and the fairy God mother came to her rescue....

From then I decided to take the story on a different path... I told Christy about how the fairy God mother came down and told Cindrella that if she wanted to have proper clothes to go to the ball, then she would have to buy the clothes herself by working properly.... and how, encouraged by the fairy godmother Cinderalla went into the big bad city all by herself and started working hard and earning money.... and how the prince finally married her cos she was such an independent woman and not just a pretty woman in a pretty dress!!!...

Ofcourse the strong social message behind the story was completely lost on Christy cos at the end of the story he asked "Did she take the animals also with her?"

Memories....continued

I always envy people who grew up in one city... I never had one city that I grew up in and kept shifting cities every 5 years ..... as a result of which I never feel at home in any city....

But this is more so in Kottayam... the town that I technically belong to ..... I have no idea what it is about this town that drives me away.... There are many things that I like about the place.... for one I love the river right next to my house...its calm, serene and soothing for sore eyes... I love visiting the churches in Kottayam... there is something so pure and authoritative about them... I love Kumarakom and the backwaters....its lovely and I hope the place does not get too commercial.....

But this place is not home for me.... in some ways I feel I never fitted in Kottayam so well... I was always an outsider, a girl whose ideas were a little different from the rest of the girls and a girl who saw getting out of Kottayam as being the only way to get most out of life....

However this is my personal opinion about this place... there are many who swear by this place... they would die to come back to Kottayam and settle down here... and go fishing whenever they want, eat good food whenever they want and really have no care in the world other than whether the neighbour's dog is barking too loudly at night.... a great life some would say...

The problem probably lies in the fact that I never saw myself 'settle down' to a life in the backwaters... although I never had a clear idea about things, I knew that there has to be more to life that being rich, being somebody's wife (ofcourse that is not to at all demean wives and the role they play), going to the club and complaining about your mother in law or going to Bombay to check out the "latest fashion" ....

I just had to find out what else could be out there... I am glad I did.

Memory Lane

I am sure this is a common occurence in every household... storing stuff that dates back to Adam and Eve on account of the fear that you may "need it again"..... my house is cluttered with such stuff... infact at one time my house was cluttered with a washing machine that never washed, a dishwasher that never washed dishes, a freezer that was toooo big... and ofcourse there are the various things that we had accumulated from all over- a wall plate from Oman, a post card from England of Diana and Prince Charles's wedding (yes, my mom is a huge fan of Diana), a big yellow fan from Kanyakumari.... and on top of it all my Dad's medical journals, which will never go out of style according to my Dad....

And today in one of the most innocuous conversations my mom revealed that she had 3 rice cookers in the house. Why 3? "Well, one is what I use currently. The other two stopped working a while back but I just keep it for memory sake".

But Mom, what memory are you trying to preserve here?? That we graduated from boiling our rice in large pots to rice cookers?

What a little bit of competition can achieve

One of the things I really loathe when I am in Kerala are the ordinary chores that my mom hands down to me .... things like "switch on the heater", "put off the pressure cooker", "fill the water" etc are normal phrases that my mom uses around the house... I know I know... these are normal things that anybody should do in the house... I totally agree.. but the lazy bug in me bites just when such instructions are handed out...

So today my mom handed one more of those instructions- "please remove the clothes from the clothes line before the rain comes"... my heart was crestfallen ... I was just about to start my play time with Baby George .... and then the idea struck me... I have two able bodied nephews who are lurking around the house with nothing better to do than trouble their aunt.... so why not get them to do my bidding? And there and then I announced a competition! Competition on who can pick up the clothes faster and the one who picks up maximum clothes wins!!! ... I half expected both of them to come and slap me over my head when I announced such a ridiculously selfish competition... but surprise surprise!! The annoucement was greeted with a feverish scramble for the door by both of them... At first I was totally shocked - they actually bought that?? - and then having recovered from it I tucked Baby George (after all he will be doing the same in a couple of years) under my arms and ran after my enthusiastic nephews .... and what I saw was pure art...

Christy dived headlong into the competition ... he first swept all the clothes to one side of the line and then swooped it down.... his disadvantage - he was toooo small to hold all these clothes... my other nephew (who is called Nishanth in case I have not yet introduced him) just went about picking the clothes one by one and being bigger in size he could carry more.... Nishanth went a step further and even stole clothes from Christy taking complete advantage of the fact that Christy could not see from under the pile of clothes....... Baby George and I watched all this in amusement while encouraging both to keep going and not to give up till all the clothes were safely inside the house.... Finally, seeing that he had not got as many clothes as he needed to win the competition Christy went up to his mother and asked "Mummy, can I have some clothes please"....

All in all a very cute experience.... and later on I took both of them for icecream at Baskin Robbins.... Mainly as a gratitude payment for ensuring that their aunt didnt have to lift a finger for getting the clothes down from the clothes line....

And right after that my sister said "you are not like other normal aunts"... Well, normal is boring is some countries.... it is definitely boring in mine....

Christy's world

"Christy, will you share your chips with us?"

"Why? It will get over if I give you some"

"So, we will buy more if it gets over"

"Then buy them now only and eat it."

Smart Kid. Period.

7 p.m and the regression starts

One thing my mom doesnt compromise on when her children are visiting is her 7 p.m. appointment with the T.V. Thats when the blaze of regional serials start in Kerala. Much like the Ekta Kapoor Serials that one is so used to hearing about in Mumbai. Now I dont watch any of them and I must admit I feel somewhat intellectually superior by declaring that I dont watch such serials. As much as others feel intellectually superior when they see me watching "101 biggest celebrity goof ups". Well, each to his own I say.

But there is something SOOOO regressive about the serials that my mom watches. Firstly all of them are really depressing and there is someone crying in all the scenes. And one walks away feeling that the world is a place with no hope left in it. Ok. Maybe it is sometimes but I really dont want to stare reality at 7 p.m. on T.V everyday. And then there are subtle anti woman messages that are sent out through each serial. Story about a woman crying and praying to get her indecisive husband back from another woman, a man telling a woman that she better behave herself lest she finds that the world is very dangerous for a woman, a mother crying cos her daughter has been abandoned by her husband etc etc.

I keep quiet through it all but I keep wondering why we cant see progress in the serials in our country. As they say "Everybody loves a drought" it must be true that "everybody loves a good cry". To see that you are not the only one who is suffering in this world. Something like - "Oh Subhalaxmi of ___ serial also faced a similar crisis". Its about identifying with something in your life I suppose.

Which brings me to the next question- are we all just basically living cos somebody else is having a worser time than you? Is that actual living when you feel good about your life only when you see how much worser other people's lives are? A very wise man once told me - "never share your troubles with your friends. Cos no matter how good a friend they are, they always feel happy that someone else is suffering."

I am not sure whether I totally agree with that logic but sometimes when friends tell me excitedly about their plans I keep telling them not to tell anybody else till it all works out. I keep warning them about the 'black eye' that seems to be lurking around. Am I too cynical? Perhaps.

Conversations with God

"Hello, God? This is Me. I just wanted to ask you a few questions I had about your country."

"Hello there. My Country? Do you mean Israel?"

"No. Its Kerala. Everybody calls it "God's Own Country""

"Really? Is this the one at the southern most tip of India. Right next to Sri Lanka?"

God preens the map closely to see the small place that is called his country. And lets out a wild laugh.

"What happened God? Why are you laughing?"

"Ha ha. I remember this one. They call it "God's Own Country" but elected the first communist (read atheist) government in the world. Haha- that is funny. Slight irony there dont you think?"

"Ah God, now you get what I am saying. I am totally confused about this place. For instance, how come this place has the highest literacy rate and yet doesnt have enough jobs for them. How come the social indices of Kerala is one of the highest in the world, yet this place also has the highest suicide rates? And how come women have a better sex ratio in this state and yet are never considered equal in society?

Dont you feel bad that they call it your country?"


"Oh Just a minute. I have another call waiting. Its from N. Ireland. Apparently they have found a solution to the old problem about people wanting to worship me differently. Many were killed in my name. Now THAT is really mis-using my name. Its a relief that I dont have to deal with such issues in Kerala"

" I guess that is correct God. But will you..."

Lady in monotonous voice: Thankyou for your call to God. He is busy right now and will be back with you shortly. If you wish to leave a message kindly press Star.

Its been two weeks since i blogged!!!!

Gosh I missed blogging... and the reason I have not been blogging is ofcourse work... I have been travelling quite a lot and have not had the energy to sit down and pen down my thoughts... but now I have officially commenced my holiday in "God's Own Country" or as I like to call it "Land where I dont talk to people"....

In a nutshell this is what happened to me during the 2 weeks and more that I was away from blogspace:

a) Got completely aghast at the Gujarata fake encounter case. How and why did it happen?? Can I take solace from the fact that it is in Gujarat and not in Maharastra? or is it just the case that it is not me today and tomorrow it could very well be me? Why, why, why?? The silver lining - A woman is now handling the investigation. Lets just hope we grow out of such nonsensical society.

b) Took baby george on his first flight ever. I used to be one of those passengers who would look at a crying baby on the flight and scowl at the women who brought them - how can you disturb us peaceful passengers?. Even my sister was like that. So ofcourse since life has a way of dispensing justice only to me, I was at the receiving end of the scowls this time. Baby George started crying the moment the cotton buds were put in his ears. He totally refused to be belted to the seat with me and insisted on being picked up. So that is what we did , while profusely apologising to the peaceful co-passengers. Ofcourse after the flight took off he slept like a log (much like his aunt) and woke up only when the flight thundered down at Cochin (again much like his aunt). The best part- After a good sleep, he smiled at all the other passengers. Also was surprised to find that many people thought Baby George was actually a girl!!!

c) Bought several books with me to finish reading in Kerala. Also decided to introduce Christy to the art of Jigsaw puzzles. He likes Winnie the Poo (much like his aunt) and so that was my choice as well. Also got him a crazy ball - I mean the ball is really crazy- it laughs when thrown down.

d) Resolved that I will go with mom this time to the gold shops dotting the streets of Kottayam. I shall behave myself, drink their extremly sweet orange juice, show some amount of interest in the patterns and also not say anything when my mom asks me whether I like what she has bought. I never do and it is not cool to be so blunt.

That in a nutshell is what I have been doing and thinking. For now I look forward to the unadulterated 9 days of time with my nephews and parents. And ofcourse sleep. zzzzzzzz.............

Helooooooooo... Can you hear me???

Dont you just hate it when you are having a trullllyyyy important discussion with someone and where life altering decisions are being made over the phone and the phone line goes dead or blurry..... I have often found myself in a quandry like this.... where I am talking to someone about the most important thing in my life and suddenly I cant hear or the person on the other side cant hear what I am saying.... and most often we end up screaming "helooooo, can you hear???"" or "Helloo, I cant hear. Can you speak a little louder??"... etc etc etc and the saga goes on...

and my biggest fear is... what if you are actually commissioned to pass on a life saving communication to someone and right in the middle of the conversation the phone line becomes all blurry... "hello, yes the medicine that you have to give X is..." and the lines go down... or if you have one last call to make from a sinking ship to your loved one and before the words "I love you" comes out the line goes all blurry....

And worse if you are put on hold with the monotonous voice of the lady saying "You are in queue. Please wait"... Arrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh....

Now you know why modernisation has not solved any problems.

Honey Drool

Have you ever heard of Honey Drool? No, I dont mean drooling over honey or anything that you might call "honey" but drool that is honey? Well, neither did I till I met Baby George.....

Baby George is at a stage where he is constantly drooling... so no matter where he is there is a constant stream of drool hanging from his mouth despite best attempts by his meticulous aunt to clean him up... so most often my clothes are dripping with baby drool after I am done with playing with Baby George.... so one day when I was frantically cleaning my clothes of baby drool, my sister in her most helpful way said that baby drool is actually honey!! So now I have named Baby George, the Honey Drool kid....

And he is also at a stage where he wants to put everything into his mouth.... So he sees my fingers and pulls it towards his mouth with whatever little energy his 6 month old body has.... and I am constantly fighting off these biting attempts by baby george... most recently baby george landed what I thought was a huge slurpy, drool filled, sloppy kiss on my cheek... I went about the rest of the day claiming to everybody that Baby George gave me my first kiss... ofcourse the party stopped when I was told by my friend and my sister that actually he was trying to bite my cheek and not kiss it....

well only Baby George can answer properly and since he is choosing not to talk for the present I declare it to be a kiss...

Chalk and Cheese

Its not very unusual for one to feel that they are different from another person... come to think of it except for a few friends, I doubt whether I am that similar to any person.... sometimes I take it as a total compliment ... "Yay, I am unique" type of feelings... and at other times I feel downright despondent seeing how different I am from some people and how even if I try I will never become like that person... obviously this means that I admire that person in some subtle way but am not willing to admit it openly....

Most often these differences come up in the most mundane of things..... for instance, packing suitcases.... now a friend of mine would pack only after preparing a proper checklist of items needed for the trip... shampoo, tickets, torch, toothpaste, mosquito repellent etc etc....and then ofcourse the packing is a work of art....the clothes are arranged neatly (cos obviously they have been ironed a week in advance) into the suitcase, properly matched and perhaps even colourcoded.... so when one opens the suitcase, all the onlookers would see a completely organised suitcase..in short akin to a neatly arranged aisle of a super market.. and as compared to the supermarket finish, if I were to open by suitcase in front of people, the first thought that would come to their unsuspecting minds is "Garage Sale!"... the clothes are all there in the suitcase but not in any particular order... infact it is without any order .... and while i keep stating that there is order in the chaos, I doubt anybody would prefer the garage sale finish to the supermarket finish... Chalk and cheese?? ohhh I think so...


Well I dont know if I will ever be able to be that organised... my life is all about instant happiness.... everything has to happen fast.... so I usually dont ponder about the long term consequences of my actions and go with the attitude of I will tackle it when that happens....maybe it is time for me to change a little bit.... at least get a "Sabzi Mandi" finish to my packing if not yet a "Super Market" finish...

Does a City belong to you?

I have been away in Bangalore for the past two days ..... just going from one office to the other and back to the airport... and in between all this I realised that my city has changed so much... why is it my city? cos I stayed there for 5 years.... and no matter what I did or didnt do in law school, the 5 years I spent in law school were one of the most life altering years of my life... and for me the city is inextricably linked to that process...

so firstly the city has become a little more crowded.... or maybe I now travel in cars and earlier I would commute using my tiny little bike which made beating traffic a little more easy... now I see myself calculating the time it will take me to get from town (M.G. Road) to the Airport... and I was like "hey, I would do twice this distance during my student days"... and everyone around me says wistfully "times have changed since you left"..

and the city is trying to braze itself for its new metro project... so one of our favourite little theatres is being converted into a new metro station... yes for all the ex-law schoolites reading this, Arvind Narayan's Plaza theatre right on M.G. Road is becoming a world class railway station.... feels weird seeing one of the most recognisable buildings in Bangalore vanish...

While I noticed all these changes in my city, I didnt feel any loss... as in I just didnt feel like I am missing out on anything....I didnt feel the pull in heart about seeing such big transformation... of lost times and bygone eras... and that is when I realised that B'lore for me will always be the city in which I became a young adult... but it is not the city which accepted me an adult... and that is only Mumbai.....

Large hearted roads

Like everyday I was in my taxi today on my way to work ....and just near my office I got stuck at a traffic signal... in front of me was a large water truck - you know one of those trucks where you have pipes at the end that you can draw water out of... ofcourse I didnt bother much about the truck or about the happenings around me and was just only bothered about how soon I can reach the office....

and then out of nowwhere a group of kids scrambled around the water truck.....i didnt understand at first what the fascination was... .. and then I realised that they had started opening the pipes and taking out the water in their pots and pans... and one of them ingeniously started speaking to the truck driver keeping him engaged.. one by one the kids filled up their pots and pans and by the time the light turned green all of them had a pot full of water.... and in the meantime all of the onlookers did nothing but watch the spectacle... some taxi drivers even moved their taxies back to give room for more kids... and nobody (inlcuding me) seemed to find it necessary to tell the truck drivers that your water is being stolen... something so right in something so obviously wrong... Was it my urban guilt? at seeing so many kids growing up with no water??

Thats the thing about Indian roads... there is always some sort of life on the roads.... its only now that we have the tinted glasses on big cars where the drivers in their coat and suit behave as if they are doing a favour by even looking at the road..... and no matter what there is always room for one more on the Indian road... room for one more car, one more bullock cart, one more vegetable van, one more dog, one more cow, one more cat, one more rat.. one more of anything.... we just have enough space for everybody and we all just squeeze by....

And we even have elephants walking on the road... now in India I would not bat an eye lid if I saw an elephant right outside my car window... for me, he (or she) is like another traveller on their way to work...... but I realised how much we take seeing our elephants on the road for granted when I went to South Africa... I remember getting so excited seeing an elephant in the Kruger National Park .... I immediately whipped out my camera and started clicking away in all angles.... the elephant crossing the road, the elephant having his lunch, the elephant looking at us menancingly..... and when I see the same elephant crossing the road in Mumbai my camera stays right inside my bag.. no excitment, no flashes, nothing....in any other country, an elephant on the road would have created chaos and lead to the elephant being almost blinded by the incessant clicking of cameras ....


Thats life I guess!!! Well at least the journey is interesting on Indian roads....

Cric-in-my-neck

I am not a big fan of cricket... and before anyone out there goes on to say that "ohh women.. they never like cricket" let me tell you that the first fanatics of cricket I met in my life were my cousins- all girls!!

But despite not being a fan of cricket I felt crestfallen when India got out... I felt as if my days suddenly got bleaker, there was not much left to look forward to in this world cup and for about a day and a half I felt like a lost puppy... "ohh what will we do now? Can Bermuda actually beat Bangladesh?" were some of the incredulous questions I asked...

Anyways now I am back to the preworld cup phase- and that means I am back to wondering why so many people spend so much time on a silly game where everyone is hitting or chasing one tiny little ball!!! I mean seriously lets talk about some serious things here...

Kids say the darnest thing!

Christy is easily the naughiest boy I have ever seen... my mom says that he takes after his mother who was supposedly a terror in her childhood... so in a way she is getting a taste of her own medicine... one which obviously she is not taking a taste to...

so recently she flew off her handle when Christy messed up Baby George's soup.... and went on and on about how naughty he is and how he should behave himself... blah blah blah..... Christy in the meantime kept quite throughout the tirade ....and finally when my sister took a break from all the shouting Chirsty immediately quipped "Mummy, you have become thinner"....

Needless to say the shouting didnt resume after that.......... kids!!!

More of Maldives..

A Mal-in- the Dives!

Finally I got to see the "sunny side of life"... yes over the weekend I went to Maldives for a holiday... it was all impromptu.... my friend of 1 4 years called and said she was planning a trip to Maldives and would I want to join in ??? YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..... and off I went

Maldives is all about the sea... obviously..... and all about things on th ebeach.... so if you dont know what to do on a beach or in the sea it is quite a pointless journey, right??............. nope!!! I was a total greehorn when it came to the ocean... I dont venture out too much and I just stay in the shore... but I totally enjoyed myself.... I found myself learning how to swim...its easier than I thought... and I also snorkelled!!! after much coaxing by my friend.... and in the evening we would just sit outside listening to the waves..... and ofcourse I slept as well.....

and few things I noticed about Maldives....

a) the sea is blue..i mean beautiful blue... you can see the pictures..... living in mumbai you tend to think a blue sea is a myth...

b) there are more mals in Maldives than I can digest.... there was a mal on every corner... and they tried to make friends with us... I totally agree with their sentiments.. they only see white skin...and finally to see some people of your country ... well its a relief in many ways...

c) I actually saw fish !! beautiful colours... some were striped, some were bright, some where multicoloured....awesome... I also chased some of them....

I loved this short holiday..... ofcourse I am black as a crow....and I am sure my mom will disown me when I meet her... but what the heck!!

A Mal in the Dives is better than one in Mumbai!!!

Ever since I changed my job from IDFC all my travelling plans have been made with a sense of apprehension... in fact the feeling of apprehension is so huge that I feel like cancelling all my leave plans just the day before... I sweat, tense up, feel like I dont deserve to take this holiday, feel all weepy and nervous just before my trip.....

And that is exactly how I am feeling right now... although it helps immensely that I am working with a great team who is able to support me and an equally supportive boss (who made the mistake of suggesting that I take a holiday cos I had been spending way too much time in the office... hahaha)....

So here I am keeping my fingers crossed hoping to take my flight to my holiday destination in another 8 hours... Please cross your fingers also... lest I sweat and fall off just before I board the flights ....

where am I going?? I think it is best when I put up the pictures.... trust me it will be worth it....

One of the major changes that I see in my friends after their marriage is their inability to come on holidays sans their better halves...so most often I make the mistake of approaching my friends as if they are still my old buddies ... ready to run along with me wherever we chose to go... but after a few trial and errors I have learned my lesson... Now, I just dont approach my married friends for any holidays I take ....

I just go and if they decide to come along that is fine...

A little bit of that and this

The thing that I like about Yoga is that they teach you about your own body... for instance did you know that all the ills of the body can be cured by breathing in a particular way.... or the fact that if you curve up your body you are actually helping the skin... now usually when I am told all this by my yoga teacher I lap it all up while simultaneously feeling proud about my ancestors who knew so much about how to keep ourselves happy.... but today my yoga teacher told us "all the emotions are concentrated in the stomach area"... huh???? my mind immediately wandered to the possible interpretations about this statement... so does a person with a large belly then have wide range of emotions? Can one tickle one's tummy and invoke a certain emotion? hmmm.....

I had stopped yoga for a month ... .mainly cos it was really becoming stressful to come back at 12 in the night, wake up at 7, do yoga, run off to see Baby George and then reach office... I was just too tired... the other reason was ofcourse the fact that people started missing me when I didnt go to one class... so you know I cringed at such familiarity and wished to blank out for a while.... strange?? even I think so... like my friend observed.... "how is it that you hate people getting too familiar but at the same time you have such good friends?".... well dont know how that happens.... a case of split personality??? maybe, maybe not...

In other news I got a cold... from Baby George.... his little nose was blocked cos of the cold and he was wheezing through out... and he sneezed next to my face a couple of times .... and that is how I got a cold... I am sending my sister all the medical bills...

Baby george has also tumbled over..... after heartbreaking failed attempts in the past baby george finally tumbled to the other side... so now instead of twisting his head he twists his body and faces the person..... he also started talking... the only problem is that we cant understand what he is saying.... and I think when he hears a song he tries to sing along... Baby George is growing up....

A Wo-man's Day

Once somebody told me that even God makes mistakes.... that sometimes even God does not have the answers to all the man created issues.... and no more is this true that in the case of a woman..... There are so many loopholes in her creation, which if rectified, could have made a woman's life a little better...

The first such loophole is her physical weakness.... while technology and civilised society may have mitigated the superiority of the brawn but it is still one of the paramount reasons why a woman is so demeaned in society.... She cannot defend herself and she is forced to depend on men for her defence.... is it skewed? Oh Yes..

The second such loophole is ironically entrenched with her ability to reproduce... I think our forefathers were absolutely right in recognising the vast power that a woman held over society due to her ability to reproduce... however it is that same recognition that has devalued her in many ways... firstly she is made to believe that that is her only contribution in society- that she is not good for anything else.... secondly she is viewed as a commodity to produce kids with- hence the physical attributes becomes much more magnified for her- cos she has to produce the most perfect baby, doesnt she? so if she is older than 30 she is devalued in society due to the reduced chances of conceiving, or if she is of a darker skin tone she is considered to be incapable of producing beautiful children, there is just no value given to her person....

The third loophole is one linked to the above- a woman herself does not believe her value comes from being herself... she has to be linked to a man and her child failing which she is considered to be 'loose', a cannonball that every man can take a shot at and use.... its all not fair but a woman is obviously lulled into believing that if she doesnt marry by a certain age then she is not successful... and trust me even highly educated women make compromises so that they can get the married tag..... and then go on to poke fun at their single friends who has probably not been as stupid as them to have gotten married in haste to the wrongest man on earth.... the common refrain in my hometown is 'well at least she has got somebody'.... and trust me I know all about this...

I dont think things will change unless women themselves realise their value... and give value to other women.... so heres to all the women out there- mothers, sisters, friends- please believe in your intrinsic value as women and dont devalue other women you know for any reason- including for not being with a man....

Sorry people I just feel very strongly about this....

Sunday musings...

After about 3 weeks I went grocery shopping today... all in the hope of buying ingredients for chicken chettinad!!.... yes I dont cook anything simple..... so if you ask me to cook dal I would be totally lost.... so off I went to Pali Hill near my house to look for the perfect veggies.... and I had no idea that I was so sorely missed by the Sabziwalla at Pali hill...

The Sabziwalla greeted me "Arre madam, Kitne din bath app aye" (Madam you have come after a long time)... instinctively, I looked behind me to look at the woman he was referring to.... No one... I smiled coyly explaining how my work has been keeping me away from real life... "Arre Madam, Aap Pathle bhi Ho kaye hai. Kitna Kaam Karte hai" (Madam you have become thin also. Too much work)... In gratitude, I bought veggies I could not even name and which would probably end up in my dustbin a few weeks from now...

Ofcourse my mom was totally unimpressed with my shopping trip since according to her no decent meal could be prepared out of the veggies I had bought....

but Mom, didnt you hear?? They said I have become thin....

Changin one's mind

Recently I had a moral dilemma... I am now in a place where I work with a lot of interns .... and at the end of the day we are always expected to recommend the good ones and get them recruited... so I have been working with these interns who according to me were a sure shot into the firm... so other than the casual questions of 'where do you see yourself 5 years from now' I did not ponder too much about convincing them to join the firm... However, late on Monday night they told me that they had been approached by a rival firm and they had accepted the offer!! I was a bit shocked and in a way a bit disappointed since I didnt understand why they didnt discuss with me first.... so there I was trying to convince them to reconsider their decision... and the one question that totally stumped me was "Is it ethical for us to change our mind once we have accepted?"...

now that is something that I had no answer to... the only answer I could mutter was "Yes it is not ethical to say something and do something else. But you need to think about whether you are making a good career choice"... ofcourse in this case it was a happy ending since they finally agreed to join us after taking into account their career prospects...and also the fact that they were barely given 24 hours by other rival firm to convey their decision...


But I still have not reconciled the answer to the question that they asked me... Is it ethical to change one's mind after you have indicated that you are going in a certain direction? Wouldnt the person you indicated this to have already made some plans based on what you have indicated? Isnt it totally unfair to do that? Is it justified under any circumstances?

In matters of the heart I have often despised persons who have mislead people.... People who promised fidelity and then did just the opposite, people who promised marriage and finally at the last moment changed their minds, people who waited for a better opportunity to come along and then changed their mind cos they suddenly had a better option.... all of this accordingly to me smacks of total lack of character.... and to this day I treat these people who misbehaved either with me or with others with total disdain... I just dont think they are worthy of any attention from me....

On the other than, I have had friends who have changed their minds about various issues such as babies, adoption, husbands, marriages as they slowly evolved through experiences... their decisions were based on their convictions at that point in time ... and while in the beginning I would wonder why they potrayed a different picture, I realised soon enough that I am not the one to live with their decisions and so I have no right to judge..... but even in such cases I do dislike it when people dont acknowledge the fact that they have indeed changed their mind... most make it look like this is the way they have always wanted to live their life... which I dont like but at the same time I recognise that as being a very sensitive issue .... it is afterall difficult to acknowledge one's failure or mistakes in public...

I guess there is no proper answer to this question... it all depends on which end of the stick you are in... so if it is you who has been mislead and lied to you are never likely to find the whole thing tolerable... at the same time if you are the one doling out such treatment to others then either you really have no character, or your hands are really tied up or you really dont mind going to hell after your life in the world....

100th Post!!!!!

Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... this is my 100th post.... I am so thrilled about having achieved such a milestone.... and all those who leave comments on my blog will get a personal thankyou blog!!!

Talking about popularity, I think my blog is one of the least viewed... as in apart from a handful of people my blog pretty much continues to reside in the vast backlog of blogs... so when I see other blogs who have like 5000 visitors in 3 months I am like- how do they find out about this blog? Hmm...

But like my friend said- my blog is not intended to feel popular...it is intended to be a conversation with invisible friends..... and that is the way it shall be.....

Having said all that, I am not all averse to people leaving comments on my blog about how much they like it or not... just a bit of self indulgence....

Back to the blues

Okkk it seems that blue day is back... cos I was told that I will never be able to afford a private jet and fly out to Paris for a day.... that chocolate is beckoning me again....

but the good part is that I am going to have breakfast with baby george tomm.... since he is already flying around the room in my arms I am sure he will definitely be in a sunny mood.....

Sunny Days

Well today it is back to sunny days... and yes I did eat a chocolate y'day when it was one of those terrible "stormy" days.....

Things that make me go blue

Just like any normal person I go through my share of "phases"

First there are the normal "sunny" days where I am at my cheerful best... I feel as if the world is full of opportunities, life is great, people are great, I am the luckiest person in the world blah, blah, blah..... and then there are the mellow "rainy" days when all I feel like doing is gazing into the vast expanse of nothingness and contemplate my journey through life, my place in the world and the place of people in my world... and then there are the terrible "stormy" days when I feel like my life is a total blackout and ponder over how I could ever be happy again- most often these days usually end up with me eating a chocolate and feeling good at having eaten something forbidden...

Usually my blue days are triggered by very mundane things... something like my mom not understanding why I live my life the way I do and making her problem my problem, or my sister being sad for some reason, or if I have not slept properly, or if I have not been able to take christy to Atria Mall, or if a really close friend says something mean..... sometimes I cant really explain the reason why I am blue...

Needless to say today is one of those blue days....I have not slept for day... have not met anybody for days... have not eaten home cooked food for dayyyyyyssss... have not met baby george for days...... ... I need to do something drastic now.... like go and stay in a place without electricity for a week, or just throw my phone into the sea and not be contactable for a week (all the ensuing attention will definitely make me feel great ), or just splurgeeeeee on a private jet and fly to Paris for a day and come back... something so drastic that I am shocked back into normalcy.....

Hmmm...

Love Stories

I am sitting up at 12:30 in the morning cos of work... and usually when I am all alone I start thinking about the weirdest things...

For instance today the topic that is paramount in my head is love stories!!!.. I am a secret sucker for great romantic love stories... I love hearing stories about how strangers met each other, fell in love, and lived happily ever after.... so in a crowd Iam usually the first person to grill a newly married couple about how they met.... and almost to the point of appearing like a person who doesnt have any romance in her life, I just keep bombarding them with questions- "so what did you think of him when you first saw him?" or "so did you know at the start itself that you were meant for each other?" (yeah, stupid I know) or "when did you realise that you cant live without her?" etc etc... and now looking back I must have appeared like an eager fool... like someone living vicariously through other people's lives....

But none of that is true... I would be equally interested in a love story even when my own love story is at its peak... I just love love stories ... it warms my heart... oh come on! it warms your heart also....

what is the most beautiful love story I have heard??

Well it definitely is not Romeo and Juliet.... I mean I find it extremely impractical .... and needless to say it teaches gullible youngsters the wrong thing about love....

on the other hand Eric Segal's Love Story is quite decent.. when I read it for the first time at 19 I cried for poor Oliver... I bawled at the thot of Oliver having to live without Jenny for the rest of his life.... wouldnt every road remind him of her? How would he move on in life? ofcourse now that I am in my thirties I realised life does go on.... but the story is really touching in many ways... to feel that sense of loss for someone is indeed a very powerful feeling....

another love story is the story of Doctors, once again by Eric Segal... two best friends falling in love after having gone through all relationship issues with other people... in a way you want them to get together but at the same time you are wondering whether their friendship will be spoilt cos of that.... well it is a book so I am just going to keep assuming that they never fell out of love....

ofcourse there are other love stories I will always cherish in my heart like the "Far Pavillions" by MM Kaye.... the romance of a white man falling in love with an Indian princess is too much of a good thing ..... favourite part is the last scene where Ash and his beloved Anjuli ride off into the valley leaving behind a life of strife, separation, betrayal and sadness... all in the hope of a peaceful loving life.... ohhh my eyes are moist now just thinking about it...

The one love story that still makes me cry even today is the short story by Jeffery Archer called "Christina Rosenthal".... well ... I find it difficult to describe the emotion that I go through when I read that story...it is not just the love of a man and a woman... it is also the love of a father.... it is the love and devotion of a son... its just about love...

Ahh love...

but for now I would just love to sleep..... and would love it even more if i could hug baby and sleep....but Baby George is far far away....

Apologies

I think I unwittingly offended my friend in the UK by writing about my reasons for not liking a life abroad.. I could almost sense her coming out of the computer screen and giving me two tight slaps....

She clarified the following to me:

a) she loves India even more now that she lives abroad

b) She thinks colour is more of an issue in India than abroad.

So she seemed pretty offended that I could make such general statments about people living abroad... And this blog is to apologise to her and also perhaps acknowledge a few facts to myself...

a) Yes some people do behave badly when they are in India. Perhaps it is their lack of knowledge, cultural enlightenment, or just simple lack of courtesy to a country that makes them feel it is ok to put down India. Sometimes I feel they do this here only cos we let them get away with it. Would they behave in a similar manner if they were say in Paris? or say in Venice? No they would just keep quiet. Indians on the other hand also take it cos for centuries we have been fed the BS that we are so inferior to the white skin. It is very acceptable for a foreigner to come to our land, show off his wealth and look down on the brown fellows and tell them how screwed up their life is.

b) I do remember people telling me that I have become more of an Indian after my return from UK. Even I acknowledge that. I remember my mallu accent became more pronounced and all my arguments with foreigners were about how we in India dont have such a bad life. I appreciated even the architecture of my country more when I saw what was on offer abroad

So perhaps it was not fair to make a general statement like that.. so apologies for that...

Baby George's Antics

Now my Saturday routine is something like this...I go to office or work out of home till about 3 in the evening...after which I scream all the way to my sister's house to baby sit Baby George while his mother goes out for about 3 hours to meet her friends...well not that I am complaining at all.... I love looking after Baby George and if at the end of it my sister feels eternally indebted to me and feeds me mallu food at my beck and call- why not?....

so for the past 3 Saturdays I have been assigned the role of the baby sitter... and baby george has been an exceptional nephew I must say... he cries only when left on the floor alone cos he wants to travel.... and he cries only when he wants his milk.... otherwise he is pretty engrossed in his own little world watching and taking in the world perched peacefully in my arms..... and sometimes in the course of his world gazing he falls off to sleep...... sometimes I wish even I could fall off to sleep like that...

Baby George has also started flying now... I swoop him up, hold him straight like superman and make him float around the room.. first few times Baby George was extremely surprised by the new angle from which he was seeing things...but now I think he likes it.... especially when I float him and take him to his mother/brother.... or me...

Baby George smiles a lot also.... I am extremely curious to know what he is thinking when he smiles at me.... does he see me as a blob who is dancing in front of him, making funny noises and even funnier faces... or is he genuinely happy to see this familiar face ... or is he just happy to see someone new.... whatever the reason he genuinely seems happy on seeing me....

Well I am told that he will become more interesting in the coming months... I cant wait!!!!

Women I admire

Even though I grew up in a traditional mallu home I was exposed very early on to the potential of women...

the first such lady was my grandmother ... she was one of the first lady doctors of India... at a very young age my grandmother did the unthinkable in those days- took a train all the way from Kerala to the State of Madras. All alone!!!... and enrolled herself in the medical university at Madras... she was one of the four women students there in the midst of about 40 male students .... one of them ofcourse being my grandfather.... they fell in love in medical school and defied parents to get married ...... well the romance of their lives is another blog but today it is about the phenomenal grandmother that I had.... she went to practice medicine till she died.... I am named after her and she died within a year of me being born.... and not only was she smart people remember her even today for her generousity..........sometimes I wonder - if she had been alive today would she behave like a typical grandmother and tell me to start producing babies or would she understand that I am embarking on the same journey similar to the one she embarked on about 70 years back... I dont know and I guess I will never find out....

The other ladies who have always been a source of inspiration for me are my father's aunts- his mom's sisters.... now they were 4 in all - my grandmother being the eldest........while my grandmother completed her class 10th (a big thing in those days), my grandmother's sisters went on to study medicine!!! yes all three of them were doctors .... and all of them also did the unthinkable those days by travelling all the way to Chandigarh no less to study!!! well I dont know what it was like in those days but I have to admit even now going alone to Chandigarh is not an option that I would readily jump at.... and these grandaunts have often told me about stories of people harassing them on the way to Chandigarh... including that of a stalker whom they finally managed to catch and beat the hell out of .... well I do the same now at bandra train station.. hehe...

And then ofcourse there are the slightly distant relations who are equally impressive... one of them being Anna Malhotra who has gone down in Indian general knowledge questions as the first woman IAS officer of India... from early childhood her name was taken as a role model for me... "when you grow up you must become like Annakoch"... and I would imagine this superwoman lady and wonder whether I will ever be that revered by family..... and about 3 years back I finally met the great Annakoch face to face... and while she was stiff and not really warm, for me it was like meeting a legend... in my eyes she was.....

Having grown up in an environment where it was normal for a woman to have a job and a family it really shocked me that women of my generation are really living in an age beyond that of my grandmother.... for instance the girls in my batch of 12th standard had picked out the names of their children!!! and to be a part of the crowd I would also pick out random names for my as yet unborn children.... and some girls would also counsel me sometimes about how I should try and "tone"down since boys will never marry me if I am so bold.... and to be honest at that age I did start believing that being a woman with ambition was really a disease.... while in hind sight I realised that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time I did go through some soul searching for being the way I am ....

To be honest I still have not met women as amazing as my aunts and grandmother... today we are given all the opportunities on a platter... we didnt have to make the opportunity ... and these women made their opportunity ........... and I am proud of them......

Women- Just Do It, I say!

The reason why...

I dont think living abroad is cooler than living in India:

a) It is not India

b) There is no Indian food

c) There is no domestic help

d) You have to help the host clean up after dinner at their place

e) Your skin colour determines the worlds attitude towards- when people are kind to you it is "progressive" and when people are rude to you it is "racism". Dont know if it is any other reason.

f) You are always insecure about your place in the country (this is personal)

g) You cant take a taxi (at least in London)

h) You never have conversations with the Sabji walla cos you pick it up off the shelf

i) You cant call up mom and tell her that you are coming over the weekend for a break

j) You are sometimes lonely in the crowd.

k) watching hindi movies abroad is just not the same

l) You tend to forget the wealth that your country has and has given you

m) You genuinely start believing that your country is really backward.


I dont know whether this makes sense to the people reading this... and this is not to say that I will never go abroad ever but I genuinely miss all of the above when I am outside India.... especially Indian food and my place in the system.... .... and no I am not blind to the problems of India either... Its just that I will always be a misfit abroad.... no matter how much I adjust...

Nostalgia

One of my favourite stories is Eric Segal's "The Class". Somehow the story of an entire batch of Harvard, their journey through life, their tribulations and finally taking stock of each others life at a college reunion gripped my fantasy... Does every batch of every college go through that? Would I go through that? What would it be like at my class's reunion? How would each others life look compared to the promises we made to the world and ourselves about how we would lead our lives?

I think there is one crucial thing that each one of us realises when we move on in life from college... that the plans we made will sometimes remain just that - plans... it is mostly unplanned things that happen that becomes our life.... I have seen very few people - perhaps a handful- whose lives have gone exactly according to plan.... Well good for them... and at the same time good for others whose lives did not go according to their plan- sometimes at 20 you are ready to marry even Charles Shobharaj....

I dont know why but I am just curious to find out how we all will be doing at the end of 30 years of life outside college... will we be more cynical? Will we have the business tycoon regalling us with stories of corporate acquisitions? Will we have the prime minister sitting in our midst? Will we have the best corporate lawyers trying desperately for one night not to be a shark? Will we have happy people or just highly wound up people? desperate to put up a facade of good life and of dreams achieved?

As for what I would like to end up looking like at the class reunion- one word sums it up- Cheerful... I hope no matter what life brings along in the next two decades I still maintain my cheerfulness... so even if I am leading a life as a corporate lawyer or as a housewife, or as a working mother (!!!!), or as a wife who lives off her husband's well earned income or as a waganond who does not have any base or as a solid anchored person living my life in the same city for the past 30 years-I just wish I am still as cheerful as ever... and still as curious about the world as I am today.... and have the ability to say "Que Sera Sera".......

Okk enough of Ms. Goody Two Shoes..... I also want to look HOTTTTTTTTT at my class reunion!!!